Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Its funny how life seems to creep in the way even with the best laid plans. I have a 5k coming up next Saturday. My first one that I will be running. I am determined to get my last few runs in come heck or high water. With that said as soon as I made that goal things have gotten weird. I don't know if its karma or if I am subconsciouly setting myself up for failure or if its just life and I am learning to deal with it.
Anyway, to make more sense of all this on Sunday I set out to get in my run midmorning. Sunday runs are weird because I can't seem to get a set time and so my whole body clock is off. I set out midmorning to get in my run. I decided to take the dogs, big mistake. Let me tell you why. I had taken them on a previous run during the week and had made the choice to let go of the leash. This worked out so well. The dogs kept pace with me the whole time. The smaller dog lagged behind a little but he was so desperate to keep up he kept coming. So on Sunday I thought the same thing would happen.Wrong! When we got to the park and I let go of the leash, the smaller dog took off! ( dogs are on separate leashes) He was really good the first trip around the track but on our second trip I turned around and he was gone! UhOh! So I ran around all over looking for him, trying to keep "running". I was yelling his name the whole time, "Bosco! Bosco!" to no avail. Half way around the track again I see him--On the other side of the track! He was doing his own little run, keeping on the trail, wagging his tail. It was the funniest site. He just kept going and going as I called his name over and over. I decided to cut him off by beelining it for him. He decided to take a detour just at that momment so off I go. Talk about a workout! I chased after him again and I finally caught up with him. His ears were all perky and his tongue was hanging out of his mouth. Great, so now comes the fun part. As soon as I grabbed the leash and started to run--he stopped. What? He completely came to a dead stop and would barely walk. So I guess my run was over and I ended up walking him home, pulling him most of the way, about a mile. I couldn't tell if I really got in a good workout or not. I was pretty tired from running and chasing him all over the park, running and stopping, running again. I guess I got a good set of intervals in, LOL.
Ok so then last night was my next run and this is how it all panned out. We, my hubby and I, were really busy getting my DD of 14 signed up for Taekwondo ( a completely different blog!) so time kept passing and I could see this storm rollling in and I had a lot of nervous energy because my body was sitting instead of running, and I could see that the storm was impending. We spent two hours at the studio. My hubby could see how figity I was so he offered to cook dinner so I could get my run in. By this time it was pouring but where there is a will there is a way! I remembered that our rec center had an indoor track and I REALLY needed to get this run in. I had missed Zumba the night before and was feeling the effects of missing out on my exercise. Did I mention how great exercise is for relieving stress and tension? So I drove up the street to the rec center, they charge a really small fee to use the track, which was a nice surprise. I walked down to the track, started my warm up walk and couldn't believe how many people were there doing the same thing I was. I had thought it was pretty late for running. It was about 8:15 pm when I arrived but the track was pretty busy. There were a lot of young woman and families and a few people my age.
It was actually a good experience. I ended up following a gal who looked like an experienced runner. At first I thought she was around my age ( later I noticed that she was in her twenties, judging from appearances). I am just trying to get my milage in and seem to plug along. She passed me about every 3 laps. Six laps make up a mile. I am so bad at counting laps I decided to go by time and how many songs I went through on my ipod. I ended up running through 9 songs at about 3.5 mins eavh so that equals 31.5 mins. Not sure if I got a full 3.1 miles in but I did my best. So back to this girl who kept passing me. Everytime she passed me I would watch her stride and try and match my feet to hers. This made a big difference. It was a neat experiment. I couldn't keep up with her but it was fun to try. When I decided I was about finished I kicked it up a notch and really pushed it for the last lap. Then I took about 5 mins to cool down. Pushing it really made my heart rate go up but it felt good and even if I didn't get the full 3.1 miles in I did get in a good run. After finishing my run I went home ate a really late dinner and went to bed. I slept pretty good considering how late my run was. I think I was just exhausted from the day. My stress was all gone and I had a huge sense of relief.
I am not sure how all of this is going to play out with my 5k training. Like I said I have made a commitment to get my runs in before next Saturday. I know one thing, I am NOT taking the mutts with me on my next run, they will just have to wait. If it rains again before the 5k I can always go back to the indoor track. Its not the same as running outside but until I invest in a treadmill it is the only backup plan I have. I really hate running in the rain so I am visualizing and praying and sending positive energy up to the heavens for a nice, rain free day next Saturday. Wish me luck!
Thursday, May 06, 2010
When I started this journey I didn't feel very good about myself. I really wasn't who I wanted to be. As I started losing weight and getting attention for my efforts my self confidence rose and I started to feel like my authentic self.
Feeling like who you are meant to be can have its drawbacks. I consider myself to be somewhat attractive but by no means a super model. When I was heavy I didn't get many ( if any) compliments. But since I have gotten to goal weight I get compliments daily, especially from my husband. He says I get a lot of looks but I don't notice.
On a professional level I hold myself to a high standard. I don't necessarily hold everyone else to that standard, just myself. But this too has its drawbacks.
Yesterday's bad day had to do with a co-worker. She is an unhappy person. She is overweight and is constantly trying to get back to her weight when she was in her 20's. But she doesn't ever follow through. She doesn't care about Sparkpeople. I have tried to tell her.
Anyway, why is it just when you seem to be getting your life on track the crazies have to come out?
This lady went out of her way to send me a hurtful email that was a personal attack.
I work for a great company that has an EAP program. I went to ask for counseling to see what I could do about the situation, trying to be proactive and better myself is usually how i handle these kinds of situations. The counselor was awesome and said just what I neede to hear.
The jist of it is when someone with self esteem is surrounded by those who have low self esteem, they feel threatened. Hmm, this lady has even told me she is threatened by me.
So she makes snide remarks that can't be determined to be an insult or a compliment. Trying to make herself feel superior by chipping away at MY self-esteem.
The counselor also said this lady doesn't like me and probably has had issues with me for awhile and this is her way of telling me. It hurt so much. I can't make everyone like me though and I don't have control over her or her feelings. Now that she has come right out and let her feelings be known I should be able to avoid her in the future. The hard part is that there is a group of us ladies who have lunch together, about 5. Sometimes one of us is MIA. This lady is in the group. I need to keep my relationship with her strictly professional so I will temporarily be avoiding her, and the group, until I can come to grips with how best to handle her. This is all advise from the counselor.
I am a very sensitive person so I always can feel when someone isn't right with me. It makes perfect sense that my high standards and excellent work ethic would bring out insecurities in others. I really am not trying to toot my own horn. This blog is for me to try and wrap my head around having to deal with this person. I have had a working relationship with her for over three years and I personally have struggled with her demeanor but thought maybe it was all on my part, the struggle I have with her. Now I know I am not crazy and that she is the one with the problem. This is coming from the counselor once I described our interactions. Me trying to be helpful and being a part of a team and always assuming good intent and her belittling me or putting me in my "place" when she thinks I have overstepped.
She really didn't start having a problem with me until I had lost about 70 lbs. I try not to overstep my boundaries at work and pull myself in when I realize the help is not wanted.
I am very efficient at my job and I guess that can be a little scary. I don't want anyone else's job. I just want to do my own and do it to the best of my abilities.
It is the same with my weight loss. It is my journey, no one elses. It is no one's concern but my own. If someone wants to come along they are welcome but don't stand in my way or try to sabotage my efforts. I am in charge of my own life and no one else will dictate to me how I feel about myself or my abilities.
Enough said, I feel good about myself.
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