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Fear Something Worth Fearing

Saturday, June 18, 2011

I weigh 285.2 pounds today.

I am 38 years old.

I wore shorts to the gym today.

I wore a sleeveless exercise shirt.

I shaved my legs every day for the last month.

I did a 60 minute aerobics class that included step aerobics, planks, kickboxing and a core workout.

I followed that with a 60 minute yoga class.

Last week I wore a bathing suit in public repeatedly.



I went to a beach in a bathing suit.

Yesterday, I swam half a mile without stopping.

I had my picture taken in a bathing suit, and I smiled, and I meant it.


About 9 weeks ago, I weighed 311 pounds. I was afraid of having my photo taken. I didn't wear a swimsuit in public. I wouldn't have been caught dead on a beach. I wouldn't have worn shorts or a sleeveless shirt on a bet. I looked like a total frump. I rarely went to the gym and when I did I walked on the treadmill where no one would notice me.

I've said no to my fear of what other people think of my fat.
I've said no to my fear of everything sleeveless.
I've said no to my fear of going in public in a swimsuit.
I've said hell no to my fear of successfully losing weight and having people notice me.
I've said no to being afraid of new types of exercise.
I've said no to my fear of having my photo taken.
I've said no to looking like a frump.
I've said yes to taking better care of myself.

I'm done being afraid of living my life to the fullest. DONE.


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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BRAVEHEART4ME 7/7/2011 3:51PM

  Great blog! emoticon

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FORMERNONRUNNER 7/1/2011 11:04AM

  You are doing an amazing job. Long journeys start with the first step, and you're doing it! Keep up the amazing work!

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LCHADBOURNE 6/27/2011 4:16PM

    Great blog!!!! Way to go!

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MAGGIEROSEBOWL 6/27/2011 4:10PM

    I did it too! I overcame my fears! I bought a swimming suit, plus a cover up. The cover up, really covered up the bad parts. I have excess skin on my upper legs and upper arms that is really just hideous. I hate it. I do not have the money to have it surgically removed, so I am stuck with it.
I went to an indoor water park last week. I went out into the pool/park area with my cover up on, OF COURSE. I sat there at the table, watching my children and grandchildren enjoying the warm water. I have always loved the water. As a kid I lived in swimming pools. But it wasn't set up the way I wanted it. I wanted to be able to drop my cover up on the very edge of the water, so few would have a chance to see my ugly excess skin, just before I slipped gracefully into the water. But no....it looked as if I would have to take off my cover up, then walk around to the other side of the pool to walk down the steps and get in gracefully. I hesitated. I waited. I tried to avoid the reality of the situation. But I had spent $60 on the suit and cover up and wanted to get into that water.
I DID IT! I screwed up my courage and took off the cover up, walked around to the other side of the pool and stepped gracefully down the steps and entered the wonderful water! I suppose people saw me and were aghast at the ugliness. Even though I'm only weighing in at 148 pounds now, (only 3 pounds from a normal BMI), the excess skin keeps me from being normal when it shows. That's why I always try to keep it covered up. I can wear shorts, if they come to my knees. My sleeves on my blouses have to come to my elbows. But there's no covering that stuff up in a swimming suit. As soon as I got out I put the cover up back on. But later took it off again and got into the hot tub, which was absolutely wonderful!
People somewhere may be still talking about the hideous lady they saw, with all the excess skin, but I don't care. I did it, and I had fun, and I will do it again! I worked hard to get here, to be able to do these things, and fear of acceptance or embarrassment is no longer going to keep me from doing the things I love. I have earned the right to do these things!

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IHAIDEN 6/25/2011 9:14PM

    You go girl! emoticon

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JUNIE33 6/25/2011 10:55AM

    I noticed that I have stopped being critical of other people's bodies at the same time that I have stopped criticizing my body.

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BETSYAJM 6/25/2011 1:33AM

    Wow... Awesome. Life is to short to let it pass you by..... LIVE IT. emoticon

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BLOOMING52 6/24/2011 7:35PM

    emoticon

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LUBAML 6/24/2011 4:34PM

    Just great! I like the new you! Thanks for sharing! Life is beautiful! Enjoy and smile! emoticonLuba

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AMYSLOSINGIT 6/24/2011 12:30PM

    Great post! I still hate having my pic taken, but I'm working on it. Thanks for sharing!

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NKECHI711 6/24/2011 11:24AM

    I can totally relate to this blog...although I haven't quite figured out how to say No and actually mean it...good for you!! emoticon emoticon

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FITTERFRAN 6/24/2011 10:37AM

  Every post that I've read so far has me smiling like a geek, with a little bit of a catch in my throat. Your'e awesome!

Looking forward to more posts and great success to you in your health journey!


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KAREN951 6/24/2011 10:15AM

    Fantastic! It's so hard to face those fears - and you should be proud of yourself for doing so. I find this post so inspiring as I'm also often confronting the same fears! Keep up the good work!
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MSILVER94 6/24/2011 9:40AM

    Yay!!! Great blog! :)

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KHYRRA 6/24/2011 9:38AM

    Love the attitude! Good for you! :)

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BILL_CLECKNER 6/24/2011 9:09AM

    Jenn, I am curious...

Do you KNOW that you are a beautiful person?

This is just my (not so) humble opinion, but each and every one of us is incredibly beautiful (warts and all). The longer I live the more I am convinced (you can call it confirmation bias, tee hee) that beauty is an inside thing. I hope I don't offend anyone, but I think some of the most beautiful people to experience are those with Downs Syndrome. It is so easy to see how loving they are. Oh sure, they too have their rough edges, but I am speaking of at our core we are each a beautiful creation.

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BEATRICEBUNNY 6/24/2011 9:05AM

    Wow. You are awesome!

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TEENY_BIKINI 6/24/2011 8:40AM

    You better GOOOOOO girl.

Looking fabulous by the way.

Love this blog!

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EVELYN5877 6/23/2011 2:17PM

    The weight loss is good, but the rest of it, the self confidence and general attitude is awesome, as I'm sure you know. I have followed a different, but in some ways similar course. The greatest part of all is the self confidence I have rediscovered. 'me'. With that,the weight loss will follow, and that is the difficult part to sustain.

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SKINNYSTRUMMER 6/23/2011 1:18PM

    And you Rock that bathing suit!

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NANASAMM 6/23/2011 12:12PM

    emoticon I'm right there with ya! emoticon

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REOVERMAN 6/23/2011 8:27AM

    Thanks for the inspiration! We should read this blog every day to remind ourselves to live life to the fullest! Keep up the hard work AND the great attitude!

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SMITHHUS 6/23/2011 6:53AM

    Omg! U are truly amazing and I am so proud of you and you inspire me not only in your journey but the task of taking on 'fear' and tackling it without question. I experienced all kinds of fear in my life not just losing weigh fear, but other types and you just given me incentive to continue fighting back and taking back what is rightfully mind...ME! emoticon

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40ISHHUBBY 6/23/2011 1:43AM

    Keep it up you never know how far you can take it. Make it a lifestyle change. There's no reason to stop now.

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VIRGOTEX 6/22/2011 11:28PM

    Thanks for this post. This something I needed to read today

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FITMAY 6/22/2011 10:22PM

    I LOVE this blog!!! It touched me so deeply... where it's difficult to get...I could feel every word! I am learning to be FEARLESS like you!!!
Much...much love and admiration!
GO YOU!
May

Comment edited on: 6/22/2011 10:24:14 PM

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MAMMER3 6/22/2011 8:25PM

    Amazing!!!

By the way, You look really amazing and really happy in that bathing suit :)
I hope I find your fearlessness because of you this weekend I might say YES to a Bathing Suit!!
Thank you!

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CAITYJAY 6/22/2011 6:47PM

    Go you!
Im afraid of shorts, and my boyfriend seeing my tummy.

I love this attitude! work it into my mantra emoticon

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SWEETSUGAR7 6/22/2011 5:27PM

    You have a great attitude and the right stuff to keep you moving in the a positive direction.

You look like your having fun and you should. Live life to the fullest and do things that you love.

Keep up the good work and staying focus...

Woot!

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Congratulations on your weight losss

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CIARANICOLE85 6/22/2011 2:28PM

    I hope your confidence rubs off of me one day.

Good job!!! Keep up the great work!

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ITSTHENEWLAUREN 6/22/2011 2:23PM

  I love your confidence it just radiates!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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HILDABRAND 6/22/2011 2:18PM

    Love it! Love it! Love it! You are so awesome! You go, Girl!

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DWILCZKO 6/22/2011 1:26PM

  :)

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SUNBEAM71 6/22/2011 12:58PM

    Wish I was there on the beach with you!!! What fun!!!! emoticon

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BHANSON6509 6/22/2011 12:43PM

    Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I hate wearing bathing suits even in private, but I'm overcoming my fears!

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DARE2LIVE2011 6/22/2011 11:58AM

    What an encouragement! Thanks for sharing! I'm proud of you. You're doing the hard work of recognizing and rejecting your fear of living! WAHOO! WAY TO GO!

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TXWINS 6/22/2011 9:49AM

    That is awesome! You have done the hard part now the rest will simply fall into place.
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LULU3367 6/22/2011 9:00AM

    Way to go! You are an inspiration to many I'm sure! Congrats on your progress, and keep it up!

Lulu emoticon

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PRUPLEBEAR 6/22/2011 8:56AM

    Thank you for sharing this blog! Love the pic! YOU ROCK

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IMEATINGWELL 6/22/2011 8:08AM

    Good for you! We should all be courageous and full of zest!

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LAURIE-RN 6/22/2011 6:40AM

    Woo Hoo! Congratulations on your accomplishments! You are strong and your body is working towards a healthier you. I LOVE your pictures!

Laurie emoticon

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TUBLADY 6/22/2011 2:07AM

    Awesome feats. good for you.
The backdrop of your pictures looks like my old address. Miami Beach , Fl. I lived at 2300 and Collins Ave, could watch the cruise shops, that's a Carnival ship leaving the harbor.
I sold my condo in 1996 but still travel to visit friends.
I do miss the sun and beach and sand .
When I see you in the swimsuit on the beach I miss running down to the beach.
Take care and do what ever makes you happy.
Tisha emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FATHINSN 6/22/2011 1:44AM

    AWESOME, you're totally fearless!

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ROBOLIZ 6/22/2011 12:52AM

    Congratulations! :D

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JERSEYSGRL 6/22/2011 12:35AM

    I wish I was as courageous as you!!

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LEAHFELICITY 6/21/2011 10:24PM

    You... are... so... cool. I'm in awe of your chutzpah. Major kudos.

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1DRWOMAN 6/21/2011 10:06PM

    What a GREAT blog! So proud of you, your success, and your attitude. I know how hard that can be, well done!!! xoxoxo Keep up the great work!
xo
Patty

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HDHAWK 6/21/2011 9:46PM

    Fabulous you! Congrats on your progress. Enjoy!

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KAITMEND 6/21/2011 9:44PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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HAYCHRI1017 6/21/2011 9:27PM

    Now that's an attitude check that I think we all need...saying no to all the things we fear and saying YES to making a positive difference in ourselves. Thanks for officially motivating me today. Good luck on your journey to discovering a healthier you!

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That Darn Weight Tracker Is Broken, Or Am I Just a Big Fat Liar?

Friday, June 17, 2011

I like my little tracker, the background I picked makes it look like a swimmer. It looks like a little swimmer and my name is JennSwims. I'm so clever. emoticon

Here's the problem: my tracker is broken. It only goes in one direction. It never, EVER, goes in an upward fashion. If I weigh myself and there is a new number in front of the decimel point, I WOOT WOOT (silently, but loudly in my brain, unless I'm home alone), and I change my tracker. The same thing does not happen when Captain Poopy Pants emoticonsays I have gained.

This week, my tracker does not show a gain of over ten pounds, which some of you reminded me may be due, in a large part, to my admitted overindulgence in sodium on my vacation. I strongly feel that the vast majority of this is due to a) sodium b) a legitimate 2-3 pound gain that I earned and enjoyed c) girly stuff and d) flying. I also know for a fact that I did not consume over 35,000 excess calories last week. Also known as a) justification b) excuse c) more justification and d) pathetic attempt at logically defending the gain.

However, my broken tracker will not be reflecting my bounce up to 290. Nope, it will stay squarely at 279, and that is why I am a big fat liar. I can justify this in dozens of ways, such as my personal favorite "my smaller sizes still fit as good as they did at 279."

It's OK to have a gain! Really campers, it's ok. Not all the time, not routinely, but once in a while, sure. Just make sure it comes back off. I'm not encouraging you to shovel Oreos and Haagen Dazs into your gullett as though we are entering some modern version of Soylent Green, I'm just saying it might behoove some of us to chill ever so slightly on the pound game once in a great while.

I'm in this dealio for the long haul. The long haul will last a lifetime, a lifetime during which I will probably not forget the tonguegasm I experienced from the Grand Marnier souffle I had, nor will I forget my time at the martini bar sampling a flight of 8 martinis, laughing and having a blast with my fam. (A chipotle martini is awesome, who would have thunk it?)

Food rocks, and I'm married to a chef for god's sake. There will be days, or even weeks (I heart vacation) where I allow myself some serious latitude. Special occasions. Birthdays don't count, since there is practically one a day if you have enough coworkers, friends and relatives. My first vacation since 2008 counts, getting into grad school counts for one evening, and my sister's wedding (cake nommy nom nom) counts. "It's June" does not, nor does "I have PMS."

Where you draw the line between special occasion and not a chance in hell is really up to you. My planned departures have been a sibling's wedding and vacation, the rest of the time I eat one of the strictest plans of anyone I know, and I like it. It suits me.

Digressing as usual, sorry.

The tracker is my way of getting back at the scale, which sucks big donkey, uh, fur. I can't control the scale, but I totally control that tracker. I am the evil mastermind and the tracker is my witless pawn. It is helpless against my efforts to make it say 135.

So my tracker is "broken", but by not changing it, by not being honest with my peeps, I may be missing out on some good advice and top notch support.

If you have a gain, you admit it and ask for help around here, people will happily go over your food log for the last month and tell you what they think you need to do differently. They will do the same for your exercise. But the trick is this: you have to be honest when you log your food, honest when you log your weight and honest when you log your exercise.

Oh damn, now I need to change my stupid tracker. I really hate it when I'm right.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JDBLALOCK 3/13/2012 11:03AM

  How do I get one of those trackers? I see everyone with little hopping bunnies, ect. but I can't figure out how to find/get one

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MENOLLYRJ 6/26/2011 11:38PM

  But I don't want to change my tracker!! (Insert feet stomping and a pouty lip here.) I swear, if it is still high tomorrow, I'll change it...maybe...

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REBEKAHJOHNSON 6/23/2011 9:01PM

    I was all sorts of sad and crying this morning because I thought I gained 20lbs in the last month or so. After having dinner, a 1/2 liter of water and being fully clothed, I weigh 3 lbs less than I did this morning while naked and not having consumed anything. I will weigh myself in another couple days and hope to God that at least half of that is gone.

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KNITTR1 6/22/2011 5:36PM

    LOL -- so good to hear someone else say what I was thinking!

Love the humor. Keep inspiring us!

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SINABUNN 6/22/2011 2:55PM

    :::sigh::: Off to change my tracker.


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HOWLERMOM 6/21/2011 11:26PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JONICACALDWELL 6/21/2011 9:39PM

    I guess you found me out. "It's June and I have PMS this weekend" doesn't count? I guess I'll have to stay on track...

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A_SPARKLING 6/21/2011 8:10PM

    I thought my tracker was broke too...maybe it is I had been away and came back and put my gain in but it is still showing the 9lb less goal....everytime i see it i am feeling a little guilty as i am not that number but 8 above it...i will no better this Sunday when i weigh in if i am back to it or near it....so i too will use it for inspiration ...for now and use it as a mini goal!!! emoticon

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CHRISTINECE 6/21/2011 6:54PM

    I love your style... keep it up... you are in my head! :)

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GABENSEBSMOM 6/21/2011 6:39PM

    Such a great blog! And I don't change mine either if I gain!! :D I just figure it's a reminder to myself of that lower weight. Thanks for the chuckle!

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TINNATEE 6/21/2011 5:58PM

    Thank you for such an awesome blog! I am friending you so I dont miss any of your humor or wit. Loved it and its so true...I need to change my broken tracker too dammit, i mean dang it!

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MARGARITTM 6/21/2011 3:59PM

    wHAT A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR! Thanks for the smile!

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MSPOOH404 6/21/2011 3:15PM

    My tracker has been broken for the longest! Go figure! And in my book, "honesty" is a 4-letter word...and not a good 4-letter word, like "cake".

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ADYLEIGH 6/21/2011 2:57PM

    I can relate - I didn't change my tracker for the longest time, despite weight gain. Then one day I asked myself: "self who are you kidding?" "If you want to make progress, get real". Thanks for the reminder, I don't always listen to myself.

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GRRARRGH 6/21/2011 1:58PM

    emoticon

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SHARON-MARIE 6/21/2011 1:35PM

  A blog this incredibly funny should not have brought tears (not from laughter) to my eyes, but it sure did. Yep, yep.

You are so completely spot on with what you said.

And THAT is absolutely wonderful.

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WOLFSPIRITMOM 6/21/2011 1:00PM

    Cute blog.

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CAALAN23 6/21/2011 12:57PM

    LOL! I love your perspective. You are most awesome!

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UTMIZ_2000 6/21/2011 12:52PM

    I love reading your blogs. Today's was insightful but also maintained that levity we need in our life when we are trying to do something when the world is bombarding us to do just the opposite.

Loved your rant the other day.

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DEBBIEOLMOS57 6/21/2011 10:21AM

    i know the feeling

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CRISM18 6/21/2011 10:18AM

  I love your honesty and sense of humor. You always bring me back to the real reason we are all on this journey. THANK YOU!

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SIMPLYANGEL2U 6/21/2011 10:13AM

    I just got back from 4 days in Vegas (should read = 4 lbs in Vegas) and have yet to change my tracker. I guess I should do that. Love your blogs!

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AMGM2001 6/21/2011 10:08AM

    emoticon

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VLEON7108 6/21/2011 10:04AM

    emoticon Love it!

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1HELPLESSMOM 6/21/2011 9:38AM

    Great blog. I think you deserved the break. emoticon

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BLOOMING52 6/21/2011 8:54AM

    Great blog.

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CAROLZ1967 6/21/2011 8:49AM

    Wow! I tend to do the same thing...not change the tracker when it goes up, just down. What I've (sort of) figured out, with my recent analysis of this tactic & how it affects me, I seem to do better at getting my weight back down, if I come clean and make the tracker accurate. My first big gain that I did not change tracker for was a vacation too, where I only got to exercise twice (at home it's daily) in a week, ate very freely (way over normal intake) & enjoyed it :-). I also showed a 10 lb gain! I also don't think that was truly possible in ONE week but with exercise change & diet, I'm sure several were real! Regardless, I struggled to lose it after getting home (still haven't lost it all) & finally, after a few weeks of going down a little then back up, I gave in & changed the tracker. It was so hard to do, even though I knew my "real" weight, putting it on the tracker forced me to really be honest with myself. But I think that helped me, as now I could start using the tracker for going down again!! It felt great & I think helped motivate me b/c I got to do that happy dance of recording on the tracker a "loss" instead of thinking "well it's down, but still not low enough". That thinking is really a negative way of looking at something that we should really be proud of! But by always seeing that lower weight on the tracker that is not attainable in a day or two, we focus on NOT being that weight and maybe down on ourselves. Then making that journey back tougher. But when we fess up & change the tracker to show the real weight/the gain, we can immediately get back to using the tracker for losses again & even if the loss doesn't get you right back to that low, it still is a loss and feels good! And it should! So that brings on joy and will help add motivation, by focusing on the positive! I had my weight go back up another time since where I didn't want to change tracker & I struggled there again. This second time I figured it out quicker (my correlation btwn speed of loss & accurate tracker) & changed it after a few days & again, that boosted my spirits the next day when I could actually change it to show a loss! So doing what you suggest, being honest with the tracker, actually helps me get losing again and I am guessing I'm not alone. I'm sorry this is so long but I thought others might read this and discover it might help them too & try it. Great blog Jen!

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ROSEMAID 6/21/2011 7:07AM

    I've been see sawing the same 10 pounds for months...I'm weary. emoticon

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WIGIME 6/21/2011 6:37AM

    Excuses will take over our lives if we let them, you addressed them well and brought them out into the light. Good job!

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FTHOODBABY 6/21/2011 6:19AM

    I think a lot of us have these issues. I know I do! I can track -- honestly track -- and workout and still my scales go up and down w/the same 5 lbs. I think I've lost 100 lbs if you count those 5 each time I lose them! Just can't get past this 5 lb range on my scales! emoticon

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DWILCZKO 6/21/2011 12:07AM

  true!

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DOCLOVER 6/20/2011 11:07PM

    Totally agree with your comment about birthdays and if you have enough friends/relatives/family members there is about one excuse per day! NOT okay.

Love the tough love!

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GIRLIEA 6/20/2011 10:21PM

    Get out of my head girl!!!

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GYMGIRL57 6/20/2011 9:59PM

    You are flippin' hilarious!!!! emoticon

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GEMGLOW 6/20/2011 7:01PM

    LOL!! that's mine today too!(mine's at 220 not 221 it should be reading...lol...) i figure i was that and i'll be back down to it by friday so why change it?lol
good luck!

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ME_SONNIE 6/20/2011 4:31PM

    Great blog Jenn, thanks! I think you helped us readers see that it's more than just our trackers are "stuck." I guess I'm stuck too....
*sigh* emoticon

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LIAMSMOM11 6/20/2011 1:59PM

  My tracker has had the exact same functional errors for the last two years. It's all for the best ;)

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OCCUBANITA 6/20/2011 1:53PM

    Thanks for sharing! I think we all deal with broken trackers from time to time ;)

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BRENDABUNNY 6/20/2011 1:43PM

    Lol I love it this blog is sooo true I think we all have a broken or stuck tracker now and then..I know my lil bunny has hopped backwards a time or two...but we will all get there emoticon

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AJAYZCHAOS 6/20/2011 12:40PM

    Been there, still doing that. My weight has gone up & down by 8 lbs in the last two months but my little flutterby is still floating at a 15 lb loss. I'm back on track and she should be moving soon. Keep swimming.

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WINDSWEPTACRES 6/20/2011 12:39PM

    Yeah, I know the scale said 193 this morning, but, gee, I'm really at 189. Or maybe not. (Sigh)

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CONNIER64 6/20/2011 12:16PM

    Loved your blog full of honesty and humor,just what I needed on a Monday right after getting off the scale which did,nt move at all this week. emoticon

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CUDDLYPOLARBEAR 6/20/2011 11:40AM

    Mine seems stuck too, here is to hoping it starts moving backawards

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FLPALM 6/20/2011 11:37AM

    Jenn, I want to "SHARE THIS WITH YOU... MY TRACKER BROKE TOO!"
BUT...it will move!!! First of all, whenever we vacation (not enough, I might add) I gain WEIGHT BIG TIME!!! It was not, as you said consumming thousands of CALORIES, but your BODY is ALL OFF WHACK!!! Flying (how the hell else would you get there in most cases) BALLOONS my weight! Yup, the PRESSURE along with the WATER that your BODY HAS (all normal) sucks up the poundage like it was NEEDED! Nope, I sure don't NEED those extra pounds, as I am sure you feel the same way, but IT IS ALL NORMAL!! I can honestly tell you, that after each vacation, difference in my normal routine (like visiting my grandkids for a weekend stay)or anything like that....your BODY ADJUSTS FOR THE "FIGHT!" I call it the "BATTLE WITHIN YOURSELF!" I know now, that it is NATURE'S WAY, but even though I am much older than you, I am not a CAVEWOMAN that NEEDS this BATTLE FIGHT WEIGHT!!! In time, with me it takes about 4-5 days at home, the weight drops! Slowly, but drops....so hang in there GIRL!!! You are AMAZING and I just know you will do it!!! emoticon
Fran

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CAROL5250 6/20/2011 11:31AM

    Mine is stuck too, even though I go up and down and up and down. I increased it the other day and it will look good when it goes down again. Thanks for being honest. I need to work on this too.

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PAWSINAZ 6/20/2011 11:25AM

    My is stuck too....I just keep on thinking it will fix itself.

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SWTHNY- 6/20/2011 10:32AM

    All I could do was smile knowing mine hasnt moved backwards lol well once but I hated that so decided not to any more heh! emoticon

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LADYJ6942 6/20/2011 10:20AM

    One thing you didnt account for - if doing any serious strength training it can make the tracker go up because of muscle which is a good thing.

Good luck

(mine too is broken - I weighed 244.2 this morning and I know I too will get back to what my tracker says, I just need to destress a bit)

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JCRIBLEZ 6/20/2011 10:14AM

    Thanks for sharing such a great blog. I really needed your honesty and humor this morning! I have avoided the scale all together when I know that I have overindulged. It is great to know that we are not alone. Thanks again! emoticon

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CRAFT715 6/20/2011 10:02AM

  Great post. My vacation is coming up in a couple of weeks and I think I'll be in the same boat.

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

The Treadmill Doesn't Care

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

I wanted to go to kickboxing last night, but my schedule wasn't really willing to work around that class. I got on the treadmill.

I wasn't feeling it.

I didn't want to be on the treadmill (I wish there was a whine font). My shins hurt. My left achilles tendon was resisting my efforts to loosen it up, even 15 minutes in. I felt like I was moving at turtle pace. My gym shirt was on inside out (DOH!), I was having trouble getting my heart rate up. There was a less than interesting movie on in the cardio theater room. The sky was blue. It was Wednesday. My new shoe has a grass stain on it. The person on the treadmill next to me had the amazing gall to make running look easy. Someone breathed in my general direction. My thighs were rubbing together.

Whatever the reason, I wasn't feeling it. I was there out of obligation, not desire.

News Flash! This just in! It doesn't matter. It doesn't freaking matter if you want to exercise, if you are happy to exercise, if you are pissed off that you need to exercise, if you are doing it begrudgingly (that would be me), or if hearts and flowers flow freely out of your hiney with each step you take while you bask in the glory of sweat and calories burning.

My body doesn't care if I'm in touch with my self-exploring-deep-inner-feeling-ness and getting introspective on "feeling it".

The treadmill really doesn't care if I'm happy to be on it or if I'm hating life.

My cardiovascular system is getting stronger, even when I am pissy about working out and my internal monologue sounds suspiciously like a spoiled 15 year old girl not getting her way at the Coach store.

The fat is still burning, even when I would rather be eating bonbons and watching Castle while my fat ass resides squarely on my couch.

It doesn't matter if I'm happy, thrilled, irritated or ambivalent about my workout. I still burned nearly 600 calories, and that is the whole point.

Move. Period. Remind self to move more and think about moving less.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ASTEENSTRA 6/22/2011 6:27PM

    It is so true, love the blog :)

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ANGIE121 6/22/2011 3:50PM

    I think i love you...your the bomb

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QUITAPETE 6/22/2011 12:02PM

    This one most appeals to me. It reaches me. Probably because of the sarcasm. Love it. So far I've been dieting only and avoiding the eliptical in my living room collecting dust... TOday I feel inspired to get on it. Thanks for sharing.

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FUEGANETSAH 6/21/2011 2:01PM

  Have to say that I really loved the last line of your post. Isn't it just the truth.

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AMGM2001 6/21/2011 10:10AM

    emoticon

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MOMASAURUS 6/20/2011 5:23PM

    I wish there was a "LOVED this blog!" button!!

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JESSIEJUICE 6/20/2011 5:13PM

    I love the tough love attitude! You're so right- it really doesn't matter if you 'feel' like it or not- get to it! I may or may not be printing this out and keeping it...

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CONNIER64 6/20/2011 12:30PM

    So inspirational!! You should write a book then you would become a famous,rich,thin person and have to thank all of us that suggested you write a book. emoticon

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BOSOXGYRL33 6/19/2011 11:15PM

    I will remember this next time I go to the gym. Thanks! emoticon

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PINKGRANNY 6/19/2011 10:09PM

    Good message, thanks!

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IRISHLASS117 6/19/2011 9:35PM

    Funny and true. I put one foot in front of the other whether I like it or not. Calories burn, sweat flows, heart rate goes up and my fat ass is less fat, hopefully!

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EVENDITTI 6/19/2011 8:20PM

    You are a fantastic writer; love the humor and wit! You are entirely right. Keep it in perspective; at least you're moving because it's better than the alternative! I'll be revisiting this blog entry tomorrow when my mind is coaxing me off the treadmill too early!

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MAY21IWILLDOIT 6/19/2011 6:53PM

    This couldn't be more true. Before I retired, I was a teacher. I always incorporated some sort of community service in my classes. Invariably there was whining! And I always said, "The people whom you are helping do not care if you like this or not. They are happy!" and now you have just applied that same principle to working out. I love it!


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BETHJRN 6/19/2011 2:24PM

    emoticon

You said it! But, like me, I'll bet you never walked out of the gym saying to yourself, "God, I wish I hadn't done that!"

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FLPALM 6/19/2011 2:23PM

    Jenn, you are sooooooo right! PS I LOVE "CASTLE" can't wait for it to return with the new season!!! emoticon

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SHEILA-45 6/19/2011 2:14PM

    Love all those adjectives...you say it so well! LOL Have you thought about writing a book? You've got the dialogue down...
I shall return for more inspiring stories to keep me going forward in the direction of down. emoticon

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LEAHFELICITY 6/19/2011 1:59PM

    (laughs) I love your blog so much. I'm keeping this in mind next time I really can't bear the thought of the gym.

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NIMI1234 6/19/2011 1:55PM

  I bet almost all of us must have been there, in respect to exercise, some or the other time in our lives. But I also bet that nothing can match the feeling one gets after exercising and burning calories. emoticon

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DAWN0237 6/19/2011 8:04AM

  love it!!!! emoticon
i was feeling that way last night!!!




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JULIA_211 6/19/2011 7:47AM

    What a great way of looking at it! emoticon

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FUNNYSUNNY123 6/19/2011 6:48AM

    Awesome blog!!! Something for me to remember. Now, I am going to go get some mileage in. (I'm supposed to do a half marathon on Labor Day and haven't really started training yet.)

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EMMAINTERESTING 6/19/2011 2:24AM

    Extra points for whiling while moving - it's too easy to end up on the couch whining - I figure as long as you do it, you're golden.

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INDIANAGIRL61 6/19/2011 12:32AM

    emoticon emoticon

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2BFITNHAPPY 6/18/2011 11:34PM

  Great blog!

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TROPICALFISHI 6/18/2011 11:34PM

    Ya know what? Even though you were whining the entire time, we are all very proud of you for keeping at it. that was awesome! emoticon

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_CYNDY55_ 6/18/2011 11:05PM

    ☆¸.•*´¨`*☆
emoticon emoticonBlog!

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OAKASHANDTHORN 6/18/2011 10:44PM

    If you keep up with it, you may find that you LOVE the exercise, that you feel miserable without it, and that you look forward to it, and miss it terribly when you have to skip.

This transition may sneak up on you, and you won't really be aware that it is happening. Then one day you will suddenly realize how much you love it!

Anyway, that's how it happened for me. When I joined Sparks in January, I hated the thought of exercise, dreaded it, and couldn't wait for exercise time to be over. Now I look forward to it eagerly, and wish I had the time to exercise more!

I hope this will happen for you.

Keep on Sparking!

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SUNLIGHT67 6/18/2011 9:48PM

    have felt the same way.... emoticon

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TRYINGHARD1948 6/18/2011 9:28PM

    emoticon, love it. I am empathising big time.

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SNOWFLAKE561 6/18/2011 3:01PM

    Great blog!!!

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IGSBETH 6/18/2011 2:48PM

    Great post!

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MMRB7111 6/18/2011 2:29PM

    Great post. You spoke the truth ............I know I feel this way sometimes. But it doesn't matter how we feel. We just have to DO it.

Thank you for sharing.

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WADHA1973 6/18/2011 2:24PM

  thanx

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SARAHSUNDAE 6/18/2011 2:18PM

    Amen!! emoticon

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PRESBESS 6/18/2011 1:35PM

    Girlfriend, you said what most us feel sometimes and I totally agree. Just Do It! (sorry Nike)

I'm Pressing On!
emoticon

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DFROMTX 6/18/2011 12:48PM

    Thanks for sharing....good post.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JRITAW 6/18/2011 12:28PM

  How long were you on to burn 600 calories?

Comment edited on: 6/18/2011 12:29:28 PM

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COMPUCATHY 6/18/2011 11:45AM

    Boy have you hit the nail on the head with this one. Thank you! That's exactly what I need to hear and what I need to realize when I struggle with exercise. Awesome! Thanks for sharing. Hope you're having a great week! Spark on! emoticon

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CINDYDIANNE 6/18/2011 10:37AM

    good one. you might need some happy tunes to play during exercize. forget you are exercising while you imagine being a rock star.

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PENCILPUSHER75 6/18/2011 10:36AM

    Very Very true.

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LAURALLANCE 6/18/2011 10:15AM

    emoticon Once again you nailed it. I get in the same mindset and need to remember that it doesn't matter how I "feel", or if I might be more motivated LATER, just that I keep at it. emoticon

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SHERETA1 6/18/2011 8:52AM

    I loved this post. You are so right. All that really matters is burning the fat, Baby. You go Girl! emoticon

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TAMMYRENEED 6/18/2011 7:28AM

    I really liked your post! It made me laugh but made a lot of sense at the same time. I needed to laugh just then too so thank you! I too would like to see a whine font for those times when my willpower dwindles to nothing. I just bought an exercise bike for my house so I would have less excuses to not exercise and I will keep your blog in mind on those days I don't want to get on it. emoticon

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COUNTRYNINJA 6/18/2011 2:33AM

    Amen sistah!! Thanks for the reminder!
emoticon

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ZENSTEPH 6/18/2011 2:12AM

    Wow, awesome. Thank you for making me laugh today-I really needed it!

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ZUZMAJKA 6/18/2011 1:10AM

    Jenn you are so cute! I laughed a lot during your description.
I notice most of the time that even when I am in horrible mood, after a workout I am in much better mood. More often than not I go for a run just BECAUSE I am really cranky.


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DWILCZKO 6/18/2011 12:41AM

  i love castle too!

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REDLACED 6/17/2011 11:12PM

    great insight!

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YOUNGANGELAM 6/17/2011 8:25PM

  Indeed.

"like a spoiled 15 year old girl not getting her way at the Coach store"

Made me lol.

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MELLYBEANS0919 6/17/2011 7:26PM

    Very well put.

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

It's All Perspective and Attitude... What is Your Perspective and Attitude Today?

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

I knew that people here, at home and at work would ask, "how was the cruise?" I thought about it a lot. What would I say? How would I describe my week away? Would I try to make them jealous and talk about the cerulean and turquoise waters and nearly white beaches? Would I try to make them laugh with stories about faceplanting during my first yoga class, which took place on a beach? Would I admit experiencing some of the less desirable happenings?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that how I described the vacation, and how I experienced it, was truly up to me. It was up to my attitude, and my perspective. I could make it sound awful, or I could make it sound blissful and I didn't have to lie to do it.

I love the towel animals! I couldn't help but pose with them:


**I did great eating on the cruise, I kept my portion size under control and managed to enjoy myself without being totally nuts about it.

**I was woefully off plan and ate some total crap on the cruise. I ate souffles and chocolate and red meat and I'm a failure at my plan.

**I love my family. Who would have thought that I could be in fairly confined quarters with my mom, siblings and their spouses for a week and enjoy every minute of it?

Why yes, I am wearing a bathrobe in the piano bar... long story!


**My aunt humiliated and embarrassed us all by getting wasted every night. At one point she got so drunk that she couldn't walk, security was called, she was carried to her room and her alcohol buying rights taken away. We took turns making sure she didn't quit breathing while blacked out. Then she called us liars and was rotten the last 2 days of the trip after we told her what she did.

**I sucked at exercise on the trip. I did one yoga class and did 65 minutes on the treadmill. That was it.

**It's amazing how much exercise you can get in if you count non-formal exercise. Sightseeing means miles walked, frolicking in the surf burns some serious calories, and snorkeling is like exercise with a better view.

**Serious GI distress. Always knowing where the closest bathroom is type of GI distress.

**I was so naughty with the sodium that I had to take a diuretic because my fingers were so swollen I could barely bend them.

**I did great with my water intake.

**One of the islands was so amazing, I'm trying to figure out how to sell all of my worldly goods so I can move there.

**One of the islands made me feel guilty to be on vacation while the inhabitants were so poor.

So which version of the cruise was the truth and which was fiction?

Well, it was kind of like looking in the mirror at the gym last night. I saw myself and thought, Oh my god, I am so seriously hugenormous, my shirt pulls up and shows my white fat belly when I raise my arms, I'm horrific.

Then I thought, screw that, look how much SMALLER I am. Look at how much more toned my arms look... look at how my pants are too damn big! I gave myself a silent, internal woot woot!

The fact is, I am still fat. I am still very large, but I am smaller too. Just like all that stuff about the cruise. It is all true, every word, but I choose to focus on the good! I enjoyed "off plan" food, came home and got right on plan! I missed my plan, which is an amazing victory in and of itself. I had a blast with my family.

My attitude is one of amazement and thanks, to paraphrase Susan Powter, I'm just a fat girl who finally figured it out. My perspective is one of someone who can see where I am headed AND where I have been without punishing myself. I loved the cruise. I can look in a mirror without flinching. I'm back on plan.

What is your attitude? What is your perspective?

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUNSHINE192DAY 6/28/2011 12:28AM

    Brilliant! Be proud of yourself! I am! emoticon emoticon

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MMRB7111 6/21/2011 9:32PM

    Glad you had a great time on vacation with your family. That is what you are suppose to do on vacation, do different things, eat food you normally would not eat at home, have fun and just enjoy yourself. And when you get back home, get back on track. Good for you for getting back on track and being in the gym.



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I-CAN-DO-IT-2 6/19/2011 10:34AM

    Hello again. I've been saying for a long time "What you focus on is your reality..."

My problem is I've been either unfocused or not focused on the right things. Thanks for the reminder and for sharing.

Here is to positive foci for us both and perseverance which will give us continuing positive progress!!

emoticon (see, his pants are too big!!) emoticon



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I-CAN-DO-IT-2 6/19/2011 10:33AM

    (web error, double posted)
emoticon

PS Was that the White Party on NCL?

Comment edited on: 6/19/2011 10:44:35 AM

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COYOTESPEAKS 6/18/2011 10:02AM

  It's taking effort, but my attitude is constantly improving. Optimism takes time, but it is worth it1

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RAINBOWCHOC 6/18/2011 6:30AM

    thanks for a good read! it is good to know others have weird families too!

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THEIS58 6/18/2011 5:42AM

    Good, bad, difficult, easy - the cycle of life.... emoticon

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ZENSTEPH 6/18/2011 2:15AM

    another great blog! thank you

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REDLACED 6/17/2011 11:13PM

    great blog!

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MELLYBEANS0919 6/17/2011 7:25PM

    Good to hear of your cruise, the good and bad. Wonderful perspective too. I love your blogs and I can see why they are popular!

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LISAINMS 6/17/2011 4:56PM

    So glad to read that you enjoyed your cruise. We are going in Aug (our first). I do have this nagging thought that I will eat a bunch of crap and lose ground. As if eating one souffle or six lobsters will undo a year of hard work. Not very rational, but I'm sure you get what I'm saying. I want to have fun and I'm glad to see that you did. We have to be able to go off plan, have a great time and then get back to business. This is real life.

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DINGYT 6/17/2011 4:09PM

    You were brave to actually go on a cruise with family. Every time someone in my family brings it up you notice a collective dropping of heads and people refusing to make eye contact! The fear after-all is that one of the cousins and their parent might vanish with luck overboard. You rocked if you even considered making proper choices in the chow lines. Plus whatever you ate you deserved. How often do you have the chance to spoil yourself? Life comes normal again the minute the ship docked and you get back to the real world. Good for You!

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GETFIT2LIVE 6/17/2011 3:58PM

    Perspective--it really is all in how you choose to look at things. Well said!

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RUNNER4LIFE08 6/17/2011 3:36PM

    Attitudes are everything! Great blog!

And..... I really want to go on a cruise now.

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MOSTMOM1 6/17/2011 12:07PM

    Yup, it's all real. There's more than one side to almost everything we do. Very Sparky to focus on the positive!
emoticon

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GARDENQE2 6/17/2011 12:01PM

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
That's what life is about...the GOOD, the BAD, and the UGLY.
You just have to take your fun where you find it and the laughs when they show up.
You are definitely a glass-half-full sort of girl and I love reading your blogs!
Keep sparking! emoticon

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JUMTURN 6/17/2011 11:40AM

  Yes, it's all about attitude. It takes just a second to stop and think "What's my attitude? Am I doing my best?"

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REO_LISTER 6/17/2011 11:32AM

    You Rock! Really enjoyed this blog...it put a smile on my face. Thank you for sharing.

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PAWSINAZ 6/17/2011 11:09AM

    Thanks for making me laugh again this morning. Your aunt cracked me up! One of my aunts got WASTED at a family reunion, everyone notice that she went missing.....the search began for the wasted one. Some heard soft moans coming from the ladies room, for some reason the door wouldn't open. The troops came and kicked in the door (my cousins that are city fire fighters). Well, the wasted one was wedged between the potty and the partition wall....with her panty hose down and dress up...apparently she missed the bowl. Of course, she wasn't saved until AFTER everyone in the family and a peek and took pictures!!!! According to her, this never happened and the pictures were photoshopped.

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KAYWEB555 6/17/2011 10:40AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SPARKLISE 6/17/2011 10:15AM

    emoticon emoticon

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THELADYBUG2911 6/17/2011 8:04AM

    This is a great thought for the day. There is always 2 ways to look at a situation and the way you choose will determine your level of a good day or a not so good day. Thanks for helping me to look up and have a good day!

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DWILCZKO 6/17/2011 12:32AM

  sounds like u had fun!

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CALIDREAMER76 6/16/2011 9:53PM

    It's all about perspective! When you can keep a positive attitude you can't help but have a happy, positive perspective.

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NELLBELLA26 6/16/2011 9:14PM

    So glad you have quite a following here on SP. Count me among them because I constantly look for your blogs under Most Popular Blogs. You write with such honesty. I love them. Keep up the great attitude. You're spreading the spark with each blog. emoticon emoticon

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THEF150GIRL 6/16/2011 7:58PM

    Just found your blog, read two posts and love you! You are amazing. I will be following now to see what else you have to say in a way I can completely relate to! Thank you for sharing your thoughts!!

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HEATHERSTEW 6/16/2011 3:37PM

    I always love your blogs but this one rang especially true for me. I've come so far. I feel so much better. How can I still be fat, but feel skinny. It IS all about focusing on the positive. I continuously hear myself say, "I have a long way to go" when people compliment how far I've already come.
Time to get out of my own way and keep it UP!
Excellent job as usual!

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MENACE79 6/16/2011 1:44PM

    I LOVE this... the world would be a better place if more people realized what you have written. You can shape your experience. You can choose your perspective. love love love. I recently said to my brother, who is struggling: "Happiness is nothing more than attitude, and how you choose to perceive your life".

Great blog.

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ENCY23 6/16/2011 12:42PM

    Thanks! I needed to be reminded of that right about now!

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ELUNAMAKATA 6/16/2011 11:30AM

    WONDERFUL! blog!

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METOO03820 6/16/2011 9:41AM

    Love it!

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ASHOAF1 6/16/2011 9:12AM

  What a great perspective. Just what I need right now! Thanks

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HUCLKENGIRL 6/16/2011 7:49AM

    I just LOVED reading that blog! I totally understand how you feel! I am loosing weight but still tend to pick out the negatives! I am going to do what you did and today look at positive things. Thank you for that!

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RONOSOF 6/16/2011 7:14AM

    emoticon my perspective: focus on the benefits aside from the weight loss... because it is damn slow, but by golly, I can see definition between my shoulders and collar bone!

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KIN59VARA 6/16/2011 6:57AM

    I like the perspective taking. Yesterday I was feeling awful because I had taken a picture of myself in a dress I am wearing to my son's wedding. It needs to be altered but I want to take a look at it. Then when I tried to put it on a paper to print out. I loved it. The color is great, I am who I am. Putting on a dress won't make me skinny but that is okay. ( I do wish they could shrink the picture for the wedding pictures like I did on the computer!) LOL. Great to hear about the cruise.

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SARAHSALAH 6/16/2011 6:04AM

    WOW
HOW BEAUTIFUL YOUR THINKING IS!:)

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LINDAJ0621 6/16/2011 12:01AM

    Another great blog! Love it!


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VICKY073 6/15/2011 7:43PM

    Love this blog

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MSPRING1987 6/15/2011 5:09PM

    So glad you had such a good time on your vacation! Great blog! My perspective is similar to yours in that we are doing this and we can't beat ourselves up so much that we don't ENJOY all of it. I have my off days. More than I would like or some days where I do good and bad but I am here to loose this weight permanently and know that the rest of my life I will not be perfect with everything. It took 5 years to put this weight off so if it takes years to get super duper fit than I'm ok with that as long as I stick to it. Thanks for sharing!

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23KAIYA 6/15/2011 1:42PM

    My attitude, and perspective....I Love reading your blogs!

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AMBERBLAZEK 6/15/2011 1:10PM

    Sounds like you had a wonderful time!! I love your way of thinking, you can see the positive and the negative and focus on the positive.

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BRAVACHASER 6/15/2011 12:52PM

    I want to go to there! Glad you had a great time and glad that you are motivated to get back into your routine!

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EELS4PEELS 6/15/2011 12:50PM

    Great Post! When I went on the only cruise I have been on all I wanted to do is eat. Food is everywhere and I was finding it! Don't worry about face planting in your yoga class, I did the same thing in my first one. I have no upper body strength! I wanna go on another one so bad, I think that may be what I do for my ultimate goal! My favorite was the towel animals too! They made my day when I came in and found a towel animal with my big ass sunglasses on it's face! Glad you had a great time! I think it's wonderful that you have that perspective with yourself. I'm feeling it too. Yes I'm still a very large girl, but I am much smaller then I was! Love your blogs! emoticon

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WADINGMOOSE 6/15/2011 12:38PM

    Ahhhh perspective. It's why I can never have an art career. Well, that and proportion. Glad you had a good vacation and I'm glad you're back and back on plan. emoticon

I went on a yoga retreat about 10 years ago. I didn't do a face plant, but I did tip over on my butt once. emoticon

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BADASSBLONDIE 6/15/2011 11:35AM

    Love. This.

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MERWAK 6/15/2011 11:30AM

  Awesome!
I love how you thought about this...it's such a great way to show the truth of life- it is what it is with all the stunning beauty and the terror and ugliness. So we continue to find our path AND our perspective within it all.

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ZOOKEEPERMAMA 6/15/2011 11:13AM

    I think you chose the right attitude! And that's a huge thing right there. To be able to recognize that you have a choice in how to feel about what happens to you. We had a similar vacation experience last year (though minus the drunken relative... but only because we didn't bring him...) and it is amazing how differently people in our family see it just based on which attitude they choose to hold. Some of us see it as a great vacation with a few annoyances, others see it as a great annoyance with a small vacation. (And the kids see it as a series of long car trips with shave ice at the end...) I am sorry to hear about the tummy situation, though. That's the suck.

Comment edited on: 6/15/2011 11:18:14 AM

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OMEGAZ 6/15/2011 10:59AM

    Welcome Back! Thanks for sharing this with us. :)

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DEZZIEJAMES 6/15/2011 10:54AM

    Great blog! Thanks for sharing your vacation with us! I've never been on a cruise and I would love to go!

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FREECANDY 6/15/2011 10:48AM

    My perspective is that for the most part things are what you make them, and since I started taking better care of myself I tend to make them more positive than negative. Getting my body healthy has actually positively affected my attitude as well. Who knew?

Glad you had a great time on vacation! I totally would have stolen that towel elephant.

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

Oops.

Monday, June 13, 2011

I just accidentally deleted about 30 minutes of writing about vacation and some deep thinking crap. Doh. So I'm sticking with what I didn't accidentally delete. The good news is that you don't have to read about me having such bad gas that it woke my husband from a full on snoring sleep. The bad news is that the interesting stuff is gone for good! Boo!



I got back on the fat reducing wagon, food wise and exercise wise (I don't think those are words) today. I was honestly looking forward to it. I missed my oscar-the-grouch-green smoothies (Is someone slipping me LSD?) I missed my no meat no dairy no processed foods plan! I missed my gym classes! I missed sweating until it drips off my nose.

Back to low fat vegan and strength training today, and tomorrow I will be back to counting every morsel and kickboxing. After a week of naughty, a two day easing back into it kind of thing seems reasonable.

I've never done this before, by "this" I mean successfully take off some tonnage. It was always all or nothing before. I was perfect and losing, or I "screwed up" and quit. Perfect never lasted very long, shocking, I know. Expecting perfection is just a good way to have more food guilt and self loathing, IMNSHO.

This time, I live a little on vacation (margaritas, chocolate and souffles, Oh My!), then I get right back to losing fat. I've never successfully lost this much weight before. I've never had this kind of resolve, either.

I've said before "it is enough to know that it is different this time" and I believe that. There is nothing like having a feel-it-in-your-gut, bedrock, foundational belief that this time is different. It just is different this time. I have some serious weight to lose, and nothing, not even vacation, is going to stop me. Besides, there are only 116 days until the class reunion!

Some vacation photos I didn't accidentally delete:

The view from my yoga class, for really reals:


I'm no longer afraid to have my photo taken, because I know this is a "before" photo:


Why is this the best margarita on the planet?


Because this is the view where I was drinking it--Turks and Caicos:


Being silly with my sister, who lost 40 pounds in the last year:


Cheffrey, being a good sport and amusing me:


Unflattering pose hall of fame entry:


Learning the dance moves to Michael Jackson's Beat It video:


Goofing around at the Ritz Carlton St. Thomas:


Another before photo, soaking wet from rain storms --Puerto Rico:


The souffle, which deserves a blog of its very own:









  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EVENDITTI 6/19/2011 8:35PM

    Glad you had a GREAT time; you deserve it for all that work you've been putting in! You look so sassy in the 2nd photo; very cute! Feels great to know that you CAN and WILL jump right back into your routine; it's exciting to be excited! KEEP IT UP!

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TONY737NG 6/18/2011 3:33AM

    Love your Blogs! I'm new here, still trying to figure it all out. What you said about not even vacation is going to stop you this time, really hit home. I'm going on Vacation the end of Aug. But this time it's NOT going to stop me! Thank you for giving that a voice for me. emoticon

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MOSTMOM1 6/17/2011 12:02PM

    Love seeing all those smiles!

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JUNIE33 6/17/2011 3:31AM

    It helps to regenerate. Congratulations for getting back to it. emoticon

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LINDAJ0621 6/15/2011 11:56PM

    The last margarita I had did not have such gorgeous scenery as a backdrop...I am so jealous!!!

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VICKY073 6/15/2011 7:33PM

    So glad you are back! Glad your interest is still up and going!

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REDDIRTRUNNER 6/15/2011 5:45PM

    OhEmGeeE!! You are too frickin cute! Your family looks like a hoot. Beautiful,, beautiful, amazing scenery!

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23KAIYA 6/15/2011 1:40PM

    looks like it was a fun trip! Good for you

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LISATIPPIE 6/15/2011 1:05PM

    I love reading your blog! You are so very real and recognizable in all of us. Your vacation pics are lovely and very fun to look at and read. You are making such a difference in your life. I look forward to all of your blog entries. :-)


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SHASSYSUE2 6/14/2011 11:45PM

    Awesome pics!!! I am going on a Carnival cruise in November (our 4th cruise) and I can't wait!! The food is to die for while on the ship, and good for you to realize that this is a journey, and a vacation is wonderful, but we need to get back into our NORMAL eating when we return!! Have a Blessed Week!! Shannon

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IMIN2GENES 6/14/2011 9:28PM

    You go girlfriend! Way to let yourself enjoy life while making good decisions and then hop right back on the wagon.

It looks like you had tons of fun! Welcome back!
Chris

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PANBOOKS 6/14/2011 8:19PM

    Hey Gurl! Welcome back!!! This time does feel different doesn't it? I feel it too. I feel fit, happy, and healthy. As one SparkFriend blogged, it's going to take a little time for my outside to catch up with my inside.
Thanks for sharing your pics - Looks like you had loads of fun!

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SPARKLISE 6/14/2011 8:10PM

    Looks like you had gorgeous weather and a wonderful time! Good for you! emoticon emoticon

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KITHKINCAID 6/14/2011 7:51PM

    Gah! I LOVE vacation photos. Good for you for coming home and getting back to normal...cause it's NORMAL - right? Right! Go green smoothies!

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MOMMYTO5CUTIES 6/14/2011 7:38PM

    I'm glad you had fun, YEAH For jumping right back on the wagon!!!!

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SUNSHINE192DAY 6/14/2011 6:39PM

    You are 1 of my inspirations! emoticon It's people like you that keep me going on this journey! Gorgeous pics and tell your sister, and yourself, emoticon on all the weight lost! emoticon

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SARAHMAC1978 6/14/2011 6:26PM

    Looks like the trip was a bunch of fun! Welcome back!

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KBOUISSEY 6/14/2011 3:07PM

  Great entry, looks like you had a wonderful time on vacay! I must say, I am the all or nothing type too. I usually cave once, and then say screw it, and mess all my efforts up. That's why I've lost and gained the same 15 lbs. Something happens, I mess up along the way, and instead of forgiving myself for the slip, I almost seem to punish myself. My inner commentary sounds a lot like this "oh well, guess I'm not meant to lose weight, might as well eat a box of donuts" or "well, Karrie you screwed up again, might as well just eat a whole chocolate cake". At least I know now that one small slip doesn't equal diet damnation. And I applaud your bravery in posting before pics...if you were to look around my house you wouldn't find a single pic of me anywhere!

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E_WHITCOMB 6/14/2011 12:21PM

    I'm glad that you had a great time, but I'm even more glad that you're back!

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ZOOKEEPERMAMA 6/14/2011 12:17PM

    Ugh. Sorry you lost all that work. I've started writing my posts in word pad and copying them over for this very reason. Plus, it lets me think about it and save when I have to run referee fights between my cat and whatever live animal he has brought into the house. But I digress...

So glad you had so much fun and it looks like you did plenty of active, fun things! Even if you weren't sweating like a barn animal. Good girl, and keep it up!

I missed your posts!

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SILENTE8 6/14/2011 12:07PM

  Welcome back! I missed you. So glad you had a great time! ~Erin

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LOGANDRYLSMOM 6/14/2011 12:04PM

    Welcome back! Looks like you had loads of fun. I'm the same way with the all or nothing attitude. Its AWESOME that you're not doing that anymore. (i currently reside in the nothing side of the equation!lol) The pics look dreamy and kudos for putting up your before pic. Can't WAIT to see the after!

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MICHELLESMILES_ 6/14/2011 12:04PM

    So glad you're back! Hope you had a wonderful time!

Love the pics!

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BADASSBLONDIE 6/14/2011 11:54AM

    Welcome back!!! I love the picture you took of Cheffrey LOL.

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MDEVILE 6/14/2011 11:51AM

    If you use Firefox, there's this brilliant add-on called Lazarus that, appropriately enough, can resurrect your writing FROM THE DEAD. It's amazing, and it's saved my butt so many times I can't even.

Ok, enough tech support, you look like you had an absolute riot! And I totally hear you on the feeling, genuinely feeling, that this time is different/ There's a whole different mindset to how we're going about the weight loss, and even though that's the most common measure, I wouldn't say that it's the most important goal, y'know? And that seems to make all the difference (to me anyways)

I'm glad you had fun and I'm really amazed that your husband can lift an entire cruise ship with on hand. That's pretty incredible (speaking of super powers, you should check out X-Men First Class - very well done and FUN). Also, you look wonderful in orange :D

Now, back to kicking ass and taking names :)

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DROIDRUNNER 6/14/2011 11:50AM

    Welcome back. Glad you had a fabulous vacation and kudos on getting back to the routine.

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CBAILEYC 6/14/2011 11:39AM

    I hate when that happens!
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Welcome back! What great pics, it looks like you had a fabulous time. Here's to getting back into the swing of things - knowing, marrow-deep, that this time IS different, makes all the difference in the world. It's for life, and for good.
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C~

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DIXIED88 6/14/2011 11:07AM

    Love the pics! LOL at Cheffery being a good sport and holding the ship. emoticon You are so cute!!

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CYNDERROSE 6/14/2011 10:58AM

    It looks like you had a great time on vacation!

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LOSINGJANE65 6/14/2011 10:51AM

    I love your blogs. They keep me motivated! Thanks.

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TIGGERJEAN 6/14/2011 10:33AM

    It looks like PARADISE!! It looks like y'all had a wonderful time at the beach. You GO girl!

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SNOOKUMS19 6/14/2011 10:21AM

    I've never been on a cruise but you are definitely making it look awesome!!!! We have been to the Ritz Carlton, St. Thomas! Isn't it gorgeous! That pool! OMG! So fun! We were staying in the resort next door. We had brunch and I got a pedicure in the Spa. Did you go to Megan's BAy?

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MADE-FOR-MORE 6/14/2011 10:21AM

    Welcome Home! Love the pics. Looks like you had a great time!

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BLUEROSE73 6/14/2011 10:13AM

  Love the pics. Can't wait to see the after ones too.

Glad you had a great holiday. I'm so jealous emoticon



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EJMULLER 6/14/2011 9:58AM

    Welcome back - missed your posts!!

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ATA1119 6/14/2011 9:44AM

    WooHoo! So glad you had fun. Great pics too.

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KAT2212 6/14/2011 9:43AM

    Welcome back! Looks like so much fun!

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HIPPICHICK1 6/14/2011 9:33AM

    Looks like you had a fun time!

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CHESHRCAT 6/14/2011 9:25AM

    Welcome back!

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SEDONACAT 6/14/2011 8:52AM

    I'm glad to had a good time!

DH & I went to a couple of those places years ago and I still have good memories esp. of the great prices on jewelry. I have some not-so-good memories of embarrassing myself and my DH when I was the ONLY one who couldn't learn how to snorkel because I'd panic. Somewhere in St. Maarten there's a picture of me with the caption: The Only Lamaze Educator Who Couldn't Relax and Breathe.

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FRITO_PIE 6/14/2011 7:03AM

    Fabulous! Thanks for sharing your pictures - they're great :D

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X-GIRRRL 6/14/2011 6:39AM

    Welcome back!

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VEGGIEGIRLCOURT 6/14/2011 6:39AM

    Looks like you had fun...


Good for you being ready to get right back into the weight loss game!

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WELL-ROUNDED 6/14/2011 6:32AM

    You are awesome. Love the unflattering pose hall of fame entry. Isn't it those slouchy, sitting down pictures that make much everyone look bad? I seriously want one of those margaritas now.

Glad you're back!

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MASHA379 6/14/2011 4:38AM

    wow, the views and everything on your vacation look amazing.
and congrats on being able to relax and then going back onto the diet waggon =)
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STFRENCH 6/14/2011 4:26AM

    Well done on two things:

1- Letting go a little on your holiday and enjoying the margaritas, choc and soufflés.
2- For getting back on track successfully.

I think 1 and 2 are the making of a sustainable, successful healthy lifestyle! emoticon

I'm loving all your photos and feeling a little jealous of the beach and the deep blue sea!! emoticon

Take care xx

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GOLOPTIOUS 6/14/2011 2:08AM

    Your vacation looks like it was so much fun! Someday I will go on a cruise too!

Congrats on getting back on the diet wagon. Your resolve is inspirational and it's no wonder that all of us here at SparkPeople missed you terribly while you were away! ;-)

It's good to have you back!



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CHRIAMARIA1983 6/14/2011 1:46AM

    YAY! You did awesome! You did some fun for you things and some good for you things. I was thinking about you the other day and thought that you would do well! Now I don't feel so bad about my cake! And now I am back to working on it. I'm not quite where you are yet. I started out vegetarian to lose weight but had a really hard time and felt like I was taking too much away too fast. So Its been a month now and I am ready to step it up a level!

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LIVELONGANDWELL 6/14/2011 12:18AM

    GREAT PHOTOS!! We just did a cruise in May and it was sooooo amazing! I could cruise all the time... there's nothing like it. Cruise #3 will be next November (2012)... can't wait!

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KIMBANN 6/13/2011 11:18PM

    Your vacation looks like something out of a dream!

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