Monday, May 31, 2010
Photos - many of us who have weight to lose don't like them. If we have a lot of weight to lose, we like them even less. I'm usually ok about getting a photo taken. I think I know how to hide behind someone, how to stand, push the tongue to the roof of your mouth so that it makes your cheeks tuck in a bit... When someone snaps a photo of you when you aren't expecting it, and you're looking like you do on a normal-stay-at-home-do-nothing-day, the outcome can be horrifying - or in this case, truthful. I just came across a photo such as this. My bf took it a few months ago, but I just saw it today. I came to a decision - and it was a really tough decision for me to make. I have posted it on my sparkpage for all and me to see. I remain at the same weight. As long as I don't gain, I tell myself its ok. As long as I am conscious of what I'm eating, it's a step in the right direction, and then - I feel like I have these "aha" moments, decide, "this is is!" and then let them pass.
I think I have that body dismorphic thing where I don't see myself as overweight as I really am. I buy my clothes and know what size they are. When I look in the mirror, even though I'm wearing a size 3X, I think I look pretty decent in it. When I see "bad" photos of me, I can barely stand to look at them.
Plus - today, I flew on a plane with my bf who is also very overweight. We both squeezed into the two seats and buckled our seat belts - barely. I was so uncomfortable sitting there for the entire flight. I was sure that people were staring at us as we were arm-overlapping-arm because we didn't have enough shoulder room. I have started many times before. Will this be the last start?