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Avoidant Behavior Is My Friend

Wednesday, May 01, 2013

Thank you, Spark, for providing me with a place where I can spend lots of time not doing my homework and still convince myself that I'm doing something "good" for myself :)

I have a paper due on Monday at midnight-- a paper that is a giant waste of my time that I would rather gnaw my own arm off than work on right now--so of course I am here, blogging.

Things are going well. My body is starting to shed some pounds, I'm starting to feel the difference in a few pieces of clothing and I've been very good about watching what I eat and how much I eat. There are so many times when I wish for ignorance is bliss mode. For example, I would be a far happier person today if I didn't know that my favorite Starbucks beverage (Venti No Foam Soy Earl Grey/Awake tea latte depending on whether I need to be caffeinated or not) is 235 stinking calories.

I still have them, but the whole cost/benefit analysis usually has me ordering a calorie-free iced tea instead most of the time. It's just not worth it.

That seems to be the theme of my dietary life lately. It's just not worth it.
That yummy morsel just isn't worth dying young. That tasty tidbit is not worth the size 24 pants it costs. That nommy nom nom nugget of goodness isn't worth the heart disease it will promote. That festival of deep fried goodness isn't worth the way I feel when I look in the mirror. That mood soothing binge on sweet/salty/fatty food isn't worth the havoc it wreaks on my self esteem.

I did some rough calculations and toyed around with some of the tools here on AvoidYourPaper.com and I realize that I could be at a respectable weight in May of 2014 if I apply myself. Why May 2014? Because that is when I will be done with grad school and start a career as a nurse practitioner. Scary isn't it, the idea of me writing prescriptions? Run for your lives sick people of the world, you could be my patient. But I digress...

I don't want to be that person who says, "do as the fat person says, not as the fat person does." How on earth can I tell people to exercise more, eat less crap and maybe they won't need so many diabetes/cholesterol/high blood pressure meds when my overly generous backside won't fit on a roller coaster?

I mean, let's be serious here. You put me on a spinning bike and my ass is so big that it looks like there is no seat at all. My butt swallows the thing whole. Yes, I always sit in the back row so no one notices the seat swallowing butt of doom, and that's ok and all, but really, I'm in no position to tell others how to improve or maintain health right now. I have the knowledge, sure, but I don't have credibility. My health credibility is like -2 right now. No street cred here, yo. I know my butt will get smaller in the coming months, and that's wonderful, but it needs to shrink a lot before Jenn, NP will be the physical embodiment of health promotion. Over a year before I will look the part, if you will.

So there is a bigger purpose at work here. There is an enormous fat-filled difference between "do as I say, not as I do" and "I did it, you can too, trust me on this." Assuming I eventually do the giant time sucking paper, that is.


In other news, I just figured out that a local restaurant that makes the BEST baba ganoush has their nutrition info online and I can have 15 freaking ounces of wonderful eggplant goodness for something crazy like 160 calories. I may be turning purple in the next few days as I have been eating baba like it is going out of style.

You're turning violet, Violet! Yup, too much more eggplant and you can call me Violet Beauregarde, and if you know who that is and why the reference is appropriate, you get the AvoidantBehavior.com gold star award of the day.

Simple pleasures, like finding out one of my favorite foods is super duper diet food, make this journey a lot more fun. I have to focus on the eggplant win and try to forget about the Starbucks *sniff* calories of doom.









  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALOFA0509 9/8/2013 1:44AM

    Bwahaaaa!!! Girlll U are too funny..

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KPETSCHE 8/3/2013 1:08AM

    So cool - didn't realize all your schooling was to become a Nurse Practitioner! It's a long road and schooling doesn't care if you have time to eat/drink right or any of that healthy stuff. Be strong!

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OPTIMIST1948 5/27/2013 6:33AM

    I'm here at avoidance.com waiting to go run. Hey at least I'm not eating candybars looking for the golden ticket. I promise, keep up with the exercise and baba ganoush instead of fancy-pants drinks and you will eventually be able to give advice with authority.

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EVER-HOPEFUL 5/15/2013 6:37PM

    emoticon emoticon

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JICASMOM 5/14/2013 7:17PM

    Soooooooo, you'll be naturally purple vs the junk. I'd take the purple. Keep your arm where it belongs, you'll need it next year when you are at the weight you plan to be with a successful career. Plus you'll need that arm to write the prescriptions. :) hang in there purple lady and you are so rockalicious! Happy to hear from you, my friend! XxJ

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PHOENIX43 5/13/2013 8:44AM

    So glad you're back ! emoticon

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SHOAPIE 5/10/2013 3:20PM

    emoticon

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ROBINJOY61 5/10/2013 2:41PM

    Love your Sense of Humor! Can totally relate to the Avoid Your Paper. I'm presently on Avoidyour Mountains of Laundry, and Avoid Whats for Dinner? .com! You will be a total inspiration to your patients! You Go Girl! emoticon

Robin

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LEWILL1982 5/10/2013 1:46PM

    Keep the blogs coming from avoidthepaper.com. I could think of far worse ways to procrastinate on a paper (trust me, been there, done that). I wish you well in your journey, you can do it. I'm sorry, I have to ask, who is Violet Beauregard? (I'm gonna friend you now)

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MOSTMOM1 5/10/2013 11:36AM

    Eggplant for the win, Miss Beauregard! And YES to becoming SuperJenn NP! Be a role model, change your little slice of the world and make it a better place. You can do it!!!
emoticon emoticon

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TEAGUE1612 5/8/2013 6:10PM

    hmmm... is it charlie and the chocolate factory?

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HOLLIEWALLY 5/7/2013 3:48PM

    I am so glad you're back. I missed you much, girl!

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-LINDA_S 5/3/2013 3:19PM

    Great stuff, as usual! You'll be a great NP! Can't believe baba ganoush doesn't have a bunch of oil in it...but that would work with my high-fat diet anyway...

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RYDERB 5/2/2013 10:53PM

    What a great goal Jenn. A win for you and your patients. You will have empathy and be able to inspire them with your first hand experience, and success. Good luck getting your paper done Jenn.
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MONETRUBY 5/2/2013 9:25PM

    And that baba ganoush is probably better for ya than the 'Bucks drink, anyway. It's more exotic, too!

You're tremendously inspirational, you know? Well, if you don't, I'm telling you now. You've figured out what you need to do, and you're willing to do it, no matter what. It's awfully easy to just sit around and be defeated, instead of getting up and getting your rumbumpus in gear and doing what needs to be done. Keep it up!

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DUXGRL1 5/2/2013 9:01PM

    Love baba ganoush! and 160 calories, great!

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HHB4181 5/2/2013 8:53PM

    Great blog, very entertaining!!
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BLUEROSE73 5/2/2013 6:37PM

    Love your blogs. I'm so glad you are back. And the starbucks are so not worth the calories. Eventually you won't miss them anymore either.

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MOMMA-MOOSE 5/2/2013 6:01PM

    Loved your blog. But it made me hungry.

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_JODI404 5/2/2013 12:45PM

    I just fell in love with hummus about a year ago.... I've been told that I *must* try baba, but haven't yet. We usually make our own hummus. Will have to either find a recipe for baba or check out if Whole Foods has some that is any good?

I think you will make a fantastic nurse, but the credibility thing is a good point. That is really great motivator!

And yes, I'm a member of your club: Procrastinators Extraordinaire!

Now: work on that paper so you can be the most awesomest nurse ever!
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CHICAT63 5/2/2013 12:16PM

    You can definitely be my nurse practionner any day ! You are awesome, you are out there kayaking, spinning & all, missed your blogs. Yeah, I have to agree discovering the calorie content in some meals can be downright depressing...but then again you win some and you lose some - yeah for Baba ganoush it doesn't last long in our house either or hummus for that matter. I have no doubt that paper will get written.

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CHANGINGSAM 5/2/2013 12:02PM

    I hate it when you look up the nutrition information for a meal or drink that you really love only to find out that it has like a bajillion calories. Yep, been there.

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OJIBWEEQUAY 5/2/2013 10:58AM

    You can be my nurse any day!!!!!!!!! Keep the momentum going! I make theeeee most delicious baked eggplant! Lets tackle this weight together! emoticon

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BUTTERFLY-1976 5/2/2013 10:54AM

    Love your blogs!!

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LSPIZZA 5/2/2013 9:04AM

    I have so missed your blogs. And I even get the whole Violet Beauregard thing. I spend a lot of time on avoidance.com, too...

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ELUNAMAKATA 5/2/2013 8:36AM

    You're going to rock being a nurse practitioner! I love your blog! It's gotten me interested more in swimming and trying kayaking!

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HAPPYGIRL_90 5/2/2013 7:19AM

  You got this! Love your blog! :)

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GSWINNIE 5/2/2013 5:29AM

    I love your blog and your humor. I totally get it Violet emoticon

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123ELAINE456 5/2/2013 2:53AM

  Great Blog. Hope You get your Paper written for School. God Blessings to Everyone. Have a Marvelous Day. Take Care. Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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CANNIE50 5/2/2013 12:36AM

    Too bad you cannot turn in this blog, you would get an A, Miss Jenn. I love your point about how powerful it will be for you to say "look, I did this, you can do this too, your life depends upon it". That is a powerful goal and you are armed with knowledge and willingness - you can do this.

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KSNANA2 5/1/2013 11:18PM

    Hope you get that paper written soon! And welcome back!

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SKINNYINMYHEAD 5/1/2013 11:05PM

    giggle... avoidyourpaper.com... KILLING ME!! Congrats on the six pound loss... that is awesome... and I think aligning your health with the completion of your grad degree - awesome idea!

Annie

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GOOFIERNU 5/1/2013 11:04PM

    I've missed your bloggity goodness of yummity yum.
Just don't choke on your blueberry pie bubble gum.
You have a special way with words that make me laugh.
Maybe get a Venti No Foam Soy Earl Grey/Awake tea latte HALF?
117 calories instead of 235
Won't make your bicycle seat hide.

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I'm so glad you're back.

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SPOONGIRLDEB 5/1/2013 10:53PM

    Baba ganoush is awesome!

That being said...you have a typo in your blog that completely made me do a double take... you said "I realize that I could be at a respectable weight in May of 2104 if I apply myself" and my immediate reaction was "wow not even 100 years to lose weight LOL" then you go on to say May 2014 and I realized you just mistyped before...hopefully not a Freudian slip.

But you can do it! May 2014 is eminently doable, and we're all here to help you...with whatever you need...including procrastinating writing a paper :-)!!!

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It Isn't Starting Over, My Body Remembers

Saturday, April 27, 2013

I think it is a fair assessment that in many ways things got pretty crappy for me in 2012, both in terms of weight loss (gain!!!) and the rest of my life.

Things are so much better today, better in so many ways, except for the stinkin' meanie-head scale and my size "fat" pants. I lost a lot of ground there, but in other ways I am so much better than I was 6-8 months ago. I have my head on straight FINALLY, I even left a job that was killing me, a job that had become such a part of my life that it didn't even seem weird to never have a whole weekend off.

NEWS FLASH: You know changing jobs is the right move when you don't even care that you took an enormous pay cut. That you care more that you are happy and therefore become willing to take a pay cut and in exchange for having work-life balance. At first I didn't believe it could possibly be true, but I, L'Occitane tramp extraordinaire, will happily sacrifice the random trips to L'Occitane for overpriced but absolutely fantabulous body products if it means I have a life outside of working like a rabid dog. What? I get to work 3 12 hour shifts instead of 24 hour plus shifts at the drop of a hat? OK, sign me up!

Emotionally, I'm in a better place than I was this time last year, or even when I was actively dropping weight like a professional boxer wearing one of those shiny silver sweatsuits. I'm happy, I love walking in the door when I get home, I love my life. I have these frequent moments where I find myself thinking "I didn't know I could be this happy." So much good in my life that I am thankful for every single day.

Sometimes I look out my dirty windows at my backyard and wonder if I'm on candid camera and my life is so good because it's really a gameshow and everyone is watching and wondering when I will figure it out.

It's easy to think that I'm back at square one, having returned to my ginormous starting weight of 2011. I'm not. My body remembers.
NEWS FLASH 2: My body is much more willing to get with the program when my brain is in fulminant cheerleader life-loving mode.

I did my first spinning class in a year last week and I didn't feel like I was going to fall off, go into respiratory or cardiac arrest and wake to some stranger threatening to perform mouth to mouth with breath that reeks of gatorade and protein powder. There may have been some moments where I had some choice words floating in my brain about the evil instructor and her "turn the knob to the right again" ways, but I did just fine on the teeny tiny painfully hard spin bike seat.

I'm rock climbing at my heaviest weight EVER, previous to this I hadn't rock climbed since the glory days of the 150s when I was in my teens. I even have my own climbing harness. Yes, friends, they make them in plus size (I'm currently a size 24), and there is no reason not to give it a whirl if your city offers indoor rock climbing.

Last time I wasn't spinning at this weight, I was forty pounds lighter than I am today before I even dared do such a thing. I wasn't kayaking at this weight, I had never even been in a kayak before July of last year when I was pretty, uh, portly to say the least.

I'm swimming half a mile at a time these days. I know I can make it back to the mile and half workouts I was doing in fairly short order, maybe a month or two. Do I still have moments where I dread being seen in a Speedo, of course, even though I'm surrounded by strangers who probably don't give two rats asses about what I look like, Speedo or otherwise.

So what I'm saying is that I'm not starting over. My body remembers. I'm still bendy when I go to yoga, and while my newly enlarged gut gets in the way sometimes, I'm way better than the last time when I hadn't even tried yoga.

My butt seems inordinately large to me right now, but I'm not focused on hating each dimply pucker and wiggly chunk of cellulite these days like I have been in years past. It will get smaller. How can it not?

My body remembers the good stuff. The spinning, the swimming, the yoga... my body remembers it all and it totally digs getting back to it. My achey joints and aching lumbar spine have given way to feeling pretty bouncy again. I'm not going to be running any day soon, and I won't be leading kickboxing class, but I'm feeling rather energetic, methinks.

My brain is in the game. The same brain that thinks eating like a starving rhino to self-medicate for stress is shockingly ok with making the transition to counting each calorie and step with a lot less struggle than the first time. The ugly voices that I silenced the first time around are still quiet, that lesson stuck quite well. Instead of the horrible words about how ugly and worthless I am, I hear a quiet voice of great comfort saying, "you've been down this path before, you know the way without a map, it will be easier this time."

It will be easier this time. It won't be easy, but my brain and my body have already done a lot of the heavy lifting, and now it is a matter of tracking every morsel and gram of everything I taste and moving as much as my crazy schedule will allow. Which, not surprisingly, isn't nearly as hard when you don't work 60 and 70 hour weeks.

This, I believe, is what people refer to as "progress".

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DDOORN 5/14/2013 9:43AM

    Cheers to being "in the game" of life and loving it so!

There's NOTHING that can compare to living a life filled with SPARK! :-)

Don

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HOLLIEWALLY 5/7/2013 3:37PM

    So glad you are back. But mostly, I'm glad you are HAPPY!

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GOLOPTIOUS 5/2/2013 12:38PM

    I've missed you. I've been away from SparkPeople too, and I feel like I'm coming home. :)

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THETXCATFISH 5/1/2013 9:19PM

    Hey, I'm there too, just starting over, and realizing it's not starting over, just getting back on the wagon! It's great to have people like you on SP, it gives the rest of us impetus to go on! emoticon

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SOULFISH80 5/1/2013 5:49PM

    Congrats! Great to see you back in the swing of things!

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TRACYZABELLE 5/1/2013 3:24AM

    I have been not as active here as I was -- had WLS in April-- down 90+ since thias time last year and 160 gone total-- it is a good feeling but then when you plateau or do not do as well as you KNOW you should.. u get in a funk... I am trying to shake it off! Welcome back


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KSNANA2 4/30/2013 11:43PM

    Glad you're back!!! I feel like I am constantly getting better and learning all the time with SP. It's good news to hear your body remembers!

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MUSICALLYMINDED 4/30/2013 7:05PM

    Why SP needs you...

You make us smarter! I had to look up "fulminant". Great word.

I am going through the same thing. I've been out of the game for almost a year, but I believe it's easier the second time around. Although a lot of things stuck, dontcha think? For me it was drinking lots of water and eating my freggies. I used to live off of fast food and other crap all the time. Yeah, I ate more on my time off, but I still think I ate healthier stuff.

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AMBER281 4/30/2013 4:46PM

    Welcome back!
Another great blog.

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NUMD97 4/30/2013 12:55AM

    Ya know what, Jenn? You're much kinder and gentler to yourself than the last time around. And that's the greatest gift you can give yourself.

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CLOVER2 4/29/2013 4:51PM

    I did an actual double take when I saw you in my "favorites" area, and then boogied my butt here so I could see for myself that you are really, honestly back! I think you can tell that there are just a FEW people that feel just the way I do, and are absolutley thrilled to see that sense of humor and that wonderful sense of life that we have missed so very much.
I just haven't been able to drop "Phil", he still greets me each and every day when I update my trackers. Doing "Phabulous" things each day has never been a bad thing. And it has always been a way of keeping up the hope that you would be back one day. And here you are!
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ROBYNLN 4/29/2013 2:31PM

    Welcome back. I've missed your posts.

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CHANGINGSAM 4/29/2013 1:43PM

    Great! I'm glad to see you happy!

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BMCKEOW1 4/29/2013 12:22PM

    You are getting back into the swing of things, that is the hardest part. Congrats for getting this far. It sounds like you are much happier then you have been. Enjoy it and just live in the moment, because it sounds like you finally can.

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OJIBWEEQUAY 4/29/2013 9:44AM

    Fist raised! I am with your Friend! emoticon

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STFRENCH 4/29/2013 7:38AM

    Good to have you back, especially in such a positive frame of mind! emoticon

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TAYGRL 4/29/2013 12:05AM

    Seeing your blogs again and how fabulous you are doing in spite of the weight gain makes me feel in a lot of ways like spring is here. Rebirth, you in bloom--it is truly a beautiful thing to see.

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Comment edited on: 4/29/2013 12:06:40 AM

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MONETRUBY 4/28/2013 8:57PM

    emoticon

Loooove this blog!

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GOOFIERNU 4/28/2013 4:24PM

    Good for you for getting back to it! Several of my online buddies here have had set-backs, including myself.

And you're right- our bodies REMEMBER the good stuff!
It WILL be easier this time!!!
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MYDG78 4/28/2013 1:06PM

    Wow! Enlightening--and encouraging! :-) Thanks for the words! emoticon

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HHB4181 4/28/2013 12:24PM

    Glad to hear you're in a good place. Easy peasy lemon squeezy!

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FITFOODIE806 4/28/2013 10:41AM

    Progress indeed!

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JOS4EVER 4/28/2013 9:57AM

    Your definitely headed in the right direction. I'm very happy for you. Your making the right choices. Keep up the good work. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NYMORNINGGLORY 4/28/2013 9:32AM

    You are on your way ..... emoticon

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BEATLETOT 4/28/2013 7:48AM

    Yup, I can "hear" it in your words. You are on your way!!! And your attitude is amazing!

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JEREMY723 4/28/2013 7:23AM

    Welcome back! Yeah for all your victories, you have a great attitude! I'm sure more successes will follow:)

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CHICAT63 4/28/2013 6:43AM

    " Do the best that you can until you know better. Then you know better, do better. " - Maya Angelou.....helps me focus on me when everything and everyone is pulling me in each directions. Work/life balance is so important, too often we forget ourselves in the process. Have a great week ! emoticon

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OPTIMIST1948 4/28/2013 6:42AM

    Welcome back! Your body remembers and will get rid of the exra in due course. This is inspiring. Keep it going!

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ADVENTURESEEKER 4/28/2013 1:57AM

    You've got this! Hard work and dedication! nothing less.
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123ELAINE456 4/28/2013 1:33AM

  Awesome Blog. You Can Do It. God Blessings To Everyone. Have a Wonderful Lord's Day. Take Care. Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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CANNIE50 4/28/2013 12:05AM

    "My brain is in the game" - well, that pretty much guarantees a win, doll. emoticon

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WOLFKITTY 4/27/2013 11:38PM

    Nice! :)

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DPIRIE 4/27/2013 11:08PM

    emoticon

You got this!!

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CHRISKENANDKIDS 4/27/2013 10:44PM

    Hey! It's great to see you back! And great that you are back on track and most of all - that you are HAPPY! So good to see you!

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_JODI404 4/27/2013 10:10PM

    Yep ~ definitely progress!!

Congrats on your new job & better work/life balance!! That will help your happiness and success immensely!

Very happy for you Jenn!

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DUXGRL1 4/27/2013 9:47PM

    Glad that things are so much better for you, and that you are not starting from square 1 with exercise. It is hard to focus when things are crappy, or when you are exhausted!

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BLUEROSE73 4/27/2013 9:46PM

    You can do this. I can't wait to hear about your progress.

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SKINNYINMYHEAD 4/27/2013 9:32PM

    Definitely progress!! I know what leaving a job that sucks the life out of you is like - FREEDOM!! ... Loved this "fulminant cheerleader life-loving mode"... LOL funny... you sound like you're ready... and I agree, the body and the mind remember the way.. Yeah you!

Annie

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MOSTMOM1 4/27/2013 9:29PM

    Yup, it'll be easier this time. You don't have to retrain your brain this time and I think that's the trickiest part.
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-LINDA_S 4/27/2013 9:22PM

    Ah,,,you have such a way with words--and truth. Eloquent doesn't even begin to cover it. Success is inevitable...

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My Butt Hurts

Friday, April 26, 2013

Yup. I said it, my butt hurts. A lot. Ouchy. I'm not overly pleased with my butt right now. Spin to yoga sounded like a lovely idea. I get cardio for half an hour with some serious biking and sweating, then I get my reward--some stretching, some relaxing, some more sweating and some lying on the floor trying to clear my mind.

The clearing my mind part never works. I usually end up thinking about how my car needs to be attacked by a rabid vacuum or wondering if others can hear my stomach growling, or something else of dire importance like how irritating my soon-to-be-ex can be. Not what the yogini at the front of the room had in mind, I assure you.

Anywho, the first five or so times at spinning after a long hiatus always makes my butt bones feel bruised. So, genius that I am, I thought I should spin then do a workout that requires me to exercise on those same bones. Ooops. My butt protested during class by letting out an audible fart. That's never happened to me before. Other people, yes, but not me. Apparently my butt was ticked at me. Not sure how many people heard it, but I was so glad the instructor didn't say "bless you" as has happened in other classes.

So day two post spin to yoga and I'm still placing myself gingerly on a chair, almost ladylike in my delicate way of perching, a stark contrast to my usual flop.

I loved the workout. I did. I'm going back. I love workouts that leave me drenched in sweat--you know the kind, the ones where you put on pitstick twice before you go, just to decrease the chances of being the stenchy one in the room. When I was going to kickboxing I got a weird sort of glee from throwing a punch and seeing drops of sweat go flying.

So I am back at Spark. I realize now that it is the only thing that works for me. Spark has the elements that I need to be successful.
1) A way to track every morsel of food that passes my lips.
2) Accountability. You jerkfaces notice everything and help me hold myself accountable. I like this about all of you very much. :)
3) A place to track my weight.
4) A way to track my exercise.
5) A way to tie my emotions to what I'm eating and doing regularly by blogging.
Plus, I love the encouragement and feeling of community here.



I don't want to go to meetings. I don't want to drink shakes. I don't want to eat gross frozen food. I don't want to take classes that I could teach about nutrition and lifestyle. My problem has never been a lack of knowledge, it's a problem about doing whatever I want even when I know the consequences.

My weight is up. Lots of up. Up up up. It's also starting to come down, but I managed to undo all of the hard work I did in 2011. The good news is that I know I am 100% capable of taking it off because I've done it before. It's just hard to admit to know that had I kept going the way I was I would probably be at my goal or very near. I just have to let go of that, and the fact that I'd be shopping in clothing stores of all types and maybe wearing some really cute and a little bit tight athletic gear.

I go to work in an ICU and I realize that 80% of my patients wouldn't be there if they had made the decision to eat properly and exercise, to be smoke-free and work to maintain a healthy weight. I don't want to be them. I want to be the 80 year old that is taking yoga classes and being a pain in the ass know it all and driving a convertible that young people think is wasted on an old fart like me. I want to be healthy, long term, and be hiking and biking and doing fun things for many years to come.

I tell people who are trying to lose weight that it isn't about being perfect, it's about starting over and over and over again if you need to. It's not about not eating french fries, it's about eating them once and the next meal, the next day, the next week being back on track. Real life includes birthday cake and special meals.

I'm also learning how to make exercise fun and not always a feel like work. I joined a new gym where I can go, work out, then lounge in the steam room for a bit. Going to the gym now feels like a lifestyle choice, rather than a hurry up and squeeze it in kind of thing.




I've already been in my kayak emoticon four times in the last 2 weeks, I've even done some baby (Class II) whitewater. It doesn't feel like work, it doesn't particularly feel like exercise (it totally is), it feels like fun. I've also been doing indoor rock climbing, which I'm not very good at due to my current weight, but I sweat and I feel strong when I do it. I look forward to the day when I can do the walls that are completely vertical, but for now, I'm happy with the walls with a bit of a slant to help me. I'm looking at buying a bike, so I can ride with the wind in my hair.

At one point in 2011 I was able to run for 8 minutes. 8 freaking minutes. That was like my Mt. Everest there... so it's time to get there again. I could also do an hour on the treadmill averaging 4 miles per hour. I miss that me. I miss that smaller belly that didn't get in the way during yoga. So here I am, following my own advice, and getting back at it.

I know what worked and this lovely place (along with a lot of hard work) was it. So here I am, all 302 pounds of me. That's 9 pounds down from a few weeks ago. I managed to put a stop to the madness at exactly my starting weight of 311 several years ago, and I am thankful that it didn't get any worse than that.

I'm back, finally admitting to myself that I will probably have to track my food for the rest of my life, and I'm better than OK with that.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOGLADY13 5/25/2013 7:35PM

    There are a bunch of us getting back on track. Welcome. We are in it together and we are healthier for it.

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JICASMOM 5/14/2013 7:24PM

    Jerk face checking in! :) Go get 'em Jenn!!!

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MUSICALLYMINDED 4/30/2013 6:59PM

    Glad to see you back! I have missed your blogs!

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OJIBWEEQUAY 4/29/2013 9:50AM

    I gained 15 pds last year! 2012 was jus cray cray! Lets get it gal! I too need to track food! emoticon

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KATHANN2 4/28/2013 11:11PM

    You can do this! Welcome back!

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HHB4181 4/27/2013 9:08PM

    and I enjoy being one of your jerk faces. glad to see you back on here!!!
emoticon emoticon
make good choices!

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_JODI404 4/27/2013 3:42PM

    So glad to see you back! Spark IS THE place to make it happen!!!

Truly BELIEVE in yourself and make good, realistic choices (most of the time) and you will get there!

You definitely CAN do this!!

You've been missed!! Sounds like you are already off to a really great, determined start!!

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BUTTERFLY-1976 4/27/2013 1:40PM

    emoticon Welcome back!

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MENNOLY 4/27/2013 9:58AM

    Welcome back! Hope you stay with it. I too had a relapse. Fortunately when I saw that scale at 198 again I finally took myself in hand. I am down 9 pounds this morning but it seems so hard. However we can do it! We can succeed. One pound at a time. It is a journey not a destination.

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DJSHIP46 4/27/2013 9:19AM

    Welcome back... Love your enthusiasm and will help you applaud your success.

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BLUEROSE73 4/27/2013 1:43AM

    Welcome back. I've missed you

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TAYGRL 4/27/2013 1:06AM

    We missed you! *I* missed you. And you humor and your way with words and the way you pushed me to be better just with your presence and knowing you were nearby.
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Comment edited on: 4/27/2013 1:07:53 AM

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MAMADWARF 4/27/2013 1:04AM

    Welcome back!!! I'm still here, restarting every day. That's my plan for now!

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CANNIE50 4/27/2013 12:04AM

    Yup, it takes what it takes, babycakes. Recovery, from anything, often includes relapses and this is no different. You are so not alone in your struggles. Your attitude, your determination, your humility, your willingness - will all serve you well. Yes, clearly you can do this. I join the happy chorus of Sparklers who were thrilled to see a notice of a blog from you. Welcome back - we ARE your people, my dear. emoticon

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MONETRUBY 4/26/2013 10:45PM

    I think I nearly squealed when I saw a new blog from you! So glad that you are back. You are so right-you have done this before, and you can so do this again.

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DDOORN 4/26/2013 10:14PM

    Yay to Spinning! One of my very favorites, 2nd only to road cycling... :-)

Have to brave the only-guy-in-the-class thing and get MY Butt to yoga sometime!

Don

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QUILTYENGINEER 4/26/2013 10:10PM

    Glad you're back! It was great to read your blog again. emoticon emoticon

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WINNIE1978 4/26/2013 8:36PM

    Welcome back!

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CHRISTINA791 4/26/2013 7:26PM

    Welcome back! It's great to see that you're back at it!

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DUXGRL1 4/26/2013 6:48PM

    Great blog, and welcome back!

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ADVENTURESEEKER 4/26/2013 5:35PM

    You can do this! You've got this.

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JENNA54 4/26/2013 5:27PM

    Great blog, Jenn! and so wonderful that you are back and raring to go. Your blog speaks to all of us, and you've said so beautifully all the things that I and so many others feel too. We can do this! SP is fantastic - I keep coming back, and all I ever get is positive reinforcement, support and a whole lot of friendship and laughter as we all struggle with our own journeys. With you ALL the way!

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FEISTYOWL 4/26/2013 5:12PM

    emoticon BACK! Starting over and over and over - isn't that the truth! Good for you for being back here - happy to see you!

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HKARLSSON 4/26/2013 5:07PM

    Hey honey! Glad to see you back! emoticon

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LSPIZZA 4/26/2013 5:00PM

    Welcome back. I've missed your blogs. Best of luck with everything!

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-LINDA_S 4/26/2013 4:16PM

    Great to see you back! And best of luck in all your endeavors. Love reading your blog!

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CHICAT63 4/26/2013 3:54PM

    Oh baby she is back, I have missed you !!!! Loved your blog, I invite you to go and read my blog "Coming Clean in 2013 for Me" - you are not alone my friend. So bring it on, we both have challenges to conquer....yourself it's the indoor climbing...myself is to manage a chin or pull up all by myself. Keep coming back because we're going to be here to spread the love !!!! emoticon

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RYDERB 4/26/2013 3:18PM

    emoticon emoticon back Jenn! I've missed you! You are strong, beautiful, amazing, and so much more than number on a scale. I've been struggling with my scale too, so I can relate. But the good news is every day IS a fresh start, and chance to make better choices than the day before. One day at a time gets the job done!
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Comment edited on: 4/26/2013 3:19:25 PM

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MODESTASHEGETS 4/26/2013 3:00PM

    So happy to see your name pop up again! Sorry (or happy?) to hear about the "soon to be ex" part. I hate those times. *hugs* But congrats on your new inspiration and best of luck, lady!

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BEATLETOT 4/26/2013 2:57PM

    How wonderful to see a blog post from you! Glad you're back! You can do it!

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STELLAS_MAMA 4/26/2013 2:47PM

  So excited that you are back! emoticon

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SKINNYINMYHEAD 4/26/2013 2:38PM

    Welcome back!!! So glad to see you... love the blog... I need to know what kind of kayak you have???? where you got it... etc... If you help me with kayaking.. I'll help you with biking??? I'm a bit older than you (I'm 51).. but we have a lot in common.. Although I'm in administration now, my specialty is critical care (I got accepted to CRNA school but backed out when I realized I'd be working with surgeons.. LOL duh... ).. and I too recently returned to Spark.. although I'm finding my way this time using Paleo and CrossFit...

Anyhoo, you're gonna rock this and be below 300 SOON and running for 10 minutes!! I just hit the 280s and am beside myself with joy...

Annie

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NUMD97 4/26/2013 2:33PM

    Welcome back!

"2) Accountability. You jerkfaces notice everything and help me hold myself accountable. I like this about all of you very much. :) "

Oh, and you're welcome. Any time.

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23KAIYA 4/26/2013 2:18PM

    emoticon

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WEEDLADY 4/26/2013 1:57PM

    Glad you are back. I always enjoy your blog's so much!
Martha

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ROSES4ME1 4/26/2013 1:56PM

    Loved your post! And just what I need for motivation today! Have been feeling like a failure for slkiding backward lately but reading your blog reminds me that we can't change the past - and the future is full of promise with support from people like you! Thanks.

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CAALAN23 4/26/2013 1:55PM

    Oh hey! So glad you came back! I just recently came back myself. Yes, my weight jumped back up and yes you are absolutely right about Spark working so here we both are.

Yay!

You are awesome and I can't wait to read more blogs because they do make me laugh. And really, there should be a calorie burn for that, plus it's just fun.

Enjoy your day. :)
Tina

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GAILSMAILS 4/26/2013 1:50PM

    I loved your blog post!
Welcome back and GREAT FOR YOU!!

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123ELAINE456 4/26/2013 1:48PM

  Awesome Blog. This is the WTG!!! KEEP PUSHING FORWARD!!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!! God Blessings To Everyone. Have a Wonderful Weekend. Take Care. Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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JITZUROE 4/26/2013 1:40PM

    I'm so glad that you came back to spark. Since we all know that there are other places you could be at this moment in your life: feeding depression, feeding denial, feeding anger. But you are here, FEELING everything, and knowing deep down that you want MORE.
Enter the sore buns...I'm glad you've got them!!! We all are. We're here to shout and yell at you when needed, and hold you when times suck. And there will be some sucky times I'm sure you know.
I'm in the same boat as you, I've gained my weight back. I was sad and mad and then more sad, and then p!ssed, but somehow I made that commitment again to myself to spark the heck outta myself and MAKE IT HAPPEN DARN IT!!!
We can do it. We did it once. I'm up for the challenge. Are you? I know your buns are...: )))
I missed you baby cakes! Just had to say that.
Bren

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FITFOODIE806 4/26/2013 1:29PM

    I love seeing your name in my friend feed because it's a sign that I'm about to read a great blog. I'm so glad you're back! (I can never find that zen in yoga either!)

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PICKIE98 4/26/2013 1:07PM

    Question: If your butt hurts, will you be able to maneuver into your kayak? It seems like those poor abused glutes will scream in protest when you bend down THAT far! You are one brave chickadee to even try one after the other.

I wish you the best after your next visit to "healthy-land to reduce your butt. Don/t go too far with that either,, you don't want to be one of those 80 year old women with NO butt! Convertible or no, that is just "Icky"!

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SPOONGIRLDEB 4/26/2013 1:01PM

    Good to see you back! Just think how much easier it'll be this time around (yeah, right, who am I kidding?). It's still a lot of hard work but you can do it!
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I've been kind of bad lately too about tracking and Sparking and I need to be a whole lot better, because it absolutely makes a difference. So know that you are NOT alone! We're all in this together with you.

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CAROLMAID 4/26/2013 12:59PM

    Hehe! great sense of humor! it will be the thing that keeps you going i do believe......so that u are the skinny old fart know it all someday!!!! Good for you for coming back and starting again. it is the first step......keep going!
Good luck on your journey

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LIVIN2LOVE1 4/26/2013 12:57PM

    I'm so glad that you are back! I have missed you and I love many of the things that you said in your blog. I can relate to so much of it.

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NYMORNINGGLORY 4/26/2013 12:47PM

    Great to see you back and to hear your resolve!

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MAUITN 4/26/2013 12:41PM

    Glad to see you back and posting!!!

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MOSTMOM1 4/26/2013 12:36PM

    Hey, I've missed you! Glad you're back!!!
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GIANTMICROBE 4/26/2013 12:25PM

    I too love flying sweat droplets!

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TRUEBEYOUTEE 4/26/2013 12:24PM

    What a phenomenal post! I too, have reached my starting point, again, and your post has inpired me. Thanks for your words and humor. I needed them today. Congratulations on your respark... and your hurting butt! :)

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Back On The Wagon... Err Kayak, Whatever

Monday, July 30, 2012

So I haven't blogged for oh, about 6 months. This is not a good thing. Why? I'm now carrying more adipose tissue than I was in January. Poop. I weighed myself today and I honestly think Captain Meaniehead is lying to me, or at least I'm experiencing a temporary whale-like bloating that will resolve as the evil mother nature takes a flying leap.

So where have I been, what have I been up to, other than consuming more calories than I have burned off? Well, to summarize, grad school, job #1, job #2, divorce, eating my feelings, a new love and far less cleaning up after a grown man.

I'm also in therapy, and I've learned some amazing things about myself that, uh, I shouldn't have had to be told. Amazing things as in "if this were any more obvious it would have hit you over the head and cracked your skull" kind of you're a moron stuff. I can address that another day, it is worth sharing, even if it is Captain Obvious stuff.

Anywhoodle, I have also discovered kayaking. Now what you need to know about kayaking, first and foremost, is that if someone says to you, "this awesome kayak is a bargain for $400" you should laugh and say (with a wildly intelligent look in your eye), "what about the $140 paddle, the rack for the top of my car, the life jacket, the helmet, and the polarized sunglasses entirely for the purposes of making me look awesome while enhancing my vision?"

Ok, maybe what you should know first and foremost is not the obscene amount of money that will be siphoned from your wallet artfully by the little boat, but how much freaking fun it is and how buff your arms could potentially become. You may also develop a truly bizarre tan, with freakishly pukey white legs and brown arms, but that's for another day.

I have become addicted to this little town in Pennsylvania called Ohiopyle, the center of a statepark by the same name and home to some of the best whitewater around. I'll tell you the name of the river, but I spell it wrong. It's something like Youghiogheny and pronounced Yock-uh-gay-knee. Most everyone calls it "The Yough" (yock).

In other words, this town offers ample opportunity for hitting rocks, turning over your kayak and dragging your soggy butt to the side of the river where you can get your butt back in your teeny little boat before doing it all over again. There are also multiple ways you can get in a raft and try not to poo your pants from the sheer terror of navigating a mile of Class V rapids. The class scale goes something like this:

Class I: Jenn can drink tea from a china cup, in the boat, with her pinky out. Jenn looks accomplished, stylish and entirely in charge of her kayak and remains dry. There are more waves in a bathtub.
Class II: Jenn looks and feels confident and dry. Why are all the 6 year olds looking so bored?
Class III: Jenn starts flipping over frequently and occasionally (uh, lots) of inappropriate words are being used in public. Luckily, no one can hear these words over the sound of the water and the sound of Jenn sputtering. Jenn looks like a wet dog without a groomer.
Class IV: Jenn better be in a raft with a guide because this is some serious uh, stuff and could lead to pooping in one's pants. Who cares how I look, I'm going to die.
Class V: OMFGHolyCrapolatacular, this is insane, Jenn is insane to be here, why can't I stop this ride, I'm going to die, did I really fall out of the raft at the top of a 9 foot waterfall? I need a helicopter, please get me out of here. Why is it already over and when can I go again? Where did I lose my sunglasses and why do I look like a Troll doll?


So I'm back. I've missed you all very much.


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DANCEMONKEY 3/7/2013 8:41PM

    Hi Jenn, Don't know when you will check this again, but I am very happy to remember to check in on you and find some new blogs. I really love your writing and hope you are well. Stay awesome. -Other Jen emoticon

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MOINSDEMOI 1/13/2013 9:22AM

    Where are you Jenn? I really miss you! emoticon

Comment edited on: 1/13/2013 9:23:12 AM

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JOANNHUNT 12/2/2012 12:16AM

    SOUNDS LIKE LOTS OF FUN. COOL. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WALKIETALKIE 9/16/2012 6:57PM

    Hey! I know what adipose tissue is! My daughter is taking human anatomy and physiology and she had so much homework one night she assigned me a couple of tissues to research for location and function and that was one of them. High school has finally paid off for me! emoticon

Love your blogs hope you are doing well.

Karen

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BETHJRN 9/2/2012 4:09PM

    Missed you muchly! I too have been out of touch, but am trying to get back on track.
Great to read your blog again. Give us more!

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HOLLIEWALLY 8/30/2012 2:21PM

    So glad you are back! Missed you!

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JENNIFER_67 8/26/2012 12:09PM

    I've always wanted to try kayaking, but I've been afraid. I have gone white water rafting several times, and I loved it. So scary and exhilarating at the same time.

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MAMMER3 8/24/2012 9:32AM

    Welcome back we missed you!! I tried Kayaking then the meds started to kick in!! :)

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KAKAKALI4 8/20/2012 10:55AM

    AWESOME! Sounds like you have not really fallen off .. only leaned alittle more than you would like to the left! We miss your humor .. can't wait to read your next adventure!

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CHRIAMARIA1983 8/16/2012 7:47PM

    So glad you are back on here! Sorry to hear you've had a rough patch.

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LIFEINMOTION 8/16/2012 2:44PM

    Wow - sounds like you're having fun on the water! Welcome back :) I've been gone for a year myself, and forgot how much I love SP.

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FRITO_PIE 8/15/2012 9:32PM

    Glad you are back! It's no fun being a Lurker when the quality of writing isn't there :)
So, the d-word sucks, therapy is good, but kayaking.... Little Missy, kayaking makes you one bad-ass Liver of Life!

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MAMA_CD 8/15/2012 6:42PM

    Sounds like you've been through a lot but your paddling along to your destination...All the Best emoticon

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TEAGUE1612 8/14/2012 8:51PM

    We missed you too!

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OVERHAULING-ME 8/12/2012 10:09PM

    HUGS for all you've been through! So glad you're back!

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MOINSDEMOI 8/12/2012 5:59PM

    WooHoo Jenn's back for real. Pennsylvania surely has some strangely-named towns and I grew up in NYS, never knowing this.

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Comment edited on: 8/12/2012 6:00:21 PM

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CLOVER2 8/12/2012 2:53PM

    OMG, OMG YOU ARE BACK!!! I came THISSSSSSS CLOSE to "unfriending" you (I HATE that term!) because I try to keep it under SOME control, (my OCD cropping up here), but I just couldn't do it! YIPPEEE for me!!
I just spent the last 10 min. laughing my butt off! Having done white-water rafting in a former life I am all too familiar with your description of the water! I absolutely loved it! I just don't think my body could handle it again. I tried catamaran once, it was a bit on the boring side. I may try it again just because I really do love white-water and I can't physically do it anymore. Sciatica will do that to you.
Welcome, welcome, welcome back!!! I missed you so! Please stay and let us know how you are! And what is going on in your little corner of the world!
I hope you read this, I don't think it's been too long since you wrote your blog!
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DOLPHINDREAM 8/11/2012 9:28AM

    Loved this blog...I too need to get back on the healthy path i was on.
The funny thing about reading this blog..I kept thinking how much i enjoy this writers sense of humor like I used to enjoy my SP friend Jennswims..when I went to top to add this person I smiled when I realized it was you. Sorry about the rough things you have had to deal with...thankful you didn't lose your humor or ability to come up with some great new words :-)

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FITINEASTBAY 8/8/2012 10:57AM

    I have also discovered kayaking, but have only done it on Lake Tahoe (pretty still), but you make me want to try whitewater while still being totally scared of it!

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EFFRAYECHILDE 8/8/2012 7:52AM

    LMAO!!! I love kayaking it is so fun. I totally agree with your rating scale of the rapids.

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LOGANDRYLSMOM 8/7/2012 2:20PM

    LMAO!! that was some funny stuff right there.. welcome back!!!

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MISSFORTE 8/7/2012 8:11AM

    Awesome thanks for the update I went white water rafting about 12 yrs it was fun!

Keep up with blogging I've missed you!

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READYRACHEL 8/6/2012 3:11PM

    Glad you are back! My first whitewater rafting adventure was on the Yough in Ohiopyle. It was many years ago, but I remember having a blast (and my guide being a super hottie).

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HARLOW10 8/5/2012 9:43PM

    I'm sorry to hear that you have been through so much in the last six months. That said, I am so happy that you are back. Kayaking is on my fitness bucket list, and living in Minnesota gives me ample places to make a fool of myself while doing so :) Glad you found another activity that you love to do!
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EVER-HOPEFUL 8/4/2012 1:37PM

    missed you and your quoky sense of humour as well,love.take care and keeßp smiling.keep on keeeping on(and donīt forget fresh underwear just incase you do poop,lol) emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JIBBIE49 8/3/2012 5:51PM

    Great to see your blog featured in the Spark Mail. What an honor. emoticon

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GRATEFUL_BEING 8/3/2012 3:33PM

    So glad your back! I left for awhile too, but made a new profile when I came back. Sounds like your on the right track!

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IACTA_ALEA_EST 8/3/2012 3:08PM

    Great fun! It's one of my favs in any class

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BLUEJEAN99 8/3/2012 11:43AM

    emoticon

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TINAJANE76 8/3/2012 11:07AM

    It's so great to have you back and I'm glad to see you're back on the kayak!

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MJROBB 8/3/2012 12:38AM

    Nice! I want to pick up kayaking, but haven't had the $$ to do so. (obviously it hasn't been a priority, otherwise you make the $ part happen). Glad to hear you're having fun! How's your roll?

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FLORNH 8/2/2012 9:28PM

    Thanks for the laugh!

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KIPPER15 8/2/2012 8:24PM

    emoticon sounds like fun.

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KWWILSON 8/2/2012 6:52PM

    emoticon emoticon

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JANETTEB553 8/2/2012 4:38PM

    emoticon

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LITTLEROX20 8/2/2012 3:47PM

    emoticon

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PEGGYO 8/2/2012 3:18PM

    sounds like you had fun

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BUTTERFLY-1976 8/2/2012 1:35PM

    Love it!!!! Great blog! So happy your back!

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SUESAL4 8/2/2012 1:22PM

    I can relate to the falling out of the boat and almost pooping the pants (that were now wet from falling into the water). Fortunately some kind souls tripping by pulled me into their raft. Always wanted to go back - never made it. Now I'm not sure if I have the guts or joint health sufficient to survive. But Ohiopyle is indeed a magical place!

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LAVENDERLILY 8/2/2012 1:00PM

    emoticonThere is more to life than dieting!

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NESARIAN 8/2/2012 12:49PM

    Too funny! Makes me want to go out and get my own kayak...

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MANILUS 8/2/2012 12:36PM

    Congrats on finding joy in your world! Sounds like you really needed that and so happy you found it! All the best!

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KRISTEN282 8/2/2012 12:23PM

    Glad to have you back!

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KGWINDER 8/2/2012 12:18PM

    Have fun paddling those pounds away negotiating the rapids of sparkpoints. Paddle, paddle, paddle, log, log, log.

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GARDENQE2 8/2/2012 12:06PM

    Wonderful to have you back Jen...and you sound better than ever!
Love the Kayak-water descriptions!
Keep sparking! emoticon

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CHEEKY1000 8/2/2012 11:50AM

    Glad you're back! I love kayaking (though I'm not a whitewater gal). I prefer to take my camera and be able to shoot pics of the scenery--not cling for my life and say "camera? what camera? who the hell cares about the camera...we're going to DIE!!!" As for pasty legs--another reason I like sit-on-top kayaks. They also stop me from going bat-crap crazy from the claustrophobia of having my legs "trapped."

While you didn't dwell on it (maybe you did in another blog), I didn't realize things were so rough with you and hubby. In fact, my impression was quite the opposite. Anyhow, I'm sorry you went through such a rocky time.

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TMOORE073 8/2/2012 11:36AM

    Loved your story! I laughed so hard! Ha ha

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DEBK0923 8/2/2012 11:03AM

    good blog

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PENNYPACKER3 8/2/2012 9:54AM

    emoticon

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KHOUDYSHELL 8/2/2012 9:37AM

  Awesome job, getting back out there and living life!!!

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Things I Learned Today Other Than Eat Breakfast

Friday, January 13, 2012

Triathlon.

Now that's a big scary kind of thing, isn't it? Brings to mind charley horses and barfing and the footage of those freakazoid (read: awesome) Ironman people wetting themselves and crawling across the finish line before collapsing into the arms of their loved ones (who are decidedly too calm as they catch their loved one IMHO).

Well, not so much. I mean, it isn't easy, and I couldn't have done it this time last year, but I didn't puke. I didn't even ponder puking. In fact, until I sat down to write this blog entry I hadn't even thought the word puke all day long. It was a puke-free beginning to the holiday weekend.

I'm not ready for a traditional olympic distance, but I'm certainly ready and willing to do this again and to try to get a whole lot faster. Quite frankly, I enjoyed the sprint triathlon experience, even if it was in a gym while watching the snow fall outside.

As much as I hate admitting it, dang it, Cannie50 was right... I really dig this. A lot. A lot lot. Like maybe I should save up for one of those obscenely expensive road bikes and reread Slow Fat Triathlete and seriously ponder being last in a real honest to god organized triathlon this summer.

I prepared last night by going through an extensive preparation ritual that included all of the following: eating some rice.

Clockwise from top:
Avocado, tempeh, long grain and wild rice, raspberries



I forgot to eat breakfast. Seriously. I'm not sure how I managed that, but the first thing I learned today was EAT. Had I remembered, I would have had some almonds or raspberries or blackberries. The local store has blackberries for 50 cents per pint and raspberries 4 pints for $5, so my fridge looks like a fruit hoarder has moved in.



Maybe this is a sign of progress? I've always envied those people who say things like "oh, I forgot to eat today, no wonder I'm starving" and when they say it they don't even look like they are lying through their teeth.

Here are more things I learned today:

*I'm slow, but I don't quit.
I believe this is the trait that my husband probably secretly refers to as "pain in the a$$" when I'm not around. Also known as stubborn.

*I may be the only person on earth whose least favorite leg is the bike.
Maybe it was because I was on a recumbent cycle, but it was entirely lacking in fun and I couldn't seem to adjust it in a way that made my hips quit hurting. I'd rather ride on a spinning cycle with the Lance seat trying to give me what feels like a banana enema.

*There is lots of room for improvement.
Starting with the run. Largely because I ran for a total of two minutes and walked the rest. Actually running during the run will dramatically improve the run portion. Shocking, I know. I wonder if that is why it is called the running portion, because people run? Hmmm. Something to ponder there.

*If you want to take a really challenging yoga class, take one 45 minutes after you finish your first sprint tri.
It was pure force of will that prevented me from spending the entire class hiding in the corner from the big mean (tiny, petite, sweet, blonde) ogre of a yoga instructor.

*The transition from bike to run (ahem, walk) is sucktaculacious.
It's like trying to run (walk) on spaghetti. Overcooked, icky, healthy whole wheat spaghetti. This will take some practice. Maybe I will start doing some time on the treadmill post spinning class for the sole intent and purpose of practicing transitioning.

*Having the tummy growls while running (ahem, walking) is distracting.

*Watching Will & Grace on the fancy treadmill while doing the... run makes it go faster.
It will be interesting to do the same outdoors without tv. I wonder if it will mean a faster time or a slower one to have to set my own pace and have trees for entertainment.

*The fear of the tri is worse than the tri itself.
Seriously, if you can do all of the components separately, the conglomeration of the three isn't totally horrific. Now if you can't swim, then it might be pretty horrible to contemplate 750 meters, but in general, your body naturally slows down to accomodate the additional exercise.

*Peer pressure is a good thing if you aren't 14.
Peer pressure is a commonly underestimated tool. Well, if she can do it, I can do it should be running through your head right now because I'm not in very good shape.

*Not peeing before the next leg because you have a delusion that people don't do that during real triathlons means that you will be in danger of having your bladder rupture as you waddle to the potty when you are done.

*Yes, you deserve a nap after a triathlon, even a shorty like a sprint.
However, you will be too hopped up to do so. Even if you lay there for an hour trying.

So, how slow was I? Well, I have to guess about how long I was on the treadmill because I was so eager to snap my proof photo and get off the thing that I took one that showed I finished but managed to not get my overall time. Doh.

My Times:
Bike: 54:40

Walk: 49 (estimate, probably within 30-60 seconds)

Swim 20:01

So, no Wonderwoman or even a Wonder Twin by any stretch, but I know I can do better next time and this is a great benchmark.


If I can do it, you can do it. Here's why:

I'm probably heavier than you, my last weigh in was over 280 pounds.
I'm probably slower than you on at least one of the legs and probably slower on all 3.
I haven't been an athlete in 20 years.
I'm not fast, I'm just stubborn.
I can't run for more than a minute. Two tops.

I plan to make this a monthly thing.

Like spinning class, the fear of the tri was worse than the tri itself. Honest. I'm totally telling the truth. Scout's honor. (Humor me and pretend I was a Boy Scout, will ya?)

I know DogLady13 --happy birthday!--and my cohort in crime SOUTHPONDCAMP both did the entire thing, so they get a much deserved WOOT WOOT!

I can't wait to hear how everyone else does on their own leg(s) this weekend. Yippee!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENNIFER_67 6/25/2012 7:54AM

    That's fantastic!!! You've inspired me. Now I'm thinking about giving this a try too (no pun intended).

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BESEVEN 5/7/2012 10:16AM

    I miss your inspiring blogs :-(

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TERRYT55 2/18/2012 3:17PM

    The biking would have been the worst part for me too!

I can't tell you how much I look forward to your very entertaining blogs!

Keep up the good work!

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REBECCA180 2/14/2012 12:43PM

    Wow, in a word, impressive.

I just discovered you and I've been seriously entertained and inspired, reading loads of your past posts.
Excellent writing! Your humor adds a much balance to the pain and suffering we endure in this struggle.

Thank you!!!

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KAYCEE918 2/13/2012 4:55PM

    Congratulations, sounds grueling, but what an accomplishment. emoticon

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KAYCEE918 2/13/2012 4:55PM

    Congratulations, sounds grueling, but what an accomplishment. emoticon

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KAYCEE918 2/13/2012 4:54PM

    Congratulations, sounds grueling, but what an accomplishment. emoticon

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VKKESU 2/9/2012 11:39AM

    I love the statemen " Peer pressure can be good if you're not 14 ". lol .......I was trying to explain that to my 18 year old yesterday about how awesome I do in Zumba class at gym but not at home !

Congrats !!!!! Sounds like you are well on your way to being a healthy person !!

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DONNA088 2/7/2012 9:10PM

  Good job!

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KSJD711 2/7/2012 3:18PM

    Babe- you are so not the only person who is most scared by the bike!!!!!!! I am slow as molasses, but I can get it done. I like the swim, and although I am a slow runner, let's be honest, by that point I'm so happy I'm off the bike, it would matter if the last leg was walking on your hands, or whatever! I have been dfl as my husband calls it a number of times. I have done 8 triathlons and am working towards my 9th - lavaman in Hawaii on April 1. I would love to get up the courage to try escape from alcatraz, but the jumping off the boat thing - and the hills on the bike scare me!!! It looks like you are thinking of it. If you do it, maybe I will. I will at least look into it!!!! Meantime, good luck with training for the tri. Personally, I do my training with a team, team in training. I would highly recommend finding a group of people to train with. It's about the only thing that keeps me going. Okay, let me rephrase, it is very often the only thing that keeps me going, let's just say that I would absolutely have bombed out of this weekend's 30 mile ride, much before mile 29, if my friends had not been there for me. As it was, I had to take my inhaler so much that I just couldn't do that last hill set. Oh well. Now, three days later, and a swim practice later, I'm feeling better about this weekend's bike. So, I would say, try it, go for it, don't worry about the bike, it's only 1/3 of the race anyway! Also, if you are going to come out here, think about Pacific Grove. It's a wonderful, wonderful, fun race. You can do the sprint, or the Olympic. It is in early September! I'll be there. Way to go girl!!!!!


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WADINGMOOSE 2/1/2012 12:04PM

    I love running and swimming so I've considered the triathlon many times. I'm just not sure I could do the bike part.

Ok, I just think that's too much effort.

But I did love the half marathon so maybe I should suck it up.

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FRITO_PIE 1/21/2012 10:18AM

    As deathly afraid as I am of swimming, running has always been the obstacle for me and triathlons simply because I "couldn't" run. Past tense, because I can now officially call myself a runner. I'm almost done with the Couch to 5K program and I'm here to say it works! There's a great free podcast on ITunes from NHS, which is in England. I've completed 2 half marathons in the past without running a step and am looking forward to blowing my Old & Slow times out of the water. Actually doing an organized event is a super-charged experience. Find a sprint distance tri near you and DO IT!

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LADYBUG1107 1/20/2012 8:49PM

    Way to go!

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GRACEFULJOURNEY 1/20/2012 4:11PM

    Great job!! emoticon

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DPIRIE 1/19/2012 9:40PM

    I love your sprint triathalon goal...One per month!! Keep it up!

That would be "12 in 2012!"

You could make a shirt with that on it. Wear it during every one of them. It could be the team name and goal all in one. I can't do one this month or next but...if I get my *ss in gear I could squeeze all of them in anyways. It would just take some creative planning on my part.



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JULIA1154 1/18/2012 9:51PM

  Way to go, Jenn. And maybe my pedometer's off but it took me 58 minutes to jog a 5k, on the treadmill, so your time seems pretty good to me.
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MOM2HANDH 1/18/2012 9:43PM

    Great job!!

Our community center is hosting an "IronMan in a Month" contest in February--complete an Ironman (26.2 miles of running, 112 miles biking, and 2.5 miles swimming) over the course of Febrary! Wanna join me? :)

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VBA0731 1/18/2012 9:06PM

    Way to Go!

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PHOENIX43 1/18/2012 5:14PM

    Hmmmm... I belong to a gym with a pool so this is totally doable. I don't swim but I could "run" back and forth for 750 meters in the pool (it's only 4 1/2 ft deep). I think you've infected me with crazy. emoticon

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CHRISTINA791 1/18/2012 4:31PM

    I'm another non-biker, so you're not alone. I was heavily into swimming as a kid and I've become a decent runner, but I haven't owned a bike in ages and my little gnome legs hate the stationary bikes at the gym.

I love this - a sprint gym triathlon was actually the first challenge I set for myself back when I started, and I had a huge sense of accomplishment when I finished. I was actually doing them once a week for a while there before I gave up on our not-so-great pool. I may have to switch things up and do it again.

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DIETQUEENSHELLY 1/18/2012 2:42PM

    Nice job! I am really contemplating trying a sprint tri, and you really motivated me to do just that! A blog I often read had some more information on training for triathlons. It's at www.healthytippingpoint.com if you want more info. She talked about a couple of things you mentioned above - how your legs feel from biking to running and being hungry during the running portion. Congrats again!

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DAVIEGRRL 1/18/2012 1:36PM

    Tri's are AWESOME! Outdoor ones are much more fun than indoor, IMHO. Consider doing a "women's tri" for your first. I did the largest women's only tri in the country (sprint distance) with a group of girlfriends and it was a blast. Every shape, every size, every age was there. When I did that tri, for the first time in my life, I felt like an athelete. Go you!

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CUTIECAT1 1/18/2012 12:50PM

    LMAO - i love your sarcasm!!!

can you recap the requirements of the sprint triathalon that you completed? I dont have anyplace to swim @ my office gym, but i figure i can do 2 of the 3 legs b/c we have a recumbent bike and treadmills...thanks!

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JANNERUN 1/18/2012 12:23PM

    Good job!! I have so much admiration for you!! Way to go!

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JENN26POINT2 1/18/2012 11:32AM

    Great job! I also don't quit, even if I come across the line last - which I have done in 2 road running events, and 2nd to last in two others. Someone has to be last in order to make sure everyone else finishes, right? Not quitting is a good problem to have.

I think you did great on your tri! I am scared of the tri and spinning, for the record.

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PIXIESTIX6669 1/18/2012 11:17AM

    You ROCK!!!!!

emoticon

And Imma coming over to eat your berries! Muahahahaha...

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Comment edited on: 1/18/2012 11:19:02 AM

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BUFFYSMOM2 1/18/2012 10:17AM

    You are my heroine!!!!!!!

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AALIYANA01 1/18/2012 9:26AM

    emoticon

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JSC143 1/18/2012 8:40AM

  Yeah!!!!! emoticon

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SPAYYOURCAT 1/17/2012 11:00PM

    I just love the way your mind works!

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CFULLERTON2 1/17/2012 10:53PM

  Congrats!

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THVOLLEY 1/17/2012 8:04PM

    emoticon great post thanks

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CUDDLYPOLARBEAR 1/17/2012 6:06PM

    Great post....

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MSTAPLE1 1/17/2012 5:39PM

  way to go!

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KITHKINCAID 1/17/2012 4:05PM

    OK - you've convinced me I can do it. Now I just need to choose a time to TRI :)

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MINIUM 1/17/2012 3:27PM

    Well done! I'm amazed at your effort!
I believe that when you run outdoors, without a TV, you'll go faster, especially if you listen to great music.
Your fridge looks very appealing to me!
Have a great evening!
Nan

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MORNINGGLORY609 1/17/2012 2:39PM

    Awesome job, girl! Keep it up. And yes, your outside time will be better. I was doing 5 miles in about 47 minutes inside, and adrenaline on race day made me finish in 43:16! :)

Rock that Tri. Show it who's boss. Make it your bitch. :)

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BLISSFULDANCER 1/17/2012 2:10PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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EMPTRS 1/17/2012 1:02PM

    Congrats and can't wait to hear about your next tri!!! : ) I participated in my first duathlon earlier this year and loved it-I plan on doing it again this coming August!

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DDOORN 1/17/2012 10:23AM

    Whew! Great challenge! Keep on SPARKIN'! :-)

Don

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JLEMUS1 1/17/2012 9:23AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SARASMILINGINKC 1/17/2012 8:58AM

    Congrats for a great accomplishment!

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KARENE10 1/17/2012 8:37AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LAURIE-RN 1/17/2012 8:21AM

    Loved your blog today. I want to do a tri- but let myself get overwhelmed and anxious, thus did not sign up. I like the idea of trying it in the gym. Thanks for a good start to th day!

Laurie emoticon

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CHANGING-TURTLE 1/16/2012 11:15PM

    I could only do two legs the exercise bike four 30 minutes and run 5 then walk 25. I am getting there. I hate running, have not bought a sports bra yet.

You did so great, keep up the good work!!! emoticon emoticon

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ZOOKEEPERMAMA 1/16/2012 11:04PM

    You are awesome! Congratulations!

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GOING-STRONG 1/16/2012 10:31PM

    Way to go!! Very impressive ~ Spark on!!

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CHRISKENANDKIDS 1/16/2012 9:48PM

    You ROCK girl! And you always make my laugh. Spark on! :)

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PEPZKAT 1/16/2012 9:27PM

    Great job! I am still trying to get to that point where I am not starving when I get up in the morning! I am not a big bike fan and I am hoping to get to running a mile by the end of this year! Your blog is definitely inspiring! emoticon

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KIPPER15 1/16/2012 8:01PM

    emoticon You did it and that is inspiring. emoticon

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