IVYRAYNE   1,903
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Eating feelings.

Sunday, September 29, 2013



This week has been pretty bad for the diet. I am having a few domestic problems and have found myself eating my feeling again. Not good! I have to get back on track this week. So I am going to use today to give myself a cuddle, then a kick up the backside tomorrow and get back into it. If I have put on this week I only have myself to blame.

It is hard to actually let myself feel instead of eating them down. They don't go away, they just get crushed by all the food. It really doesn't do much to help. In fact it makes matters more because then I don't just feel bad, I feel guilty. Then comes the self hate. Hating what I am, who I am, what I see in the mirror. So much to hate. I feel selfish and greedy. So does eating your feelings really make you feel better? No, of course not. But for just a few minutes while ramming the food in, there is nothing to think about but eating. It's not like you enjoy the food, in fact most of the time I don't even taste it, it's just there and going down. Why is it always high fat food as well? How come you can't eat your feelings with fruit, or veg? Why is it always high fat, high carb and high sugar? it makes no sense but it is the easiest thing in the world to do.

But feeling is so hard. After years of never feeling, never being allowed to feel, how do I get past that? Isn't it odd how your childhood years affect the reat of your life. It's just a few short years too. It's just, what 16 years? 18 years? 21 years?? Yet they affect what the rest of your life will be like. But then that is like saying I am shackled to my past. But I am not, I am not locked to it. I can leave it whenever I want to. I just have to find the courage to say, enough! To stand up and leave those shackles behind, walk out of the cell, out of the dungeon and into the sun. It's like there is a piece of elastic between you and those shackles. And every so often when things are going so very wrong that elastic tightens and I am being pulled back. Then I have to start again. Climb those stairs or climb out of the well.

I don't know. I think it is just one of those days today. I know it will pass and I know I will be able to climb back out, I always do. But right now it is dark and cold where I am. And so very lonely.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHERYL_ANNE 9/29/2013 10:38AM

    I am an Emotional Eater. It took me a long time to "get" that I was entitled and allowed to express my feelings and emotions instead of stuffing them down inside me with food. It takes constant balancing and vigilance and it is one of many things I have made peace with doing for the rest of my life.

How did I get to that point? By deciding that the emotional baggage was just too heavy to drag with me any longer. Because that's what I was doing. Dragging it with me. Sacrificing my feelings and emotions. Then one day, I decided to try what I had been researching and working on. So I took a deep breath and just started forgiving people and events. Not to their faces and not in the places, just forgiving them so that I could have peace from it.

Forgiving means that I take my power back - I am not holding onto the negativity and powerlessness. Forgiving means that I still remember, it just feels like I'm viewing it through a lens - more space between me and the events/people who "hurt" me.

Half my time on SparkPeople I have been working on my head - so that I can mentally get to a place that will sync up with my heart/body.

If there's one thing I've learned about EE (Emotional Eating), it's that unlike other people who have issues (alchohol/drugs, etc.) and have the ability to abstain, we all have to eat.

So that is why I think of food as fuel. Make decisions on what to eat based on how best it will power me through my day. That it is just one day at a time. That I eat to live and not live to eat. That I work on using the coping skills and defense mechanisms at my disposable for dealing with stressful situations in my life instead of stuffing things down inside me with food.

That I will no longer punish myself for something someone else says or does.

I made a promise to myself a little over a year ago that I would chart the course and begin my journey to become the healthiest I can be. It is not about a number on the scale or a clothing size. It is purely about being healthy in both mind and body. I know that I will make future discoveries that I can implement on my quest.

So every day I do what it is I need to do. And if I find myself getting in my own way, as soon as I realize it, I step aside, pick myself up, dust myself off, and continue.

You got this. You can do it.

I wish you much success on your journey to becoming the healthiest you can be!

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CLASSYLADYMAY 9/29/2013 9:23AM

    I so know his you feel!! And I know his hard too!! I am trying mediation and yoga to get in a better place and be more calm and deal with things better so i.don't just eat stuff to feel better. remember this is a kidney and takes time to learn and grow. I hope things get better for you!! Hang in there. a lit if us have give thru this. you are beautiful inside and out. don't forget that!

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A healthier desert

Thursday, September 26, 2013



I have been having the worst cravings the last few days! All my mind is screaming is chocolate, chocolate, chocolate!, CHOCOLATE! Hey You!!!! I said CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!! emoticon

I guess we have all been there! So, I decided to try one of the deserts in my 123 diet book, and oh my days! It makes a lovely creamy, light and fluffy mousse. It is soooo good and far too good to be good for you!!! But I can't see how it wouldn't be! Low fat, low carb and high protein. Also very low sugar too! emoticon

Ingredients:

1 packet sugar free jelly crystals (any flavour you like really!) I used orange
2 egg whites
500g Natural fat free yoghurt
One quarter cup of hot water

Method:

Whisk the egg whites until they form peaks and are thick enough to stay in the bowl when tipped (I suggest just tilting it, just in case, wouldn't want it all falling out, unless the kids or hubby are annoying you, then maybe try it over their head hehehehe)
Tip the yoghurt into a bowl. Use the hot water to dissolve the jelly crystals, keep stirring so they don't stick together. Add to the yoghurt and stir until well mixed. Fold in the egg whites. I do it in stages, but you can do it however you like. Once all mixed together cover with cling film. Put in the fridge to set, usually about an hour.

Serve and enjoy!! Hopefully sweet cravings cured!







  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IVYRAYNE 9/26/2013 2:56PM

    The family really enjoyed it too :)

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SDEHNKE 9/26/2013 9:46AM

    I would say if you're craving chocolate to have a small piece of chocolate. If I try to eat other things to satisfy that craving I usually end up overeating. emoticon

Suellen


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TWINKIEQUEEN 9/26/2013 8:51AM

    sounds interesting......did your family enjoy it, too? or did you not share? :)

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A moment's clarity

Tuesday, September 24, 2013



Sometimes, life is just random, don't you think? And sometimes I am just random too. Not that is any point to those 2 sentences, as I said, random hehehe. Just like today picture, nothing to do with the blog, I just thought it would make you smile..... it did me.

I took Dandy out early for his morning walk and it was such a nice walk. The weather was pretty non-descriptive, a few grey clouds, a soft morning fog so the air was damp, not hot and not cold either, perhaps just a little muggy. It was the art work along the way that took my breath away and made me sigh a soft sigh of..... almost honour that I could see it. It was the spider webs you see, they were all over and so delicately made, and so perfect in their imperfection. The light morning fog and a light dew had rested on them and they stood out so clearly. I knew they would not be that visible for long, and soon the mist would lift and the droplets would dissipate and they would be as invisible as they always are. But for that moment, for that hour or so, I was blessed with vision.

They are kinda like life aren't they? There has to be a delicate balance, if you put too much in one place, it will topple, not enough and it will collapse, but get the balance right and you will have something that is beautiful.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LORIVIOLA 3/15/2014 9:24AM

    thanks for the laugh!
and the beautiful imagery of your walk.
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LEANMEAN2 10/1/2013 6:57AM

    I agree. Mornings can be wonderful, especially this time of year.

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LKS2GAB2 9/30/2013 10:16PM

    emoticon

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WHITEANGEL4 9/30/2013 11:20AM

    Thanks for the great blg

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WHITEANGEL4 9/30/2013 11:18AM

    Thanks for the blog

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WHITEANGEL4 9/30/2013 11:16AM

    Thanks for the great thoughts

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MAYBER 9/28/2013 11:26PM

    Thank you for sharing your neat thoughts on the spider webs I too walk our two dogs in the neighborhood and notice the flowers and gardens along our route when the dogs want to stop always see something interesting one walk at a time
love prayers peace
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RUNNINGYOGINIRE 9/28/2013 10:10AM

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ELINTY 9/28/2013 8:39AM

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BIGFAMILY9 9/27/2013 11:58AM

    emoticon

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SHAKESALOT 9/27/2013 8:50AM

    emoticon Love those times & moments when feels magical...

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CORNERKICK 9/27/2013 1:30AM

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JUSGETTENBY42 9/27/2013 12:32AM

    emoticon

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JIBBIE49 9/27/2013 12:21AM

   
Wonderful to see your blog featured in the Spark mail. What a role model you are. emoticon

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CLAYARTIST 9/26/2013 11:40PM

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RENATA144 9/26/2013 11:03PM

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MAJONES1225 9/26/2013 10:33PM

    Very nice

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MARYJEANSL 9/26/2013 6:43PM

  I got a kick out of your little joke - thanks!

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MRSRIGS1 9/26/2013 3:39PM

    emoticon

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SHOAPIE 9/26/2013 1:38PM

    emoticon

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GONNALOSE5 9/26/2013 1:03PM

    What you say is so true. I needed to hear (or read) your thoughts this morning. I thank you.

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NONNAOF2 9/26/2013 12:48PM

  Your blog put a smile on my face, it was if I was experiencing everything as you described it. Thank you! :-)

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POUTINGPEGGY 9/26/2013 11:55AM

    Lovely blog thank you

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SCRAPBECCA 9/26/2013 11:48AM

    emoticon

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SUSIEMT 9/26/2013 11:35AM

    Good vision in more ways than one! Thank you!

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AURIANNE67 9/26/2013 11:27AM

    emoticon

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LISA_FRAME 9/26/2013 10:37AM

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JOANNHUNT 9/26/2013 10:22AM

    YES THEY ARE. THE TREES ARE TURNING AND THE SPIDER WEBS STRETCHED ACROSS THEM IS AN AMAZING SIGHT EARLY IN THE MORNING. THANK YOU FOR SHARING. I VISIONED A DAY FROM MY PAST WHEN I TOO SEEN THAT AWESOMENESS AND IT BROUGHT A SMILE OF HOPE. ENJOY YOUR JOURNEY.

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TBOURLON 9/26/2013 9:43AM

    Yes, trying to achieve some kind of balance in my life as well - nice thought! emoticon

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HAPPYMENOW58 9/26/2013 7:47AM

    Very nice!

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CHERYLHURT 9/26/2013 7:40AM

  emoticon

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NANFITGRAN 9/26/2013 7:40AM

    Beautiful comparison! emoticon

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WATERDIAMONDS 9/26/2013 7:33AM

    Very, very well said. thank you!

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SUSANK16 9/26/2013 7:31AM

  Nicely put and well written

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PENOWOK 9/26/2013 7:12AM

    I love the delicacies of nature and how we get just a glimpse!

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ROXYCARIN 9/25/2013 2:37PM

  Yeah!

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FANTASM01 9/25/2013 1:46PM

    This is so very true. I love going for walks and always try to really open my eyes and look. Nature is so calming to me and just re-energizes my spirit. If you let it in you can have balance in your own life. Thank you for a lovely post. emoticon emoticon

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RUNNINGYOGINIRE 9/25/2013 1:25PM

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JRRING 9/25/2013 10:26AM

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SWTHRT4UDRLNG71 9/25/2013 10:02AM

    emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/25/2013 10:03:01 AM

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Blessed Mabon All

Saturday, September 21, 2013



Winter is coming and summer has gone. It is time for Summer to sleep, and Autumn to awaken and winter to stir. It is Mabon..... Autumn Equinox is here.

I have spent the day redressing my alter with the last of the summer flowers from my garden. Tonight I have done my spell ritual, and I have asked for one thing..... for my daughter to have strength, protection, health and luck for the birth of her first child, my first grandchild. How fitting that she is my first born, and my first grandchild will come from her. Just 3 weeks left. I hope The Goddess and Father heard my spell this night.

To all my wonderful friends and supporters, whatever your religious preference may be, may you all be blessed this night. And to my Pagan, Wiccan and Witch friends, have a wonderful Mabon! May the harvest Moon be with you and bless any rituals you may be doing.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LINDAM.1 9/25/2013 4:21PM

  Thank you. Was not in a circle for the Equinox celebration. I was in the country.
Blessed be. emoticon consider your accepting the leadership welcomed.

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One week in......

Monday, September 16, 2013



It is a good day today. Yesterday I really in a lot of pain. My hip was paining and I was having period cramps that I should not be having for about another 3 weeks. Maybe the weight loss will trigger it early..... oh well, whatever comes along I guess. Not much happening right now, but the diet is going well. I am eating the 5 a day that i should be, but heck, the high protein is taking it's toll. This could get very old, very quick. If it wasn't for the weight loss and the diet actually working, I would be off it by now. One thing I am learning, I am now learning to eat to live not live to eat, so if it teaches that, then it is worth it!

  


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