Sunday, May 07, 2006
Yesterday I was a total bum. I did a load of laundry & not much else. Mac made delicious cheese-stuffed manicotti & Italian bread & I ate as much as I wanted. The only veggies were some sauteed onions and portabello mushrooms. I stopped eating when I was stuffed, then ate some more around midnight.
Every bite was delicious and I hadn't eaten so decadently since I started tracking things more seriously a couple of weeks ago. Yes, it was delicious; but in the long-run, it wasn't good.
Although I'm not yet at the stage of following the nutrition guide, I've been trying to get closer to the recommended amounts over the past couple of weeks and, as such, I've been eating much healthier foods and smaller portions.
As a result, yesterday's binge made me feel sick. I had heartburn right away that continued right thru the next day. I actually had acid reflux, which was painful and NASTY. My stomach felt heavy, like I was carrying around lead balls, and I've had terrible gas and belching: all the result of too-rich/too-much.
It was not a happy, satisfied feeling that comes sometimes in indulging in something you've withheld from yourself for a while. I would've been much happier if I'd had a small portion of the delicious carby stuff, 3/4 plate full of veggies, a half mile walk, and a 1/2 cup of ice cream w/ cofffee before bed.
I hope I'll remember this feeling.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Last nite my son wanted me to stay up late & watch a movie w/ him. I would've felt guilty not doing it, so I gave in but couldn't get to sleep then till almost 5 a.m.
So I woke at 11 a.m. and feel bummed b/c I finally had had some success the day before and now *poof* back to a whacked out sleep cycle.
I'm also shaky today. I'm out of one of my meds & we're short 1 car, so it's a taxi for me & I get so anxious about going out in public & having to deal w/ ppl alone. I do fine when I'm there, joking, reaching out, acting like I'm used to being in the limelight, but I HATE it! I've no idea why.
I'm tired, it's 2:30 p.m. & I've done nothing around the house or even exercised yet. I watched what I ate, am drinking my water, am doing a few other "sit-down" goals, but I feel like it's nothing of substance.
And I think, "Who cares when the bottom line is visible results? If my family has no clean clothes to wear tomorrow, and dinner isn't made so that we have to end up scrounging, who GIVES A FLIP that mommy did her kegels, wrote in her journal, and had 8 fluid ounces of water today?"
I'm just so darn selfish and self-obsessed. Why can't I get up, get out of myself, and MOVE?
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
I can not believe it, but I went to sleep at 11 p.m. last nite & was up at 7 a.m. this morning after a full, and restful night's sleep! Maybe eating healthier & walking is helping already? Could it be possible?
I'm craving smokes this morning, but I think if I get out and walk & drink water, they'll diminish.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Doing pretty good today. It's early afternoon, so I still have a ways to go.
One thing that bothers me is my history of getting off to a flying start on something & then fizzling out down the road.
I'll try to take it one day at a time, like quitting smoking. I'm Quit for 70 days now.
To my disappointment, I've had to reset my "waking up time" goal to 11 a.m. instead of 10 a.m. To anyone else, this must sound so self-indulgent, but the problem is my inner clock is out of whack due to depression, meds adjustments, and quitting smoking.
I take my meds earlier and earlier at night, but I haven't been able to get to sleep until 3-5 a.m. It's very upsetting. Most of my productive hours when the kids are in school are gone when I wake up.
Little steps, that's all I can do. I'm trying not to feel guilty b/c I should be like "other ppl" and "doing more". I really feel that way.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Much better today. A wonderful 30 min. walk w/ all the trees, irises, damp soil smelling so good, cool breezes. Ideal spring weather.
I managed to reach almost all my goals. My day's plan for tomorrow besides the "other goals" is to do 2 loads of laundry, pay bills, and clean the kitchen. Manageable.
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