#94: From Bad Habits to Good

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Overcoming a bad habit such as being overweight is tough. But think for a moment of some of the advantages of losing weight:

* Better health
* A new wardrobe
* Compliments from others
* A sense of accomplishment
* A new social life
* Newfound interest in exercise and the resultant endorphine high
* Ease of climbing stairs or tying shoes
* Lower blood pressure
* Lower blood sugar levels
* Fewer aches and pains.

The list could go on but it should be clear that by being weight losers we actually become winners.

Haven't you noticed, though, that a major difficulty with trying to take off the pounds is that we're always thinking about food while we try to lose the weight?

A logical substitution might be to flood our brains with positive, confidence-building affirmations. Another is to read about those people who have done what we are trying to achieve. Meditation time where we visualize the new us will also help. To win the battle of the bulge we must believe we will win and we must picture ourselves doing so.

We must realize that old habits do not die easily. On the other side of the coin, neither do good habits come easily. Most people are resistant to change. Advertising studies have shown that, on average, it takes doing something 16 times before it becomes a natural habit.

So, maybe that water doesn't taste as good as sweet tea. And maybe giving up some of the pizza and ice cream isn't such a pleasant thought. But if we persevere we will eventually cross the line from bad habit to good habit and won't even think twice about it.

Compare it to learning to ride a bicycle. First we had to get over our fear of falling, then with help from (usually) our dad we rode with training wheels and his hand to steady us. Then the training wheels came off and eventually not only were we riding by ourselves by riding with no hands.

We need to trust in ourselves and what has worked successfully for many, many others. We need to break the old habits and hold on for dear life to the new ones.

We can do it if we give it maybe 16 chances.

* * * * *

"If what you are doing is not moving you towards your goals, then it's moving you away from your goals." Brian Tracy

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HOLLY1949 10/1/2009 11:24PM

"Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently. " Henry Ford Blog Report Inappropriate Comment

JLUVSHIKIN 10/1/2009 11:03PM

Liked this blog! Report Inappropriate Comment

PEPPERLEAH 10/1/2009 9:52PM

Wonderful blog, Lou! I love the comment you made: The list could go on but it should be clear that by being weight losers we actually become winners. Thank you for posting this! Yes, I am ready to ride, too! Report Inappropriate Comment

YATMAMA 10/1/2009 6:08PM

I'm ready to RIDE!!! Very good blog, Lou. Thank you! Report Inappropriate Comment

#93: Happy Sadness

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Yesterday I experienced happy sadness.

All day I felt terrific, enthused and energized. I listened to gospel music most of the day and received a feeling of well-being and acceptance. The day was a happy one. Then I answered a post and had the happy sadness arrive. I began thinking of my dad who died at the young age of 48. Then I remembered fun times with my mother and other relatives. I'm sure you've done the same thing. We all have memories of those we loved.

While in this happy sadness state, a group member sent me a link to the gospel song "In the Garden" which brought on a flood of tears. Happy sad tears that flowed down my face as I recalled opening Dad's Bible after he died and finding that song's lyrics on a piece of stationery folded inside at the 23rd Psalm.

I never knew Dad as a religious man. That discovery was a pleasant surprise.

As I played that song over and over on a continuous loop, emotions I must have still held inside found a release. Yes, I miss him, as I do my other relatives and friends. But I was happy for him, too. Whatever your beliefs or non-beliefs, having hope is a precious thing to hold on to, especially when you're lying on a stretcher in a hospital knowing you have only minutes to live.

Anyway, that was last night. This morning I played the song again, had only a few tears and realized that often, many years after a loss, our grief will appear, unbidden, and make us happy sad.

If you've read any of my previous messages, you know I have not gotten very personal in these blogs. Instead, I have tried to inspire, encourage and support readers. I have tried to show true compassion and understanding. But today's message begged to be written, if for no other reason than as a cathartic release.

If you experience sadness over a lost loved one, please know that happy sadness is a good thing. Embrace it and feel the pent-up love for your lost relatives or friends. Cry if you want, but let go of the grief that frequently maintains a hold on us long after our loss. Until, that is, something as insignificant as a song helps bring the grief to the surface and allows us to appreciate happy sadness.

Be well. Have a blessed week.

* * * * *

"The word ‘happiness’ would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness." Carl Jung

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TAFODIL24 10/4/2009 11:13AM

I enjoyed reading this post and how well you said it, it makes perfect sense ... Happy Sadness. Thank you for sharing. Hugs and Love~Taffi Report Inappropriate Comment

3CATSLEP 10/1/2009 10:30AM

Thank you, Lou for sharing with us. I know that feeling.... Report Inappropriate Comment

MARYSUPPORTS 10/1/2009 7:42AM

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SPARKLOVE 10/1/2009 1:03AM

I got goose bumps reading your blog today, made me think of my Dad, who I lost many years ago and my other departed loved ones. I don't cry as much as I did the first year but every now and then something will stir up the tears of missing them and sometimes smiles of happy memories. Thank You for sharing these personal thoughts. Report Inappropriate Comment

PEPPERLEAH 10/1/2009 12:12AM

Oh yes, I know exactly what you are saying. Thank you for sharing this in terms that make sense. Blessings to you; Leah Report Inappropriate Comment

YATMAMA 9/30/2009 11:54PM

I relate to your experiences over the last couple days, my friend. *hugs* Report Inappropriate Comment

DAWNWS1 9/30/2009 9:46PM

Happy sad here too, lost my dad just over a year ago, but he is in heaven and I will see him again, so happy happy sad! Report Inappropriate Comment

PATSDIARY 9/30/2009 5:22PM

I know exactly what you mean. My Dad's name was Ray, and when I see the sun shining in rays I always think of him and sometimes I cry, other times I'm just happy to have the memories. I will miss him until the day we meet again. Report Inappropriate Comment

QUILTINGQUE 9/30/2009 4:33PM

What a wonderful thought it must have been to realize that you will see your dad again someday. Add a little more happy to your happy sad Report Inappropriate Comment

#92: Why Do We Deceive?

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Car dealers are known for ads that tout "No credit application refused," leading listeners to believe they will be approved for a purchase regardless of how good or bad their credit is.

The truth is that a buyer's credit can not be checked thoroughly without a completed credit application. Notice the ads do not say everyone will be approved for a vehicle purchase, only that all credit applications will be accepted.

Other businesses proudly proclaim "If you find a lower price anywhere else, we will beat it or pay you the difference" when all they need to do is offer a penny below their competitor's price. Then they will have actually "beaten" another price.

Do they seriously think a shopper will fall for this? Obviously. Who said "A fool is born every minute"?

What about promotions that state "Once they're gone, they're gone." Well, duh, of course they will be.

Or those businesses that offer a product "absolutely free." A buyer needs only to pay a small shipping fee. Well, then it's not free, is it?

I guess retailers believe consumers can be deceived by these mindless advertising tricks. But why must they resort to such underhanded methods?

How about the spokesperson who says, "If you're not happy with the price, don't leave until you see me"? Why should I? Aren't your salespeople empowered to negotiate a decent and fair price? If not, why should I waste more time with you?

In this same vein, how often do we deceive ourselves by claiming we are a "few" pounds overweight? Why don't we take a higher road and admit we are fat or obese and need help? Recognition that a problem exists is an important step toward a satisfying solution.

But it is in our best interests to be realistic about ourselves. So let's not be like the slick retailers who can "fool some of the people some of the time."

If we deceive anyone, it will be ourselves. And we will be the ones hurt most by our lack of honesty.

* * * * *

"This above all, to thine own self be true; and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." William Shakespeare

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARYSUPPORTS 9/30/2009 7:32AM

The truth will set you free, I am fat. lol Report Inappropriate Comment

DAWNWS1 9/29/2009 6:31PM

"The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked, who can know it?" I think that says it all, but definitely very good points. Report Inappropriate Comment

IUHRYTR 9/29/2009 4:17PM

Never lose your sense of humor Joy. -- Lou Report Inappropriate Comment

SPARKLOVE 9/29/2009 2:41PM

I AM FAT! How is that for being truthful? Report Inappropriate Comment

YATMAMA 9/29/2009 12:47PM

This was a topic of conversation in our home just yesterday with my less-than-honest stepson (17). My girls were always too afraid of disappointing me to lie to me. They get seriously wounded if someone accuses them of lying, always have. When we became a blended family it was astounding to me that my stepkids would lie to my face without batting an eye, with no remorse, with no consideration of what the consequences of deception would be for them, for anyone else. There is no benefit in deception. Ever. Man will still, however, continue to deceive themselves and try to deceive others. I guess that has to do with the presence of the father of all lies still hanging around on this planet. Excellent blog. Thanks. *hugs* Missy Report Inappropriate Comment

BIRDRIPLEY 9/29/2009 11:38AM

I agree that we should be realistic about our needs for change, including excess wt. Which, lets be honest: if society accepted it and it didn't affect our health, we wouldn't try to get rid of the wt. I just don't like the word Fat... it has a negative connotation. I feel as long as I'm sticking to it, I make progress. And Progress is what I'm looking for. Report Inappropriate Comment

#91: Coping with Rejection

Monday, September 28, 2009

One thing that contributes to weight gain is rejection. When combined with an already weak ego, rejection can be devastating. So, how do we cope when someone takes us to task for what they perceived as a slight?

Yesterday I posted a blog comparing stray cats and dogs with people. Actually, the comparison mentioned that I thought there had to be a sort of animal mental telepathy psychic hotline that draws strays to certain homes and not to others. Then I used the same phrase regarding people being drawn to SparkPeople where they are cared for and supported.

Later, I read a profile page and believed the member would be a nice fit for a group I lead. She rejected the invitation because she thought I was being blasphemous by talking about psychics. In consideration, I deleted the phrase from the blog and posted a comment explaining why I did so. Then she and I exchanged pleasant emails.

Still, the rejection stung. Not the failure of the invitation; there are many similar groups and everyone can't join them all, rather it was being accused of something that was not my intent. I wanted to assuage my feelings by eating. Sound familiar? Emotional eating is the downfall of many otherwise successful eating plans.

Instead, I turned on upbeat music and did upper body exercises. Oh, yes, I wanted to eat, but then was blessed to have two new members join the group. Two! I spent time greeting them and soon found myself feeling as upbeat as the music.

I think that is part of the appeal of the SparkPeople site, that we can extend ourselves to others when we do not feel our best and in return receive their words of encouragement and inspiration.

Now, I must ask how you handle rejection? How does it affect your eating program? How do you cope?

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARYSUPPORTS 9/29/2009 7:38AM

I always take rejection personal, and it leads to bad things, like depression and over eating. But SP is helping me get past this. Report Inappropriate Comment

HAPPYWRITER7 9/28/2009 10:32PM

So happy for you Lou! It was great that you took those feelings and turned them into a calorie burning session! That is so great. I'm still fighting my emotional eating, but it somehow feels different than last week. As for how I deal with rejection? It seems I'm learning everyday that I dont really deal with rejection at all. That would actually take an entire blog to explain! I just might do that. I'm glad you were about to turn what couldve been a negative into a positive. Report Inappropriate Comment

YATMAMA 9/28/2009 7:29PM

GOOD for you, Lou! I have to tell you, my dander was up on your behalf over this one. I know your heart and your intent. It is only and always for the good of this team and the welfare of its members. I am so proud of you for handling things the way you did. BRAVO!! Oh, how sweet God's grace is. It truly sustains us!! Report Inappropriate Comment

TRUFFLE5 9/28/2009 5:34PM

I used to hurt inside, with pain festering for hours. Now, I would just go for a jog and forget about it. Unless it was someone I cared about, that would sting a lot more. So more laps would be needed. Report Inappropriate Comment

BIGDAD1211 9/28/2009 5:20PM

Great post I handle it by mumbling about for a few minutes then I go on my way! But then again, it depends on who rejects me. If it is a stranger, then I can only ask God to show me if it was something I did and to help me to see that next time I talk to a stranger. But if it is a friend or family member, it can sometimes be very painful. Now back in my old life, I would have found many bad and destructive ways to deal with it. Now I take it to God, workout or I take a nice long brisk walk! Rejection is a part of life. Not a good one but one we have to deal with everyday,but it also has a flip side and that side is acceptance. You were blessed to have two people accept your invite and teo out of three is not bad! Have a blessed day my Brother in Christ Bro Greg Report Inappropriate Comment

PEPPERLEAH 9/28/2009 4:55PM

Facing rejection is something I have spent a lifetime doing. Obviously, most of those years of rejection were dealt with by turning to food. Lots of food. If I had handled things differently, I wouldn't be here today. But now, I realize that turning to food is to sabotage myself. I try to "blow it off", by breathing in to the count of four heart beats, then blow the breath out to the count of four heart beats. It sounds a little silly, but it works most of the time, especially if I THINK about it this way...blow it off, blow it off... Also, I try to remember that no matter how careful we try to be in things we do and say, there are people who will mis-interpret things. That is not placing fault on anyone in praticular; it just happens. But when you know you have done things out of a pure heart, putting God first in all things, you can just let it go and give it to Him. Remember what God says about you. Be blesswed; Leah Report Inappropriate Comment

DEGODDESS 9/28/2009 4:49PM

I know what you mean...even the most well-intentioned comment could be mis-contrued. Sorry you felt slighted and congratulations on your two new members. Good luck to you and thanks for posting. Report Inappropriate Comment

#90: Lost, But Now Found

Sunday, September 27, 2009

The latest of five stray pets I have taken in are two dogs.

Baby, a Boxer, showed up four years ago with a collar but no tag. She obeyed certain commands, her nails were short and her brown and white coat was well-groomed. All in all she appeared to be someone's pet. The vet scanned for a microchip. There was none. There was no response to fliers or newspaper ads. I drove her to several neighborhoods asking anyone I saw if they had seen her before and knew her owner, without success. So, I gave her a home.

Then, July 4th of last year, a white-haired Shepherd came running around the corner past the house next door as I enjoyed watching the fireworks going off in the neighborhood. She was terrified of the loud noises. Her hair was wet, dirty and matted. Her nails were worn down and she had sores on her left rear leg. Apparently she had been on her own for some time. She also had a collar with no tag so I knew that she, too, had likely been someone's pet.

I followed the same procedure of scanning for a microchip, fliers, etc., again without success. So, I also gave her a home and named her Thumper because her long tail thumps against the walls when she's happy which, like Baby, seems to be all of the time.

Fortunately, Baby and Thumper get along famously, not only with each other but with the three stray cats I've taken in over the years.

As I watched the dogs play in the back yard this morning I thought back to all of the lost, hurt and hungry dogs and cats that have shown up at the house over the years. I wondered if their owners, if they had one, ever sensed that they had found a loving and caring home.

Sometimes I joke with people that animals must have a hotline that tells them which houses to go to for help because they always seem to avoid certain ones while being attracted to others.

Whatever the reason, these animals were sent to me for care and support and I was happy to give it. In return, I have received far more fun and entertainment and companionship than I ever could have imagined.

I feel the same here on SparkPeople. That I've found a home of caring and supportive people. No matter my physical or emotional wounds, people here have accepted me into their nutritional web site home with open arms.

Just like Baby and Thumper and cats Brownie, Little Thang and Kitty, I am no longer alone on my journey to fitness. People here feed my insecurities, my doubts, my lack of confidence and applaud my successes.

Perhaps, like with the pets, there is a human hotline that has drawn us all together.

For me, I feel as if I have a new home. Thank you all for taking me in.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRUFFLE5 9/28/2009 12:19PM

I loved your blog and took no offense at anything in it. The animals KNOW where to get their bread buttered. There was a flea laden tom hanging around collar, no tags, bony obviously lost, so I fed him and took off the collar figuring if he was owned another would appear. None did. He has hung around for a couple of months now, fattened up and appears to like the situation. He's outdoors right now but I will soon be bringing him in for the winter nights. I'll probably end up neutering him, getting him shots etc...I'm telling you, they KNOW. Report Inappropriate Comment

YATMAMA 9/27/2009 9:46PM

Lou, you were kind to remove the comment someone complained about. I have learned, however, that there are oftentimes folks who will complain about everything. Offense can be read into many things where no offense is intended. Anyone who knows you knew your sense of humor and appreciated it as such, I'm sure. Humor is a good thing. There should be more of it in the church. It's so much healthier than judgment. Now. Concerning the strays. I love this blog. I, too, am a stray, and I love that I have been accepted and understood and cleansed and fed and sheltered and pampered and taught to run and play. I am thankful that I have been taken in. I'm so glad you have, too. I'm happyer, yet, that you were already housebroken! *grin* Report Inappropriate Comment

DAWNWS1 9/27/2009 7:09PM

I've always suspected that animals know which house to go to! Ever since I was a kid, they were always showing up at my parents' house. A little over 2 years ago, I was outside with my dog one night and heard meow-meow-meow, over and over, and this beautiful dark calico came trotting up onto my deck and rubbed all over my dog (who had no idea what to do!) We resisted taking her in, but of course, that didn't work! She finally consented to come into the house in early December (where she immediately curled up under the Christmas tree) and has been our pet ever since. Funny enough, we named her Maui (as in, the meowing she did, not the island, but we wanted people to be able to pronounce it and weren't sure how to spell it!) because every time we called her when she was out, she'd come running and meowing, but once she knew she had a home, she stopped meowing. I haven't heard her meow in well over a year now! Anyway, this is a long enough comment. Have a wonderful night and thank you for my spark goodie. Report Inappropriate Comment

IUHRYTR 9/27/2009 6:14PM

A reader has informed me that my joking reference to animal and people mental telepathy psychic hotlines may be offensive to some Christians. That was not my intention. I did not think anyone would take those comments so seriously. But, for any discomfort these remarks caused, I have deleted them and apologize if the remarks made anyone uncomfortable. The SparkMail continued that perhaps such references to pyschic hotlines may lead some weak-willed Christians astray. Although I do not infuse my blog messages with an overwhelming number of religious references, anyone affiliated with me through the "I Can Do All Things Through Christ!" team will realize I have only others' interests at heart. If you agree with the letter writer, please SparkMail me and let me know. I never claimed I was perfect. But, I'd appreciate feedback. Thank you. Lou Comment edited on: 9/27/2009 6:39:51 PM Report Inappropriate Comment

BEAMISH7 9/27/2009 4:15PM

I should have known that you were a collector of stray creatures, Lou. Sounds like a happy crew you live with. Are you equally as aware, Lou, of how you matter here? The name I notice the most in its absence is yours though that doesn't happen all that often. You just seem to give and give just lke we are challenged to do. Whether at home or here or you church or wherever, you are so appreciated. Thanks for such a moving blog. Peggy Report Inappropriate Comment

SPARKLOVE 9/27/2009 2:52PM

You have a way of making me cry Lou. Joy Of course there are those days you make me laugh , you even make me smarter with all the information you share. I am glad that you found your way to Sparks. You are a beacon that shines in the night. My the Lord richly bless your efforts at improving your life. Joy Report Inappropriate Comment

INDEJAM09 9/27/2009 2:36PM

WE LOVE OUR PETS TOO! WE CALL THEM THE KIDS AND WHEN THE ROTTIE GETS TO CRANKY WITH THE SHIH TZU I TELL HER TO STOP BEING A BITCH! LOL! I THINK PET PEOPLE ARE SPECIAL PEOPLE. I APPRECIATE YOUR WRITING THIS BLOG AND THAT I WAS ABLE TO REPLY. I HAD LOST 50 AND GAINED BACK 20 AND HAD TO START OVER SO I SWITCHED FROM THE OTHER SITES TO SP AND I LOVE IT. I WANT TO BE HEALTHY. I'D LIKE/LOVE TO LOOSE. BUT I'M FOCUSING ON HEALTHY. I'M TRYING TO CARE FOR ME LIKE I DO MY DOGS. LIKE I WOULD MY HUSBAND IF HE'D LET ME. HIS DIET IS WORSE THAN THE DOGS! YOU WRITE WELL AND I FELT LIKE I KNEW YOUR HOME AND YOUR ANIMALS. THANKS FOR SHARING AND THANKS FOR BEING HERE. I LOVE SP AND CAN SEE THAT YOU DO TOO! Report Inappropriate Comment

JLUVSHIKIN 9/27/2009 2:32PM

What a lovely blog. Thanks for sharing. Report Inappropriate Comment

PEPPERLEAH 9/27/2009 1:32PM

You are a vital member of this family! You give so much to us, and I am thankful for you, and all that you do. I know that God is pleased with your labor of love; the encouragement and support you give to others, the wisdom you share, and your faithfulness to reaching out to His people. We are blessed to have you here with us! God Bless You! Leah Report Inappropriate Comment