Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Struggling, struggling bad at the moment but I am not giving up. One thing I know is that when my bad habits return it is because they feel threatened by my new lifestyle and this is proof that I am on the right track. So... my personal demons... you are right to be afraid. Yes, be very afraid because the fighter in me is here to stay!
Friday, October 04, 2013
I am sure you know what inspired this blog, it's the incredible Diana Nyad. How do some people achieve what seems impossible? Are they different genetically than we are? Are they naturally cleverer or do they have access to the elusive secret formula or knowledge?
Perhaps closer to home for me, why and how do I sometimes seem to find my 'focus', my 'resolve', my 'motivation' and I do achieve a lot and then other times I can't get it or it seems to disappear from within my grasp? It is still me, so what changes?
Is it the strength of the dream or the aim? When fighting the Dementors Harry Potter had to summon a very strong happy memory. If the memory was not very strong then the spell would not work. I too am trying to fight my own unhealthy lifestyle Dementors of sorts and I have a goal but I am dithering. Is my goal too weak?
If life has taught me anything, it is that nothing is simple. We, as human beings, are not simple. Therefore there are no simple answers to such questions as these. The solution, I think, is not simple and it's not easy. There is no panacea. Every time we want to achieve something that is challenging but worth the effort we have to fight for it, not least with our own selves. Fight against the negative spaces in our minds (to use another of Diana's words), fall again and again and get up, fight to maintain focus (yes it doesn't just happen), fight to keep the goal alive in our mind (this does not just happen either), use all our ingenuity and when that runs out find some more through building support networks and accessing other resources, we have to FIND A WAY, not just once and we are done, but every minute of every day.
It's easy to look at the great results some people achieved and think it was simple for them, they were somehow special. Great results require great effort but, like Diana said, most of the benefit anyway lies in the journey and what that teaches you about yourself. It's the journey and not the outcome. The outcome just sets you on your way!
I felt inspired reading about Diana's story. I hope you will too. Be inspired today and every day from now on.
Wednesday, October 02, 2013
... Being active, eating balanced meals and having bags of energy!
... Following the SparkCoach program daily!
... Keeping positive and not giving up.
... Be able to join in with my son in all his active hobbies without being self conscious or unfit.
What does it mean to you?
Monday, September 09, 2013
I had a bad eating day yesterday and I feel annoyed with myself though I am happy to report I am back on track today. Still... what happened?
I am tired! I have been very-very tired for the last month. It has been a hard August with extended family staying over in our two bedroom apartment for the month, spending too much on site-seeing and excursions, sorting out fights amongst the kids, dealing with my son' deteriorating behavior (he was out of his routine and had to deal with a lot himself and he is only four), planning my son's 4th birthday party and generally burning the candle both ends. Yesterday we had another short visit by other family and I had spent the whole day tidying up as it was my first chance since my relatives who stayed with us in August left, and my son chose to make a big fuss about our visitors! He did not want to be with them at all, cried and shouted and was generally difficult despite having seen them many times in the past month alone and before. To make matters worse, I think this may have had something to do with our visitors cutting their visit shorter than usual and needless to say I did not handle the situation with my son as best as I could have as I was already tired and felt annoyed with him and embarrassed by his behaviour.
The whole day I was fighting intense cravings to eat sweets... I threw away most of the remaining birthday cake from Saturday leaving only one piece for my husband, I ate some dark chocolate that I had in the fridge (smallish amount) in an effort to appease my sweet cravings and then, because I felt full in the aftermath of the chocolate (and maybe here lies my mistake) I skipped lunch as I did not have time for it anyway, trying to get the house in shape in time for our visitors. I was not feeling hungry or anything when they came and when my son started the fuss, after sending him to his room to calm down, I even had some fruit to avoid binging which by this point I knew was coming. But it was to no avail. After our visitors left, I felt even more tired, stressed, unhappy and annoyed with my son, so I gave in for good and had... loads to eat till I felt bloated beyond belief and nearly (not actually) sick. Needless to say I did not feel any better so I went to bed early knowing I'd be back on track today, which I am.
And now I am left wondering, what was the point of overeating? Such a ridiculous way to try and deal with a problem.... and the amount I ate is totally crazy too. Nothing to do with being hungry. Compulsive and sad really! I tried to avoid what I knew was coming but only using other food related alternatives. I felt powerless to it, like futile fighting of the inevitable. I never tried the full range of options available to me- if only I had thought about sparking like I am now or going out for a fast walk!
BUT I will do that next time.. I WILL REMEMBER next time. Still it was better than in the past, I am not beating myself up too much today, I made an effort to resist, I was aware of the issue while it was happening and I have now a better solution.
My weigh in is Tuesday, so wish me luck!
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