A Day in the Life of Jawjie

Thursday, June 12, 2008

I went to my first day of Payless this morning.

I didn't get very much sleep....I woke up at 7:15, rolled out of bed, put my hair up in a raggedy bun, swiped on some mascara and went to work at 8 am. Well, my manager wasn't there to open the store.

There was some drama...

After the drama ended abruptly, there was monotony. Haha...it was such a long day. I was there for 9 hours doing basically nothing.

And don't let my pictures fool you....beLIEVE me, I was lookin TO' UP today.
And I just felt really tired and I was hungry and there's no good food places in the mall and I started getting upset because I looked like such a slob.
I don't have a lot of clothes I can wear to work and I ended up wearing some unflattering old shirt that incidentally rides up around my stomach and creates the illusion of a pot-belly and some ghetto old black pants that have a hole in the thigh from being worn so much.
And I just looked so FRUMPY!

And one of the customers told my coworker that she was breathtaking. So that made me feel like even more of a slob. LOL.

Me and Justine went to look at puppies, and then we went to look at clothes, and we went to this really cute store kinda like Forever 21 and I couldn't afford anything there or fit in anything there and every time I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror I was absolutely aghast at the lumpiness.

You know how when you don't get sleep, you start feeling kind of woozy and weird, and your eyes start feeling itchy...and personally I get really emotionally unstable. So I got upset and I was just so tired and all I wanted was to cry and go to sleep.
LOL.

And I didn't get to work out today, and I didn't work out yesterday, and I tried to go to sleep but I couldn't.

I felt like doing something rash.

HAHA...

I decided to dye my hair....not a particularly daring venture but I just had this feeling I needed to change SOMETHING.

So I ended up strolling around Walmart at 10 pm talking to myself and looking for a present for Jaley's birthday.

I thought of the perfect thing. ;)


Now I'm feeling pretty chipper.



P.S. I saw a very cute blue polka-dot halter dress for VK that she must have....I think it will match her new blue clogs. ;) By the way, what size shoe does Violet wear?


I am really behind on replying to Spark comments...sorry I will try to catch up with everybody tomorrow.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VAGUELYPOETIC 7/14/2008 10:15PM

I can NOT imagine you looking frumpy. You are so gorgeous! And have such style! But I can totally relate. I have to dress in nice pants for work... all the cute ones at Macy's are too small, so I'm stuck with Torrid pants. Now, here's the problem. Size twelve is too tight, and size 14 is too big! Ugh! I just want to be trim and fit, and not have my legs rub together! One day at a time, right? We will do this. We are DONE! Brittany Report Inappropriate Comment

THELILMERMAID 6/12/2008 6:19PM

I know exactly whatcha mean sis! Those days SUCK. You need to get your A-game on and get rest and you will be the most pretty Payless Employee ever! haha. Violet wears a size 5 shoe in baby shoes. She wears a 12-18 mos. dress butt 24 mos in shorts, gotta fit that booty! hahaha. I'll see you and Justine soon! Be prepared to work off the Father's Day food with me on sunday. Report Inappropriate Comment

FATALFIASCO 6/12/2008 4:55PM

I agree with Karen. Everybody has off-days. And I know what you mean about being frumpy! I work at a bank, so my clothing has to be "business casual" except on Saturdays. It can get pretty depressing when all the other tellers have really cute outfits and I'm stuck wearing the same three pairs of pants all the time. Hehe. Just remember, Miss Jordan, that you are loved and all of us are cheering for you! I hope you have a better day tomorrow and a FANTASTIC weekend! Report Inappropriate Comment

KAREN_01 6/12/2008 12:12PM

I hope your day will turn out better tomorrow!! YOu are such a stunning woman, you should never have to feel inferior to someone else. You always look breathtaking in your pics. As for feeling frumpy, sometimes we just do. We can't look our best every day. Have a good night sleep tonight,you hear? Report Inappropriate Comment

heavyweights

Friday, May 30, 2008

Well it's about time I made a blog.

I............................am done. Are you surprised?

Of course I'm done! DONE DONE DONE DONE.
dun dun DUN!

It's 4:19 AM.....I have whacked out my sleeping schedule since summer started, and I have been trying to get back to normal.... Last night I tried to go to sleep at midnight but I just couldn't fall asleep. So I've been sleeping til 1 PM every day.....but I have to work at 9:30 this morning!! So you see my dilemma. Hopefully I will get back to a respectable sleeping cycle by the end of the weekend. *cross fingers*

If you were wondering.......I passed my portfolio review.
Of course!
Did you doubt me?
Well I doubted me....LOL! I feel like I did almost everything in my power to fail that review....self-sabotage at its best. But like I said before, I just keep succeeding despite myself! When will I get what I deserve?! I deserve to be punished! I deserve failure!

Lol....I'm just kidding. Well, partially.
I have come to realize, in all seriousness, that I have developed a desire for failure. I used to think that I feared failure, now I see that I crave it! All my life I have never utilized my full potential...but I get away with it! I think something inside me WANTS TO FAIL....because maybe if I finally fail then I will finally learn my lesson, and learn to try my best at things!


I have broken up with the scale! It was a nasty breakup....not amicable at all. I threw him out of the house!
LOL...ok not really. I made that dirty, lying scale sleep in the living room! (seriously!)


OK, I am behaving very oddly....I tend to do that when I am awake til the wee hours of the morning.

On a more serious note......I will get healthy this summer. It will happen.
I will learn to be healthy. Something I have never done.
I'm not saying I'll lose all the weight I want this summer, but I will learn to be healthy. I will make changes to my lifestyle that I know I can maintain. I will not overexert myself, but I will try to challenge myself. I will learn to eat without obsessing over food or relying on food to distract me from my anxieties. I will become an active person.

And as I become an active, healthy person....as a result I will begin to weigh less. It's logic!
Have you ever considered.....what if you NEVER WEIGHED YOURSELF...for the REST OF YOUR LIFE?

Doesn't that boggle your mind?!

What if you developed a healthy life...but you never weighed yourself again? How would that feel?
BOGGLE!!

DOWN with the scale!


This is me kicking the scale to the curb! LOL!

Enough weirdness for one morning....

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

*PBJMOMMY* 6/5/2008 5:49PM

i love a good 4am rant!!! I am all for the healthy living babe! Report Inappropriate Comment

TRES_ME 6/2/2008 7:23PM

A sign of life!!! Of course you passed your portfolio review! I suppose procrastination and exams have always gone hand in hand. They did for me anyways. But I don't want procrastination and health to go hand in hand... that would be bad. Hope June will bring you happy healthy times! Report Inappropriate Comment

MRSMIZZLE 6/2/2008 5:39PM

I think a lot of people have an unhealthy relationship with the scale...I am trying to keep mine healthy...its HARD though! Way to go making a decision about yours though! ~Mon Report Inappropriate Comment

FATALFIASCO 5/31/2008 10:11AM

JAWJIE! I love your blog entry! It's random and fun, just like you and me. :) I actually was living quite a long time without a scale, but I bought one when I joined SP. Lawl, ironic kinda. I think I am gonna read some more of your blogs so don't be surprised if you get a lot of comments from me today! (I am sitting at work with NOTHING to do! :P) Have a TERRIFIC Saturday! Report Inappropriate Comment

HAGHVERDI 5/30/2008 9:34AM

I love the "you" at the bottom kicking the scale. I wish I could be as strong as you about kicking my scale. But your logic makes a lot of sense to me, I agree with you that if I eat good and shake my booty then I will lose weight. But I just can't stay off the scale, its weird I know. I am proud of your commitment to get healthy this summer, I am with you girl! Report Inappropriate Comment

DONEPAT 5/30/2008 7:32AM

Hey- I hope you got some sleep! I've been keeping odd hours myself- I sleep about 5 hours a night and then do a "nap' in the afternoon. Lately, no nap. I can't figure it out, oh well. You are getting very healthy and doing great. Your blog was not weird. I know what you mean with the scale. Imagine, - never having to think of the scale or your weight again! What a concept. You know what even boggles my mind? There are people out there who don't think about food, and what they eat, and they go out and live and don't have that worry. Now I sound weird! You are doing AWESOME! And as for the failure part, I don't think that you "strive" for failure, you - just don't think you have enough confidence in your own ability yet. But your creativity shows in your video contest your photos, everything! You've got a lot going on. I'm so glad that you are getting healthy NOW. Because, when you get older, all that bad stuff creeps up on you and attacks you at once! Keep on keeping on. Just get some sleep. You can do this, I know you can. Love ya Patty Report Inappropriate Comment

no matter how hard i try....

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

No matter how hard I try to fail, it just won't work, dammit! I keep on succeeding despite myself! I slack off with a vengeance, I procrastinate myself to exhaustion....and what do I get for my efforts?? More success! What's it gonna take to fail around here??!

LOL.......the posters in the middle are mine that are being showcased in the art building. Not sure how much you can see of it. Review is over.........95% sure that I passed it....

More to come later on this topic: "fear of success"........ ;)

jordan

(if you are confused please consult blog "sparkfast" of april 2 2008)

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JADEDCHICK2004 5/24/2008 3:40PM

I'm sure you did GREAT sweetie!! Report Inappropriate Comment

TANSHAN1 5/8/2008 2:12AM

Girl, You are just TOO funny!! I'm glad you got through the stress time and can come back & play now!! Report Inappropriate Comment

KAREN_01 5/8/2008 2:06AM

It looks really great, congratulations! You did a good job. Enbrace success!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

*PBJMOMMY* 5/8/2008 12:26AM

you rocked it, I can feel it!! COngrats on the showcase!! you deserve it Report Inappropriate Comment

MELLOW_YELLOW21 5/8/2008 12:09AM

Wow...when I was reading this, I was like..ummm....she's crazy haha....I think we tend to feel that way sometimes lol....like it's expected lol You are talented :) Report Inappropriate Comment

don't look back, got a new direction

Sunday, April 20, 2008

I am starting to see myself in pictures again! Do you know what I mean? I don't see a fat lazy person anymore.

I don't have time to write an in-depth blog today, but I wanted to say that I have been feeling so much better this past week. Maybe self-acceptance or something? ;)

All of a sudden I'm obsessed with this song. Nope, not a Bible quote this week. :)

It's from Jordin Sparks' "Tattoo."

"I realize nothing's broken
No need to worry about everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back got a new direction"

And y'all don't forget to vote for our video at this link!
The one called Change Your Future.

http://www.texassaves.com/vote.php

Help us win $2500! Thanks! :)

jawj

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MALELIKESFOOD 6/14/2008 10:51PM

i'm obsessed with this song TOO! I didn't even know who sings this, in fact I was taking a look at Google and I put there the Lyrics that I remembered better: ("don't look back get a new direction") to see who's the artist because I hear it in my mind when I go to sleep, when I wake up, during the day... what's happenning with me? So the first thing that I found was this blog; didn't even know "SparkPeople.com" existed... so I signed in just to make this comment... and here I am! P.S. My GOD you're a diva! You're absolutely BEAUTIFUL! Report Inappropriate Comment

FATALFIASCO 5/31/2008 10:14AM

So, basically I am extremely jealous of how friggin' GORGEOUS you are! , this girl is on FIYAH! Much love! Report Inappropriate Comment

SAYMORRE 5/11/2008 7:51PM

That's because you look gorgeous! Report Inappropriate Comment

MELLOW_YELLOW21 4/22/2008 3:31PM

I voted for ya! Report Inappropriate Comment

*PBJMOMMY* 4/20/2008 8:05PM

YAY!!! I'm glad your feeling better...you look really good!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

PUMPKINFACE73 4/20/2008 5:18PM

Hey girl.........I love me some Jordin Sparks too.....Lol YOU are beautiful......Woo Hoo to YOU Hugs Heather Report Inappropriate Comment

Why do I do the things that I despise?

Monday, April 14, 2008

There is a certain Bible passage that comes back to me over and over again. It resonates so strongly with me because it's relevant in so many situations in my life, and it also correlates with the idea of self-sabotage.

I perpetually find myself doing the very things that I hate.
I overeat, I procrastinate, I gossip, I'm selfish...why am I doing the things that I despise? I don't understand what I'm doing. I don't understand why I hurt myself by acting this way.


"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate, I do.
...As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.

For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.

For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.

What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."

Romans 7:15-25


"When I said, 'My foot is slipping,"
your love, O Lord, supported me.

When anxiety was great within me,
your consolation brought joy to my soul."

Psalm 94:18-19

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AOGOAE 5/25/2008 4:02AM

Psalm 94 is one of my favorites, it helps me through hard days. I hope it does the same for you! (I know this is an old blog entry, but it's new to me!) Report Inappropriate Comment

JADEDCHICK2004 5/24/2008 3:35PM

Oh trust me, I get in funks like that too! But I just keep pressing thru with the Lord's help. He helps me out so much with just life stuff, even my working out and controlling what I eat! Its amazing how powerful He is! Report Inappropriate Comment

TX_WILDHEART 4/18/2008 8:00PM

Well darlin... sounds like you are in a funk. Just remember one thing: GOD DONT MAKE JUNK!!!!! HE loves you just as you are... always has, always will.... and we all love you too! ANd anytime you get closer to GOD, temptations and old habits are always close by... but we are stronger... by HIS grace! You are a beauuuuuuuuuuutiful girl and you deserve all the blessings !! No junk... we luvs ya! Rhonda Report Inappropriate Comment

MGMSWIFE1999 4/18/2008 10:25AM

I loved it when Jesus said "In this world you will have troubles, but don't worry---I have overcome the world!!!" (That's a Texas paraphrase by the way--LOL). Don't you think it's great to know that even when we're weak--the Lord's strength is perfect. We are made more than conqueror's through Him!!! Comment edited on: 4/18/2008 10:23:48 AM Report Inappropriate Comment

FEATHERGIRL34 4/15/2008 2:48PM

Hey Girlie!! We are all guilty of that at some point or another. The key to conquering this in ourselves is to first recognize it and then to act upon it!! You don't have to be a slave to these things, you can overcome them, one at a time. You can do it! You are a GREAT person and I believe that sometimes we forget our greatness, or don't allow ourselves to believe that we are great, but, we are!! God brings things to our minds for a purpose, and He helps us along this path that is life, and He will help us to reach the end better and happier, if we allow Him to!! I love ya girlie, you will be fine, you are human, just like the rest of us!! Have faith and don't give up!! Report Inappropriate Comment

BESTGIGI 4/14/2008 4:19PM

Did you know... that is my favorite passage - Psalm 94. Hang in there, you just have a lot going on right now. This is not a race you have to finish right this minute. Give yourself a little credit for some really good work, both with diet and at school. You are doing a great job. If I could see you now I would give you a gold star! and a hug! Report Inappropriate Comment

*PBJMOMMY* 4/14/2008 12:46PM

Don't worry hun, I feel the same way. We cannot expect ourselves to become sinless overnight. We need to keep up the positive self talk and little by little these things will fall away. Weight, gossip, overeating and feeling low self-esteem. Keep it up your still doing amazing! Report Inappropriate Comment

TWEAVER0715 4/14/2008 11:01AM

Wow. Isn't it amazing how so much in the Bible relates to our own feelings in todays time. Report Inappropriate Comment