Friday, October 07, 2011
I started out 2011 very strong, losing 10 pounds by February. Since then I've only dropped 3 real pounds, losing and gaining the same pounds over and over again. And I'm heartily sick of it. While I love all the positive comments on my friend feed every time I lose a pound, it also disheartens me because I know that I'm truly only re-losing the same pound I re-gained last week.
This week I reached a new level of frustration. I have been reasonably diligent about keeping to my simplified program but it's not enough. It's time to level up. Losing inches is great, but the pounds have GOT TO GO. I'm more than halfway to goal weight, but the remaining fluff just doesn't want to budge. So I'm going on the offensive. I changed my ticker to show how many pounds I have left (27). I will update only with pounds lost, not the occasional (and inevitable) gain so that it accurately reflects how far I have to go - and I stop fooling myself and others into thinking that I'm losing more than I am by a deceptive friend feed. I will redouble my efforts on both fitness and food tracking. So far this month I've done pretty well at both. But the name of the game now needs to be CONSISTENCY, CONSISTENCY, CONSISTENCY.
Why, after so many months, am I doing this now?
YOOVIE's blog about fear of success really resonated with me and got me thinking about why I've stalled out.
DH and I are seriously talking about trying to start a family in the spring. And I am NOT where I want to before I get pregnant. Pregnancy will be much easier if I am slimmer and in better physical condition.
I want to only have to worry about baby weight after giving birth, not baby weight plus the other stuff I was carrying before pregnancy.
A while back KITHKINCAID shared in a blog that one of her secrets to success is only updating her weight when she loses, not when she gains. It's a way of saying "Eh, temporary gains happen. Get over it and move forward." Plus it feels more honest to me and I want that right now.
I finally am just at breaking point with the constant 3-pound up-and-down wobble. Sick to death.
[deep breath] Okay. Resetting the ticker is a great first step. But I also have to get it MOVING. To do this I will:
Religiously track my food. No matter if it's difficult, annoying, or I just don't wanna. Do it anyway.
Do some sort of fitness activity every day. Like I said in my last blog, walking, yoga, and Wii fit count because I'm trying to work on flexibility, hand-eye coordination, and agility. But they only count if I am also doing 3 heart-pumping cardio sessions and 2 ST sessions a week.
Level up the ST. What I am doing now just isn't working me hard enough. The trainer at the gym at work has a reputation for bad-a$$ ST routines. I'm going to go talk to him and see what he can do for me.
Track my calories burned for a few weeks of consistent fitness, average it out, and update my nutrition goals accordingly.
This had better work: if it doesn't, I don't know what will. Does anyone have any other suggestions? I'd really love to hear them!
Sunday, October 02, 2011
Last month I lost 0.4 pound, stayed exactly even on inches, didn't stick to my program with iron-clad consistency, but met most of the rest of my monthly goals. So, on balance, I'm pretty happy and give myself a B. Here's my favorite non-scale victory:
Granted, I have on a pretty serious shaper. But the dress is a 10 and I'm absolutely in love with it.
I also had a major victory against emotional eating, which I blogged about last week; I'm still pretty proud of it.
Yesterday brought me another nice non-scale victory. DH asked me if what I was wearing was new. I said no, to the contrary, it's quite old. He said, "Oh, that's right! I keep forgetting that you're smaller now than I've ever known you and I don't know all your clothes anymore." So that's a twofer: I'm smaller than when DH and I met AND I have an observant husband who bothers to notice what I wear.
Right now I'm ready for a change and a fresh approach, so I think I'm going to change up how I do my monthly goals. I'm scaling back the number but making them more challenging and more focused.
Eat in my calorie range plus 5 freggies 5 days a week.
Do some sort of activity every day. Walking, Wii fit, and yoga count. (Gotta work on flexibility, agility, and hand-eye coordination a bit.)
Log 1000 fitness minutes.
Do 3 cardio sessions each week.
Do 2 ST sessions a week.
Sleep for 8 hours a night. Yes, every night.
Drink 8 glasses of water.
Drop to 169 pounds, a 3-pound loss.
Most of these goals are familiar. But enough are new - or at least more focused - that I'm hoping they'll help get both me and the scale moving. Notice that the goal weight is at the bottom of my list; it's there for a reason. I tend to lose inches more easily than pounds and I've - slowly and painfully - learned to focus on process, not product.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Last night I bought a new dress to wear to my good friends' wedding on Sunday. DH is a groomsman but I'm not a bridesmaid. And I know I'll be feeling awful because of my foot surgery later today, so I wanted to look as sexy as possible so I'd feel more confident. If this dress, in plum instead of the gray shown, doesn't do it, nothing will:
These images are really tiny. Go to this link if you want to see a bigger version; I recommend enlarging the details to really see the lace and sequins (uh,yeah, I'm biased, lol):
The best part is that it's in a size 10 and fits beautifully. (10 is my goal size!) Granted, I need a serious shaper to make it work. But it does work and makes me feel like a million bucks. I'll post pictures of me/us at the wedding in a later blog!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Yesterday was a rough day. The second rough day in a row, as a matter of fact. When I got home I wanted to pour myself a stiff drink and seriously binge eat.
But I didn't. Instead I poured myself a flavored water, turned on my favorite video game, and beat the crap out of some sociopathic rabbits. Then DH and I went out to a restaurant we hadn't tried before. He went for his old standby, burger and housemade chips, but I decided to try something more adventurous: a veggie sandwich with avocado and havarti on multi-grain bread, a fruit cup (which came without cantaloupe, woo hoo!), and braised kale. OM NOM NOM NOM NOM. OMG, it was delicious! And soooo healthy!
We stopped for frozen custard on the way home, which is a lot less healthy. But I happily got a kid's size with just a touch of hot fudge and was both satisfied and within my calories for the day.
As soon as we got home I tracked my food, packed my lunch and snacks for today, laid out clothes, and hit the hay. 8 hours of sleep!
The result? A profound sense of pride and a vastly improved mood today. And a better day!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
The past two days have been a series of small misfortunes, annoyances, and problems leavened with tiny victories. The net effect is that I want to curl up in bed, pull the covers over my head, sleep for many hours, pretend that none of it happened, and start over. Which, on balance, isn't bad. Sometimes days like this make me want to put my head through a wall.
The rollercoaster started first thing yesterday with my weigh in. As reflected in my feed, I was down 2 pounds. BUT I was up a pound from Friday - I've started weighing in formally on Mondays and informally on Fridays because weekends are really hard for me and I'm trying to diagnose the trouble spots. This is really frustrating because I was SO GOOD all weekend long. I got in a good run, only ate over my calories by 100 (total! all weekend!), ate my freggies, drank my water, and got good sleep. So how the heck did I gain a pound?! grrr
Then the coffeemaker jammed. As DH was telling me about it, the cat peed on the couch. DH proceed to stress out big time: he works from home and therefore is the stuckee for both problems. Not to mention the giant dish pile from having guests for dinner and doing some big batch cooking. Despite my seething, I soothed him and sent him back to bed. And did a touch of clean-up while waiting for the newly un-jammed coffee maker do its job. (Which it didn't. So I bought coffee at the cafeteria at work and DH took another crack at fixing the stupid thing.)
The rest of the day went much better. Ate my freggies, stayed in my calorie range, and was generally productive at work. Made a gorgeous chicken stir fry for dinner and got to bed at a decent hour. But I didn't work out - I'm having surgery on my feet on Thursday to remove 3 ingrown toenails, and my feet hurt so much that it's hard to work out. Yes, this is an excuse; I could ride the stationary bike and use my resistance bands in a seated strength training routine. But I didn't. And I'm mad at myself for that.
This morning went much smoother until I got on the road. It took me 70 minutes to travel 20 miles - at six freaking o'clock in the freaking morning. HISS, GROWL. To say that DC traffic sucks is an epic understatement.
So I did not exactly arrive at work in the best frame of mind this morning. Things took a turn for the worse in the morning staff meeting. I've been mentoring a guy who is new to the job but 10 years older than I am. He's sharp but lacks confidence and needs a lot of handholding and repetition to wrap his arms around things. But once he does, he's off and running. He's also had a serious morale problem for a few weeks, and I've been working with our boss to try to fix it. This morning my boss asked me to check my mentee's work - in front of the entire team. He just poured weeks' worth of work down the drain. And my mentee did the work correctly, so the boss humiliated him in front of everybody absolutely needlessly. After lunch I have to find my boss and call him on this. I'm sure that's going to be a fun conversation...
Tonight I leave work an hour later than usual because I got in so late and it's raining, so traffic is going to SUCK. And I need to get gas and load up on groceries for the weekend on the way home. And I promised DH I'd cook. So I get to do all of this later than usual, and on painful feet. Oh joy. The overarching goal is to get to bed on time, or even early if things go really well.
Here's the upside: I've stuck to all my healthy goals except for exercise. This should feel like a big victory, given the week I'm having, but it's more like cold comfort. Yes, I'm being a whiny little thing right now. I could easily deal with one or two of the things that have gone wrong this week, but the sum total is just kicking my butt. I'm embracing this right now since it feels more right than trying to talk myself out of it. I'll go through it rather than around it; my moods rarely stay sour for long.
[sigh] I'm off to eat the healthy lunch I packed last night (leftover fajitas in a whole wheat tortilla, a piece of fruit (tbd - I brought a bunch), and some iced tea) and see if I can salvage this day. Wish me luck!
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