Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Spark friends, I just have to tell you how excited I am! I have decided to conquer the Spark food tracker (yes, it's 15 weeks later, but I do usually use a tracker...just not this one.)
I had the ingredients to make one of my favorite breakfasts on hand this morning, so I cooked it right up for myself. The awesome part is that I not only ENTERED a spark recipe and shared it, but that a serving of it is less than 300 calories. I'm trying to only eat one serving, because I think one would be enough to fill up a normal person, but I just love it so much and want to eat more.
All those weeks ago, I didn't accept the nutrition challenge to add a spark recipe and share it, but I'm going to go with the "better late than never" philosophy. :)
I might even bring it to work and heat a slice up for lunch too! ;)
Sunday, June 19, 2011
I have thrown a mental tantrum over the past few days, and now I have to get a grip. I joined this site because I wanted to do the RFML 100DTS Challenge. I have 5 pounds I could lose, but I'm here more to tone up my action. I don't weigh myself much because I always weigh the same. Every few weeks I'll hop on a scale, it says the same as always, and I hop back off.
When we started the 100DTS challenge, I was really into it just like everyone else. I ate right, did exercise, and felt good about myself. I began to see results and I was happy. Eventually, I hopped on the scale and saw that I had lost 3 pounds. That was fun. A couple weeks later, when I hopped back on and the number was back up to my usual number, I didn't mind. I don't hate that number, and since I was still eating right and exercising (though a smidge less), I could attribute those pounds to gaining muscle.
Here's where the story goes wrong. I've been exercising yet a little less, and eating yet a little worse, as the weeks have gone by. Not terrible. Just not as well. A week or two ago, I realized that I wanted to seriously recommit myself to the challenge. (Side note: easier said than done.) So I have eaten better, exercised more, and I thought I was doing well.
Wednesday, I hopped on the scale...right after stumbling out of bed in the morning, unclothed, so I would be at my lightest. I'm not above a little self delusion or number tampering. I HAD GAINED TWO POUNDS! Let me just say, WTF!?! Of course, since my weight is ALWAYS THE SAME. I didn't freak out. I blamed bloat. Guess what, though? It wasn't bloat. I know because on Friday I got on the scale again, since these two pounds have me trippin', and they were still there. A person with sense would probably have done a work out, drank some water, made a healthy breakfast, and looked to spark friends for support. Of course, I didn't do any of those things. I WENT ON A FOOD BENDER.
I got really internally pouty, and put on my "screw you healthy lifestyle" stank face. I don't think I have made on healthy choice all weekend. I had a milk shake from Carl's Jr. (totally worth it), a quarter pounder with cheese meal (not great), McCone (not even hungry for it), McCookies (not bad but not great), Velveeta cheesy skillets (yuck), tortilla chips with cheese dip (could go for some right now), slice of pizza (might have been good hot), cupcake (I hate frosting), cheap red wine (elixir of life), and margaritas (one's tasty, four are a recipe for disaster).
In Summation, I sabotaged all my previous efforts because I felt p*ssy and pouty. I didn't like what I saw on the scale so, instead of being an adult about it, I had a tantrum.
I'm blogging to say that I'm done with that now. Also, I'm done with the extra two pounds I've gained. I'm going to get rid of them, along with 3 other pounds I'm going to think of as "insurance" pounds. Finally, I'm going to try to only eat things that I can put on a list followed by "good" or "great" in parentheses. If it doesn't fit the "good" or "great" criteria, I'm going to put it down and move on, because I need to have some damn sense.
Sunday, June 05, 2011
I still write down all the challenges every week, but for me earning a point is more like a check mark. I enjoy checking things off of lists. Then every week I submit my points and think, "Not bad, but hopefully next week I can do better." I love the camaraderie of the challenge and the sense of accomplishment I get when I've done the things on my list. And I'm getting STRONGER.
Last week, I didn't even submit points. I was camping. And eating. And mainly drinking. I didn't track food, didn't remember what exercises to do (or have any interest in doing squats in my tent), didn't have a computer to blog. Good news, the Earth didn't stop turning. Over the course of the challenge, it seems like many people have realized their sun still comes up and goes down whether or not they give it their all.
I've been catching up on blogs, and I have seen a somewhat common theme. It goes like this: the challenge is just about over, we've learned a lot, we've made some changes, and we've run out of steam for really giving our best...so we're just going to be happy.
I don't hate that idea. Heck, I want to live it. Reality check, though:
WHO SIGNED UP TO DO THIS BECAUSE THEY ARE SO HAPPY WITH THEMSELVES?
Hopefully, we're all happier now than we were at the beginning, because of what we've learned and the great support we've gotten. Before, I knew a lot about diet and nutrition. Now I know a lot more. I used to look at exercise like it was out to hurt me and steal all the time in my day. Now I know that I can do 150 jumping jacks in just a couple minutes. I signed up for the challenge because I wanted to feel stronger and tone up my action.
Think about why YOU signed up. Did you want to be thinner? Stronger? Healthier? Three weeks is still a long time. You could move closer to your ultimate goal. You could go out with a bang. You could try to have your best three weeks yet. You could feel not just good, but GREAT about yourself. But you have to TRY!
Here's the thing, I'm starting to feel lonely. I was already worried about whether or not I'll be able to stay motivated without the challenges and the support once the 15 weeks are over. Now, it sounds like many people have already moved on. Is anyone here still into the challenge??? I am looking for buddies with whom to kick some a**. ;)
Here's my point. No seriously, I haven't blogged in a while and I get a Balance point for it. Now I'm going to go check it off my list!
Friday, May 20, 2011
This is in response to a friend's blog that I read today.
I was a stay at home mom for 8 years. Even now, I only have a part time job 4 days a week while my kids are in school. So I still drop them off/pick them up/force them to do homework/etc. Finding childless time to go to Target and the grocery store is the only tough thing I've encountered so far about being employed. I LOVE my job. It's a place to talk to adults while nobody's screaming/crying/fighting...and they pay me. I feel like I'm pulling something over on somebody.
Here's how I see it: STAY AT HOME MOTHERS ARE NOT MEANT TO THINK STRAIGHT. Craziest job I ever had. There is no other job in the world that NEVER ENDS. Up all night with a crying/barfing/screaming kid? Too bad! Get up after 2 hours of sleep and....feed screamer/barfer, do some laundry, load kid(s) in the car for another horrifyingly painful trip to the grocery store (try to remember your coupons because you're on one income), call Red Cross to clean up the tornado that is your house (oh wait, THAT'S YOU), and most importantly TRY NOT TO SCAR CHILDREN FOR LIFE by losing your schmidt 10/20/50 times a day. Oops, I mean mold your child(ren) into worthwhile human beings by crafting sh*t on your kitchen table that you'll then get to clean up.
Let's address self esteem. Stay at home moms, please feel free to feel ugly or uglier. I'm pretty sure those are the only choices. You don't earn a paycheck, so you get to feel like you shouldn't spend on crazy things like new bras. Because they're expensive and you can make do with the the threadbare crap that doesn't even hoist the sisters half way to where they were before you grew people. Your man wants to DO IT, and of course you are up for it at all times because you are definitely at your sexiest in a disheveled pony tail, overly snug jeans, a shirt with kid barf smell, and sagging bra. Oh wait, you feel gross, because mothering is about hugs, kisses, love AND a whole lot of fluids you're regularly covered in that nobody told you about before you started incubating another person.
Sorry, this wasn't meant to turn into a rant. This is actually how I have lived for MANY years now. It's a constant crazy range of emotions and thoughts that come from NEVER BEING OFF DUTY. When I'm feeling down, I want to find some evil way to get back at my husband for sitting down in his chair like a lazy sack of man, and putting on his shows to watch while I still feel obliged to do dishes/laundry/etc. The reason I don't lose it on him is because he would be fine if I decided to sit down with him and do nothing. He doesn't put the pressure on, I put it on myself. How messed up is that???
I have beaten myself up time and again about whether I did more damage than good as a stay at home mom. I actually got pregnant (after 11 months of trying), was thrilled, got to month 2 and had a complete panic attack about giving my baby to day care. I told my husband I COULD NOT DO IT. I've had two real freak outs EVER (the end of days kind) and that was one of them. My husband had never seen anything like it, so he said, "ok, we'll move." We moved to Las Vegas when I was 5 months pregnant, so that I could be a stay at home mom. Long story longer, I uprooted my whole life to stay home and raise my baby...and I'm still thinking I wasn't even good at it.
The thought the keeps me going is that if you were at work instead of stay at home mothering, you'd come home and you'd STILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH ALL THE CRAP. I mean, you'd get home, have to make a meal, bath time, story, hug, nigh nigh.....and any fighting that would come with those things. While you're at home, you get to enjoy your kids being who they are all day while they're young. Sounds painful, I know. But, now that my kids are 7 & 5, I realize that is really something great.
#1 Stay at home mothering is BY FAR the hardest job I've encountered.
#2 You can't think straight when you never ever ever have time off.
#3 You can only do the best that you can do. If you need to rant, rant.
#4 You can constantly question yourself and your choices, but I am here to tell you:
YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON!!! DO YOUR BEST!!! HANG IN THERE!!! Your children will be in school soon, and you will be so thankful. And then guilty about feeling thankful (because that's another fun part of mothering). But really, no matter how hard it is, someday you'll miss them being little. I already do.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Last night, I went to my first Las Vegas 51s game. The 51s are the Triple-A affiliate of the the Toronto Blue Jays. I've lived in Las Vegas for 8 years now, and I've always wanted to go. I loved going to A's games back home, and I LOVE a ballpark. Ballpark beer, ballpark dog, ballpark camaraderie.
I made dinner before we went, but it was really crappy. My husband actually said, "I'll just have a hot dog at the game." After we got into the park and settled, the man left our seats, waited for a loooooooong time in line, and came back with: three hot dogs, basket of chicken strips, fries, and two beers. I had the two beers (light--you know, in case that incurs less judgement), one bite of a hot dog, 5 or 6 fries, and the nachos that I made him go back out for. Hey, if I'm gonna eat crap it should at least be something I REALLY want.
I was actually feeling pretty virtuous, because I can be delusional like that, and then my husband went out to use the restroom and came back with a shaved ice for each of us. I wasn't hungry...you know, because I demolished the nachos...but I got half of it down anyway. I can't just throw out $5. Yes, my husband spent a total of $20 on shaved ice...after we'd already let my kids have cotton candy as a treat. So, at 9:30pm we left the ballpark with two severely sugar-high kids who usually go to bed at 7:30. By the time we got home the 7 year old was crashing, crying, moaning, etc. The 51s really stunk up the place, my bank account is practically empty (drained by the ballpark food vendors), and overall IT WAS A WHOLE LOT OF FUN. :)
Yesterday, caramel latte and a pastry with friends, ballpark, and no exercise. No exercise? THAT'S probably why I was feeling anxious. I have gotten used to getting up each morning and doing SOMETHING. I was sort of wandering aimlessly yesterday. This morning, I woke up and immediately thought, "I need to climb back on the wagon today." Then I promptly went into my kitchen and ate peanuts for breakfast. Um, what's wrong with this picture? Am I having a mental breakdown?
One of my nutrition challenges this week was up to me. I was supposed to choose one thing that I need to work on and set challenge limits for myself (ex. For 5 days this week I will stay between 1500 and 2400mg of sodium each day). Obviously there were a lot of options to choose from--calories, fat, sodium, protein, etc. I thought and thought and thought and then thought some more. Then it hit me! WATER! I have real trouble with water. I decided I would drink between 6 & 8 glasses of water per day. I didn't come up with this stellar plan until Monday night, so Tuesday it was on. And it was a complete fail. Wednesday? Fail. Thursday? Fail. Damn you, water. Damn you for making me feel like a failing jackhole.
This morning, I did some squats. They're not even part of my challenge this week. I've just grown to like them. I like the way my legs have been shaping up, but someone around here would prefer if I had not started referring to my behind as "my awesome squat butt". Is using the phrase "my awesome squat butt" another sign of my potential mental illness?
Oh crap, I just remembered that I also had peanuts at the ballpark. Why, Peanuts?? Why do you call to me so???
I've decided all calories consumed in a ballpark should count as zero.
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