Wednesday, February 13, 2013
On the TV show, "The Talk" today, they were discussing whether they were slaves to the scale. I liked what one viewer tweeted (paraphrased closely): "I won't be a slave to the scale; I know I'm overweight--I don't need a reminder."
Tuesday, February 05, 2013
Don't read this if you've just had surgery; you'll bust your stitches.
A WOMAN ' S WEEK AT THE GYM
For my birthday this year, my husband purchased a week of personal training at the local health club.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines... I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It 's a whole new life for me.
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too.
Bu_t hole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny witch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.
I hate Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the darn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off, and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy.
I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
Monday, January 28, 2013
If you have already indicated your intention to join the Winter 5% Challenge, you need to go to the site below and officially join.
If you would like to join this challenge for the first time, or after having been away for a while, you also may join now by indicating your desire at the site below.
See (a little less of ) you soon, 5 percenters :)
Tuesday, January 01, 2013
What will I strive for? A better me, physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally. The older I become, the more I find of me that I need to work on. In 2013 I hope to make some serious progress toward a better me.
Here's hoping for good health, personal satisfaction, love, joy, and prosperity for all my Spark Friends in 2013.
Happy New Year!
Saturday, December 01, 2012
Well, yesterday marked the end of our Fall Challenge, and after doing our final weigh-in today, it's all over.....until the Winter 5 % Challenge. I had an ambitious goal, and didn't make it, but I'm vowing to make it for the Winter Challenge. With holiday eating, and work making it hard to find time to exercise, it is indeed a challenge. But when is there not an excuse to overeat and under exercise? So if you're up to the challenge, let me know, and I'll clue you to when the Winter challenge is taking new members.
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