Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Today is a red letter day for me. I am half way to my final goal. I promised myself when I got to this point I would buy some clothes once I got here and thank God! My pants are falling off my heinie and I need nearly new everything! What a terrible spot to be in (he he!).
I've been stuck at a plateau for 3 weeks now, not moving and finally today when I stepped on the scale I was so prepared to be disappointed yet again that I yelled "Aw, come on! Wait...Woo Hoo!" It has spurred me on to stomp on my wanton desire for an oatmeal cookie at lunch and to plan a healthy-er dinner tonight.
I am a member of the Slowest Losers and believe me, I am right where I'm supposed to be. I had hoped to be at my goal weight by the end of this month but I'm only half way there. Disappointed, yes. But to look at it with a positive eye, I'm not where I was last year. My habits have changed for the better. I climb right back up on that wagon no matter how many times I fall off, and I fall plenty.
So yes, I'm not at THE goal I had planned, but I have hit A goal. And I'll keep working at it, until I arrive at my destination, no matter how long it takes.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
So I made it through the holiday season mostly keeping my head just below the surface. Not exactly sinking but definitely not swimming. Mostly doing a lousy job of treading water. I gained weight, lost it within a week, had another bad bout, lost that weight and now I'm on a downward trend with my scale (I lost 2 more new pound, not the same ones over and over). So why to I keep binging for the last two nights. Well to be fair anytime I have free time at home I'm binge eating.
My first instinct is to say boredom because 9 times out of 10 if I'm binge eating, it's because I'm bored. I know I should get up and move my body or do something to stop myself but it's like taking a drug, the first few minutes it feels so good then you start to realize that it was a really bad idea that you shouldn't have acted on, but by then, it's too late.
I need to mentally shake myself when I start getting that desire and do something active to keep my mind off of what particular food is calling to me at that moment. I found out through genetic testing that I have something called dis-associative eating. That means food really does call out to me if I've seen it and I really have to fight to not go, get it and eat it. Since I am the only one eating clean in my family, there is TONS of stuff in my home I should not be seeing let alone eating. But my family's gotta live too.
I am stronger than this and maybe I need to get tough with my family and say, it has to go or hide it if at all possible. And no more watching tv for me for a while, at least until I can get a grip. Besides there is plenty to occupy my time without sitting like a lump. I think I'm going to try to schedule my home time, at least for a while until I can get out of this bad habit and intrenched in the new good one.
Anyway, I am proud to say that I've made it past the 4 months I usually do before I cave and go back to my wicked, wicked ways and have kept on going. I pick myself up every day and start again and eventually I'll lose the weight I need to, then it will be keeping myself from binge eating it back on. Self awareness is half the problem, working to fix the problem is the other half. And like most things, success starts with your getting your head on straight, the rest generally falls into place.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Boy, this was a rough 4 day weekend, fraught with conundrums, crisis, and carnage. Yep, I'm talking about my eating plan. I didn't eat healthy but I kept my caloric intake well within my boundaries on Thanksgiving, then it all went downhill despite my fervent promises I made to my health coach during our phone sesh. I got bored and watched television in real time, meaning on my tv as opposed to on my computer. And I've found that the food commercials on tv are hard to ignore, frequent, and downright insidious.
I think if I had found something better to do than to veg like, oh, I dunno...exercise; I might have stood a better chance of keeping to my plan. Alas, I fell self-imposed victim to the food ads and their tantalizing visuals.
But today is Monday and I'm all out of excuses as to why it is important not to waste perfectly good pie and stuffing. Back to my eating plan and a more thoughtful/stepped up attack on my exercise plan.
Just a bump in a long and winding road to recovery for this eating addict.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
So I've been doing pretty good lately with my daily menus and sticking to them. I even did well when I ate out the whole day when I was visiting my daughter. I haven't been good about being active during the week, but I'm trying to get back to getting to bed early enough to get up and exercise just to have the time to do it.
Problem is I'm in a plateau, no doubt because of the lack of exercise. This is the hard part for me, right around 4 months into turning my eating habits around, I start to want to eat what every one else is. In my mind all the stuff I used to eat is soo incredible tasty, though in reality when I have the odd french fry or chocolate kiss, eh, its okay. Not nearly as epically tasty as it is in my head.
I've never gotten beyond the 4 month point without starting to slide into totally giving up. I really don't want to this time. I keep telling myself, it really doesn't taste that great and its not a lie, it really doesn't.
I need to pull my socks up and get determined again, not lose anymore steam before I do fall back into my old ways.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
I don't know about you but I've been overweight since I was nine (that was back in 1969), I've yo-yo'ed up and down (more up than down) ever since. Its been so long since I was even close to what I should weigh, I can't even remember it. So visualizing how I will look thin is an exercise in futility, who knows what I'll look like?!
Do you ever look in the mirror and try to see your future thin self looking back? What will she look like, will you be happy with what you see once you get there? I'm pretty sure I'll be a whole lot more wrinkly than I am now, fat plumps the wrinkles out. I'm not really worried about it, I'm not terribly vain (even though you would never guess it from today's blog). But sometimes it feels like I'm looking for a long lost relative, I can't wait to see her but will I recognize her when I do?
I haven't really tried looking for a community that addresses this situation, but if there isn't, I wish there was. Sure they have 50 and over communities, but of those folks, how many were thin as a young adult then got fat and how many hovered over being thin as a child then left directly for the Port-ly-land Express? It would be nice to have a support system of those folks who have been in my shoes.
Anyway, I guess I will keep searching for my thin me in the mirror every once in a while. Eventually, she will be looking back at me searching for my old fat self hoping, much as she loves me, she will never lay eyes on me again.
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