So this month is so not going "as planned". Like they ever do right. Still trying to fully recover from this inflammation caused by not enough rest after the half : ( I really do not want this turning into a chronic thing so I want to fully recover.
It is hard. Like super hard because I am the type of person that is almost addicted to working out/running. I crave a good sweat. All I need is a few days off to make me miss it so this is taking a lot out of me right now. But I am listening to my body and thinking what will be best for me in the long run is to just let it get better.
As I have always said keeping my portions small and limiting my food intake being constantly surrounded by food is my biggest challenge. That is where I need the extra mental focus to stay on track. Without the happy pill of my morning workouts it is even more challenging to stay on track with food right now. So far this month things have been just balancing out with my eating. But I could do way better.
And I should be making the effort to do better with it since things will only get harder now that the hubby will be home with me every day all day for at least a month! It is scary what can happen when I let myself forget that I do not need to eat every time he does... Sounds silly but in the long winter days that are full of stress it takes a lot of effort not to eat everything I prepare during the day.
I am probably not sounding super positive right now. That is because I really am not my most positive now that it has been a whole week without a good workout. But I can't let myself keep going down the negative self sabotaging road.
Everyday is taking a lot of effort to get my self in the mind set of wanting to make more progress and not settling for "maintenance mode". I know myself in maintenance mode and it only leads to me gaining! So yes I am afraid of not being in progress mode.
Right now I am trying to think of how I want to feel next week when the hubby and I go out on our long awaited date night to celebrate our 14th anniversary that passed uncelebrated last month. I hardly ever dress up. As most of you know I am a stay at home mom so I don't ever feel the need to put that much effort into dressing cute or putting on makeup on a regular basis. Sounds bad I know. I think sometimes I could probably easily get nominated for that what not to wear show lol! Would be nice but also embarrassing.
Anyway! This morning I tried on a few of my more comfortable "dressy" clothes. I am still about 5 pounds over what I weighed wearing everything in my closet so I stuck to stuff that was not going to get me in a bad mood with myself. Trying to decide what I will wear on our date night...
A lot harder than it should be. But I want to have it picked out so I can focus on everything I need to arrange for the boys and their activities while we are gone including meals and such. My sister will be staying with them but I don't want her to have to cook because I know how they like to go crazy when who ever is supervising is even slightly tied up... Yea boys!
So here are some of the things I tried on
Not too bad and I like it with these boots.
Still can see a bit of my pooch though. Nothing compared to how much it showed in the summer though.
So not wearing this one. Not the way it use to feel. I think it makes me look bigger than I am. Use to be one of my faves during the holidays too : /
More comfortable than the green dress but I might get cold...
With a sweater it could work : )
Not sure yet. What do you think? Are any of these good enough to wear out?
Guess I will have to figure something out. Just to prove my point and help explain why I feel so uncomfortable dressing up now days. Here is pic of what I was wearing before trying on clothes this am!
Sweats and warm layers. Me most days of the week sadly. I do wear jeans more often now that they fit. Thank goodness!
Definitely want to at least stay the size I am at the moment through the holidays! Even if I have to go with the flow relax and let my body fully recover, I do not have to gain in the process right!? I worked too hard to get to this point to let it all go after hitting a goal weight. If all goes well I can go back into full on progress mode in Jan able to give it 100% with workouts and all!
Hope all my spark friends are doing well! This sure is a tough month for all of us isn't it!?
Here I am nearing the finish line with my friend Kim.
It was super fun. Can't wait to do it again!
We are thinking we might be doing the full marathon next year : )!
I can ramble on for about it all. But I will try to keep it short! Time was not important to me/us. We did it for fun. Only goal was to not walk and we did just that. Over all including 3 stops, (mostly my fault it was tom heavy day... Would be nice to run a race once a day it was not lol!) we averaged a 13min mile pace so I am happy about that. I have said before I never push myself to get faster and just focus on appreciating being able to run since I have several issues that get in my way. Mainly my knee hip issues and irregular heart beat.
We lucked out with the weather a bit since it didn't rain but it was windy! Two things I will have to work on and remember for next time is the fuel and the rest and recovery in the days that follow. I am learning it the hard way today as I lay on my couch in pain at the moment. After running again too soon yesterday : ( Suffering from what they call osteitis pubis inflammation. It sucks. The only other time I ever felt this pain is at the end of the last two pregnancies... Well I will just have to do what it takes to make it better!
On to something positive again since thinking about pain doesn't seem to help lol! The other nsv that I have been very happy to notice has to do with the jeans I am wearing! Last year I had just barely gotten back into these before thanksgiving only to have to put the away again after. I put them on the day after thanksgiving and they fit comfortably! Woooohooooo to that! I didn't even have to get on the scale morning after enjoying the dinner to know I was doing way better than last year. That I am very proud of. Because I am done feeling sad about all this clothes that I just wasn't comfortable in anymore.
As for goals... Nov didn't go as well as Oct as far as my one goal of meeting my calorie deficit number. I had set the goal of creating a deficit of 10500 calories and it would have happened actually did happen (kind of) before I basically erased the calorie deficit with all the pies! Pecan pie is so calorie dense lol!
Oh well it is what it is. I still kept tracking everything. And I know I didn't give up in anyway. I enjoyed what I ate and worked hard on making sure most of the month keeping my eating clean and better balanced after the rough start when I posted the blog about my eating not being so clean for a whole week.
That week by the way showed me with clear numbers that as we all know but hate to admit, all calories are not created equal! Even though I kept the calories in the numbers I wanted to see and should have been continuing to lose, I was actually seeing the weight go up!
So I am glad I caught myself going in the wrong direction and got back on track. For the most part. I was not going to deprive myself during the holiday. Plus I knew I had my half coming up too lol so I was going to need the extra carbs right!?!
That brings me to the other part I mentioned earlier about how I need to learn how to fuel up/refuel better for my next half. Energy wise during the run I felt great but in the hours after I noticed I was having a hard time getting my blood sugar up. Probably had a lot to do with not stopping to really rest after it was over as we ended up staying downtown most of the day. We walked probably another 4-5miles up and down the streets with the boys. They always like to hang around downtown when we do go down there so I knew ahead of time I would not be going home to rest right after. I even thought ahead and packed my warm furry boots and some warm layers of clothes to change into for it. After the race I probably sat down for maybe 20min then was on my feet until we headed home around 4 or 5. While we walked around Pike Place Market I snacked on carbs but barely felt them. They helped but I think next time I need to sit down and refuel properly and not walk around as much as we did.
So short over 1000 calories. But I know it is better than what I would have done not tracking this at all.
I can look at it and be disappointed that I didn't do as good as Oct or just be happy I am still tracking and on track as the holidays come. I chose to be happy with it.
This tracking has become a habit again and that is a really good thing for me right now because even though it may seem I have gotten a little obsessed with it. I think the way I am "obsessing" over it is a healthier way than before.
In this way I do not have to overwhelm myself with thinking too far ahead like saying to myself "I can't have any ____ (fill in the blank with any of all the things we immediately deprive ourselves of when we "get serious") until this date. Or "I failed because I went over". Or "I suck at this because all I want is the things I can't have!" You get my point. In my head I am much happier doing this. I feel way more in control than when I keep track of how many days I go without bread or whatever.
For Dec I am going to keep going with my tracking. Hopefully I can recover from this well enough to at least do some moderate workouts by next week.
I will not turn to stress eating because of this or anything else! There will be plenty of stress as always this time of year. By the way this is DH's last week of work for at least 4 weeks so I will be stressed.
But like I said, I WILL NOT TURN TO STRESS EATING! It solves nothing! In fact in my case it would make it worse in more ways than one. Obviously I will start gaining then I will stress the weight I gained, and second I will run out of food quicker making me stress more over the shrinking budget lol!
Onto the next goal : ) So my ambitious goal for Dec is to create a calorie deficit of 17500 calories. And the even more ambitious part is I want to meet that number before Xmas!!!
Not so sure how easy that will be if I can't workout very hard but that was the plan in my head before this current issue started.... : /
The outline of my current plan aside from tracking calories in and out
*Not too strict diet.
*Eat clean most of the time.
*Balance macros keeping protein over 20% Carbs under 50% and Fat over 30%.
*2-3 fasted hiit runs a week
*wait a min of 2-3 hours between meals
*12 hour min nightly fast
*2-3 extended fasts a week of 16hours
*Weight train at least 3 times a week.
*Allow for intuitive eating by listening to hunger levels.
That is the plan! But I will also be happy with just keeping my weight under 115. I feel like once I am under 120 it is too easy to go back over it. At 115 it feels like I am just maintaining between 115-120. That is why getting closer to 110 is the goal. Then I can maintain between 110-115 with less effort. Never no effort because maintaining does take work as well but at least I can take my mind off of calorie deficit then and focus more on macros, building, meeting workout goals and playing more with the pre post workout meals....
It would be awesome to start the year near 110 so I can then use the momentum and habit of tracking to fine tune the macros and meal planing to really get visible hard abs by summer. Maybe even as early as spring! That would be so cool.
To even be thinking about this again is huge to me because I have turned things completely around from a mindset of not even knowing if I could ever get rid of my mommy tummy earlier in the year to where I feel it is just a matter of time before I am there again. Actually I will be an even better version of myself soon! Inside and out : )
Here is to finishing the year strong and making the best of it all!
Ugh. Okay I have to admit. Even though I thought I was still super focused and had my mind set on creating a much less ambitious total monthly deficit of 10500 calories to finish the month at 112.... I let myself relax a little too much all of last week with the clean eating....
Even though I hit my numbers averaging a 350 calorie day this month. I know if I keep going this way I will NOT get the results I want.
I am not weighing in daily just on Sat. And this Sat I got lucky and did manage to be at goal still but today after being even worse over the weekend... (included alcohol) I am sure I am not at goal. Yea mainly bloat but not how I want to feel.
Hitting "goal weight" didn't exactly make me feel like "I am there" Just back to where I was fitting my clothes not bloated and overflowing my pants and um bras. (I mainly gain on my top half) And no it is not as good as it sounds. I was at a point where I was getting bigger than I was when I was nursing! That was a big red flag for me. It is not cute. Because it also involves "back fat". SO uncomfortable. Seriously drove me nuts to see I got to that point.
Anyway! That is why I had decided I would keep going with what worked to get me this far and finally get back to a really comfortable place where I not only didn't have a muffin top standing but sitting down as well and to a point I didn't feel like I had to hide my top half in lose tops. I want flat hard abs again! Yes I am a mommy of three. But that does not mean my tummy has to stay looking like I just had them!
Letting myself relax with clean eating and only focusing on numbers is not going to work! I need to keep it clean too!
It starts TODAY!
Back to limiting all the bad stuff and sticking to a detox type diet.
For today I am chugging down the water. Got a gallon of distilled water more than halfway gone sitting on the kitchen counter right now. Also had a glass of lemon water first thing in the morning. And another right now.
Got a fasted hiit cardio in at 6 am after the hubby left. Felt like I was going to throw up during the sprints! Yuck.
Going to make a big green juice and take my vitamineral greens powder in some coconut water in a bit too. Of course waiting until I actually feel hungry!
It was SO NOT WORTH IT! I think I am going to go another 6 weeks of no alcohol! Sounds unrealistic for the holidays but I so need it. This sucks!
At least I can just keep going with what I have already started. That is a good feeling. Way better than feeling like I need to start over or start something new. I mean I kind of am but part of me now knows this is all a part of the journey.
I never have to tell myself I failed. Because it is not over. It is just a part of it. And in many ways "messing up" can really help us keep our focus longer! I think it makes us go after our goals with more enthusiasm and feeling gross makes us crave the clean whole foods that make us feel great and energized right!?!
Starting over, getting back on track, day one, or just another day on this journey we all have it in us! So let's DO IT!
Luckily for me I do enjoy working out so staying motivated to workout is hardly ever an issue. My issues are with food. And loving to workout can actually work against us sometimes when we don't have a good grip on our food! Because working out makes us hungrier...
Like last year I tried challenging myself with getting strict with food on and off. But sometimes we just like to do the opposite of what he tell ourselves to do. We put a bunch of stuff in this forbidden foods category and all of a sudden things feel way harder than they should. Especially when many of the things are good whole foods too! It just feels like complete deprivation.
Then add to that the way we feel when we "fail" yet again at a new "plan". Many times our plans are great! They make so much since and will work for sure! If we can stay motivated and exited about this plan long enough right!?!
In June I decided to stop making excuses and make myself start tracking everything again. I tracked most days for 6 weeks and lost some got down to around 120. Just tracking. Not really aiming for a specific calorie range. Just eating to hunger levels sticking to lower calorie whole foods. Less grains. More protein. More veggies in place of the grains. You know all the stuff that makes since. Just not depriving myself by saying I couldn't have what I felt like having if I did want something that was not so great of a choice. I just tracked it and moved on.
By September. I was seeing numbers under 120. Briefly though...
I knew it was time to figure out something else!
So while I did get sick and the end of Sept I maintained my weight and was ready to start with a new plan. As soon as I felt well enough I decided on tracking my calorie deficit numbers for 30 days!
Of course first I needed to finally decide on a number... THAT was the tricky part. But I knew it was not impossible.
And even if I came up with a number that was wrong it was better than continuing to just maintain or getting frustrated and pushing myself with a restrictive plan just to go in the opposite direction yet again.
I figured out a close enough true maintenance number. With a basal metabolic rate for my age maintaining at goal weight with all the typical daily activities figured into it. Just not counting calories burned from my workouts. I came up with 1977.
Sigh. I have to say it felt good to come up with something like this. Because even though I new I could maintain eating 2200-2700 calories a day it was a bit frustrating at the same time not knowing exactly what to aim for AND the fact that I just couldn't even get myself to try aiming for any number anyway! Old habits are hard to break and I guess knowing that intuitive eating is something some want to try to do more of it was really hard to make myself not eat intuitively.
For the 30 days I planned on tracking all foods and compare the numbers with the calorie burn on heart rate monitor from workouts.
I aimed to do most of my cardio fasted to get an edge on burning mainly fat and not muscle. Also aimed to eat as little grains and extra carbs as possible. While keeping my protein up and healthy fats up. Mainly aimed for carbs under or around 40% Fats above 30% and proteins at least 20%. And of course clean whole foods!
This of course only happened on days I was super motivated.
The other days that I wanted to have breads and such. I did. And to be honest I actually had to have a little conversation in my head telling myself I was NOT failing anything. I could eat the piece of bread with my meal just track it and continue. This was not all going to stop because I chose to have this. I would take a deep breath smile and let myself enjoy it!
Here is the list of calorie deficit tracking for the 30 days.
Goal was to create a total deficit of 17500 calories to lose 5 pounds. Total deficit created 17630
Listed as calories in/calories out
DAY 1- 1627/459 = -809
DAY 2- 1560/344 = -761
DAY 3- 2019/0 = +42
DAY 4- 1399/1000 = -1578
Day 5- 1699/33 = -311
Day 6- 1142/740= -1575
Day 7- 1637/377= -717
Day 8- 1506/396= -867
Day 9- 1883/66= -160
Day 10- 1995/22= -4
Day 11- 2191/811= -597
Day 12- 1181/324= -1120
Day 13- 3252/698= +577
Day 14- 1723/422= -676
Day 15- 3941/124= +1840
Day 16- 1561/495= -911
Day 17- 1834/97= -240
Day 18- 2357/44= +336
Day 19-1586/1336= -1727
Day 20-1382/234= -829
Day 21- 2240/548= -285
Day 22- 1996/963=964
Day 23- 1426/128= -679
Day 24- 3060/44= +1039
Day 25- 1531/925= -1371
Day 26- 1742/612= -847
Day 27- 1601/394= -770
Day 28- 1615/849= -1211
Day 29- 1718/402= -661
Day 30- 1654/671= -994
Starting weight on day one was 119.8 and morning after the 30 days 114.7
As you can see I even had a day I went over by 1800 calories!!! Crazy right!?! I know any other time if I was tracking without this deficit goal I would have thought after a day like that, I just have to start over. But I didn't. I just kept going!
It is possible to have a super hungry day that ends with eating two bacon cheeseburgers and still keep making progress!!
Everything counts. In good ways and bad. All the choices we make COUNT. Every small good choice we make can add up to a very good thing. It is all in how we keep moving forward to keep it all balanced somehow.
Staying in the right positive mind set is by far the hardest thing in this journey.
I have learned that the hard way many times. And I am sure I will keep getting in my own way in the future. But I will do my best to remember what I have learned so far.
13hr night fast
2019 Calories 193Carbs 33Fiber 91Fat 127Protein
38.9%Fat 36.8%Carbs 24.1%Protein
Not too bad for an "off/cheat day"
Fasted early am HIIT run. 12hr night fast
Am trail run followed by HIIT circuit training class. (free trial. FUN!)
1399Calories 107Carbs 28Fiber 72Fat 91Protein
44.9%Fat 29.8%Carbs 25.3%Protein
1699Calories 124Carbs 34Fiber 88Protein
51.2%Fat 28.6%Carbs 20.2%Protein
Fasted Cardio and workout before breaking 16hr fast
Super busy day. Lots of cleaning with a run to the store before "lunch". Ate lunch during drive in after noon. Too busy to actually feel how hungry I was. Tracked day after!
1142 Calories 86Carbs 18Fiber 57Fat 81Protein
43.3%Fat 29.1%Carbs 27.6%Protein
12hr night fast
Caved into high hunger levels at night. Oops!
3252Calories 298Carbs 45Fiber 169Fat 156Protein
45.6%Fat 35.8%Carbs 18.6%Protein
Fasted cardio 14hr fast
Surprisingly still woke up as hungry as usual...
1723Calories 164Carbs 35Fiber 74Fat 120Protein
37.1%Fat 37.2%Carbs 26.7%Protein
Even hungrier than yesterday today!
I have no idea why I ate so much. Assuming some of it had to do with very little sleep! Ugh : (
3941Calories 364Carbs 35Fiber 195Fat 193Protein
44%Fat 36.6%Carbs 19.4%Protein
Fasted cardio 16hr fast.
Finally woke up with normal hunger levels... Hoping I can turn my high calorie eating days of this week around even with weekend challenges!
1561Calories 109Carbs 31Fiber 86Fat 97Protein
48.3%Fat 27.3%Carbs 24.4%Protein
13hr night fast
1834 Clories 178Carbs 35Fiber 76Fat 128Protein
35.9%Fat 37.3%Carbs 26.8%Protein
LONG day : ( Spent much of it in waiting rooms with David's broken finger.
2357Calories 255Carbs 60Fiber 104Fat 140Protein
37.2%Fat 40.6%Carbs 22.2%Protein
Fasted am cardio 15hr fast pm workout with 2nd cardio
1586Calories 81Carbs 24Fiber 125Protein
48%Fat 20.5%Carbs 31.5%Protein