ISTRALOUISE   25,091
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ISTRALOUISE's Recent Blog Entries

Sleep Struggle

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Most challenging was having an unstructured day and ending up spending NEARLY ALL of it in bed AGAIN.. Really, if I can''t get up and go, so many other things seem pointless because with sleeping, nothing else constructive is going to happen in that time. In some AA-related things I came across (not an alcoholic, just a fan of the 12 step, moderate lifestyle) they talk about knowing the will of God and making it simple based on things known. Earth-shattering and simple as it is, for an alcoholic God''s will is that they be sober.. Its something that can be inferred or assumed as a basic will. For me, Gods will might be that I stay awake. Obviously I can''t stay awake 24/7 but beyond the 8-10 hrs a night.. that I be awake, because I can''t do anything, work on myself, work for others, work on my goals and dreams, if I am sleeping the time away.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

4EVERNESS 4/14/2013 9:04PM

    So, we find all the reasons to fight depression, that heavy thing weighting you down from achieving, achieving your goals, your dreams. They may not be what they were, so make new, make it happen. You have the capacity, propensity, potential to be phenomenal..Yes, you could be one of the most phenomenal sleepers, but is that what you want to be remembered for? You can do this. You will do this. You are worth it, or I wouldn't waste my time!

AA makes some good points..but they also believe in letting someone hit rock bottom. Then go through humiliation to bring themselves back up (as if they hadn't already humiliated themselves enough). My argument is analogous to a house. If a roof is leaking, do you work quickly to fix that leak, or do you wait until it has crumbled to its very foundations and have to rebuild completely?! The rock bottom and back up again, also relies on acceptance into a group, and a buddy system. Now like some people with churches, that acceptance is all well and good, but when it starts to wane, they lose interest, and start 'backsliding' only to start this vicious circular codependency all over again of self abuse. Oh the prodigal anything, feted for returning...needing that surge of popularity and acceptance..only to do it all over again. Find out what gets you there to begin with..what twists in thinking..

See if your neighbor will jump rope with you? fun? LOL or something....get creative n silly. Have a blast!

Comment edited on: 4/27/2013 6:59:50 PM

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SparkCoach Action Step-A Phone Call to the Past, Part 2

Sunday, April 07, 2013

The next part of this exercise has me deciding what my future self would tell me at this moment if she was to reach back into the past and give me a phone call.

What I would tell myself at this point is, life requires that you get more independent and creative. These are scary things, but completely accomplishable and doable, and your life will be so much the richer for it. Sure getting a car is a scary, big expense, but the wheels will do so much for your life. Forrest, Nan, other friends, and your parents aren't going to be around forever. If you want to maintain your quality of life you are going to have to get creative. Being independent also prevents you from being at someone's mercy that requires large amounts of payment or who feels used by your needs.

It is okay to stand up for yourself and for having healthy relationships or none. No amount of afterthoughts and warm fuzzies make the occasional threat to yourself or your partner okay. It is alright to stand up for and to look for positive relationships. It is alright to let go of those relationships when they quit being healthy or positive.

You will find friends in your area if you work really hard at it. You will find people with your values and your beliefs and they will value you. Sick friendships are not worth the drain they cause spiritually, mentally, and the physical toll the stress takes on you. They are worse than none. Always look for soulmates in everything you do and everywhere you go. Remember that some people are gifted to you for a time and then you have to let them go on to another phase in their life. For all concerned. It does no good to let others treat you or your other half badly and it teaches them that bad manners are okay to use with other people as well.

I would tell myself, regardless of how many friends I have, to keep up the good work with the diet and exercise and healthy living. I would say it is worth it to keep up your appearance and to go on and make the best out of every moment. I would tell myself to take extra care of your other half. For people that understand you that well, there is only one granted you in a lifetime, and he is yours. Respect him, nurture him, and do as much to support his health as you can, because you only get one.

I would say that health is worth the effort of calorie restriction and extra exercise. I would say that I treasure each additional day I can spend with my family. I would say that my early effort to reduce my weight has resulted in me being able to use my joints longer without restrictions and difficulty in movement. I enjoy being able to eat freshly made entrees and salads made from scratch and the tastes of new foods that I've only learned about making through the changes I've experienced in my diet over the 10 years, and I would tell myself so.

I would enjoy dancing and moving swiftly. I would tell myself that I enjoy being attractive to my partner, even if religiously we are merely affectionate to each other instead of being sexually engaged. I would tell myself that it is worth it, to see the smile on his face when I come up with a new outfit or look or perfume that I like.

I would tell myself that the expense of a gym was worth it. As soon as I am able to save up and be consistent attending a place to go for it. I enjoy the treadmill, the machines, the balance ball, the kickboxing, the pool.. everything but the elliptical.. and even that is becoming more tolerable as time goes on. I enjoy packing my gym bag and looking for gently used exercise clothing at Goodwill, even though I could fit a normal store's sizes now.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JOHGLO2011 4/8/2013 10:10AM

    What a wonderful blog! Keep talking to yourself like that and you can only find success in your journey! Good luck and God bless!

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SparkCoach Action Step-A Phone Call to the Past, Part 1

Sunday, April 07, 2013

First, in this action step, SparkCoach asks that we fast forward to ten years in the future.

10 years in the future
====================
It is 2023 and I am 47 years old. I still live in Auburn, WA in the apartment with my significant other, and no, we still are not married. We continue to be committed to each other solely however.

My parents having given up driving every day out to Auburn, and we have saved up and procured a car. We have given in and gotten either a tablet or a device that only plays DVD's to entertain us between appointments. Roger and I both have new casemanagers that we actually like and respect.

We share a home with a shelter puppy (actually more likely, a senior dog, due to my preferences) that we went out to purchase after a period of mourning passed for our current dog, Mickey. He or she likes our sedate life and going out for walks with us in the park nearby.

We have invested in more kitchen equipment and have a working blender, full size food processor, and coffee grinder (for grinding spices). We cook the majority of our meals now, from scratch or with minimal processed ingredients (like processed cream of/chicken/celery/mushroom soups). We keep a few frozen meals on hand in case we don't have time to cook a certain night and still keep our schedule of going to bed early.

Holly has passed away due to her progressive illness, so I no longer have that to go to in the evening on Sundays, but I attend Holy Family in the morning and cherish my evenings for a deeper devotional time by myself in bible study and reflection.

I no longer get to see most of my Bible Study friends most of the time, but I stay in contact with them online and over the phone. I still order Avon from Bonnie, ,or from someone she has referred me to after she no longer sells it. I attend weight watchers and have made the majority of my friends and acquaintances from there. I attend at least once a week, sometimes multiple times. I am a lifetime member and have maintained my maintenance weight for a minimum of six years.

I volunteer at 2 places each week, part-time for about 4 hours a shift. These places are in Auburn and are easy to get to. The rest of the time I spend at home, in meetings, or at the gym. In downtime I believe in keeping myself vibrant. I follow a reading schedule for myself that I develop myself, in the interest of expanding my knowledge and vocabulary. I follow a varied exercise routine that includes strength and flexibility as well as cardio. I enjoy taking photos and updating my SparkPage and Facebook with the results.

When I open my eyes in the morning I feel it is a day rife with possibilities. I instantly think of all the things I am going to do and accomplish that day. I instantly make my way to the kitchen for 4oz of juice mixed with 1/2 c to 1 c of water and either eggs or a high fiber cereal to start my day. After my workout I reward myself with coffee or an espresso. I renew my fragrance of choice, and alternate between at least two (one day one, next day other) so I don't get too used to the smell and drench myself with it. I hear Roger snoring as I finish up on the balance board and get my coffee and I snuggle down with our senior pup to watch an old rerun of a Joyce Meyer TV podcast to start my day right.

We go to volunteer and to appointments and to see my parents on holidays and birthdays by car, that Roger drives. We actively visit friends and acquaintances, at least once a month for each one friend. My parents do a lot of traveling and we like to get together with them when they return to see pictures. We live a simple life, intentionally. We don't do a lot of traveling or go many places far away.

We do, however, take breaks from the modern world and go hiking/camping with our phones and ipods turned off. We enjoy reconnecting with nature.. big trees, big rocks, rivers, lakes.. We can't be gone for long, due to the area we live in and the constraints of our medical obligations, but we go enough to reset each year. We have a car and participate in Volksmarches (organized walks) across Washington State.

In how I move my body, I am very much more co-ordinated, hand and foot, than I have ever been. I bellydance and shimmy, I enjoy step-aerobics, I've even branched into kickboxing after an initial period of trepidation since our apartment is so small. I take classes at the gym or pop in DVD's at home. I am partial to DVD's or download because of the transitory nature of streaming. I like to KNOW if I like a routine that it will be available as part of my routines indefinitely and not just till the next software update, rotation, or until the streaming provider loses the license to show it.

For strength I use machines at the gym and my XMark Adjustable Weights that I invested in even before I reached my goal weight. They are showing their age, but still usable. I use handweights and wrist weights to up my cardio routines now and make them more challenging. I am working on pull ups. I can already do regular pushups and hold a plank several minutes. I can bench 100 pounds easily at the gym. My body responds to the movement I do by getting stronger.

I am just diabetic. I held it off for several years by eating healthy and exercising, but my genetic makeup and early predisposition has caught up with me. Rather than view it as a death sentence I take my diet and medication seriously and work to minimize its effect on my body. My outlook is bright and my triglycerides, cholesterol, and iron levels are all in line. Although I have become diabetic, I consider myself to be healthier than I was when I started my program in 2013. I enjoy each life to the fullest and look forward to each new day.

When I look in the mirror I see myself significantly grayer and with pronounced wrinkling. It upsets me a little bit because I don't feel so old and because I wish I'd started things sooner, before the fat meant that weight loss would make my skin so loose. But I also see it as a sign of progress. I reached this age! I attempted suicide and there were so many times I might not have made it, and I got here! Also, the skin is loose because I DID LOSE THE WEIGHT! I am able to be a healthier me and live longer because I'm no longer so heavy. Plus I look better because I'm letting myself wear makeup again, because once again I care about my appearance. I have a low maintenance haircut that I update at least once every two months, so it dosn't look scraggly ever again. I'm taking care of my teeth, using whitening toothpaste, and have given up diet colas and diet dr pepper in favor or water, one cup of coffee in the morning, and the occasional cup of tea each day, so my teeth are less yellow, even though Roger won't let me repeat a tooth whitening regimen I did 10 years ago, for fear it rots my enamel right out of my head.

When I look below my collarbones, I look skinny but curved. I have muscles, and they show. Not like bodybuilder muscles, but giving definition to my form. I work on abs religiously, but am not able to see them due to excess skin. I wear one piece swim suits that have skirts on them or with skirt cover ups attached to help the skin problem. Most of the time its not visible under my clothes. I've made peace with the fact that I am now a B cup rather than a C or maybe a barely B. My chest size still makes finding a bra difficult. I enjoy not bouncing around everywhere, not needing underwires, and being able to find sportsbras that will work for me.

I make sure my clothing fits. I am not as swayed by ideas of quality and permanence as some, because I know I get tired of wearing things eventually. I spend money on my foundation garments and mainly wear t-shirts and jeans, except to church and family functions. I've gotten my ears re-pierced and am sporting one set of earrings in my ears at all times, so that I never have to re-pierce them and spend that money, again. I like studs and drops and small hoops. I like pearls and cubic zirconia, sometimes together. I like sterling silver and silvertone (as long as it doesn't have nickel or anything that will turn my skin green)

What brings me the most joy on this day is, fellowshipping with my friends and writing with my Bible Study friends, seeing my other half sleep and playing his video games, petting my dog, and taking care of my body.

Each night I put my head to my pillow I feel tired. Physically tired, mentally grateful for the pillow and grateful for another day I got to spend on the planet. Tomorrow I plan to do it all again. This is my ideal life -- to live with my significant other, near my parents, until we are old and gray and the Lord takes us away.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAGGIE101857 4/7/2013 8:08AM

    What a beautiful blog! So much thought and honesty put into your words; a future filled with love and contentment! May you be blessed with this and more!

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SWEETNEEY 4/7/2013 6:49AM

    emoticon

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FATHINSN 4/7/2013 5:36AM

    I hope you will achieve those future in 2023, you probably have ongoing plan now :D

10-years ago, what I saw in my future was I will be the rising star for programming world (even if it's just in the company that I work at), I will have a loving husband, I will start my own family. Oh, and I will have flat belly, flat enough to not having unflattering bulge between my bra line and above my jeans.

Now, I'm more like a falling star in my career (not that I'm a bad worker, it's just that it's not quite my dream job in 10 years ago), I've been single since university (nearly a decade ago) but at least my belly looks promising LOL So, when I reached my dearest age 30 end of this year, I will make a more achievable goal, not something that everyone wants :D

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SparkCoach Action Step - Shaking up the Routine

Monday, April 01, 2013

For my action step today I'm supposed to pick 1-3 new goals off a list. So here are two that I just decided today and 2 that I was already going to do.

1. I am joining WW to meet people face-to-face (Spark is still better)
2. I am starting the #riseandshine challenge for April.
(Having a healthy breakfast and exercising first thing in the day.)
3. I am trying a new recipe each week.
4. I am going to learn about adding Strength Training to my routines.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SCUBAGAL07 4/1/2013 6:13AM

    Sounds like a great plan! Much success

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All About Me from A to Z

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Recently seen and borrowed from CINDHOLM's SparkBlog:

A. Are you at all artistic? Years ago and every now and then it crops up, but Artists create great messes difficult to contain and I am trying to learn how to better contain, organize, and un-mess myself, so being artistic is difficult.

B. What are your favorite burger toppings? onions, pickles, lettuce, tomatoes, mayo, ketchup, and mustard, sometimes relish if the pickles aren't there

C. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? silver, I don't look special unless you look really hard or am layered on thickly.

D. Diamond or pearls? Diamonds and pearls.. I like them both equally, sometimes together

E. What exotic pet would you like to have? I'd have a guinea pig if my allergies would let me. They are the perfect size for a lap pet.

F. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? I think it was "How to train your dragon"

G.What is the worst gift you have ever received? A Free Catalog to Hickory Farms (They were a sibling trying to save gift money for a toy they wanted)

H. What habit would you like to be able to break? over-sleeping

I. If you could be invisible for one day, what would you do? I would go someplace where I am not allowed or sneak into several gyms and cause reports of ghosts everywhere while I try out their equipment

J. What do you like about your job? that it is volunteer so I get a great deal of say over what I do, when, and for how long

K. Did you ever learn to knit?no, I've tried to crochet though

L. Would your friends describe you as 'ladylike'? no, maybe if they don't know me very well

M. What is your middle name? Louise

N. Are you a night owl or an early bird? Night Owl, but trying to change

O. Do you like okra? Yes, in chicken gumbo primarily

P. When was the last time you cleaned out your purse? sometime last week

Q. What is one of your favorite quotes. Make a M.A.D.D.I.N. which means, "Make a Difference. Do It Now"

R. What do you have on the outside of your refrigerator? Magnets, coupons, Metal Dry-Erase Calendar, magnetic pen container and random dry erase markers with magnets on them.

S. If you could have one superpower, what would it be? enveloping everyone in the warm fuzzies and upping their self-esteem five notches

T. Do you prefer a truck or car? Actually my favorite was a van we had for a short period of time, because we were going to outfit it with carpet and take a mini DVD player with us and hang out between appointments, instead of being in the waiting room all the time. Other than that, I have to say I like the car, because of fuel efficiency.

U. What is under your bed? a medical cusion that makes it hard for me to make the bed, a couple of blankets, some pillows, and an eyeglass holder

V. Did you wear a veil when you got married? no, not married yet, have the veil in a box though

W. Can you whistle? no

X. Do you know what a Xenopus is? no, had to look it up - used to have african dwarf frogs, which are related, but not anymore

Y. Do you eat yogurt? Only occasionally, I like both regular and Greek yogurt

Z. Do you enjoy zombie movies? NO, but I watch them with my SO sometimes because he does

Feel free to cut and paste an add your own answers! There was a similar statement on CINDHOLM's blog saying people were free to use the quiz.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

M4JMOMMY 3/24/2013 7:57PM

    Very cute!


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TIMDEB 3/24/2013 5:01AM

  emoticon

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FATHINSN 3/24/2013 3:43AM

    This is fun A-Z way to tell people about yourself. I like those about crayon, the invisible part and about the superpower :D

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