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Scale Obsession Much?

Thursday, June 30, 2011

After much ruminating on why in the heck I'm so obsessed with what the scale says I finally came up with an answer. What? Get work done at work? Hah! I'm busy thinking of blog fodder, don't bother me with this work stuff!

It isn't so much that I can't appreciate the other indicators of progress, because I AM wicked-happy-jazzed about my three pairs of pants (the others are too big, except one old pair that is too small) getting bigger and bigger. It isn't that I cannot see that my arms are getting more defined and more muscular and less chickeny-skin-floppy-wiggle-flab. It isn't that I don't feel better every day, because I feel as great as a morbidly obese person possibly can!

It is that when the scale doesn't move, I start to panic yet again, scared silly that I have broken my body and my ability to get healthy.

The body is an amazingly resilient machine, but I punished it and I hurt it and I didn't appreciate it and I generally f*&*ed my body over royally for a good decade or two. I deserve to have a body that doesn't respond after abusing it for several years. I deserve to have a body that is a vindictive byotch like I am!

Would a dog come when called if you kicked it every time it did? Uh, no. That's what I did to my body. I gave it the Dorito, Coca-Cola, French Fry, Gyro & Pasta with Alfredo and breadsticks slap down, checked it into the boards, followed by a full frontal assault roundhouse combination every chance I got.

I worry that I haven't earned my body's trust, since so many times in the past I'd behave and do a program for 3 weeks then fall off the wagon for months or years. Why should my body trust in me, that I really mean it this time? I really meant it last time. I meant it when I did that protein thing that gave me crap breath, I meant it when I joined the really expensive program that made me buy expensive food. (News flash, spending more is not the solution)

I know that my body has largely forgiven me, but it requires time to completely let go of what I have done to it. I fear the scale not moving because if I was my body, I'd be pretty resentful and stubborn. I deserve to have this be real work, I made my bed, now I need to suck it up. I have to prove how much I want it.

It's a good thing that my body has always wanted to be healthy and I was the one thwarting its efforts. Now that I'm not working against it, maybe we can get somewhere.

The scale will continue not to move as quickly as I would like (#135 tomorrow would be ok, but I wouldn't learn much). I will continue to panic occasionally, and I will continue to get healthier with every passing day.

P.S. Today I weigh one pound less than I did on my wedding day in 2006. Can I get a WOOT WOOT! Hehehehe.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CVALENCIA7 7/13/2011 11:05PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MIJAMAGS 7/6/2011 11:46PM

    emoticon great job!! I love reading your blogs.

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TAKINGOFF86 7/5/2011 10:17PM

  a big woot woot! congrats emoticon

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SSORENSEN1 7/5/2011 3:14PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DEBLYNN323 7/5/2011 1:40PM

    Woot! Woot! Great job!!

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MCJULIEO 7/5/2011 12:32PM

    WOOT! WOOT!

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LIVIN_THE_LIFE 7/5/2011 9:05AM

    Thanks for putting those fears down. I hadn't really thought about it from this point of view, but I am frequently afraid to really try, cause i think my body will be like, no, thanks for trying, but i'm not going to respond.

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JLEMUS1 7/5/2011 6:59AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SMKRAS1950 7/4/2011 6:24PM

    I agree with you when it comes to the scale. I don't have one in our home and rely on going to my weekly VA Move Program sessions. We can weighed in when we attend the classes. Course runs for 6 weeks, which I have completed , but I am now a volunteer helping with the classes. I sign in and get weighed just like everyone else.

We do have to remember as you say, that we pretty much tortured our body for years indulging in junk food. It going to take awhile for your system to realize that you are actually making a lifestyle change. But once it starts happening, you'll see the weight start coming off.

Enjoyed your post, very good info here. Keep them coming.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/4/2011 6:26:34 PM

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STACIBUK 7/4/2011 4:36PM

  yeh me too

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SHEILA-45 7/4/2011 4:27PM

    emoticon WOOT WOOT! emoticon IT'S GOING DOWN emoticon check out those numbers next month and you'll be surprised! No peeking now!

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GREENMOUSE 7/4/2011 4:02PM

    Thanks for the message! I meant it EVERY time also. But I went back to my body-abusing ways. I think of Spark.com as the therapy class that makes people like me into EX-abusers :-)

Oh... and WOOT WOOT ! emoticon

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RUNANDRUN 7/4/2011 3:02PM

  you're a great writer. loved your message.

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KARIDIAN1 7/4/2011 2:49PM

    I understand how you feel about the scale too.

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TOYOUBETHEGLORY 7/4/2011 12:16PM

    Great blog!! I hate not seeing the scale move and I become fixated. Thanks for sharing this!

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ELUNAMAKATA 7/4/2011 10:21AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Captian poopy pants has been making me a little obsessed lately too, and I know some of my scale movement inching upwards is it saying "oh sodium, hi there!" and part of it is me saying "oh, i'm under on calories, this one more serving won't hurt".



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BUSRIDER1 7/4/2011 7:42AM

    emoticon

Thanks for sharing your story. You're a great blogger.

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JESSESGIRL9 7/3/2011 10:22PM

    Last week, I almost let the scales derail all my efforts. I was doing what I was supposed to be doing but the scale wasn't moving, I just decided to stay off the scale for a bit and just keep eating right and exercising. It's strange that an inanimate object can inflict so much agony at times.

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SNOWANGELDIVA 7/3/2011 7:37PM

    WOOT WOOT! Love reading your blogs!!

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BRICH33Z 7/3/2011 5:16PM

    I have the same problem...... i have mini freak outs... not seeing the scale move is disheartening.... i need to keep striving ...just like you emoticon
keep at it!

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NEWMAC2011 7/3/2011 9:10AM

    Woohoo! Weighing less than you did on your wedding day is quite an achievement. Since I got married in 1989, I don't think I will reach that point! Congrats!

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MHOYLE2 7/3/2011 5:44AM

    I am right there, they should invent scales that measure your effort as well!

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DWILCZKO 7/3/2011 12:08AM

  awesome!

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RNRBUNNY 7/2/2011 11:05PM

    I soooo know what you mean and why it can be so hard! I definitely struggled with this and am trying to use multiple things to measure my progress because the scale was not enough!

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YBROWNING40 7/2/2011 7:05PM

    Great blog. I totally agree. But I will continue the battle. I have been consistent with losing 2 pounds per week. I have my mind set that I will weigh in every two weeks now.. emoticon

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MILLIE5522 7/2/2011 4:46PM

    I am looking forward to wearing my wedding ring again.....so as well as getting on those damn scales I occasionally try on my wedding ring.....another measure of success that definitely has more meaning than a number! emoticon

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TJANGIE 7/2/2011 3:07PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MARTINT011 7/2/2011 2:30PM

  thanks for the inspiration and enjoyed reading the comments too.

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MARIE_H24 7/2/2011 2:16PM

    Congrats on all the hard work! Great reminder for when the scale numbers aren't as forgiving. All we can do is keep trecking. Thanks for the blog post!

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REOVERMAN 7/2/2011 1:16PM

    I can identify...I've been there, but something this time is different. Maybe b/c so many others are here w/ me that I have encouragement and support that I haven't had before. Like yesterday when I was SOOOO hungry I could have ate an entire cake by myself...but I didn't and then my body stopped buggin' me about being hungry...kinda weird that my body and mind can start being on the same page finally. Congrats on the scale check. 50 more pounds to get to where I was when I married in 2004, but I'm over half way there now! Keep up the great work and the great blogs!

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PANDAPAW48 7/2/2011 11:21AM

    I had to put my scale out of sight so it wouldn't be calling my name every time I walked in the bathroom. I still hear its muffled cries coming from its hiding place, but at least its voice isn't loud and obnoxious!!! And the numbers?? Lord, help me Jesus....if those numbers don't start coming down, I'm going to do some serious damage to that dumb scale!!!! ;)

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NANASAMM 7/2/2011 10:53AM

    emoticon

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ILOVEDOLPHINS73 7/2/2011 8:52AM

    Awesome blog! I needed it too. Keep up the great work, I really enjoy your blogs. Tanya

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ERIN4771 7/2/2011 7:53AM

    congrats!! also, the scale is definitely not the end all be all in this weight loss journey, so glad you are coming around to that way of thinking emoticon

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APED7969 7/2/2011 4:24AM

    I panic about my weight loss stopping or slowing down too and if hitting a slow patch will mean I will quit. However I also feel like if I keep challenging it all the time it will have no choice to but to rise to the challenge. I sure hope so anyway. Sounds like you are challenging your body just as much. Congrats on being below your wedding weight! emoticon

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THEIS58 7/2/2011 3:37AM

    emoticon emoticon

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CHAR1970 7/2/2011 2:33AM

    You and your body are now working as a team and anything is possible!

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SUSANSCH 7/1/2011 11:54PM

    emoticon congrats!

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JADE465 7/1/2011 11:43PM

    Woot woot!!! I love this post. It's really great!

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FLATLANDER21 7/1/2011 10:44PM

  Attagirl! emoticon Your body is forgiving you!

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PANBOOKS 7/1/2011 9:49PM

    Toot Toot yeeeaaaahhhh Beep Beep - Think Donna Summer Bad Girls song! You deserve so much more than a Woot Woot! Keep up the great work!!!

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LUCKYPRESENCE 7/1/2011 9:41PM

    woot woot!!!!!!! emoticon

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CHOCZILLA 7/1/2011 9:27PM

  WOOT WOOT! emoticon

What you have done/are doing is absolutely amazing - thanks for sharing your journey in such a thoughtful, fun, and inspirational way!

emoticon

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RSANDBERG 7/1/2011 9:24PM

    Woot Toot!!!! emoticon emoticon

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WISEDUP1 7/1/2011 7:56PM

    emoticon ~WOOT WOOT~! emoticon~WOOT WOOT~! ~WOOT WOOT~! emoticon ~WOOT WOOT~! emoticon ~WOOT WOOT~! ~WOOT WOOT~! emoticon ~WOOT WOOT~! emoticon ~WOOT WOOT~! emoticon ~~WOOT WOOT~! WOOT WOOT~! emoticon ~WOOT WOOT~! ~WOOT WOOT~! emoticon ~WOOT WOOT~! ~WOOT WOOT~! emoticon ~WOOT WOOT~! emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/1/2011 7:58:07 PM

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RYDERB 7/1/2011 7:39PM

    WOOT! WOOT! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KARENA228 7/1/2011 7:20PM

    You got it emoticon WOOT WOOT!

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CUDDLYPOLARBEAR 7/1/2011 7:11PM

    Great post

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23KAIYA 7/1/2011 6:51PM

    This is awesome!!!! You are amazing woman, keep going strong!

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SLIMTHICK2 7/1/2011 6:49PM

    Certainly, WOOT WOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! emoticon

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Maybe A Better Goal Would Be...

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The evil flat thing, aka Captain Poopy Pants, is making me nuts. I feel powerless to stop myself from climbing on the malevolent piece of digital torture day after day.

Captain Poopy Pants, I'm telling you right now that you will rue the day you trifled with me! I will crush you like a tiny, ugly bug in the battle of Fat Jenn versus the Scale. I will hurt you in ways that will make you think me standing all 279 pounds of me on you seems like a pleasure cruise! Err, no, I don't usually talk to inanimate objects.

I really am very upset by only losing 3 pounds this month, and I know that I've done great things that are not based on the scale. I'm running. Seriously! Fat girl is moving her ginormous self at a pretty good clip and not falling over dead. Chubbawubba is kicking ass at kickboxing! I'm getting faster in the pool!

Those things are all so awesome, and make me feel so strong and accomplished that it makes me mad at myself for being mad at myself about the scale. Ugh. Why do I discount all of the accomplishments that aren't the scale?

So, let's roll with it! Onward to the non-digitally displayed ways to measure success! I am more than a number.

My waist will be two inches smaller by the end of the summer, minimum.

I will be stricter about my program and avoid dining out unless it is with Cheffrey. (I hate this goal, I love going out to eat)

I will be able to run an entire 5k by the fall, without stopping. Slow is ok, stopping is not. I will do this without having a heart attack, fainting, barfing, peeing myself, crying or falling down.

I will do more than the last segment of the run in my C25K training at 6mph.

Someone at work will notice my weight loss and comment in a way that is pleasant.

I will wear more clothing with one X than two! Say bye bye XXL, say hello to my little friend XL.

My new WOOT WOOT I fit I fit exercise shorts will be loose by fall and have to have the drawstring tightened.

I will be able to do 4mph for an hour on the treadmill by my 20th class reunion on October 7th. 14 sizes smaller would also be nice, but I'm not holding my breath.

I will remember to eat protein regularly... as in daily... thank you all for noticing and reminding me that I was screwing that up pretty royally.

I will be able to justifiably toss the vast majority of my wardrobe by the end of summer. Too big clothes, bub bye!

I will not charge a bunch of clothes at Lane Bryant when I get rid of the vast majority of my wardrobe, because it irritates me when I charge clothes and grow out of them and give them away by the time the bill arrives.

I will hold a plank for a minute by the end of the year, and not cry like a sissy girl while I'm doing it.

I will join the master's swim team this week or next and start practicing with them regularly. If I do well enough training, I will swim Alcatraz this fall.

I will be able to boxer's shuffle for an entire minute.

I will be able to swim two miles by the end of the year. 3,300 yards.

I will try a Hot Yoga class and sweat like a mofo! I will not pass out, fall down or fart in class in an audible fashion.


Notice I did not say try! Banish try from your getting fit vocabulary. It is an obnoxious word. If you are saying "Well, I'll try" you are either waffling, prevaricating or failing before you even start. I will not try, I will do. Period. Get all Yoda with your bad self, "Do or Do Not, There Is No Try."

Now, what will you be doing this summer that makes you fitter, smaller or healthier but doesn't involve a number on the evil flat thing?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DWILCZKO 7/2/2011 12:15AM

  i will bike and hike and walk more this summer!

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HAPPYGIRL_90 7/2/2011 12:07AM

  You go girl! 3 pounds is awesome! Be proud of the accomplishment! Love your blog!

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CHRIS138 7/1/2011 9:58PM

    You'll do this--you are not a number on the scale. the scale will reflect these changes you are making, it has no choice. It's simple math burn or don't eat 3500 calories. Sometimes it takes the scale a little longer to catch up but it will. Great job, great goals.

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JULIA1154 7/1/2011 5:01PM

  As usual, I loved your blog but, Jenn, I wish you'd stop talking about swimming to Alcatraz. I get cold all the way through thinking about the temperature (and pollution levels, too) of that body of water - BRRRRRR!

Okay - I've really gotten into kettlebells and LOVE the results (both visible and invisible). So, I'm committing to consistency, despite all the house guests, etc., this summer.

I want to feel like I can invest in a new fall wardrobe this year and not have to give it all away at the end of the season because I've "ungrown" it. Mind you, I'm delighted to have had to do this but I'd really like to hit my best weight by the time I need to shop again. (Notice, I don't say best size as we all know how variable THAT number is!)

I'm happy to buy cheap summer clothes (and boy, did I ever need to :) ) but quality counts for my cool weather clothing.

Here's to a summer of sustained efforts - and enjoyment - and results for ALL of us!!

WE CAN DO IT!!

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DAWNFIRE72 7/1/2011 2:42PM

    Yoda is a wise master and you are an inspiration. Thank you for sharing!!

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ANALOGY 7/1/2011 1:12PM

    Must be nice to be young. I didn't try to get myself lap-swimming until I dropped a lot of weight, and Masters is a major commitment. Color me impressed. I refused to get up that early when I was 25, and am not considering it after 50.

Please don't be sad about losing "only" 3 pounds in a month. Any doctor I know figures the ideal patient can lose 10% of their weight in a year, and that will be IT. That would be losing less than 1% a month. You just lost more than 1% in a month. Slow and steady wins the race.

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HEALTHYHUNTER1 7/1/2011 12:40PM

    thank you for sharing this, I too am addicted to the scale - I just have to step on it every day - I will now save that for once a week... as for this summer, I'm going to get my lil tush in gear and get moving as in roller-blading/spin class/treadmill or walking outside... Best to you on your journey

emoticon

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JONEIL513 7/1/2011 11:43AM

    Great blog! You ROCK!

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UNDRGRNDWOMAN 7/1/2011 10:15AM

    You have the prestigious honor of being responsible for my first good laugh of the day! Thank you for putting yourself out there for us as an inspiration without sugar coating the difficulties of this process.

I love to laugh. It's the best thing in the world. I love your posts! Keep 'em coming!!

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RONOSOF 7/1/2011 4:08AM

    Amen sister- totally with you!

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CATS_MEOW_0911 7/1/2011 1:17AM

    *I am crushing your head!* (channeling Kids in the Hall)

That silly number sure can undo us if we let it--good job focusing on the concrete things!

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LOSINITBY30 6/30/2011 7:55PM

    You are such an inspiration! As Always! emoticon

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ISIS10884 6/30/2011 7:41PM

    I love this! You kick @$$ and I love it. Thank you for all the blogs. They make me giggle and give me the motivation I need to keep going with my own goals. Thank you for that!

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CAROLINANURSE09 6/30/2011 6:07PM

    I want to be able to run a 5k nonstop! I've done two so far, and shaved a couple of minutes off. I'm doing my 3rd 5k on july 9th, but by end of summer....I want to run one nonstop. Question for you or anyone else who has a tip....why kind of sports bra's do you use? I wear something like hanes her way and I wear two of them and it's just not cutting it anymore!

Thanks!!

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LUCIFERASE_GLOW 6/30/2011 5:44PM

    I need to come up with a nickname for my scale as well... or just hide it somewhere...

"I will do this without having a heart attack, fainting, barfing, peeing myself, crying or falling down. " emoticon you made me giggle for like two whole minutes!

My goal is way nerdy, but I'm hoping to "walk to Rivendell" Cheers to non-number goals!

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LUCIFERASE_GLOW 6/30/2011 5:44PM

    I need to come up with a nickname for my scale as well... or just hide it somewhere...

"I will do this without having a heart attack, fainting, barfing, peeing myself, crying or falling down. " emoticon you made me giggle for like two whole minutes!

My goal is way nerdy, but I'm hoping to "walk to Rivendell" Cheers to non-number goals!

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JENNIFER_67 6/30/2011 5:14PM

    I suffer from the same scale obsession. First thing every morning, on I go. And Captain Poopy Pants hasn't been cooperating for me this week either. But I'm staying positive, and reminding myself of all the good things I am doing for myself - eating healthier food, walking every day, starting C25K. Eventually Captain Poopy Pants will catch up!!

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BESEVEN 6/30/2011 4:16PM

    I know you've heard this before, but the numbers on the scale really are irrelevant. According to the BMI, Arnold Schwarzenegger was obese at his Mr. Universe weight. If that doesn't tell you that the numbers are nonsense, nothing will. Muscle is so much denser than fat, that if solely losing pounds is your goal, you should give up working out altogether. But if getting fit is your goal; if being healthy is your goal, keep working out and tracking your food. The weight will come off v e r r r y s s s l l l o o o o o o o w l y, but it will happen. Some people need to weigh each day. Some people need to weigh weekly, some monthly, some twice a month, some at an annual physical, and for some people, it may actually be more productive to not know their weight at all. Just knowing can cause some people to get obsessed and depressed. Only you can know which type of person you are.
emoticon emoticon And a big W00T W00T!!! for being smaller than on your wedding day!

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SCRUFYNERFHERDR 6/30/2011 4:02PM

    Try weighing yourself only once a week instead of daily. You'll find the angst about, ''How bad will it be today,'' will subside, if not disappear completely. You'll also find that the fruits of your efforts will be more noticeable. Besides, weighing-in daily does no one any good. One day you're down 1 lb. The next day you're up 2 lbs. That's just not physically possible to gain 2 true lbs of body anything - fat or muscle - in 24 hours. Plus, you'll feel SO much better when you see you're down X lbs. from last week.

I posted this on someone else's page earlier today, concerning weighing-in. Sort of a simple list of do-do's and don'ts.

1. Go to the bathroom BEFORE you weigh-in. The way I see it, if your body doesn't need it, you don't need it to be part of the weigh-in process.

2. Weigh-in BEFORE you shower. Your skin will absorb some water as you bathe, albeit a small amount, but it will add a little to your weight. (Think of how heavy your hair feels wet vs. dry and imagine that over the whole of your body.)

3. Weigh-in BEFORE you eat anything. Seriously, it only takes 10 seconds to weigh-in and why would you want to add your breakfast to the equation since the idea is to have as base a value as possible.

4. DON'T weigh-in after a night of eating anything heavy in sodium. This will cause your body to hold on to water and give you a ''bloated'' value (couldn't resist the pun).

5. Weigh yourself at least three times. My digital scale can give me readings that are off by as much as 1lb if I measure twice. So I measure 3 times. If I get two that are the same, that's my weight. If I get three separate values, I measure twice more and average the totals to more accurately gauge my progress.

6. Weigh yourself sans clothes. Depending on what you're wearing, clothes and shoes can add as much as 4-5 lbs to your weight.

Hope this helps!

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KKINNEA 6/30/2011 3:33PM

    Oh, what will your scale do when you no longer need to kick it around? It will be so lonely! :)

Keep yelling until that weight comes off!

Also, I sincerely hope you don't fall down in a race!

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OJIBWEEQUAY 6/30/2011 3:22PM

    I swear I was introduced to the scale as payback for being a pretentious Biatch in my 20's! emoticon

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SWIM53055 6/30/2011 2:30PM

  You will love Masters swimming! :-)

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SNOOKUMS19 6/30/2011 2:21PM

    I love it!!! I will stay as far away from ice cream stands as possible. Have eaten a summers worth already and its not even July yet! I will get my Zumba routine together by dancing my butt off. I will enjoy all my cute summer clothes in my closet by the beginning of August. I will make this happen!!!

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LOSUNS 6/30/2011 2:07PM

    YAY For awesome goals! I dig you on the protein question. I am not a big protein eater and it is too easy for me to forget to eat it.

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SUSANS_TURN 6/30/2011 1:45PM

    Thank you for posting this! I really needed to see some excitement! More than I realized! You're attitude is contagious and I am glad that it is. I think I have some goal revising to do in my mind while I tackle cleaning out the garage this afternoon! Thank you again so much! This is why I love blogging! Keep going and before you know it you will be too skinny to shop in Lane Bryant!
emoticon emoticon

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RIGBY31 6/30/2011 1:28PM

    Standing on my swivel chair, cheering you on (it's that's not easy with my large self teetering each way!)

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KITHKINCAID 6/30/2011 1:09PM

    Great goals Jenn! DO IT!!!

Oh and - don't throw out your big clothes. I am taking any and all donations of plus sized clothing in ALL sizes and will pay for the shipping on them to get them to me. New business plan - woot woot.

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BADASSBLONDIE 6/30/2011 12:39PM

    Wooo hooo!!!!! You TELL that scale!!!!!

protein - I really need to work on this too. I used to be so good at it... Things that have worked for me (although I'm not doing them anymore.... oops!) are whey protein powder (I like chocolate). Add it to some almond milk, peanut butter, and ice - BEST SOOTHIE EVERRRRRR. (b/c I'm an ocd recipe person: 1 scoop powder, 1/2 c almond milk, 2T pb, 1/2c ice). I also really like Pria bars. Only protein bars I've ever been able to eat that don't taste like @ss. :D

What master's team are you looking at? Woo hoo I adore master's!!!! Lemme know when you do alcatraz!!!! Who are you doing it through? I've been considering doing this: http://www.sharkfestswim.com/defaul
t.asp?PageID=20423

YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!

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AJAYZCHAOS 6/30/2011 12:35PM

    emoticon

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BLUEROSE73 6/30/2011 12:20PM

    Okay, just so you know, crying when you finish your first 5K is okay. Even expected. I balled when I finished my first 10K.

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MELLYBEANS0919 6/30/2011 12:13PM

    I love your blogs!! They are funny and to the point. Thanks for telling me "try" should be out the door. I will no longer try, I will DO and do well.

And you will reach all of your Summer goals too!!

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SHEILAB64 6/30/2011 12:04PM

    I play a game with the scale - I step on it at least twice a day, sometimes 3 - I know fixation. But I have learned a lot by doing this. I step on before bed to prepare myself for what I will see in the morning - I know I can subtract 2 lbs from my night weight to get my morning weight. Just as I know if I wake up and weigh and then go downstairs and don't eat and do computer stuff for a few hours and weigh again - I will be down 2 more pounds - I do not know why this is but it works every time. I also only log new sightings - never raises though I am very aware of the raises and what caused them be it pizza from take out or eating way too late at night or too much salt. So if I have a long time between weight logs, it is because I am yoyoing or stalled out - usually stalled out.

Your body is redistributing and you may not be eating enough calories - SP is very adament about upping your calories the more you exercise. It is hard to eat enough calories on a vegan diet I would think - I mostly do vegetarian and I feel like I get to eat like a pig. I do add the occasional chicken or fish but not often as my 16 yr old is a vegetarian and it is just easier and healthier to feed us all the same way.

I refuse to change my fitness goals as I don't want to eat 2000 calories a day for exercising 2-3 hours a day as I don't think my metabolism works like everyone elses and my range I have set now is 1500-1800 and I like that and on heavy exercise days I eat the top number and on low exercise or no exercise days I eat the low number. I figure that is pretty close. I did once know a body builder who ate 4000 calories just maintain so there is something to feeding the muscle and muscles really like protein. I have to drink a protein shake each day to keep my protein as high as I want.

You are doing phenominally and remember you also took a cruise this month so don't beat yourself up, celebrate!

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MOPPET_REDUX 6/30/2011 12:01PM

    Also, the first time I took a Bikram yoga class the girl behind me puked. You should put that on the list of do-nots. I did pass out in a particularly hot one once.

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MOPPET_REDUX 6/30/2011 12:00PM

    You are doing awesome! I was wondering about your protein intake from the food pics you posted. Protien shouldn't just be daily, it should be meal-ly. It makes the muscles. It stomps the fat. When you are working out alot, the rule of thumb is to aim for 1 gram of protein per lb of goal body weight daily. Naturally bigger people should revise number down, and naturally smaller people up, but thats the general guideline in the strength training community.

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PGNBRI 6/30/2011 11:15AM

    I too have the goal of one hour on the treadmill at 4 mph!!
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JENVAMPVEGAS 6/30/2011 11:14AM

    Haha... You are doing great! Keep up the good work and don't get discouraged.
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FRUITYCHERRY 6/30/2011 10:40AM

    Great goals!!!

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KAKAKALI4 6/30/2011 10:36AM

    You are amazing .. Keep up the great work! Everyone keeps telling me it isn't all in that stupid flat thing, but still makes you feel good when it moves! You have an awesome outlook, and set great goals! Keep moving forward, and the world is your ocean! You can do it!

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BALOOSMUM 6/30/2011 10:25AM

    Look at you losing two pounds today! Someone smashed that scale into submission- good job. Love all your new goals. I need to keep reminding myself that the scale doesn't rule all. It's hard!

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MADDEELOU 6/30/2011 10:11AM

    YOU WILL DO IT!! Great goals and a great blog.

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HARROWJET 6/30/2011 9:28AM

    emoticon

Judy emoticon

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VEGGIEGIRLCOURT 6/30/2011 9:23AM

    WOO HOO!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!

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JESSNSTONE 6/30/2011 9:15AM

    Great goals! I need to set some for myself. Keep up the great work! I have the same problem with charging clothes. So frustrating. Yestreday i got rid of 3 pairs of "fat" shorts that I used to keep around in case I gained the weight back. Talk about sabotaging myself. No more!

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ELUNAMAKATA 6/30/2011 9:15AM

    emoticon

You've been doing an awesome job Jenn! Don't let Captian Poopy Pants tell you otherwise!

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SEDONACAT 6/30/2011 9:05AM

    Such great goals and you know what? You will attain them!

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E_WHITCOMB 6/30/2011 9:03AM

    I can't wait to see how you totally blast those goals out of the park! You go, Lady!

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TRUKELEO 6/30/2011 8:24AM

    Obviously I believe you can do it....I subscribe to your blog because I am excited about your progress (and because you use cool words like prevaricate which is music to my English teacher ears).

I totally get the obsession with the scale. It can make me happy even when I don't deserve it and totally crazy even when I know I am making progress. Yet I just CAN'T throw it away. I have moved it out of my bathroom into a bathroom in another area of the house that is out of my way. It has helped me break my weigh myself mutiple times a day habit.

I am trying to do SOMETHING every day. It is such a small goal but works for me.

As far as charging the clothes...you gotta wear something:) And look AWESOME on this journey, okay? Don't settle! Life is beautiful...dress accordingly;)

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WORDLILY 6/30/2011 8:24AM

    Ooh, I could copy a good number of your fitness items to my list.

Don't get discouraged, I'm sure you're making progress, and it WILL happen.

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DDOORN 6/30/2011 8:22AM

    AWESOME goals! Be sure not to give that scale so much power...it's just offering one smidgen of feedback which you need to roll into the "rest of the story", i.e. inches, feelings of well-being, energy levels, ability to do things you haven't been able to do, etc.!

You're sounding revved and SPARKIN'! :-)

Don

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FITTERFRAN 6/30/2011 8:09AM

  You CAN do it, I just know it!

But just as a personal experience thing; you will cry at your first 5K. But they will not be tears of frustration, they will be tears of complete bliss. I bawled like a baby when I crossed the finish line! Thankfully, I was sweating so much, no one noticed the extra wetness at all. :)

I wish you that bliss. Go get 'em.
fran

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Why It Is Different This Time & Why I Always Failed Before

Monday, June 27, 2011

I've never come home from the gym and said to myself, gee, I wish I hadn't done that.

I love the way my skin feels after the gym. I love the feeling of accomplishment. I like the way I need to guzzle water and then when I do I have this sudden burst of sweat a few minutes later.

I like knowing that my fat tires are on their way to becoming fat rolls, then fat hula hoops, then gone altogether.

I'd like to say that I'm so thrilled that my heart is getting healthy, and that my cardiovascular system is perking up, but I care about that a lot less than I care about being able to wear stilettos and a little black dress and looking smoking wicked men-are-jealous-of-my-husband hot. I want perky bazooms, a tight walnut-cracking bootay and legs that look like runner's (woot) legs. Having the cardiovascular system of Secretariat is just a side bonus.

I like leaving the gym knowing that I'm going to lose some weight!

Today I went to the gym, did day 2 of couch to 5 k, and I ran the last running segment at 6mph, which felt a lot like winning the lottery to me. Then I went to take a weight training class only to find out they had run out of equipment. I was, shall we say, less than thrilled. How am I supposed to crack walnuts with my butt cheeks if I don't strength train?

I would have smiled at having another alien-probed-my-brain moment but I was really ticked. Quite irritated would be an understatement. Back on the treadmill I went, miffed about the abrupt change in plans, and I rounded out an hour of cardio.

So, with more time to think on the treadmill, I tried to pin down why this time is different. In the past I've said "it is enough to know that this time is different," but the insatiably curious part of me needs a better answer than that. (My Mom used to warn babysitters that I asked why a lot and that they needed to answer my questions logically because I would make their lives hell if they answered with "because I said so" and not much has changed in the following 36 years)

So here is what I came up with:

1) Hormones. Seriously. I'm not kidding.
I no longer have food cravings at all, EXCEPT when I'm clearly under the influence of hormones. Then I have moderately bad cravings for very lacking-in-nutrition foods. Combine these cravings with some of my other issues and you have a recipe for a diet that lasts 23 days, then crashes and burns. Combine this with the fertility meds that make my hormones go bats&*t crazy and you have an OCD, food snarfing, human junk consumption machine on your hands.

If you are wondering what this looks like, picture yourself buying all kinds of total crap at the grocery store, then putting it in the fridge in perfectly straight lines and stacks, arranged by size and type of food. I wish I was joking. I refrained from alphabetizing. Barely.

2) A lack of exercise.
I would always try to figure out when I would HAVE to start exercising, as opposed to seeing exercise and nutrition as partners. I was too lazy to exercise, but I thought I had great excuses... my bosoms are too big, my shoes are wrong, the wind is blowing, the moon was visible last night.

3) Food induced binging/overeating/cravings.
This is the big one, and without doing a major cleanse/detox and learning a lot from Joel Fuhrman, MD and his book Eat to Live, I never would have realized that this one thing was the vast majority of my problem. It took 3 weeks of detoxing before I figured out that maybe I wasn't a disgusting human garbage disposal.

I was convinced that I was an out-of-control eater, that I would have to have weight loss surgery to lose weight, that I was just a disgusting human being who couldn't control what I shoved in my mouth. I loathed myself and my lack of control. I didn't have a clue that my "healthy" breakfast was setting me up to binge the rest of the day. It seems so simple now.

It took me six freaking months to get all of the high fructose corn syrup out of our house. What a nightmare.

4) Volume AKA The right diet for the right person.
I always failed on any plan that tried to limit portion sizes and left me hungry at the end of the day. A diet that allows me to eat all I want of healthful foods is ideal for me. Picture cookie monster shoveling cookies into his mouth, with crumbs flying around, well, that's me with veggies and fruit.

5) Support. What can I say, I need my SparkPeeps.

6) Boredom eating.
Hungry, angry, lonely, tired (HALT) should really be B-HALT or HABLT or some variation with a B in it for boredom. Any of those things, if bad enough, can trigger some sort of emotional need for overeating, but boredom seems to be the worst for me.

7) Screw perfection, give me perseverance
Expecting perfection is setting yourself up to fail. Coming back day after day, even after you were less than perfect (aka human) is where the success is found. Now that doesn't mean you get to make excuses, but making a solemn vow to keep working at it, day after day after day, even when you have totally blown it, is key.

Why is this time different for you?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JITZUROE 7/7/2011 12:23PM

    Hiya! I was looking some something witty to give me a giggle today and boo-ya I hit the jackpot wen I wander into JENNSWIMS land...
Cracking walnuts with my bum cheeks is now a goal of mine - thanks!
No, wait, maybe i'll opt for almonds. Have you ever tried to crack one with fingers, let alone glutes? Dang.... : )

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HELEN_BRU 7/5/2011 12:39PM

    This time is definitely different for me! I like a lot of the points you make. However, I discovered what makes me sabotage myself. Sometimes you already know but you just haven't hit on the "right" word to stop yourself and smell the roses. (roses = truth)

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WISTERIALODGE 7/5/2011 4:44AM

  I love the "screw perfection" bit, sounds like a good mantra!

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GREENMOUSE 7/4/2011 4:09PM

    It's different for me this time because I have spark tools and spark support. Never had that before, EVEN when I had Weight Watchers tools that did the job (for a while.) This has to be my life now, not my means to an end.

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MRS_BISH 7/4/2011 2:00PM

    Why is this time different for me?
Because I'm taking responsibility for my own actions and refusing to blame my health condition on the way I was raised, the genes I inherited, the summertime humidity, the visible moon at night, hehehe, ... etc.

Thanks for sharing such great posts.
Good luck and keep it up - you are inspiring!

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JAZZA46 7/4/2011 1:28AM

    thanks for this. Your blogs are always so fun to read, they keep a smile on my face. In answer to your question, this time is different for me because I've finally shut the **** up! I've finally been able to tell that yammering, negative, whiny little kid inside me to shut her pie-hole for once. I'm no longer listening to the hate.

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JDFAN448HS 7/2/2011 8:42PM

    Great insights and a laugh riot too!! emoticon emoticon

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BLACK741 6/30/2011 11:19PM

    thanks very insightful and I can see where it hits my life in a lot of the same areas

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FUTUREDAD 6/30/2011 9:37PM

    But I bet you have stayed home from the gym and said I wish I hadn't done that! Isn't it a great feeling when you've reached that point?

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RUNANDRUN 6/30/2011 9:22PM

  I'm going to steal #7 from you and use it as my new mantra! You did it this time because it all came together and clicked! Congratulations!

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NEWDAYGIRL23 6/30/2011 4:25PM

    Thanks for this and congrats on your success! I totally feel ya!

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GBSLIM 6/30/2011 3:50PM

    Hmmmmmmm? Interesting..... I'll have to go think about this.
Happy you found the right road for your journey. Best of Luck to you!

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MRS_PALMER 6/30/2011 3:37PM

    I am enjoying your blog so much! I am impressed with your insight and want to hear more, I am going to look for that book you were talking about, I think #3 on your list is my whole life! I eat for no reason other than to eat. I am ashamed of it, I know what I am doing while I do it and I just keep doing it. Wish me luck!
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RNRHEDAR 6/30/2011 2:05PM

    Thank you. I feel like I may be slowly turning that corner... I still screw up (human, hello!), but reading your blog posts help a lot! Than you for inspiring and keep up the great work! Can't wait to see them stilettos, hot mama!
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CUDDLYPOLARBEAR 6/30/2011 1:47PM

    Great post

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LADYSGT83 6/30/2011 9:38AM

    I definitely can relate to the issues you had...after my 3rd deployment and a break up of a 2 year relationship, food definitely became my close friend. Instead of working out and interacting with peers, I was drinking, eating all types of nasty stuff, and smoking. For me it took a Marine Corps related kick in the butt to realize that I needed to get back on track. From there I realized that this is what I needed for my life. Keep your motivation high, you are inspiring others!

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ALICIAINBOSTON 6/30/2011 9:05AM

  Thank you for this blog. I need to really think about your question and make it a focus so this time truly is different. Have a nice day!

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CNEBLETT 6/30/2011 8:51AM

    Thank You!!!!! I have been barely hanging on the last few days- eating my good food, but "sneaking" more and more junk into my diet (NOT soda, at least!). Lots of company, tequila, traveling around (NOT at the same time as drinking the tequila) and not tracking threw me off. Ok, back on the wagon!
Very encouraging blog!

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THEIS58 6/30/2011 7:59AM

    Great! emoticon

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DWILCZKO 6/30/2011 12:16AM

  ur so insightful!

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EMMAINTERESTING 6/29/2011 9:05PM

    I'm not sure why it's different but all I know is I went to the fair and not only skipped the corn dog, tri tip, cotton candy, ice cream, hard candy, funnel cake (and then I quit noticing) that my friend(s) ate, but I didn't want them or care about them. The worst part was having to keep saying over and over - no thank you - no I really don't want any - no I'm not hungry blah blah.

My big splurge was eating Starbucks oatmeal w/o the brown sugar before we went, and I actually enjoyed it more than the junk. So maybe this time it IS different :)

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FATHINSN 6/29/2011 8:43PM

    AWESOME!!! I think, for me, this time I've a better community (online) to propel me forward!

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SHEILA-45 6/29/2011 8:40PM

    Ditto! It's different because I've never experienced what Sparking can do. It's MY way with what works for me and the support and info available are awesome! The slow and steady as you go philosophy works! No rush, no magic potion, no deprivation... I can eat and eat the things I like. I learn portion control along the way and eat some more and learn to like different veggies, and eat a little more, and experiment with what works and what doesn't. And the best thing is I have given myself time! And it's ok to be human... who wants to be perfect? Ugh! emoticon

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LOSINITBY30 6/29/2011 8:28PM

    It's different for me this time, because my son has developed a weight problem at only 9 years old. I want to change to make him see that it's possible and that he doesn't have to give up everything he loves. Great blog and i'm gonna have to check out that book you mentioned.

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SROBERTS82 6/29/2011 5:53PM

    It's different this time because of SP, and because I KNOW I can do it. I don't know why exactly, I just do. I have had friends lose a lot of weight in the past, but they always gained it back, and I thought, I don't even want to start if that's what's going to happen. But this time a friend lost a lot of weight, and for some reason I decided I could do that too. And now I am. I was 275 when I started C25k. Now I'm 40 lbs lighter and I'm only on week 4, but I never thought I could have run 5 minute intervals, and now I can do it without even hitting the max on my cardio zone. It's so awesome!

Good luck in your journey!

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FATIMAH5011 6/29/2011 5:50PM

  WHY IS IT DIFFERENT THIS TIME? IT'S SIMPLY BCOS I WANT TO LIVE, STOP BEING MISERABLE, HAVE A GUILTH RIDDEN FREE LIFE AND FOR ONCE BE IN CONTROL.

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NJHEART2HEART 6/29/2011 4:34PM

  Nice post. I like the B_HALT section...I agree with boredom being a big one- when I keep busy at home, I eat within my limits.

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SILENTE8 6/29/2011 3:42PM

  I love when you spell out what works for YOU when it comes to this Spark stuff, so I don't have to figure out what works for ME all by myself. As always, thanks for sharing what you go through, so I can realize what I go through and kick this unhealthy lifestyle to the curb. What a great blog! ~Erin
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PANBOOKS 6/29/2011 3:31PM

    Your honesty is always so insightful! This time is different for me because I no longer beat the crap out of myself when I error. Most times I error consciously, and then I privately blog about it so I can figure out why. This time is also different because of SparkPeople - the support, the information, and the friends is more than I wished for when I did an internet search. The thing that keeps me going??? Literally, my legs - I want the smooth and firm legs that I have never had as an adult. My mantra is... Think of your legs. Thanks again Jenn. I really love reading your blogs!!!

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MSDHARMA 6/29/2011 2:42PM

    I just love your sense of humor especially the part about the different excuses for not exercising. It's awesome that you have found a plan that works for you. Keep it up!

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CARRIE_ANN116 6/29/2011 2:19PM

    I also love the "Screw perfection, give me perseverance" line. It fits perfectly.

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APRINCESS731 6/29/2011 1:57PM

    That is a great question. Just the other day I was getting ready to work out and my boyfriend asked me, "what is driving you?" I had to sit for a second and think about the question. I told him, "because I am tired of feeling ugly and looking ugly." I've been working out, watching my calories, and eating healthy for about a month and a half now and I feel great! One day I just decided that I'm done being a couch potato so I just started my new way of living on a Tuesday. Sure, some say well I will start on Monday because that's the beginning of the week, or I have BBQ to go to this weekend so I had better wait. Well those are excuses and I'm done with excuses. If I decide I'm going to eat something that I probably shouldn't I don't worry about it because this is MY thing. I know how hard I will have to work to make up for it and make my decision based on that.

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BLUEANGELLK 6/29/2011 1:57PM

    What a great recipe for success!!! Good for you!

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BESEVEN 6/29/2011 1:37PM

    Brilliant! emoticon

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SINABUNN 6/29/2011 12:05PM

    I think you've just given me my new mantra: "Screw perfection, give me perseverance." That was a lightning bolt to my brain. Seriously great blog!

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FLPALM 6/29/2011 12:05PM

    JENN, YOU ASKED WHY IS THIS TIME DIFFERENT FOR ME? OKAY, HERE GOES IN ONE SIMPLE PHRASE.....I AM DOING IT FOR MYSELF!!! PLAIN AND SIMPLE!! YES, I WANT TO LOOK BETTER, FEEL BETTER, "BE A HOT MAMA-BAMA FOR A 60+ WOMAN" BUT THE REALITY OF IT ALL IS I WANT TO DO IT FOR ME!!!! I KNOW, IN MY HEART, MY HEAD, MY WHOLE BEING, THAT WITH "SPARKIES" THE GRACE OF GOD, AND MY BIGGEST CHEERLEADER, MY HUBBY....THAT THIS TIME I WILL MAKE IT!

ONE OF YOUR SPF,
FRAN

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SAUCYSAILORESS 6/29/2011 11:20AM

    Your post made me laugh. It is so important for me to have a programme which fots me - and I need to make that programme, I can't expect it to just happen!

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CONFIDO999 6/29/2011 11:04AM

    Thanks so much for sharing your journey with us here! It seems like every time I read your blogs, it's like I'm reading my own heart. You are awesome!

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GRRARRGH 6/29/2011 10:56AM

    Another great blog post! These are quickly becoming highlights of my day. emoticon

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JAMGIRL8 6/29/2011 9:47AM

    I agree, for me, it was Jillian Michaels Master your Metabolism that shed the light on the food myths in my life. It really works. Getting the crappy food out of your house, refilling on all things good and yummy, really really works!!

Kudos to you for getting there and making it work! Keep it up!

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HEALTHYOTTER 6/29/2011 9:25AM

    Thanks for your thoughts, especially the importance of perseverance. emoticon

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SPARKLISE 6/29/2011 9:21AM

    emoticon crack walnuts with your butt? emoticon
But honestly! This was a great blog! Thanks! emoticon

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PAWSINAZ 6/29/2011 9:02AM

    Thanks for the morning laugh!

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ALEXANDERLISA 6/29/2011 8:12AM

    emoticonGreat blog!!

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BGEARY63 6/29/2011 7:49AM

    I'll take perseverence! Thank you for a great blog.
This time it is different because I am willing to exercise and be patient with myself. I love love love to see the scale moving down. But, if for some reason it doesn't I am not going to go into a depressed mode. I will simply have to work harder or change up my work-out. Plateau is not a word I am willing to sit with. I will do more. More calories of healthy choices or more exercise, whatever it takes. I still have along way to go. I am making a good dent in my weight loss goal. Perseverence! Yup, that's for me!

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LAURIE-RN 6/29/2011 6:29AM

    Thanks for your blog! I agree. This time IS different and I think you hit the nail on the head with your thoughts. Perseverance, not perfection is so true!

Laurie

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ZOOKEEPERMAMA 6/29/2011 12:50AM

    Jennswims + Cookie Monster + Veggies = Total WIN! Bwahahaha! Loved this post. Pretty much the same for me as for you goes this time around. But I've added, "I just don't f*@king want to do this anymore," to my list. So far, I've had the perfect storm of support/attitude/motivation to keep it up for nearly 6 months. I'm in this for the long haul. I can not quit this time.

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BLUEDROSE 6/29/2011 12:01AM

    I knew this time was different. I'm not sure how.. I'm not sure why... but something clicked into place in my brain and I was just ready! Sparkpeople is definitely keeping me accountable. Loved your blog!

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MONETRUBY 6/28/2011 11:34PM

    Once again, a emoticon blog.

What's worked this time for me was looking at this as a lifestyle change. This isn't some crash diet or temporary shift-it's how I need to live my life from now on. It's understanding that there will be some times when I will backslide, when weight will go back on, when I am not only NOT making progress, I'm regressing. I have to accept this, accept that I need to control my eating, NOT cut out whole food groups, but also NOT allow myself to eat what I want all the time, with no thought given to food type, calories, etc. This is the rest of my life.

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TUBLADY 6/28/2011 4:50PM

    Very well written blog as usual. Funny, you could be a stand up comedian , I'm sure.
Everyone has to conquer the demons that keeps us fat.
The craving, they can be controlled. The need to eat, sometimes is deeper than eat because the food looks good.
Diets and programs don't work in the long run , because they end and then what? people go back to the old way of eating.
Even with weight loss surgery, you can lose, but if you haven't found out why you eat, and learned to eat healthy and in the right portions, you will gain all the weigh back or most of it.
The pounds we put on didn't happen over night and it takes just a long if not longer to lose them.
So I say determination , perseverance , commitment, to live a healthy life and not die sick and miserable, keeps me eating good foods and working out everyday. And you know something?
After losing 175 pounds, I love my life. Love the foods I eat, which are almost everything in moderation and the gym is my favorite place to be.
I don't have a fear of blowing it, I have changed how I look at food. There is no next day " Oh why did I do that"
I always say I don't have time for any do over. I am 69, this is it. I want to make the next 20 years or so the best I can have. And I am ready for them now.
Take care. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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This Fat Girl Faced Her Fears

Saturday, June 25, 2011

I have been living by the motto "no excuses" during this weight loss thing. No excuses for not making it to the gym. No excuses for going over my calorie count. No excuses for not having my poo linear, if you get my drift.

So after sitting here all day and making 1,235 excuses for why I couldn't/shouldn't/wouldn't do it, at 7pm I left my house and started C25k.

Yes, that's correct, all 279 pounds of me did Couch to 5k day one, workout one. Every minute of it. In fact, I'm such a 'fraidy cat that I did the five minute warm up four times before I actually ran when the app told me to.

WOOT! Happy Dance! WOOT WOOT WOOT! Rockstar/David Lee Roth Jump! WOOT! High Five! WOOTY WOOT WOOTALICOUS!

I can't even claim that the girls made it more difficult, now that I've been introduced to The Dani Method, which means wearing a normal bra under a jog bra... it has changed my life. I think I may even be able to do jumping jacks.

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Some of my neighbors were out and I passed others walking. So in my weird little brain I was pretending I was reading their minds. They were saying all kinds of things!

"Wow, look at that fat girl running, I didn't know fat girls could do that!"
"She's walking pretty fast, oh my gosh, did she just start running?"
"I would have thought she would have had to be dragged by both of those great danes of hers to go that fast"
"That girl has giant boobs, how can she run like that?"
"I better not have to call the squad and I will NOT be doing any mouth to mouth, under any circumstances"
"I wonder if that weird girl is doing C25k. I have thought about doing that. If she can do it, maybe I can, too"
"You go honey!"
"Those crazy young people, it's too hot for this craziness"
"My neighbor has lost her freaking mind"
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My dinner: organic whole grain white bread, amish strawberry jam, Krema spicy peanut butter, organic strawberries and a side of raspberries.


My dinner after a mouse or some other creature nibbled the crusts off all four sides:


I'm still grinning like a fool. Happy dance indeed. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PUFFPASTRY 7/2/2011 1:29AM

    GAH. Hokay. I am a big girl. I have lots of friends -- Spark and otherwise -- who are also big girls. THEY (and you) have all been able to do the C25K program. I...have NOT. I have TRIED. I have TRIED and TRIED and TRIED. I am a champion, hard-core, mega-committed WALKER on both the treadmill and outdoors. But when I try to RUN, I want to DIIIIEEEE. It's not my bouncing boobs that are the issue, nor breath control, nor stamina -- all of those things are totally fine (just like they're fine when I walk). It's the way that my back and hips HURT. When I run, my low back and hips feel like they're being pounded into the earth with a sledgehammer -- the pain becomes so great, and the sensation of being sort of crunched/squished down into a pretzelized lump in that area of my body becomes so uncomfortable -- that I can't run more than, like, 2 minutes at a time. Every now and then I can do maybe 3 or 4, but it feel so bad that I can't cycle back around to more running after I've done it once, rendering the whole C25K training idea moot. The toll that that discomfort takes on me is just too much to keep going.

Have you heard anyone else talk about this, and/or do you have any hurdles like this that you've managed to overcome? Just curious. I'm fine being a walker -- it's not like my life will be over if I don't run -- but I sure wish I could at least make SOME progress or something.

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KAREN42BOYS 7/1/2011 10:56AM

    i remember how dizzying my first runs were. dizzying in a "oh my gosh, i didn't die, maybe i'll do this again" way.

enjoy!

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GALSAL59 7/1/2011 5:54AM

    You have a wonderful way of writing that is a pleasure to read. Thanks for sharing your blogs with us here. Congrats to you for making yourself m-o-v-e!



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REBEKAHJOHNSON 6/30/2011 7:23PM

    Good work!

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RELAXYOURBACK 6/29/2011 10:09PM

    Jeez, I get sick, miss a couple days on here and find that you're doing c25k?! Sweet! I'm gonna be working at it too :) I'm anticipating repeat weeks for myself, but what the hey - it's all progress. Can't wait to cheer you on!

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IMIN2GENES 6/29/2011 3:20PM

    Keep up the great work Jenn!! I can't wait to hear how the C25k goes. That's pretty exciting!

Congrats on your success last night!
Chris

PS - I like your boob solution... I'll have to try that sometime! LOL! And your inner monologue... you crack me up!

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PANBOOKS 6/29/2011 3:11PM

    You are more fit than you think you are. You sure do inspire me to push myself! Keep up the great work Jenn!!!

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BADASSBLONDIE 6/29/2011 1:52PM

    Best sports bra everrrr: Moving Comfort Maia Bra http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0
01B1PL1K

WAY TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!

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RONOSOF 6/29/2011 8:48AM

    OY- these advice givers in your responses (rolls eyes)

OOPS did I write that out loud? ;) You are a BRAVE woman who inspires me. I have done the C2%k for 2 years and am afraid to enter a race! Maybe I'll enter when you do!

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BGEARY63 6/29/2011 7:59AM

    Dear Jenn, great blog as always. So happy you are doing the c25k. Good for you! emoticon

I am still using the excuse of not having a good support bra. Watermelons dont do well bouncing. I even refuse to do jumping jacks on my exercise dvds. Good for you finding a way to make it work. emoticon

Keep up that positive attitude, I love it. It makes me feel like I can do it too. emoticon

Beverly

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MOM2WILDBOYS 6/28/2011 11:06AM

  Good for you! But have you not been introduced to the wonder that is the Enell bra? It's ugly as sin, but the girls will NOT move! It's pricy, but worth it.
http://www.enell.com/

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SHEILAB64 6/28/2011 12:32AM

    I am going to have to try that double up the bra thing - I pack some big ones too and I have never even tried to have both of my feet leave the ground at the same time for fear of blacking my eyes or doing some kind of damage to my chest wall - happened to my equally endowed sister when she was a young teen running with out proper support - she all of a sudden couldn't breathe and the doctor said she pull them away from the chest wall which caused her to not be able to catch her breath - I don't think she ever ran again.

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BANANNIE925 6/28/2011 12:29AM

    congratulations on starting couch to 5k! I wanted to start it this week but I started Insanity and I feel like it would be too much. Btw, I have been told no carbs at night but you're having bread and you seem to know what you're doing/doing well. Have you heard otherwise? I'd love to know because I sure miss carbs at night!

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IBSHAUN 6/27/2011 10:42PM

    Way to go Jen! I LOVED the C25K app! And, I did "do-overs" all the time. Good for you to start and you absolutely crack me up with your conversations with yourself.

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SHEL1181 6/27/2011 9:34PM

    Congrats on starting C25K!!! What's up with the spicy peanut butter? Don't think I've ever heard of that and I love me some spicy food AND peanut butter....they must be good together right?

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GEEKYGIRLCHERYL 6/27/2011 7:59PM

    Keep us posted on the couch to 5k. I've been wanting to run a 5k and my hubby keeps telling me about this. You're doing great!

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SUSANS_TURN 6/27/2011 5:40PM

    Good for you! Congratulations on your great start!
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DIXIED88 6/27/2011 3:21PM

    Hmmm...regular bra under sports bra? This works?? Why has no one told me?!?!? LOL

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SCRUFYNERFHERDR 6/27/2011 3:12PM

    Ummmmmmm...how can you survive on so little for dinner? Kudos to you for getting off your duff and doing something but don't thwart your efforts by starving yourself. Just as you can have too many calories, you can also have too few calories.

It's all about balance. Eating smarter doesn't necessarily mean eating less. Yes, temper the ''bad stuff,'' but don't delude yourself into thinking you'll change a lifetime of habits, albeit good or bad, in the course of a few months, let alone a year or more.

And if you're looking for a low impact way to exercise and lose weight, cycling is top-notch! When I started out, I was 235lbs. My knees, ankles and feet would kill me with each impact. I turned to cycling and haven't looked back...unless I passed a really cute girl, that is. (Hey! I'm single not blind.) (^_^) Besides, what else can you do where you get out, see so many wonderful things in nature, breathe some amazing fresh air and burn 2,500 in 4 hours, and all while getting more fit?

Take care and way to go, Jenn! Just remember...balance.

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-CORAL- 6/27/2011 2:40PM

    Great job starting the program! It brought me a lot of blood, sweat and tears! When people would see me, I would think they were thinking, "she's running so slow she might as well just walk" and "Wow, her belly bounces more than her boobs do!" I like your more optimistic sentiments!

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WONDERPATTY 6/27/2011 1:41PM

  what is a c25k?

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TIGGERJEAN 6/27/2011 1:16PM

    "My neighbor has freakin lost her mind" - I'm pretty sure my neighbors think that ALL the time! emoticon emoticon

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FITFOURME 6/27/2011 1:10PM

    LOVE C25K! congrats on starting!

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QNOFHARTS 6/27/2011 8:27AM

    Woohoo! I bet they were saying ALL those things plus the one I say when I see people running as I drive by them: "Well, good for them - in this heat! If they can do it, I should get my fat @ss out there and sweat a bit too!"

Also, as crazy as it seems, as I was reading this, i was maowing down on a wheat bagel thin w/ PB and strawberries! :)

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CGOLDSWOR 6/27/2011 1:54AM

  LOL! I always thought that was what people thought about me when I started c25k! But at least the only comments I actually heard were positive.

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MONETRUBY 6/26/2011 11:49PM

    Go, you! All the best for C25K!

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TEAGUE1612 6/26/2011 10:01PM

    c25k rocks! i loved doing it last year. i was slow and heavy and jiggly but i made it through and i noticed straight away how much lighter on my feet i was, and i could get up the stairs at work way easier too! keep rockin it! emoticon

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FITFOODIE806 6/26/2011 9:13PM

    You are a runner!!!!!


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FLOWER1967 6/26/2011 9:12PM

    Only Haters would be thinking those things...

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Good on you for starting the C25K... I started that a few weeks back....*ahem*... started being the operative word.. Did day 1 then got the flu. Have yet to restart it again.
Im not a big chested girl but still find it a little uncomfortable running and I had wondered how bigger girls cope with all that 'bouncage'. hehe. Good solution.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ANDIRUNS 6/26/2011 8:30PM

    Great job on starting C2K - I can't wait to get started. My daughter and I are starting it as soon as school is out for summer this week!

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CASSIES 6/26/2011 7:36PM

    Very Inspiring. thanks, I needed that!

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ELVENBEAUTY18 6/26/2011 7:02PM

    YEAH!!! Congratulations!!!!

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ASMITH3B 6/26/2011 6:48PM

    Good for you! I started C25K last week at 260 pounds and was amazed that I made it through. I bet your neighbors are watching you go and cheering you on!

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MARYMO22 6/26/2011 4:51PM

    you'll find that people are looking at you and being inspired.
I got stopped a number of times by people who'd been driving past and seen me earlier in the week, asking how I'd started running......!?!
They'd obviously seen me at the running not walking phase, but it's quite a confidence booster when you start getting asked
Run with a smile on your face...... emoticon

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CHEEKY1000 6/26/2011 3:51PM

    Yay you!! I love C25K--just started last week. Tomorrow I start week 2...terrified! Best wishes and keep blowing their minds (at least in your mind anyhow--attitude is everything!!!). emoticon

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ELBALL 6/26/2011 3:04PM

    Congrats on starting the C25K! I do the same thing when I run - I try to figure out what my neighbors are thinking about me. The other week when I ran on a warm day, someone actually said to me "my god, that looks hot."

You go girl!

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AMANDAB386 6/26/2011 2:48PM

    Good for you!!

I have found a great bra that limits the movement of the girls. When I went to have my assessment with my (new) trainer I pulled the straps up a bit and the girls were goin' nowhere. :)

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VEGGIEGIRLCOURT 6/26/2011 2:46PM

    emoticon


Anyone can run...it's all about finding your own pace.

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SANDERSON83 6/26/2011 2:33PM

    WOO HOO!!!! I'm very impressed!

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FEISTYOWL 6/26/2011 2:26PM

    Awesome you started that program!! You go, girl! emoticon

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FINALLYBEINGME 6/26/2011 2:24PM

    Woohoo! I love your food pictures. They are so healthy yet yummy - they inspire me every time. emoticon

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FITTERFRAN 6/26/2011 1:35PM

  Good, no, GREAT for you!!!!

And can I just say that the word, "wootilicious" will now be a permanent part of my vocabulary!

Thanks and keep going!
fran

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SEDONACAT 6/26/2011 1:29PM

    emoticon

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JENNIFER_67 6/26/2011 1:21PM

    emoticon That's fantastic!! You have inspired me again. (Or maybe given me that kick in the butt I needed.) I've been planning for the last week to start C25K tomorrow. But this morning, during my walk, I was starting to chicken out, thinking maybe I'd wait one more week. But I'm doing it. First thing tomorrow morning. Before work. And before the neighbours are up. LOL

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TERRYT55 6/26/2011 1:13PM

    You ALWAYS bring a smile to my face! Congrats on your C25K. I'll bet the most common thought of those you passed was " I should be running like she is"

You rock!

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JICASMOM 6/26/2011 12:49PM

    You are fan-tas-tic-aroni!!!! Really. I am so proud of you. If you were my neighbor, you would have heard me hooting and hollering and screaming YAYyyyyyyyyyyy!

Have a wootalicious day and good luck on day 2.

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MIMI_POPE 6/26/2011 12:35PM

    i love the Dani method. It's the only way I've been able to do any cardio, and depending on the plan for that day's session, sometimes the girls are triple wrapped (which would be a bra, followed by a sports bra, followed by an exercise tank top that has a sprots bra built in. A little excessive? at times, maybe, but being able to run without smacking myself in the face or having the girls move independently of me is freeing LOL.
Great job on the couch to 5K program. I can never seem to get past week 1 before life gets in the way... but i just started my second round of Insanity so who knows? maybe this summer is the summer!

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SHASSYSUE2 6/26/2011 12:19PM

    Spicy Peanut Butter?? Did you make this yourself?? Let me know sounds interesting and good!!

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NINI---- 6/26/2011 12:11PM

    You SO rock Girl!

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STFRENCH 6/26/2011 12:05PM

    emoticon

Well done you! xx

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I Had Another Fatmare

Saturday, June 25, 2011

I've talked about having fatmares in the past. There are plenty of variations, Jenn as Winnie-the-Pooh getting stuck in Rabbit's window, and another version where I'm basically on the TV show Dirty Jobs but I can't fit in to, or get out of, any of the crazy places Mike does. Before vacation I had one where the ship was sinking and the only escape route was a porthole and everyone could fit through it but me.

Today's was worse. I was in a burning building that was really tall, kind of like a dream-induced combination of the World Trade Center towers and the Towering Inferno. All I had to do was go down the 80 flights of stairs before the building collapsed, but I was so fat and so incredibly out of shape that everyone was passing me.

They were running down the stairs, running toward clean air and survival, and fat dream me had to sit down every flight to catch my breath. People tried to help me, some tried to carry me, but I was just too big. It was clear in the dream the fat and totally out of shape me wasn't going to get out in time.

Ugh.

I prefer to keep things on the positive side. I don't put a picture of myself looking fat and disgusting on my fridge, I put a pic of myself looking totally fierce and thin up there. I wouldn't talk about my fatmares at all, or how horrible they make me feel, except I'm pretty sure that I'm not the only one having them. My experience with this fat loss quest indicates that my experiences are typically pretty universal.

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If you are wondering what's up with the food pics, I'm trying to be accountable and do better with my food choices, hence the random posting of my meals. I still have 402-752 calories to eat today, but I'll post what I've consumed thus far.

Breakfast: Blackberries, raspberries & strawberries


Snack: PB&J--it was heavenly. Krema spicy peanut butter, white whole grain bread and half a tablespoon of naughty Smuckers strawberry yum.


Lunner: Beets, artichokes, garbanzo beans, english peas, purple & yellow potatoes, tofu.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPACEPRINCESS 7/1/2011 9:56AM

    Gah! I must have done too much thinking about this yesterday because I had one last night. First the guys at work bought a few dozen McDonald's cheezeburgers (which I really don't even like that much) and dumped them on my desk. I binged and then went home and went into the bathroom and crashed through the floor because it couldn't support my weight. Ugh.

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BADCHULO 6/29/2011 5:12PM

    Oh yeah.. Farmares.. Before every trip I go on I have one where the plane cannot take off..and the flight attendant gets on the microphone and asks for "the fat girl in seat 62B to please get off the plane so we may proceed with takeoff".. I realize in horror she is speaking of ME !!
I have a trip coming up in November and a big motivator for me right now is that tiny airline seat.. There seems to be such hostility to overweight people on a plane... I always imagine everyone is thinking "please don't let her sit next to me"...
On this coming trip.. I want NOT to have to worry about that !

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PANBOOKS 6/29/2011 3:44PM

    Thanks for your blog Jenn. Right after a subway train got stuck underground, and people had to climb to the surface from underground, I have had the same recurring fatmare/daymare. I dream that I am too out of shape to hoist myself up the ladder and I have to turn sideways to walk through the tiny walkway slowing up the line. I live in Chicago, and for a little while, it seemed as if the subways were always getting stuck, and this was when I was catching the subway almost daily. I mean I really panicked and caused my heart to race because I was so frightened. Fortunately, I never got stuck underground. You are no alone.

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BADASSBLONDIE 6/29/2011 1:47PM

    *hugshard* and nom.

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SPACEPRINCESS 6/29/2011 11:04AM

    Yipes! I have fatmares, too. Mine are usually about all of my friends and family turning on me because they don't want to be seen with someone so fat. Not that my friends and family would ever do that -- it's all my subconscious fears bubbling up. I'm actually surprised that I don't have ones more like your Towering Inferno, considering that disaster movies TERRIFY me. I can watch The Exorcist and laugh and I'm not bothered by Friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elm Street (the originals...not the recent remakes) but movies like The Poseidon Adventure and Earthquake freak me out to no end!

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BGEARY63 6/29/2011 8:04AM

    I have thin dreams. In my dreams I am never fat. Then I wake up and see the real me, fat. But, that is a work in progress. Soon I'll be as thin as my dreams.

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DROIDRUNNER 6/27/2011 2:19PM

    Oh my, off to google Spicy Peanut butter.

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-CORAL- 6/27/2011 10:38AM

    I have fat-mares too, but it usually involves looking at myself in the mirror disgusted at how overweight I let myself get. The weird thing is I used to have these dreams when I was thin, also, and then I would wake up and realize I was actually thin and be sooooo relieved! Lol, not anymore! It is like my nightmares came true!

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BLACKROSE_222 6/26/2011 11:47PM

    We all have fat-mares to some degree... even if it isn't when we are dreaming - a friend invites us to go out dancing, and the first thing we think of is "I don't fit in my club girl outfit anymore?! I can't go!", or "What, did they start whaling at clubs these days?".

The trick is to become confident in ourselves, no matter the size - to say "You know what? That sounds like fun... of course, I'll come dancing". HUGS! Thanks for sharing!

PS. If you find the answer to the trick I just said, let me know - I just passed up an Acrobatics class... self explanatory Fat-mare reason.

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FLOWER1967 6/26/2011 9:27PM

    Fat mares huh ? Obviously being 'fat' is very much on your mind if it overlaps into your dreams. I'm sure a physiologist could work this out for you !!! lol

Your food is looking really great. I'm hungry now !

emoticon emoticon....Im not real....woooo.....Im a dreeeeeeeeeeeeeam ......

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KREINKE3 6/26/2011 8:41PM

    I get fatmares too! Except mine tend start out great, and suddenly I'll look down and realize I should be humiliated. And that's usually when I wake up, horrified.

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MILLIE5522 6/26/2011 4:46PM

    I would love to try the spicy peanut butter but I don't think they sell it in England. emoticon

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 6/26/2011 8:54AM

    I've often reflected that I would have died in the WTC.

Come to think of it, given the way my knee is, I might still die if faced with 80 down flights of stairs. (Up is no problem; it's going down where the impact on the arthritic joint is not good.)

But at 160-ish lbs I'd at least have a fighting chance of limping out of there alive. At 335+ there would have been no way. NONE.

So, yeah. Strong incentive.

Comment edited on: 6/26/2011 8:55:07 AM

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FINALLYBEINGME 6/26/2011 12:28AM

    Your food pictures look delicious especially lunner - that looks healthy and yummy. Fatmares are going to turn to thinmares soon :)! emoticon

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CHAR1970 6/26/2011 12:04AM

    I don't think I've ever had a fatmare thank God! I love your food pics. I laighed at Lunner. We call it Lupper.

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TALLGUY42 6/25/2011 11:50PM

    No worries Jenn.

Tonight I'll dream that I am incredibly buff with super-human strength and that I carried a tired, overweight woman from a burning building.

That'll put this fatmare to rest. Lol!
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REDDIRTRUNNER 6/25/2011 11:30PM

    emoticonU!
You are thin enough.
you are lovable enough.
you are ENOUGH.
emoticon U girl!

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CANNIE50 6/25/2011 11:07PM

    Once, a friend who had about the same amount of weight to lose as I do, but didn't exercise (and I always have) told me that it really bothered her that she wasn't in good enough shape to save herself if she was caught in a bad situation but that she knew I could because of all my exercising. That really hit me - I had never thought of it that way, but once she said it I have always remembered it. One of the things I love most about exercising is that it makes me stronger and more capable. I love not feeling helpless. You are fierce and getting fiercer. I know a couple women like you - they were overweight and then decided to get fit and "unfat". As they dropped weight by eating better, they added more and more exercise to their lives. Now, they routinely out-run and out-lift people who have never been out-of-shape. It is a fabulous thing to behold and it never fails to impress me and everyone else who knows their stories.

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GOLOPTIOUS 6/25/2011 10:14PM

    So. How do you feel about coming to Idaho to cook for me?? Your food always looks so delicious!!

I have fatmares sometimes, but mine are more like the high school/jr high standing-in-front-of-the-class-but-
forgot-to-wear-clothes kind. Or people making fun of me, mostly guys. I guess I am insecure and shy or something.....

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MARELNAT 6/25/2011 10:08PM

    That food looks really delish!! emoticon Great photos!

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VIRGOTEX 6/25/2011 9:05PM

    I don't have dreams about it but I get in a headspace where I think too much about real life scenarios- like if I was in the World Trade Center and needed help escaping, would anybody be able to? If I was trapped somewhere, could I pull myself out? I guess they're fatmare day dreams.

Another vote for the food pics.

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OJIBWEEQUAY 6/25/2011 8:43PM

    I LOVE your food!!!!!!! emoticon
FATmares are the worst emoticon

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JANIELYNN7 6/25/2011 8:23PM

    emoticon

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ANDIRUNS 6/25/2011 7:48PM

    "I put a pic of myself looking totally fierce and thin up there"

Love. It.

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ANDIRUNS 6/25/2011 7:47PM

    "I put a pic of myself looking totally fierce and thin up there"

Love. It.

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MELLYBEANS0919 6/25/2011 7:37PM

    Your food looks super good!!!

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NGAGNEE 6/25/2011 7:28PM

    I'm not sure mine are fatmares but I've had ones where a girl I was really good friends with is just insanely cruel and mean to me and destroys my self esteem in the dream and leaves me questioning why the hell she would do that to me.... but they are just dreams and lately when I am bashing my body I take a step back look myself in the eye and make myself say something nice to me! like how my waist has shrunk a bit or hey I like my makeup today or how I just bought a pair of pretty purple running shoes and I should treat myself by using them. Positive thinking and your taking pics makes me think I should do the same! increase the accountablility!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 6/25/2011 7:24PM

    My fatmares don't have me dying, thankfully. In mine I wake up one morning and gained ALL the weight back! Lets just say it keep me from binging for the next week! Love the food pics, so pretty : )

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FLYSHOPGIRL 6/25/2011 7:21PM

    First: LOVE the food porn. :) It gives me ideas about what to eat for dinner! (as I sit here drinking my glass of red wine that I have planned for ALL day.

Second: Yeah...everyone has fatmares, just none of us thought of such a good word to describe them before!. Mine usually involve my students and them calling me the names that the boys did when *I* was a third/fourth grader (and fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, and all of high school...). Reliving that time is painful...

Third: I love that you share so openly with us all. I think that's what I like most about this place. It's anonymous...yet...not :) All of us are in the same boat (various PARTS of the boat, but the same boat nonetheless) and it's good to see how supportive we can be of one another and our efforts :)

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TERRYT55 6/25/2011 7:01PM

    I haven't had a fatmare (great name) in a long time......When I had them I was always naked or nearly naked in public. YIKES. emoticon

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ANONSI 6/25/2011 6:54PM

    I guess while my dream seems like less of a fatmare than yours was, it was still a fatmare. Dream me wanted nothing to do with the healthy food and wanted to gorge and gorge. I had to swallow some serious disappointment, to the point that I didn't even want to eat what I'd picked out.

Oh, and we all know that while dream Jenn may have had to sit at every flight of stairs, this resembles nothing like real Jenn. You really are fierce now. You kick butt! You could probably out run everyone in the building if you wanted to.

Oh and your breakfast looks so pretty! I love how things taste so much better when they are presented in a nice way. Stick it out because I think you're doing a fantastic job and find you so inspiring.

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REDHEADMOM2U 6/25/2011 6:22PM

    ...totally fierce... Picture on fridge...to me...this is the coolest part of your post!

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MUSICALLYMINDED 6/25/2011 6:17PM

    I have been fat all my life and have never had a "fatmare"... although I think that artichoke on your plate might chase me in my dreams tonight.

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SOUTHPONDCAMP 6/25/2011 6:09PM

    I think dreams are so interesting.... I haven't had fatmares before though (I'm the geekmare kind of girl--I don't know enough and people die...). We do a lot of cognitive processing at night and while I'm not a big fan of touchey-feeley-squishey super overanalysis of feelings....I definitely think that the dreams can be representative of something we are working on, worrying about , whatever...in real life.

My dad was just telling me about a series of dreams he had when very sick this winter. This was life changing, hospitalized, see the light and change the bad ways sick. He told me that he kept having a recurring dream of not being able to catch up. There were different manifestation of this, projects, trying to find old friends, late to exams...whatever. You have to understand that my dad was a 300lb two pack a day alcoholic at that time. But, he ended up in the hospital, had surgery (abscess that went wild), got told he had diabetes, and he got scared straight. He's lost 70 lbs, stopped smoking, stopped drinking (well he might be sliding on that a bit) and looks like a new person! The dreams stopped once he got on his way. Now...to my dad...feelings is a drawn out four letter word....so it was super interesting to me that he was telling me about this. Guess it really messed with his head...in a good way!

hope the fatmares stop messing with your sleep...need to sleep well to lose weight so shoo them away! :)

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MOSTMOM1 6/25/2011 5:46PM

    I have geekmares, rather than fatmares. You know, where you're back in college and it's finals and you discover a class that you haven't been to all year? Geekmares, fatmares. Sheesh. Our brains are working way too much overtime.
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JICASMOM 6/25/2011 5:44PM

    You have a way with words, Jenn.

I love your food pics!!! Can i come over to eat? You certainly know how to do healthy!!!!

Smiles to you and wishes for easy and fun dreams. XxJ

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ZOOKEEPERMAMA 6/25/2011 5:37PM

    I think the food pics are awesome! You do a great job with "styling" the food. I'm sorry you're having fatmares. I think it's an indication that you have been really focused on your weight, particularly losing it, which is great. Hopefully, as it melts away so will your dreams. Sweet dreams!
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SHEILAB64 6/25/2011 5:36PM

    I have had fatmares before - not in a long time but they happen, it is always a relief to wake up.

Your food is so creatively placed on your plate - it is lovely to the eye and colorful too. You definitely meet the 3 colors per plate rule I give the boys when they are at a smorgasboard.

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AMYMOHIO 6/25/2011 5:36PM

    I have those too... you're right, you're not the only one. emoticon

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