JCHRELLE_04   2,688
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"WAITING" for the Weight..

Sunday, April 28, 2013

First off, Sorry to my Spark Friends for my hiatus. I know how annoying it could be to not have a solid support and I am most def working on my consistency....

For the MONTH that I was away, I have had some successes and fails.
I have a car now! (yayyy!)
I'm planning a trip to Vegas for my Bday in OCT (My goal was to get out more)
Plus I have been more productive and making plans with old friends.
I have decreased work related stress tremendously by a new outlook
I am/have strengthen my spirituality.
I even surprised myself at how much I started socializing with new people

Okay.. but then I felt my journey stressing me out. I was getting bored and annoyed my weight loss slowed down. And I switched to WEIGHT WATCHERS. ..EPIC FAIL. I flip flopped with that for the last month and then I had a moment watching a YOUTUBE video. I thought.....

Why did it happen for HER all at once? I'm doing what she does and its not happening right. I did this before... (In college I went from 280 to 238) ...It happened so effortlessly then! What am I doing wrong now? This PCOS thing isn't making sense.. how did this happen overnight? I just went from 240lbs to 315lbs over the course of 6mos and I keep gaining and losing the same damn 20lbs. Why me? I'll never get back to where I was before let alone where I wanna be"......I complained about how it would be easier if I had a partner (Even though I did it before without one) and I did the MONDAY ROUTINE.. You know, when you say you will start on Monday.

I WAS SOOOO MAD AT MYSELF BY THE END OF THAT VIDEO BECAUSE I REALIZED I HAD FELL INTO MY OLD WAY OF THINKING.. that was the reason I stopped hanging with friends. Going places. Doing things... and I lost myself. It was all a part of my vicious cycle of fails. SO BEHOLD!!! There was a great lesson to be learned in this.. NOT JUST FOR ME but to pass to others.. Its not about how many times you fail. Or EVEN THAT YOU CATCH YOURSELF SLIPPING. Its about REDIRECTING your energy to what you CAN FIX RIGHT AWAY.. IF I CAN'T EAT PERFECT.. I can drink more water. PRAY MORE. SLEEP BETTER. TALK TO MORE PEOPLE. GET OUT MORE.
and let the rest come together. I'm by no means going to get this right all the time and I'm going to keep writing these blogs to remind myself... because we all forget that this is one of the HARDEST things we will do in our lifetime, so we need a plan of action for this war against ourselves too.


NEVER FORGET!!!!!!!!!!!!>>>>

-I'm going to have to accept the fact that IM NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. So no journey will have the same outcome.
-Its not going to happen overnight! I'm kicking habits that have been with me for most of my life. I cant expect myself to be PERFECT.
-Im not young anymore... the same effort used before needs to be DOUBLED
-I can't forget who I AM & what I DEAL WITH.. (example: I have Anxiety Disorder and OCD.. for that reason, its gonna make it harder mentally for me to push past my own expectations of myself and keep trying even when I feel like all has failed. What might not bother someone else.. will get to me. I need to just deal with it as it comes along.)
-BE KIND to MYSELF.. I can be my worst enemy. And I don't need that. I need to be supportive of myself.
-PCOS might be speed bumps along my journey but its not a barricade.
-AND LASTLY.. No one can want it for me.. Push me.. or be my crutch.. I have to be my #1 cheerleader.

I didn't lose anymore weight. I didn't run a marathon. I didn't even conquer drinking more water. But I learned somethings and I accomplished other goals. And thats what this is about. Improving our lives one step at at time.
And now that I have VEGAS to look forward to.. that will give me some much needed motivation to work towards a goal. I hope to be down at least 40lbs by my birthday. No pressure though. I win either way... I'm gonna PARTY!! lol

I HOPE YOU ALL ARE SETTING GOALS ASIDE FROM WEIGHTLOSS ...I know I spent many years saying I will be happy when I'm skinny.. I will date when I lose weight. I will go on vacation when I am smaller.
You can do anything NOW. Don't wait.

What can you do now that you have be "WAITING" to do?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LILSHINE 4/29/2013 10:48AM

    First, I'm happy to see you back and blogging.

Secondly, great blog. Great time spent analyzing your journey. It's much needed as you continue forward. I did it recently and it certainly helps you see where you're challenged, hindered or progressing. PCOS is a challenge and as I've discovered so is getting older. But I try to lay aside the age thing and just look at is as an excuse I COULD use but I'm not. One thing I've learned in my Christian walk is that I have complete control over things that concern me.

Keep at it, don't quit and you've got a great incentive with your up coming birthday and trip to Vegas. I'm sure you'll meet that 40# goal and then some. It's not a race but a life style of forever!!!

Weight loss is just part of the icing, but good health and energy is the cake. Blessing as you continue to success

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TLG71567 4/28/2013 1:42PM

    That's a great attitude. I just discovered that I also have PCOS and I agree it sure makes the weight loss difficult, but it also lets me know why I am having such a difficult time. I am not failing, it is just harder for me. I am hoping that the doctor will put me back on Metformin. Last time I was on it, my weight loss went considerably better. One thing that I have learned from SP is that even if I have only lost one lb in a month, it is still less than I weighed before. I also really like the idea that we are culmination of all of the choices that we make. As long as we are making more good choices than bad choices, we will be making progress towards our goals. Good luck on your journey. Keep up the good work.

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*riding the waves on a Cloudy Beach*

Sunday, March 31, 2013

This is about trying to maintain my composure when things get alittle rocky. ..

So, this month has been an experience. Work stress.. loss a mentor/friend.. and gain some clarity.. but mostly I am struggling to maintain my ground on South BEACH Diet. ..as for work, the Union formation caused a lot of division so I chose not to be invovled at all. Especially since the sudden loss of a mentor that sparked my love for performing arts. It not only touched me but made me realize I was so engorged in my job I forgot where I truly wanted to be down the road. Its best I pump my brakes and just learn to do my best & forget the rest.

This whole healthy lifestyle started strong.. and I still want it badly. But the fuel isn't so strong. It feels more like fumes. Its a struggle again. I hit a wall and I haven't even got far in. 22lbs lost and 100 more to go. ...its frustrating. I have comtemplated going to a doctor several times. At a routine gyno appt I was told pcos might be a reasoning behind my facial hair, skin tags, weight gain, and irregular periods. She finished off by saying "we can put u birth control or you can lose weight and it will help the symptoms" ...now birth control isn't an option cause my mother had negative reactions to birth control and genetically my outcome may be the same...as well as it will cause more weight gain. And I didn't know what pcos was and she made it sound like a cold. So after I discovered my aunt had been diagnosed and dealt with complications for yearrrrrrss ..I did my research and the fact that its well known that it makes weight loss difficult made me truly frustrated that my gyno was passive. And my primary doctor is a far cry from anything better so I'm afraid to even waste my money on a copay. I don't want to be brush off.. and I know I'm trying. Idk. I know I have to keep going no matter what the issue may be. Even if my friends around me are getting lapbands and dropping weight effortlessly... I'm still working out. Cutting carbs. No sugars... cause I know I'm ME! And I have to fight for it. And I will. But its mentally draining. Just felt like venting alittle. I'm still deciding if I should find a doctor to properly diagnose me and hopefully get better guidance.

Well sparkfamily... dispite the bumps.. we keep riding this wave till we reach land. We all know its worth it in the end. So Happy Easter! Eat smart! And its okay to not be so perfect all the time.
Thanks for reading my little rant. I will survive! Lol.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WOUBBIE 3/31/2013 8:36AM


You know, even if you got the surgery you'd have to work at eating right. It's just a tool, and you still have to USE the tool.

You have all your life to get this right. Just nail down one good habit at a time and build, build, build! It's hard to keep going, especially on a low carb way of eating, without support, so keep blogging and posting and asking for help and support.

It sounds like you're doing the right things for PCOS - it's not JUST about losing weight, it's about controlling your insulin levels. If you're having trouble sticking to the South Beach protocol, take heart, there are many other reliable plans out there, Protein Power, Primal Blueprint, Whole 9/Whole 30, etc. Maybe shopping for a fresh approach will help:


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ADAPTOR 3/31/2013 1:49AM

    Hey, 22 pounds is nothing to shake a stick at, you are on the road and making progress. Don't give up now. Sounds like a second opinion might give you more peace of mind, so why not get it? ANd kudos to you for not taking a short cut, but trying to change a life style. emoticon

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WALLINMW 3/31/2013 1:43AM

  Happy Easter!

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Beach Celebration

Friday, March 08, 2013

Yes, I took a short pause.. I had to refocus. I'm all good! ...I was struggling with my family doing their thing and I don't have many friends. So I was finding it hard to stay motivated and positive. But I learned you have to be your number you inspiration or you will always fail.

One thing I also had an issue with was my PCOS.. the reason I choose South BEACH living to begin with. So.. my TOM hasn't been present in a while and yet, the past 2weeks I kept experiencing cramping, fatigue, leg pain, and Depression. But I still just worked through it. And not only am I seeing the results now... but my TOM is back!! ...lol. Not often is a woman so excited about that.. but It truly put my mind at ease from all the fears running through my mind.

I also hit more milestones.. I am no longer in the 300's.. When I saw the scale I could have cried. Idk why because I have lost weight before. It just feels different. I have never wanted this sooo badly. My heart is invested. I feel the change in my moods too. I get over things quicker. I smile more. I feel more connected with my spirituality. Sounds weird but I think I made food so important in my life that I neglected all that I once loved. Its growth within this process. I also did my wii fit test and my wii age is 23!! .....younger than what I truly am. Its amazing the differences I see in a matter of 4weeks.
I still know I have quite a journey ahead.. but I'm so ready and focused.
So happy inside. emoticon

Photos I took of my start and current profile:

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LILSHINE 3/8/2013 3:21PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon Ok first let me say emoticon emoticon

now tell me how you got that tummy to go down (LOL) I have one that looks just like yours LOOKED!!! OMG! you're doing awesome.

I think you're overcoming Emotional Eating and you're growing in areas that you use to let defeat you. Awww as my daughter would say growing up so nicely. Sometimes it take us a while to get there but you're there and it's showing in your success. Keep up the great work and it's nice to see you back here.

P.S. Proud of you!!!

Comment edited on: 3/8/2013 3:21:26 PM

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WOUBBIE 3/8/2013 10:57AM

    How awesome for you! Great victories.

As you said, it's still a long road (that's good, cause life IS long) and every day and every choice won't be perfect, but if more choices are good than bad then you'll keep making progress.

You should start a journal/list today, noting down all these little victories, and add to it every time you notice another "win" or pass another milestone. Motivation for the long haul!

In the 2's!
Got Tom!
More spiritually connected!
More positive!
Look at those pics, baby!


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LADYJAKE1 3/8/2013 9:43AM

    Wow...you are emoticon

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WATCHMEGO! 3/8/2013 6:16AM

    Wow! What a difference in your stomach in only 4 weeks! Keep moving forward!!!!


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VPRYSOCK 3/8/2013 1:25AM

    emoticon emoticon

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SPSPSP1 3/8/2013 12:58AM

    Congrats on all your progress! Remember to be kind to yourself--even when you stumble.

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A break from "the beach"

Saturday, February 23, 2013

My sisters 21st birthday at Dave & Busters was soo much fun. It was my "chill day" I did pretty decent. I actually found myself stealing broccoli off my moms plate surprisingly. Guess the allure of "forbidden" food is greater than the actual craving. But I am learning the difference between eating to live vs living to eat and thirst vs hunger. I even learn that my irritability was proof that I used food to cover my emotions in the past.

I had an Aha moment as well yesterday. I am incorporating fitness now and to allot some give for my "chill day" I did some zumba and wii fit. My fitness age was 48 and I'm 26. I realized that I wasn't only physically, but mentally 48. I was stressed, body aches, tired, and depressed. I rarely went out. I just focused on the wrong things. Thats all going to change over time. I will get out more. I am going to let my hair down and relax. Even in nutrition... I know what works for me. Weighing, Measuring, Tracking.. its not for me.
And when I was preparing for this weekend I looked into the "Cheat Day" theories on youtube. A popular trainer on there explained something that made sooooo much sense. He said.. "I could eat clean for 100% and eventually go nuts and BINGE for months because of deprivation. OR I can eat clean 80% if the time and 10% of the time I can be free to eat what I please."
I liked that approach. Because in reality... when clean eating becomes a habit.. the bad choices aren't as bad as they use to be. Whats eating a slice of pizza, a cookie, and maybe Ice cream for ONE DAY after 2weeks of GOOD CLEAN EATING. Especially if I workout too. It kills the allure of a craving and you can pick up where you left off. OH AND TRUST ME... I know better than to XTREME BINGE or make it an every week thing. I have a LOOOOOONNNNNNNG way to go... with 135lbs to be lost It's no joke and I don't take it lightly. I am determined to lose this weight before I turn 28. I spent 26yrs fat.. and not really living. I'm going to enjoy the rest of my 20's like I have always wanted!!!!!!!!

So this weeks plan is to squeeze in more veggies and water.
I'm also going to stay on Phase 1 until I feel like transitioning to Phase 2. ..and allow my "Chill days" maybe once a month. My fitness regimen is kicking in. I'm def struggling but I am going to get it right. I'm feeling pretty good still. Like I said.. I have a LONNNNG way to go. I gotta just learn to keep enjoying the ride.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EDDYMEESE 3/3/2013 9:22PM

    That makes a lot of sense...just like the "day" of binging (which turns into a week for me) whenever I think about "starting over", you know? If you "start over" once a week and spend 2-3 days binging right before, what's the point? That's a bad habit of mine that I'm trying to break. I agree with the eating to live rather than living to eat, but it's a difficult line to draw, you know? I'm still working on figuring out the difference, lol.
But you know, when I really think about it, the only times I've ever been a healthy weight is when I've made exercise a priority and was conscientious of my choices. I have NEVER lost more than a few pounds (when I gain back) when tracking food. NEVER. If I stay active in general plus add in actual exercise and eat to live only, then I lose weight. I think it's hard sometimes to want to let go of tracking, though, because it's like we think we're being "bad" by not tracking every calorie. We're victims of the brain-washing, lol!

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LILSHINE 2/25/2013 3:52PM

    You're growing in the fact that you realize what works for you at this moment. I'm not a measuring, weighing type person either, but I change from time to time and become that person. Sometimes I look at it as a refresher to remind me of what portion is correct so I don't get a portion distortion going. As for the chill days I agree you need them and you also need to have some discipline which you have focused in on. It's a lifestyle and lifetime journey and with each leg you learn different things about your likes, dislikes, things you can handle and can't. You'll also learn that you're capable of doing a lot more than you thought possible. One step at a time and that fitness level will increase. At age 48 I started out only doing 10-15 minutes (mostly due to my back). Now still at 48 I workout consistently for anywhere from 60 minutes to 120 minutes. So each week or every few days add a few more minutes to your workout. You can do it

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RUBYCLAIRE 2/24/2013 8:29PM

    Good for you! That's great determination and if it works for you, that is terrific.
Personally, I can't do it that way, I find that if I don't measure and track, I end up eating Waaaay too much. I also can't rally have "cheat"days because for me it can last months, if not years. That's what's been happening to me now for well over a year.

Keep up the great work and maybe when the nicer weather comes back around, we can ll meet-up to go walking together along the bike path in Chelmsford or the esplanade on the river bank.

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A-DAY-AT-A-TIME 2/23/2013 9:31PM


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