Sunday, May 13, 2012
The scale is up again! What a surprise? Not!! I knew it was gonna happen this week. It usually happens pretty big when it does....I retain water too easily. Excessive salty snacking is bad for me. I know this but did it anyway.
I think there was some emotional eating going on this week behind my choices. On June 8 2012 it will be 2 years since my mother passed away and today was another Mother's Day without her. My mother, even though not with me in the physical, has been a great support motivator in my weight loss. My mother was a NTP (Naturally Thin Person) her whole life and I know it bothered her that her daughter was FAT. But, throughout my life and many attempts, just couldn't get the weight off or to stay off when it did.
The scale went back up this week 10 lbs and YES it bothers me but I know almost all of it is water weight and should be off next week. This is what usually happened when I had a week with a big gain. There was a week in the past where I gained 8 lbs and the week after that I lost 10 lbs.
I just have to get past this up down thing with the scale already. It's getting on my last nerve. Since July 3 2011 my total weight loss is 124 lbs and that is nothing to feel bad about. I've come far in a short time. When I need to be reminded or "smacked" back into reality like Cher would say in Moonstruck "Snap Out Of It"-I look at my before pictures.
There is NO WAY I'm going to let myself get back to where I was last July-I don't care if the scale is showing a gain this week. It's part of life. It is what it is!
I'm a MOM! I LOVE MY KIDS! I LOVE BEING A MOM & it's very important to me! So, as a MOM I have to take care of myself so I can be around for my kids as long as possible.....I want to see grandkids & great grandkids.....
I LOVE ME and it's taken a LONG time for me to learn to say it and mean it. It was hard to love myself when I was morbidly obese, the fattest person everywhere I went (99% of the times) & in my mind ugly & not worthy of self love or love from anyone. No1 can take that away from me & everything that losing weight has given me. It's given me so much more than a smaller number on the scale, smaller body, & smaller clothes. Losing weight has given me my health back (haven't had any asthma episodes), my self respect & self worth, my self esteem & learning to love myself. It's a given me a FREEDOM that I haven't felt in a long time to enjoy my family & my life the way it's meant to be. Life isn't meant to sit back and keep watching from the sidelines because I couldn't do simple stuff (like walking too far without being in pain or not being able to breathe).
LOSING WEIGHT HAS GIVEN ME-ME!!! No numbers on a scale is going to take that away or dictate how I feel about me!
I LOVE ME! There I said it and I meant it!!
Sunday, April 29, 2012
I've been overweight almost my whole life.. That's a long time since I just turned 43 (this past March). I've done it all...tried alot of different diets....joined gyms quit gyms....lost weight regained it.
In 2011 I finally got fed up. I was at my heaviest ever~328 lbs!! Whoa! When did this happen? Overtime is when. Times of eating too much, eating the wrong foods, not exercising. Just not taking care of myself.
I started on my weight loss journey July 3 2011 and haven't looked back. I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I got fed up with how I looked and how I felt. I want to be around for my kids and not just watch from the sidelines anymore. I don't want to die young due to something I could have prevented.
Brief history: My youngest son will be turning 5 in May and back when he was about a year old I remember going to a doctor to start on the process of having lap band surgery. I decided against it and that it wasn't for me. The doctor told me the way that I ate when I would lose weight is the right way to eat once I had surgery (smaller portions no carbs). The surgery wasn't a guarantee that I would lose weight. I decided not to go thru with it because I didn't want to go thru the whole process just for it not to work. Time went on and so did more weight.
Back to July 3 2011. I started making changes. I was watching portions, cutting back carbs, & slowing adding in cardio. All of a sudden I'm starting to realize that weight was starting to come off. That in of itself was motivation. I stuck with it. I was determined to stay determined and not go back to where I was before July 3 2011. I was making small realistic goals that were attainable and nothing unrealistic. Everytime I reached 1 it was motivating. I learned not to set any goals that I knew to be unrealistic because that can get someone depressed when you don't reach them. This is something I still do.
Fast forward to today~April 29 2012~I HAVE LOST 132 lbs!! I am in Onederland! I still have a long way to go but I am definitely a new person. I can tell my confidence has increased. I look better and feel better ( I can't remember when I last had an issue with my asthma). I love clothes shopping now. Who wouldn't when you're able to buy clothes in "regular" clothes stores. I move around better. People around me even say I seem different~more alive more vibrant. I continue to do cardio (Richard Simmons is my fav) and I belong to a gym. I do what I can when I can. I learned not to beat myself if I miss a workout or a day at the gym or if I ate wrong. What I'm doing I have to do for the rest of my life. It's something I have to live with. I try to go by this saying that I heard "Ask yourself if what you're doing today is bringing you closer to where you want to be tomorrow". We seem to focus too much on how far we have to go instead of celebrating how far we have come.
I lost this 132 lbs WITHOUT surgery (since July 3 2011). I did it with pure want power & focus & determination. I have had setbacks and there maybe more in the future. Who knows? But, if there are then I will deal with it and move on. Regardless of how many setbacks or roadbumps there maybe on this path I'm on, it will NEVER make me change focus and direction and move backwards. I will keep moving forward. It's the only way I know now. I am stronger than I was back then both mentally & physically & emotionally.
Today at the park with my kids I was able to go down a kid's slide. Some people may think that's silly but for someone like me (when I weighed 328 lbs was usually 9 out of 10 times the heaviest person everywhere I went) to be able to fit on a kid's slide is an accomplishment. I was able to climb around on the playground equipment with my son and the smile on his face to see his mom playing with him instead of watching him from the bench is one of the reasons why I did what I did and will do what I'm gonna do.
The only thing I'm sad about is that my mom & dad aren't around for this. I know they wanted me to lose weight. I know, too, they are watching over me and are proud. I mean, heck, I'm proud.
I really don't want to come across conceited but I am really really proud of how far I've come. There are so many out there that are struggling with their weight whether it's 20 lbs to lose or as much as I had to lose or more. We, as humans, have to learn to think more of ourselves and love ourselves more and realize WE ARE WORTH IT!! We are worth being healthy, we are worth looking good, & we are worth BEING HAPPY! We are worth all this & much more! We deserve this!! . Focus on your failures/setbacks and your destined to repeat them. Learn from it. Forgive yourself because you love yourself & move forward to a new you. Celebrate all that you have achieved & more will come your way.
Each day is a new day to create a new you!
If anyone has any comments on this blog or any questions or wants to buddies/friends please don't hesitate to contact me.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Ok, let me explain. Last week I had a bad week of eating and barely exercised so it would be no surprise when I got on the scale and there was a gain. But, a 4.5 lb gain!!! WTH!! I knew I gained but I think there could have been a couple of other contributing factors.
I just couldn't get my head in it. Now, of course, this was depressing me. People around me were asking me if something was wrong? Physcially I was there and going about my day to day but mentally I wasn't. I was being told that I seemed preoccupied with other things and too quiet. People were always used to me being the talker or being somewhat funny even at my heaviest that's who I was. Always toting a smile no matter how much being MORBIDLY OBESE (OMG! Did I just say that?) was really bothering me. Of course I was preoccupied. I was M-A-D at myself!! I had lost 105 lbs since July 3 2011 with alot of hard work, determination, will power & want power (you have to want this in order for it to work not just will it to work) & the support of EVERYONE around me (online and in person)!! So many sweet people telling me I'm their inspiration and NOW in 1 week I gain 4.5 lbs!! How can this be? How can I inspire anyone? I started thinking right away, maybe I can't do this, maybe I'm not meant to be skinny, maybe I'm not who everyone says I am and that I don't deserve the praise, how can I let these people down, & how can I let myself down??
Like I said, I knew it was a rough week but I didn't do enough damage to put on almost 5 lbs and being that I did gain 4.5 lbs in just 1 week scared me. If it could come back that quick what am I gonna do if I can't get back in control?? ALL the hard work will have been for nothing. There's NO WAY I want to go back or will go back to where I was.....I AM NOT gonna let over 100 lbs come back on-not when I still have so far to go. I still want to lose about another 108-109 lbs....
The most current week that I just fininshed I still had a few rough days. I was getting scared again-still not gaining control. But, I also had good days and made sure I started to exercise again. I know what to eat what not to eat that I have to exercise and burn more calories than I consume. It wasn't easy and IDK why I had such a bad week prior and struggling with the week that just finished.
Anyway I got on the scale this morning and I lost 4 lbs!! I lost everything but 1/2 lb of what gained the other week. So, YES I'm extrememly happy and this in of itself is motivation to get back on that road. I got sidetracked a bit and I dealt with it and I've moved on.The scale is moving in the right direction again and I have that fire in me like I did whan I 1st started last July.
It's not easy-no one ever said it would be but IT'S WORTH IT!!! Giving up is easy! Quiting is easy! The end result is attainable! I see the finish line again!! I can do this! We can do this!!
I AM NOT A QUITTER!! I AM WORTH IT!! I LOVE MYSELF SO I WILL DO THIS!! I'M BACK !!!!!
And as Cher said in my favorite song for inspiration~"You Haven't Seen The Last Of Me"!!
Sunday, January 22, 2012
If anyone read my blog from yesterday I was 3 lbs away from reaching my 100 lb weight loss. I got on the scale this morning closing my eyes, taking a deep breath, & saying a little prayer. As I watched the numbers go down the smile on my face got bigger, especially when the numbers on the scale went lower than I expected. I lost 4 lbs!! I did it!! I am now down 101 lbs. I've accomplished this July 3 2011. My 16 yr old daughter was sleeping at a friend's house so I called her this morning to tell her & I started crying on the phone. I can't say there is any magic pills or potions or tricks. I did this on my own. No surgery. I didn't take anything to aid in my weight loss. I did this with nothing but willpower, determination, & the strength I found in myself along with the support of my family & friends (friends I see in person, online friends, & my Sparkpeople friends). I still have a long way to go but I'll get there. I'm improving my health, my body, & I keep getting better. Never ever in my life did I think I could do this. The most I ever lost before this was 63 lbs (going to Weight Watchers). I want to thank EVERYONE for their kind words & constant support. This has been one special journey & I can't wait to see what the future holds.
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