Friday, February 03, 2012
As I lay here in bed, after what was going to be a great day calorie wise, I feel like kicking myself for rumaging through the cupbboards for SUGAR! I binge before bed and it's awful. When I was at my heaviest I did this frequently and it stopped for a long time, and now for some reason it's back and worse than ever. I can't just stop at a little bit, I go all out. I am not talking EXTREME binge eating but enough that it puts me over my calorie range and stores as fat since I am going to bed and not burning it. It just makes me feel sick, physically and mentally to know I am only hurting myself. I have started portioning things, so atleast if I come upstairs to stuff my face I will know it's a serving and I know how many calories in that serving, so I am hoping that small step will make me re think. I find if you just grab handfuls you can convince yourself that "oh it wasn't that much" or "oh that's just half a serving" or "not enough to count" oh boy are those thoughts WRONG. It all adds up and it only ends up hindering me. My only saving grace is knowing I probably didn't go over my "maintance" calorie zone, I am not in maintance stage right now however I know if I don't want to gain where I need to stay. That thought somewhat makes me feel better until I realize the crazy amount of fats and sugars I just consumed. Well that is my rant for tonight, it happend it's over I got it out of my system by telling you all, and now I just need to move forward and know tomorrow is going to be a better day!