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Lesson learned...

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Well, after 2 weeks of eating right and exercising I feel pretty good. As far as loss in pounds, there were none, nor have any inches been lost... but I just started so I won't get stressed out about that...

While I am thrilled that I can now exercise, I am going to have to tap into all the mental focus I can because I am more overweight than when I joined SP a year ago. In fact, I have never been this big before and it is so overwhelming to me. I am trying to cope with the dismay I feel of gaining all this weight, and in such a short period of time, and I am not happy right now.

I know that I have had some challenges and that I am only human. While I was recovering from surgery eating the foods I enjoyed helped me cope with what I was going through at that time... But I ask myself, if I could do it over would I do it differently? Maybe... I can't say that I didn't enjoy eating anything and everything that I wanted, because I really did... it was a freeing experience. However, it brought me to the place I am in now, and in hind sight, I know that I should have handled it better, but I didn't...


Well, since I can't undo what was done, I have to move forward and learn from my mistakes... I know that I will probably get depressed again at some point in my life, and that's ok, but I want to handle it better. Remembering how bad I feel right now will help if I ever get to the point where I want to throw all my hard work out of the window, because I don't ever want to go through this again... and this is the lesson that I learned...

In order to reach my weight loss goals, I will have to focus on my day to day accomplishments and not the number of "pounds on the scale" that I have to lose.. Because if I do this, my goal would seem near to impossible to accomplish...


To sum it all up, in a sense, I am glad that I gained the weight because so far I have not been tempted by any of those foods/desserts that would normally de-rail me... In fact, I look at all those greasy, fat laden, sugary foods with disgust... I no longer crave them, and I am repulsed by what I allowed them to do my body... so if I had to go to that place to get here, then it was worth it, because "I have" the control now and I am determined not to ever lose it again...


"I may be uncertain about exactly where I'm headed, but I am very clear regarding this: I'm glad I've got a ticket to go on this magnificent journey"... ~ Charles Pagels ~

emoticon ~ Dee ~

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARVELOUS50S 2/27/2009 12:40AM

    Hi Dee,

I am sooo glad to see that you are taking a positive outlook on your situation. The past is over with so we can not dwell in it and we must go on. You are my buddy and we will kick this together.

Even though right now it is baby steps you will look and feel fantastic. Keep giving me encouragement because I soooo need it, especially after one of the killer workouts.

LOL, Charlene

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GRAMMYSKIDS58 2/23/2009 4:14PM

    I am sorry for all you have had to deal with. We seem to get lost and turn to food. I am glad you have found a positive in the experience and now have the power to turn away from junk food. You are a strong woman and we are here to help you succeed in your journey and send you support wherever we can.
HUGS, Kathy

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MRS_TOAD 2/23/2009 11:23AM

    I am so proud of you!You have taken a difficult situation and turned it into a learning experience. Not only that, but you shared it with all of us!

I know, in part, what you went through. In six years I had seven surgeries. I ate what, when and how much I wanted. I ballooned up to 199 pounds. But unlike you, I used my challenges as an excuse. "See what these hardships did to me," I screamed to the world. In retrospect, I was all about self-pity.

Again, I am so proud that you have taken such a positive approach to what life has handed you. I am here for you! Lean on me! Dance with me! Cry on my shoulder! Whatever you need, I am here!

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IVYLASS 2/22/2009 1:58PM

    I would suggest, as I see another Sparker doing, that you post (or write down, wherever) three positive things that happened to you daily. It may be a simple as seeing a beautiful sunset, or as exhilarating as seeing the scale move. But every day, take joy in what happened to you.

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My Warrior Tattoo...

Saturday, February 21, 2009

This is a photo of a tattoo I was thinking about getting...


** Another view of the warrior symbol **

Here's a link that explains what all the symbols mean:



I was also thinking of getting a half-armband tattoo. For me, the tattoo and the pain associated with getting one, will reflect the pain I have had during my breast cancer journey, but the message and ultimate armband creation will reflect the beauty of my survival and the continuum and finality (broken armband) of life (on earth, anyway)... I will post the armband when I find one that I like, and eventually post my final choice...

emoticon ~ Dee ~

PS: Thanks Vicki, for the tip about hanging the pictures of the tattoo's, I think I will do that...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    That's truly beautful. I've been thinking i'd like one across my chest incorporating the design with my scars ... so it's a couple of years away. But I was thinking of coming up with design ideas now and starting out small with pieces around my radiation tats. You've moved me past the what if stage to the thinking about it stage. Namaste, Ann

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LUCKYDUCK2 2/21/2009 11:38AM

    Its beautiful. They say before deciding on a tattoo to hang pictures of it up for a couple of months and if you get tired of looking at it....wrong choice.

My daughter now has four and she did that with each one for six months each. LOL She still loves them. My opinion is still out on this one.

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IVYLASS 2/21/2009 10:17AM

    That's pretty!

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MRS_TOAD 2/21/2009 9:26AM

    How cool! Is it a reward or just a "me gift." Let me know if you get it!

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One Burn Circuit week down, 3 more to go...

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Tonight was my 3rd Burn Circuit and I didn't think I would get through it, but I did... It's been a week of "1st" for me, because I didn't think that I would make it to the 2nd circuit, let alone the 3rd one... emoticon...


I feel a little stronger every day... These workouts are tough and they are really challenging me...The mind is an amazing thing, it will want to go to "that" safe place and not want you to go beyond that "comfort zone"... I have to mentally, push myself through the workout, but as Chalene says, and this helped me push even harder... "don't think about what you feel like when you are doing the exercises...(you mean like, dying????)... "think about how good you feel after all that hard work"... When it was time for the cool down, I have to admit that it was a great to discover that I am stronger than I thought I was, and if I can do it anyone can do it... Talk back to yourself, when your mind is telling you "STOP"... just keep pushing, emoticon... listening to your body of course, and say..."I CAN DO THIS"... you won't regret it! emoticon

So I am done with my first week of weight training and I am looking forward to doing cardio for the next couple of days..


"I ask not for a lighter burden,
but for broader shoulders"... Jewish Proverb

emoticon ~ Dee ~

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LUCKYDUCK2 2/14/2009 2:01PM

    I knew you would get through it! You seem to accomplish all you set your mind to do. Congrats on making it through these tough goals.

Happy Valentines day.

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MRS_TOAD 2/13/2009 9:53AM

    Sounds like we were pushing together! I did a 30 min Wii Fitness Coach workout yesterday with Maya, my digital coach. Boy is she brutal! And yes, I felt like I was dying so I tried really hard not to think about it. And yes, when I was done I mentally was energized and pleased.

Keep up the good work.

((dancing in the sunshine))

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Motivation anyone ... just push play!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Yesterday was floor aerobics with Karen Voight... it was a choice between her or Turbo Jam ... Karen is more forgiving! emoticon...


So today is Day 2 of my CE program and although I look forward to it this evening, I know it will be tough.. and.... that's why I brought Chalene's motivational cd to work with me...

She has covered not only the physical part of getting fit, but also the mental aspect of it, which I agree, begins there... I am finding that after so many gains/loses of weight, yo-yo cycling, etc... that I need constant, positive re-enforcement to help me stay on track... If I don't lose weight fast, I tend to get impatient, and while logically I know that this is not realistic and is not a healthy way to lose weight, my mind tends to go there...

This cd is helping me to develop patience and to feel more confident about myself "right now", not just in anticipation of losing the weight... but accepting "where I am now" in the bigger scheme of things... Why should I wait until I lose all my weight to do something nice for myself...like buying a nice sweater or whatever...

I have been hiding behind big shirts and jackets for a long time and I am so tired of it, I do look forward to the day when I can put my shirt in my pants or skirt, or wear that form fitting dress ... but today, I can also improve on "me"... It starts now...


... so I will now end this blog and press play ... "I need a pep talk this morning"...

emoticon ~ Dee ~

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BILL60 2/10/2009 7:16PM

I liked the blog. You appear to be well on your way to loosing what you want to loose. I'm with you kiddo. Hang tough!!


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GRAMMYSKIDS58 2/10/2009 7:11PM

    I am proud of you.... you CAN do this!!! I was hiding in baggy shirts and sweat pants most of the winter also. But now is time to take control and be proud of who I am and what I have accomplished. I forgot the small things like exersizing (even if it wasn't everyday it was more than I did before) drinking water, eating more fruits and veggies. I am proud of me... I know I can do this... it took me 5 yrs to gain so maybe it will take awhile to loose (hopefully NOT 5 yrs).
HUGS, Kathy

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LUCKYDUCK2 2/10/2009 2:25PM

    That does sound like a wonderful CD . You are so right....this journey is about body, mind and SOUL. All three must be addressed.

Now if I could just find my mind. It keeps skipping the Country. LOL

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MRS_TOAD 2/10/2009 1:10PM

    What is the name of this motivational CD? Sounds like I could use to hear it today!

I admire your ambition! Could you package some up and mail it to me? emoticon

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Day 1 of CE...

Sunday, February 08, 2009

Well, I must say that this was one tough workout.... I am going to have to modify some things.

- The posterior fly does not agree with me, so I will be substituting the 90 degree or 45 degree dumbbell row, these will hit the posterior rear delts, but is less of a strain for me.

- For the lunge with the core rotation, I will substitute a waist twist, while holding my abs in, this one gave me a stitch in my left side...

- NO push-ups or chest presses for the time being due to my surgery....

- For the hip lift with the chest press, I placed a 10lb weight on my lower abs to add weight and just mimicked the chest press action without weights... I got a very good workout for my glutes..

I felt every bit of this workout and I am glad that it was not a long
one. emoticon

Looking forward to cardio tomorrow.... emoticon...

emoticon ~ Dee ~

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


Keep up the good work!!

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MISSY763 2/9/2009 12:14PM

    Go, Dee! emoticon

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MRS_TOAD 2/9/2009 10:44AM

    I love your ability to move forward despite the challenges!

You are definitely my heroine of the day!


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