Sunday, September 29, 2013
This week has been pretty bad for the diet. I am having a few domestic problems and have found myself eating my feeling again. Not good! I have to get back on track this week. So I am going to use today to give myself a cuddle, then a kick up the backside tomorrow and get back into it. If I have put on this week I only have myself to blame.
It is hard to actually let myself feel instead of eating them down. They don't go away, they just get crushed by all the food. It really doesn't do much to help. In fact it makes matters more because then I don't just feel bad, I feel guilty. Then comes the self hate. Hating what I am, who I am, what I see in the mirror. So much to hate. I feel selfish and greedy. So does eating your feelings really make you feel better? No, of course not. But for just a few minutes while ramming the food in, there is nothing to think about but eating. It's not like you enjoy the food, in fact most of the time I don't even taste it, it's just there and going down. Why is it always high fat food as well? How come you can't eat your feelings with fruit, or veg? Why is it always high fat, high carb and high sugar? it makes no sense but it is the easiest thing in the world to do.
But feeling is so hard. After years of never feeling, never being allowed to feel, how do I get past that? Isn't it odd how your childhood years affect the reat of your life. It's just a few short years too. It's just, what 16 years? 18 years? 21 years?? Yet they affect what the rest of your life will be like. But then that is like saying I am shackled to my past. But I am not, I am not locked to it. I can leave it whenever I want to. I just have to find the courage to say, enough! To stand up and leave those shackles behind, walk out of the cell, out of the dungeon and into the sun. It's like there is a piece of elastic between you and those shackles. And every so often when things are going so very wrong that elastic tightens and I am being pulled back. Then I have to start again. Climb those stairs or climb out of the well.
I don't know. I think it is just one of those days today. I know it will pass and I know I will be able to climb back out, I always do. But right now it is dark and cold where I am. And so very lonely.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
I have been having the worst cravings the last few days! All my mind is screaming is chocolate, chocolate, chocolate!, CHOCOLATE! Hey You!!!! I said CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!
I guess we have all been there! So, I decided to try one of the deserts in my 123 diet book, and oh my days! It makes a lovely creamy, light and fluffy mousse. It is soooo good and far too good to be good for you!!! But I can't see how it wouldn't be! Low fat, low carb and high protein. Also very low sugar too!
1 packet sugar free jelly crystals (any flavour you like really!) I used orange
2 egg whites
500g Natural fat free yoghurt
One quarter cup of hot water
Whisk the egg whites until they form peaks and are thick enough to stay in the bowl when tipped (I suggest just tilting it, just in case, wouldn't want it all falling out, unless the kids or hubby are annoying you, then maybe try it over their head hehehehe)
Tip the yoghurt into a bowl. Use the hot water to dissolve the jelly crystals, keep stirring so they don't stick together. Add to the yoghurt and stir until well mixed. Fold in the egg whites. I do it in stages, but you can do it however you like. Once all mixed together cover with cling film. Put in the fridge to set, usually about an hour.
Serve and enjoy!! Hopefully sweet cravings cured!
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Sometimes, life is just random, don't you think? And sometimes I am just random too. Not that is any point to those 2 sentences, as I said, random hehehe. Just like today picture, nothing to do with the blog, I just thought it would make you smile..... it did me.
I took Dandy out early for his morning walk and it was such a nice walk. The weather was pretty non-descriptive, a few grey clouds, a soft morning fog so the air was damp, not hot and not cold either, perhaps just a little muggy. It was the art work along the way that took my breath away and made me sigh a soft sigh of..... almost honour that I could see it. It was the spider webs you see, they were all over and so delicately made, and so perfect in their imperfection. The light morning fog and a light dew had rested on them and they stood out so clearly. I knew they would not be that visible for long, and soon the mist would lift and the droplets would dissipate and they would be as invisible as they always are. But for that moment, for that hour or so, I was blessed with vision.
They are kinda like life aren't they? There has to be a delicate balance, if you put too much in one place, it will topple, not enough and it will collapse, but get the balance right and you will have something that is beautiful.
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Winter is coming and summer has gone. It is time for Summer to sleep, and Autumn to awaken and winter to stir. It is Mabon..... Autumn Equinox is here.
I have spent the day redressing my alter with the last of the summer flowers from my garden. Tonight I have done my spell ritual, and I have asked for one thing..... for my daughter to have strength, protection, health and luck for the birth of her first child, my first grandchild. How fitting that she is my first born, and my first grandchild will come from her. Just 3 weeks left. I hope The Goddess and Father heard my spell this night.
To all my wonderful friends and supporters, whatever your religious preference may be, may you all be blessed this night. And to my Pagan, Wiccan and Witch friends, have a wonderful Mabon! May the harvest Moon be with you and bless any rituals you may be doing.
Monday, September 16, 2013
It is a good day today. Yesterday I really in a lot of pain. My hip was paining and I was having period cramps that I should not be having for about another 3 weeks. Maybe the weight loss will trigger it early..... oh well, whatever comes along I guess. Not much happening right now, but the diet is going well. I am eating the 5 a day that i should be, but heck, the high protein is taking it's toll. This could get very old, very quick. If it wasn't for the weight loss and the diet actually working, I would be off it by now. One thing I am learning, I am now learning to eat to live not live to eat, so if it teaches that, then it is worth it!
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