JAMEE7640   5,026
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Day 1 of being alone until...who knows...again...

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Well, I got about an hours worth of sleep after I watched Rob depart from the terminal. I shed a tear but just in case he could see me waving from the dark, I sucked it back in and threw on my strong face. Then I came home at about 3am and took a bath, only to fall asleep on the couch. My alarm went off at 5am. I have decided that I will clean our home today, as I have really let it go the last few days. No more, I will NOT live like this. I had let some things slide so we could concentrate on precious moments spent in his sweet presence, but now its back to life's reality. School starts in about 2 weeks and the girls are still in desperate need of certain things. I will get them all in time. I have much to be grateful for, (1) Rob is able to communicate lots, (2) I know where he is every time he is somewhere new, and (3)tonight we may be able to Skype for a little while.

I have a lot to be thankful for! I can handle things once I know he is safe. I have more to worry about when it comes to our 17 year old daughter than I do about anything else. Oiy! No one mentioned the terrible 2s continue into early adulthood! emoticon


Weekly Victory!

Friday, July 25, 2014

I wasn't quite sure how to take the numbers today, because it doesn't make sense to me. However, if I am shrinking, then I am happy! I am down by less than a pound but I have lost 1.25 inches from my waist, lost 2 inches from my hips, lost 2.25 inches from my upper thigh, and gained a half inch to my biceps.

Tonight Rob ships off. I am saddened by that but maybe when he returns I will be even smaller! Yaay!!! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LAURIE9404 7/25/2014 4:18PM

    Everything we read on Sparkpeople says that we should take measurements of everything. Not just keep an eye on the scale because our body's change depending on what we are doing. Sounds like you've got your workouts going great! Congrats on those losses! The numbers are awesome. And as an added check, I bet your clothes are feeling bigger - that's a good way to tell about loss.

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MOM2ACAT 7/25/2014 12:00PM

    Congrats on the inches loss! It's probably not showing up so much in the pounds because you are building muscle, which is a good thing!

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Thursday... :(

Thursday, July 24, 2014

It should be any other Thursday and I should be okay. I am okay in a way. I am strong and I know this. I can put on the big tough strong face and go through the house doing what I do, holding everything together, but in my heart, I am crying a little. However, I am also grateful that Rob has this opportunity to make this part of our world so much better.

My dad isn't doing well in the hospital...600+ miles away.

My kids start school on the 6th and I go back on the 25th. Of course I will be homeschooling our middle child the whole year (as I do). I will be fine. I will take my me time here and work out, eat right and write my husband daily. We will be fine.

I wouldn't mind having a few more prayers sent our way.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MELYROD18 7/24/2014 2:05PM

    emoticon emoticon Stay strong, my prayers go out to you and your family. emoticon emoticon

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Today is Wednesday...

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

I am in such denial about Robs departure. I don't feel like I should call it a deployment because we only live in a military community, we are no longer military. He isn't going to war. He is just going to another state and then traveling around the country. That is so awesome! Will danger be involved? Yes. But there is danger every time anyone leaves their front door. My husband is NOT going to a foreign land where friendly fire is just as common as the enemies. He is NOT going someplace that I cannot have communication with him. Heck, we might be able to Skype every night...at the least we will talk as often as he can on the phone. Am I still worried for his safety...of course. But I am worried about the safety of most of my family and friends, so that's nothing new. Maybe that's why I am in such denial...because even though I will be alone for a while, he will be in contact with me during the weeks and months he gone and we will be busy with our myriad of activities here. Plus...we really need this. So I am not complaining. I will look forward to his homecoming moments. They will be the moments that bind us and I am excited for all the good to come and am grateful of the good we have been given! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOM2ACAT 7/24/2014 12:00PM

    emoticon I hope the months fly by for you!

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My Roller Coaster Life...

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

It usually doesn't happen this way but my husband was wide awake before me and he went to be before I did last night. I went to bed at 12:30am and was fast asleep. I woke up around 7am and he was sitting in the same spot that he was when I left him...at his computer working. I asked if he had even went to bed last night. He said he did. I am sure he did because he wouldn't have been able to be so bright eyed and bushy tailed if he hadn't. I was just out like a light I guess. Anyways, it all has to do with his new job offer. I wont say too much more about it yet because he wants me to keep it as private for now as possible. I guess he thinks we may jinx it after all these months of being told one thing, having our hopes built up, only to have them crumble around us. So, with that said, if this all works out well, then we will be okay, come out of this hole and be fine. Its gonna be a tad stressful at first (that's why he was at the computer so early-looking for ways to make it less stressful), but we really are about to come out of this. I know it...I can feel it. I always say, "maybe I shouldn't have gone back to school...maybe I should have taken some time off..." but then I look at what I have accomplished and realize I have really done a lot in these past couple of years. I have 4 more semesters to go and then I can try and find work. If I cannot find it like I want it, then I can keep furthering my education until something opens up. I feel like I will have my dream job again someday. I just wish my dream job was one of those that brings in 6 figures. My hearts just not in that though. I find my heart being filled when I can be with those who need me the most. The ones who live on 3 digits a month...and sometimes less. In that kind of environment I don't see me making a whole lot, and yet the privileges and benefits that come with THAT kind of job...cannot be met anywhere else. Who knows what's in store for us. I have stopped trying to guess. I have stopped wanting the bigger house, even though we need it (trust me!), I have stopped thinking life was going to be easy (because the reality is that its a constant battle), and I have stopped dreaming of a life of less stress. This is what I have done though, I have taken control of what I can control, I have respected what life can give me and recognized that life is beautiful because its mine, I have found myself falling head over heals in love with my family and friends who have REALLY proved that they are true in my life. These are gifts you cannot buy. These are life lessons that take some people years to learn (including me)! I am as happy in this crazy situation as I can be and during those moments where I feel like I may crumble...I seek the help I need. That was one of the smartest things I could ever do...a gift for myself.


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