another crappy day

Thursday, May 16, 2013

I had issues sleeping. I got overheated from hot flashes. This morning, I couldn't decide if I wanted to clean or walk. I really wanted to walk but the house is getting really dirty and it's bothering me. When I come home, i'm too tired. So I'm going to try to declutter so that we can have people come to clean again. of course, that's more fighting with my asshole husband who will insist that "we" can do it ourselves, "we" being me. He'll mention that he's vacuumed twice in the last two years. yeah. I need to think about what i should do without him and start that life. Might get a dog. ;)

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NAYPOOIE 5/17/2013 4:44PM

Not to suggest anything, but I am way happier with my dogs than I ever was with my (now ex) husband. For much the same reasons you mention. Report Inappropriate Comment

WOUBBIE 5/16/2013 2:52PM

Loyal. Loving. Grateful. Hmmmm..... Tempting.... Report Inappropriate Comment

Trying to be back on

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

After so many setbacks and just general sadness, I'm trying to give my weight more precendence. Work, of course, is overwhelming. My age is going up every day meaning I'm less likely to get pregnant. My husband generally won't have sex with me even if I'm ovulating. Almost everyone in my family is dead or over the age of 80. I stay away from people with children because my lack of children always comes up. I don't sleep well. I have constant urges for food. We'll see. I'll just do my best.

  

life

Sunday, April 08, 2012

So my period started yesterday. I've been really tired. Slept all day yesterday, most of the day Friday, sluggish today. The bleeding is a lot heavier. Looks like my fibroid problems are back. Only been 3 years since my myomectomy. I looked online to look at alternative procedures (not the first time). I always had hope that maybe a uterine embolization could do the trick, since it's not established what it does to fertility. But it mentions that although some women have become pregnant, it can induce menopause. Yeah!!!! fell off the wagon today. I don't really see the point to the rest of my life. go to work, come home, watch tv. everything is so disappointing. i'm so tired.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BETH_WILDE 4/10/2012 4:39PM

I'm so sorry that this is turning out to be so difficult for you! Have you spoken with your doctor about possible alternatives or maybe treatments that won't be as hard on your body? Report Inappropriate Comment

failed again

Tuesday, March 06, 2012

Another fail. This time the doctor said I might be running out of eggs as each try is getting worse. He suggested donor eggs. He also doesn't know I'm not implanting and said there is no way to know what is wrong. I don't understand why this is happening. Everything is hopeless. I wish my mom was here. I miss her so much.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENNIFERKCM 3/7/2012 11:04AM

My heart is broken for you. Can or have you sought a 2nd opinion? I went through 3 RE's more recently and multiple tests. Hugs and prayers coming your way. Report Inappropriate Comment

Infertility through a breeder's eyes

Friday, January 27, 2012

So I was talking with a single male friend (MF) and I got to hear his perspective and another male co-worker's (MCW) perspective. The other co-worker has a pregnant wife and is totally disengaged with the pregnancy. He knows not the smallest iota about pregnancy or babies and has no interest to learn. He is so ignorant, the other male friend, told him he should google it.

Well they were having lunch with a female former co-worker (FCW). The female co-worker said "well I'm going to focus on my career especially as I realize I probably won't be having babies." MF is aware that she and her husband have been trying for a couple of years, MCW does not. MCW says "why wouldn't you be able to have kids?" FCW replies well at 33, it's not as easy to get pregnant as a 16 year-old (context missing). MCW why is that. MF well a woman is born having a certain number of eggs and through time, there are less eggs. MCW - I still don't understand. FCW, the eggs are also aging so a 16 year old eggs are in better condition than a 33 year old. MF changes topic. None of this is a joke. For MCW women just get pregnant and that's it.

MF's friend asks him for money for IVF (it could be any ART really). She tells him, well there's a good chance the first try won't work, but the second try, will have a 99% chance. MF is like it's $15,000, that's like half a car.

I was luckily able to dodge the, so are you having problems having kids question. I guess I lucked out.

I was with my hairdresser/friend who knows I've been trying for the last five years and has had multiple procedures. She's talking about her new boyfriend. She's not sure he's the one since she has 2 kids and he has 1 girl and he says he would like to have a boy at all costs. He can't afford his one kid. She says well I had my last kid at 39 (unplanned) so it's no problem, you know black women don't have problems with that. No, I don't know since I'm obviously having problems. I don't say that, because then she'll probably remember and remind me about putting my legs up in the air the next time I have sex. Oh and she had an abortion when she was 15 and thought she wouldn't be able to get pregnant, but she has multiple times.

Of course, this is what I think about every waking minute. I'm just starting my eighth round and it seems like the hassle is actually getting worse. I think this is my last time. I can't stomach the expense. I'm going to try to get a new job, but by the time we build back up our savings, my fibroids will be worse. I wish the world would end.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SOXYINMO 1/29/2012 9:03AM

There is nothing I could say to help you feel better, though I wish there was. I do know that you sound like a kind, caring, articulate woman, and the world would be worse off without you in it. You are in my thoughts. Comment edited on: 1/29/2012 9:05:13 AM Report Inappropriate Comment

WOUBBIE 1/28/2012 11:29AM

((((hugs)))) My experience with infertility was much milder, so I'm not pretending to give you any deep advice, but I will say this. The conventional wisdom about not being an older mom because of the risk is just that, conventional and not based on modern science. I didn't get pregnant until 38 and 39, respectively, and, looking back, I wouldn't have had it any other way. I have SOOOOO much more to offer them that I would have in my 20's. I know it won't ease your pain right now, but it may give you a small ray of hope for the future. Report Inappropriate Comment