JENNSLITE's Recent Blog Entries

One more time !

Monday, July 18, 2011

Here I go again. i started weight Watchers last week...again. the first time I joined I lost 40 pounds, but stopped before I hit my goal and put it all back on and more. Then I tried Sparkpeople alone and was unsuccessful, so here I am again.
I'm not sure how much food tracking I'll do here because I'm tracking food already, but I sure could use some help in the exercise department.
I am so ashamed of how stiff and inflexible I am that I am too embarrassed to join any type of classes. Ugh. I am simply ashamed and really don't know how to get around it. I plan to walk on state land roads near my house with my dog to start out with, but I need strength training too.
My intentions are good but motivation is low and hating myself for not doing it is even worse. ugh.
This week it's supposed to be record breaking heat too, so easy to talk myself out of moving, so easy to hate it when I do. I need help! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUNEPA 7/20/2011 11:24AM

    Walking is a great start, and so enjoyable to have a dog along. There is some strength training you can do at home, like pushups, crunches, lunges, supermans, those are my basic four. If you have some dumbells 5 or 8 or 10 lbs you can add more, there are suggestions on Spark strength training link

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    You can do it. Just get up and try.

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ZZYYGGY 7/18/2011 10:48PM

    You can do it. Remember to start out small. Try a Leslie Sansone Walk at home tape. They are great fun, and very easy. Also there are a lot of short work out videos here on Spark people as well. Good luck.

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Off the Hook!

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

I discovered Sparks in October and jumped into it with both feet and lost 8 lbs in a month. Then in November I had stalled and got disgusted and just gave up. Well the lovely result is I've put it all back on plus! Ugh!
I punish myself with food. It's a terrible life long cycle I've been in that I just keep repeating over and over again. I know all the right things to do and eat. I know how to get results. It's harder to lose now than it used to be but I lost 40lbs last year.,( which I have ALL back on).If I eat right and exercise I feel good and like myself. If I eat crap I feel good while I'm eating it, but pay the HUGE price of self loathing that sets the cycle up to do it over and over again until I end up here, fatter than before and ashamed.
I have a girlfriend who lost 60 lbs last year and gloated horribly. She's also a smoker. I quit smoking 4 years ago and promptly put on 30 lbs. I have always battled with weight but was able to keep my weight gains down to 20 lbs or less and easily lost it. I would just smoke more. Now I'm 50 lbs overweight, not smoking but really struggle with eating sugar and carbs since then. My friend tried to lecture me about putting the weight back on. I told her to talk to me after she quits smoking, but until then BACK OFF!
I wish that I wasn't so obsessed about this. I wish that I didn't put so much value on how heavy I am or what size jeans I'm wearing. I would like to change my consciousness. I would like to eat only what my body needs to maintain it's weight. I would like to WANT to exercise every day. I would like to have strength and energy. I would like to NOT crave sugar and carbs constantly. I would like to not go through every single day without OBSESSING about how I look and worrying about someone I know seeing me this way.
So, here I go again. I'm back here. Talking about it again and hoping that I will eventually stick with the changes that I keep making. I don't want to get any bigger. I don't want to buy new jeans yet again. I don't want to gain any more during the holidays either.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAROLYN1213 12/17/2009 12:53PM

    Hey!!! I have missed you!!!! I love your new winter page!!! Looks lovely! Jenn, I so hear you on the repetitive cycle of deprivation, eating, over eating, self loathing, repeat! I could go on at nausium on this topic, but suffice it to say I was able to find a food plan that helped curb those carb cravings. I'm not saying I'm cured, but once I was able to get my glycemic index under control and stop those crazy food swings, I was able to slow down and deal with the emotions that lead to the carb craze for me.

Don't let yourself off the hook that easy . . . you are not a quitter! Doesn't mean you need to be hard on yourself. Be fair and compassionate with yourself. You want better for yourself . . . go get it!

***Be brave, be bold, be fierce and be fabulous****

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SHY1965SJ 12/2/2009 8:44PM

    Welcome back to SP. And remember that we are always here for you so get addicted to us instead of turning to food when you are feeling down or whatever the mood. We are here for you to help you get the lbs off and keep it off.

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DIVALICIOUS7 12/2/2009 12:24PM

    better late than never!!

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STEPHANIE0904 12/2/2009 12:07PM

    emoticonGlad to see you back!!!

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BUFFYFAN85 12/2/2009 8:22AM

    It's definitely hard to keep it off. I too am a sugar and carbaholic and that's what happened to me. I lost 90lbs 2 years ago with sparkpeople and then I thought that I was happy with myself and just went back to my old habits... I gained all 90lbs back and then some! It's hard to make a lifestyle change by that's essentially what sparkpeople is about. It's not really a diet, it's a way to help you change your eating habits for good. You'll fall off the wagon once and a while but don't beat yourself up about it. Losing weight isn't easy.. good for you for telling your friend to get off her high horse!

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Tuesday, November 03, 2009

I am bumming today. I have not lost any weight in over 2 weeks now. I know exactly why. Two weeks in a row I had days where I ate like I wanted to. I had about 4 billion Tootsie Rolls from Halloween. My husband brought home two HUGE bags when he thought we would run out of candy for trick or treaters. I CANNOT resist sweets. I don't have them in the house normally for that reason. I am a total sugar junkie.
I've been avoiding it for the most part, but here and there, I've given in. The results are that my weight has stayed the same and it sucks! I'm pissed off at myself because I have gained and lost more than 20 lbs at least 20 times in the last 4 years! I'm NOT kidding!
I'm pissed off because I go great guns and do really good and then I have the times where I'm eating with a frenzy.
I've been walking, but not every day. I STILL haven't started strength exercises because they suck frankly and I just ignore them. Then I hate myself because I'm a failure and a loser and don't do what I'm supposed to do and have no one to blame but me.
The only thing that is different is that I'm here doing this Sparks thing. I did Weight Watchers last year out of desperation, because I had never done anything like that before. I lost 40 lbs and stopped going because I was so ashamed that I gained 2 weeks in a row when the group leader had been making a huge deal out of me losing every week. I was embarrassed. Then I promptly ate it all back on and felt too ashamed to go back. This is where I am now.
I wanted you all to think I was like the people who are so successful here. I'm not.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KATIE135 11/4/2009 10:54AM

    I agree, don't be so hard on yourself, we have all been there done that got the tee-shirt. I started SP several years ago joined WW during that time but I just can't get the weight off. I don't know what is different this time but I feel better and I will make it, if I keep putting one foot in front of the other each day. Small steps.

I get my motivation from watching "The Biggest Loser" each week, if these folks can get on that treadmill each and everyday so can I. I also am reading "Lose it for Life" which had helped me a lot.

Keep going log all your food good or bad and learn from it. I am an emotional eater so I really have to watch when I am eating and if I am even hungry.

Keep going girlfriend!

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CONNEALS 11/3/2009 9:52PM

    This has been me for the last month or so. I am not watching what I eat as much as I should. As much as I work out, I know that it comes down to nutrition.

Head know what to do and you can do it!

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MWRIGHT8 11/3/2009 9:17PM

    Join the club!! I did really well for 6 months, then sat on a plateau for over a year because I started eating a little more and exercising a little less, now I've gained back 10 of the lbs I lost. I've beat myself up and called myself names - did it help? no! just made me feel worse! I'm an all or nothing kind of person too - and it really is frustrating!
Having said all that, let's get back on track - I'm on day 3 and it really is a struggle - please God let me get through a day without someone giving me one or more of those miniature chocolate bars!!LOL
You can do it! You have a whole lot of people here who understand exactly what you're going through. Pick a challenge that appeals to you from one of your teams and let the group support you and hold you accountable.
YOU CAN DO IT! The great thing about SP is that we are here 24 hours a day, 7 days a week! We are here for you. Together we can do it!


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STEPHANIE0904 11/3/2009 7:10PM

    I'd sure like to meet the person that got it right the first time. I tried more times that I even care to remember. I'm not quite sure how I got it right this time but I can be pretty sure that alot of it had to do with SP and the tools and the support that I received here.

Try not to be so hard on yourself. If there is anything I can do to help you please let me know. I sure don't know too much but I'd be happy to support you in anyway I can.


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DARLENEK04 11/3/2009 6:45PM

  Encourage your husband to help you succeed. I agree with
the other ladies...I have started and tripped and stumbled
more times that I can count.
Don't give up, you are worth the effort to get healthier.

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BIKERBABE2BE 11/3/2009 9:58AM

    I'm not sure who you think is so successful. It isn't me. I struggle everyday to get things right. Some days it works, some days it doesn't. The main thing is that you keep trying. You need to forgive yourself for any slip ups and get back on the program. None of us are judging you, all we want to do is encourage and support you. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You can do this, we can do this.

Start small...get back to your exercise program, drink your water and smile!!!

Good luck and remember I'm pulling for you! emoticon

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FITNIX 11/3/2009 9:18AM

  You are like the people on here who are sucessful; most people often have multiple attempts and many different set backs. I think this is my 3rd or 4th go @ SP and I am just now starting to really find my commitment.
It sounds like you know what you need to do, and what you need to work on; just try not to be ALL or NOTHING, and dont be so hard on yourself ;)

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Are you Gonna Eat That?

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

There are a few things that I find challenging in my home.
My husband is not a vegetarian and I am. I do most of the cooking. I'm not radical about not eating meat. I mean I don't expect him not to, it's just hard for me because I feel like I compromise my values when I cook meat for him. I've only been a vegetarian for a year, so it's new relatively speaking. I have many reasons why I have become one. I don't expect my husband to adopt my views. My whole way of eating is completely different than his.
For example, his birthday was yesterday so here's his meal request; Meatloaf, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, and of course birthday cake with peanut butter frosting. (did I mention I am not eating sugar either?) umm, yeah. Well, I made all that, because it makes him happy and it makes my stepson, his wife and my grandson happy, but I didn't eat any of it. That, was tough.
I also think, is it love when I feed them food that I think is essentially bad? I mean, what kind of person does that? Of course they don't think it's bad. Do I get radical and say hey, lets all mindfully have some of my delicious, fresh, organic, non-processed, veggies for dinner, instead of the processed, boxed, packaged, crap all of you usually eat, because I love you? Really, how is that gonna work?
This is the problem, I'm becoming a fairly "crunchy" gal, which is a personal evolution for me, and they have not. I like the changes I'm making and my thought is that I can only lead by example and talk about it without putting them down. My husband also cooks most of his own meat and shares whatever I'm having. The kids don't live here. I could go on a serious rant about their diets, but I'll save that for another post. Let's just say, the closest thing that comes to fiber in their diets is probably Doritos. Ugh!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DARLENEK04 10/28/2009 9:24PM

  I don't think you can force your beliefs on your husband. If
he wants to eat what you eat, then fine, but if you try to force
them to eat your way, then you will psuh them away.

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GET_FOCUSED 10/28/2009 7:00PM


I have tried to be vegetarian also and most of the time it works out for me except at dinner time as my meat loving hubby is the dinner cook. Some things I have found that work is to use veggie meat found in most produce stores. I have used this in lasagna, american chop suey, tacos and sandwiches. If I do eat meat is has to be game meat that he caught as that meat has no preservatives steroids or by products in it. Fish has to say Alaskin caught on the package.

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STEPHANIE0904 10/28/2009 6:45PM

    I've always eaten rather healthy so my family has as well. Now that I'm trying some new things I will say that they are at least willing to give it a try especially the kids. I was called 'flaxseed head' by Kenyon the other morning when eating a mixture that did not look all that appealing to him (and it really did not). I try and mix in my 'new' foods with some dishes we already eat so I don't shake them up too much. I know there are some things Kenyon won't even try like a quiche. I figure at 52 there's really no sense in even trying to try and change his mind on that. I will say that since I have met him he has tried a lot of new things and does continue to try things. Keep eating the way you like/are and maybe by seeing how well you look and feel he just may want to give some of it a try.

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JUNEBUG1944 10/28/2009 6:06PM

    If I were cooking only for me, I'd be eating a lot differently than I am. My husband requires steak at least once a week and would eat it more if I'd let him. I have cut down on the amount of meat we eat, but I still like it and I really don't want to go vegan.

I think if you are not eating meat, that is fine. But, I don't think you should push your beliefs on others. The only thing it'll do is make them unhappy. If they see what you are doing, it may rub off on them and they may come around, but if you preach, it ain't gonna happen. I think you are wise in doing what you are doing.

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OWLSHEAD88 10/28/2009 5:59PM

  Hi! I definitely know what you are talking about! I have this issue myself with my fiance. He eats meats, cheeses, chips, bread, butter, candy - blah blah blah. He eats absolutely no fruits or vegetables. I have always eaten fruits, vegetables and other healthy items. It's hard for me to understand why he eats the way he does. We are going to be starting our life together and it seems like he may have a heart attack any minute from all the fat and other junk he is consuming. Any tips for being supportive of myself and of him?

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I'll Just Keep Going

Monday, October 26, 2009

I spent the weekend with friends out at "the Camp", a beautiful rustic cabin in the woods, and ended up losing my resolve. I feel bad about it but not as bad as I usually do. I mean I usually give up and stop trying for long periods of time. Then I gain weight back with a few extra pounds thrown in.
This time, I came home, read all my Sparks emails and thought, "I don't have to do that. I can just keep going with my new routine and KEEP losing weight."
I mean, why do I have to just chuck all the work I've done, throw up my hands and call myself a failure? I haven't stood on the scale yet, I'm afraid. I wasn't eating non stop or anything, but I definitely wasn't counting calories.
Today I'm just going to keep going as if I wasn't off the hook all weekend and I'm not going to beat myself up about it. I've still been doing more good for myself then bad and that is what I'm going to focus on. So, I'm off to walk with my dog, and I'm hoping the scale is not showing a gain.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MA2DAPPLES 10/27/2009 2:59AM

    The roller coaster is horrible but you are doing the right thing and persevering. Keep getting back on track.

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IMNAMERICANWMN 10/26/2009 6:26PM

    You've got the'll git er done! We were at a meeting yesterday which is why I didn't do any tracking on Sunday...there was fried chicken there - I don't want to know! I only had one piece versus the 2-4 I normally would've had. I filled up the rest of the plate with low calorie stuff which is hard to find around but managed to get some sliced tomatoes and filled up the plate with them simply sampling the potato salad, macaroni salad, baked beans...if I did track, I probably was still within my limits, but sheesh, fried chicken I am afraid to even look. I am sure you maintained an awareness moreso than you might have on previous visits. Keep up the hard work!

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STEPHANIE0904 10/26/2009 11:50AM

    Great attitude. I started my day eating Hershey kisses - not so great on a Monday morning - not sure what got into me. I just started my day over. emoticon

I hope you have a great week.

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BIKERBABE2BE 10/26/2009 10:59AM

    Good attitude. Forgive yourself, dust yourself off and get back on the wagon. I did the same thing...I even went to the store and bought snacks that I didn't need and all they did was make my stomach hurt. I swear I have a fat hangover today. I'm back on track though and so are you. Good luck!

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SOCCERMOM172 10/26/2009 10:28AM

    Good attitude! Don't let one bad weekend ruin all the good you've done for yourself. We all have those days when we fall off the wagon. Maybe you should skip the weigh-in this week and wait until next week so you don't get discouraged. Keep up the good work!
emoticon emoticon

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JUNEBUG1944 10/26/2009 10:17AM

    Good for you! We all have those days. The thing is to not let one bad day mess up all you've achieved and all you are going to achieve! Have a healthy day! Forget about yesterday, it's over and done with!

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