JAFRADIVA514   8,581
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The Sun is TRYING to come back out....

Friday, May 20, 2011

FEELING MUCH BETTER in my soul today -- had to let the rain out of my clouds I was so upset with myself and my body and all I can do going forward is TAKE CARE of MYSELF 1st on my ROAD TO RECOVERY!!!

I was SO SAD and BLUE yesterday because I had SO MUCH guilt that I can't EVEN TAKE CARE OF my 3 yr old baby girl, couldn't bathe her, and had to WAIT until hubby came home to take care of her like that and he was SO EXAUSTED GOD LOVE HIM, he was falling asleep standing up singing a lullabye to her because I couldn't! He DID STOP from the moment he walked in the door after working a physically exhausting day himself and that made me feel even MORE GUILTY -- becuase I couldn't even vacumn the rug or sweep the floor, basic, simple things!

But I HAVE to LET THAT STUFF GO and CONCENTRATE on myself ... I'm asking my mom-in-law to help me out more, like washing my dishes ...I HATE TO ASK, MAKES ME FEEL SO HELPLESS BUT I MUST LEARN!!!!

TOOK CARE OF MYSELF this morning -- did my strength training and iced my knees up and took some advil so physically I feel a litte better ....

SMALL BABY STEPS RIGHT?!!? THANKS TO ALL OF YOU who took the TIME to write yesterday and send me inspirational goodies ...MY RAINBOW is STARTING to come back out and I can SMILE AGAIN!!!

xoxox you ALL!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JEANIECOLLEEN 6/3/2011 11:11PM

    One day at a time. So glad you are asking for help! emoticon

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RAINBOWFALLS 5/21/2011 12:58AM

    Take care of yourself. emoticon

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Thursday, May 19, 2011

and the weather here in NY for the past 5 days has not helped with all this rain!!!

Hurt my knee again this morning (just trying to turn over) apparently I now have injured my patella tendon and have been dealing with this new injury since last Friday and it's really starting to wear me down -- my house is a mess, my body is a mess and what hurts the MOST is that I can not take care of my little one by myself! I was SO FORTUNATE to have my hubby home with me for almost 1 yr (out of work - not so good on our pocket) but GREAT for me and the wee one and now that I NEED HIM THE MOST -- she's suffering because at 3.5 she is very active and wants to go somewhere everyday and I physically can't be that moblie and it's KILLING ME!!!!

At the same time it's MOTIVATING THE HELL out of me to MOVE MY ASS to GET WELL and that starts by EATING RIGHT -- I'm trying to give my body time to heal but at 47 it takes LONGER to heal and I'm really really sad ....

I woke up crying this morning when she came in bed with me because I COULDNT MOVE and I'm just praying to God that I HEAL QUICKLY for her sake ... I haven't felt this down in a really, really long time mostly sad I feel for her and for myself ....

I'm trying to snap out of it today and hoping that blogging about it will help me, I know writing ALWAYS helps me ....

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAINBOWFALLS 5/20/2011 8:52AM

    I wish there was more I could do than just offer my ears and send virtual hugs. I really hope this weather changes soon there are many miserable people and I think our days of rain are adding to it. emoticon

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    I live in PA and we've had the same horrible rain thing going on as well. I'm not sure how much pain you're in but could you take a family drive to a mall so you can get out of the house and still stay dry?

Feel better - keep writing! That always helps me too. Pat emoticon

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JAFRADIVA514 5/19/2011 3:44PM

    THANK YOU BOTH SO MUCH for your replies ... it truly, truly does heal to write and sort out your feelings into words and then get the love and support from all of you!!! I did cry on my dear friend's shoulder too which really, really helped alot as well xoxox you dear Angela!! I felt much like the rain clouds that I had to let the rain out to feel better ..... thanks again .... emoticon emoticon

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ABISMITHY 5/19/2011 1:20PM

    I hope you feel better soon... you can do this!!!

We've had lots of rain too (in BC, Canada) but there is finally some sunshine. I hope you recover soon.

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KAITMEND 5/19/2011 1:10PM

    I hope you feel better - this rain is MISERABLE! (I'm getting it in Mass. too)

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Feeling sorry for myself on my birthday ........

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Initially I had seen the Dr. back in early April because I hyperextened my knee (which affects the muscles behind the knee) and the x-ray showed some cartiledge loss but not much ... and yesterday I re-injured the same knee but in the front this time ... a different injury now -- THANK GOD I still have therapy sessions left!

I DEFINATELY KNOW I DO NOT want to feel this way again by my next birthday and I'm going to WORK HARD and VIGRIOUSLY (as I can) to DROP THIS WEIGHT by my NEXT BIRTHDAY!!! I MUST keep up my knee and back strength training for the REST OF MY LIFE on top of my regular workouts!

THIS REALLY SUCKS and I'm starting to get really upset especially since my hubby had to take my 3 yr old to her friends birthday party without me and now I'm feeling all sorry for myself ....

In the past hour I finished hed what was left of my rice chips (1/4 bag) finished my 1/2 bag of sweet potato chips, had 3 choc kisses a 3/4 of a snack size bag of potato chips and a handful of chocolate trader joe cookies!!!!!!!!!
But that's OVER THANK GOD!!!!

I guess I am feeling sorry for myself and PISSED off at my body!!!! BUT THATS ALL MY FAULT TOO!!! Well, mostly if it weren't for this DAMNED HYPOTHYROID!!! But NOW I HAVE A PLAN AND I KNOW WHAT IVE GOT TO DO!!!! Right BACK ON with my next meal!!!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JAFRADIVA514 5/17/2011 9:03AM

    Thank you all for your WONDERFUL WISHES!!!

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LINDABENEDICT 5/16/2011 8:32PM

    Happy Birthday !! emoticon

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ITS_MY_TURN_NOW 5/15/2011 6:22PM

    Be kind to yourself... YOU ARE WORTH THE EFFORT! emoticon

Happy Birthday!!!! emoticon


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RAINBOWFALLS 5/15/2011 7:04AM

    Be kind to yourself while you heal - I know how frustrating an injury can be. I have a very painful foot and it is keeping me from exercising like I should be.

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JAFRADIVA514 5/14/2011 9:32PM

    THANKS Grampian -- could reply to you personally but I so appreciate the rah rah cheer!! :) Didn't do myself too much damage!! :)

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PURPLELVR7 5/14/2011 8:50PM

    It is so easy to be frustrated and then feel sorry for ourselves. I think sometimes we need a pitty party - the trick it to do it with out the extra food.

You are right, it is over - now start fresh with the next mean. You can do it

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GRAMPIAN 5/14/2011 4:25PM

  Don't beat yourself up, just move on! emoticon

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME -- Yeah Right! ....

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Today is my 47th birthday and I'm VERY BUMMED I can not go out and celebrate it tonight because I hurt my knee again last night --one wrong move of the body and WHACK!!! OUTTA commission again!!!! I was supposed to go and celebrate by having a nice dinner with friends while my friend sings in his new band but INSTEAD I'm confined to my livingroom COUCH because of this DAMNED KNEE that has acted up since mid March!!!!

I'm not sorry I'm going to be home spending it with my adorable 3 yr old and my WONDERFUL hubby I was just SO LOOKING FORWARD to a night out with my friends .....

CANT WAIT to feel better again!!!! CAN ALWAYS CELEBRATE it with them and the band but I'm more upset by this set back -- just when I was starting to feel well and not using my cane much anymore -- BAM I'm BACK THERE!!!

SO TIRED of feeling this way and SO TIRED of BEING FAT!!! I CANT WAIT till I'm 100% healed so I can workout again!!!!

I'm doing what I can these days but more importantly I'm GRATEFUL that I have a new eating plan from my Dr... and with some patience I WILL HEAL so I can help my metabolisim with exercise again!!!

In the meantime, I'm PROUD of the FACT that I have lost 4.5 lbs and I NOW KNOW what I have to do to get myself healthy and strong!!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    It's such a vicious circle - need to exercise to lose weight, but need to lose weight to exercise! Bummer!

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RAINBOWFALLS 5/15/2011 6:59AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
emoticon Happy Birthday to You emoticon

Best of luck healing quickly

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JAFRADIVA514 5/14/2011 9:51PM

    Thanks everyone for your wishes and support for me today!! I truly appreciate it!! :) Am feeling better! :)

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BRADIA 5/14/2011 4:54PM

    A very happy birthday at home with your loved ones, you will always have time to go out and celebrate again when you are well.

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_LINDA 5/14/2011 3:31PM

    Happy, Happy birthday to you!! I so know the feeling being sidelined. I worked so long and hard to keep fit and keep my weight off, and whammo! Debilitating back pain. Dr. has upped my pain meds twice and its still screaming :( The only exercise I can do now is my elliptical, and that is getting old fast.. My birthday is May 31, no celebrating for my birthday either. I am lucky if I can get out of bed.
I hope you feel better soon, and can figure out why your knee is so much trouble -I had knee replacements so no more trouble with them for now anyway.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KATYBUG48 5/14/2011 3:02PM

  Happy Birthday

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Day 3

Saturday, May 07, 2011

Okay, day 3 of eating NO DAIRY, NO REFINED STARCHES, NO SUGAR, NO ADDING SALT, and EATING ONLY REAL FOODS -- Nothing processed or man made and I'm down 4 lbs and feeling more ALIVE!!!! Gotta increase my fruits and veggies and I'll really be on my way. Doing a protien shake for breakfast since I can not have any cereals, oats or eggs or dairy ... so the only thing left to have for breakfast is a shake and/or fruit and fruit is not filling enough for me! :) ....

I'm PSYCHED to be in the 240's AGAIN!!! THE WAY I SHOULD BE!!! I was feeling really really depressed about being in the 250's but I know that was impart to the asthma meds I was on weeks ago and all the alieve and advil I was living in on for the knee pain and that's OVER AND DONE and IN THE PAST!!!


I am HAPPIER than I've been in the past several weeks now that I have a CLEAR path to go down and FIX THINGS!!!

It's TIME TO CHANGE NOW!!!!! Slow and Steady wins the race and persistence pays off!! :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAINBOWFALLS 5/8/2011 8:22AM

    Two steps forward... emoticon

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