IRISHRAVEN   9,211
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IRISHRAVEN's Recent Blog Entries

Well Alllrighty THEN!

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Ok. So I'm still watching what I eat and stuff. BUT...I just haven't been tracking it on my nutrition tracker. I actually miss doing it a whole way lot! However, I have found that with my retarded night shift schedule and not having real access to my computer at home, I'm finding it hard to keep up with it. So I'm going to keep working at it and just doing the best I can right now. Soon though I'm praying that it will all be better and I'll be on a day shift (yeah....not for a year I'm sure!) and I'll have my PC back to myself at home. So I'm still here...don't forget about me...keep me in your thoughts please! I'm still trying and honestly chatting with my new SP friends is what's making a huge difference for me.

That and a new ice cream called Cinnamon Buns...I found I can eat just a spoon or two and have a totally happy sweet tooth and a pint can last me FOREVER!!!! It's a good thing. Considering ice cream is a weakness of mine and I used to be able to down a pint a night. So I'm thankful for Cinnamon Buns Ice Cream....I must remind myself to send a thank you letter to Ben & Jerry's! LOL

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GINW1977 8/8/2007 9:43PM

    I was wondering if you were still doing this spark thing. I figured it was your night schedule. How is the weight loss going? I've lost 15 pounds so far. Going really slow, but it is hard to diet without eating vegetables or fruit. I am basically just cutting portion sizes and not drinking sodas and not chomping down sweets as fast as possible. I had to have chocolate yesterday, and I ate two nuggets instead of the whole bag. Just doing things like that. Well, take care, and I will email you more later.

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MANSMAMOMI1 8/8/2007 2:09AM

  Hi there!
I'm always thinking of you! Glad, you come onboard with us!
Julia

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A_PRESENCE 8/7/2007 10:53AM

    We are still thinking of you!! :)

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It's been a while

Thursday, July 19, 2007

I took a break. But now I'm back! I was going through some problems that I didn't understand at first. But thanks to some of the wonderful people I've meet on here I realized what was going on. I was getting angry and snapping people's heads off and feeling like I just wanted to fade away and be alone and..just all kinds of not good feelings. I was encouraged to go see my doctor and I did...finally. I was diagnosed with depression. I feel odd saying that. It makes me feel like I'm broken or something. My Doc. put me on Effexor. So far it seems to be working. I'm motivated again to start back on my journey. I've also been diagnosed with Borderline (or Pre-) Diabetes. Scares the living tar out of me! So...double that motivation! So I'm back to tracking my nutrition and drinking all my water (which I always do anyway) and taking care of me. I'm trying to figure out how to make...wait...how can I re-phrase that? I'm trying to figure out a way to make working out something I look forward to. Does that sound more positive? Anyway...I'm very thankful for my new friends on SP because without them I may not have had the courage to talk to my doctor in the first place. My darling Crystal knew something was wrong but didn't know how to approach me with it and was worried I'd fly off the handle and get mad at her for saying anything. I tried to reach out to her but she wouldn't respond to me when I did which just frustrated me which made me not want to talk which made her not want to talk...just a big ugly vicious cycle. But we're ok now. We are eating healthy and I've laid down some rules for our home about not bringing unhealthy food into the house. We also had a house meeting to put our home rules on paper so that my Mom (who is STILL living with us) will hopefully get it through her skull that we have a way of living and she needs to respect it. If it's on paper, we've gone over it, we've all signed it stating that we understand, and that paper is posted in a common area, then she can't say "I didn't know". So there! Ok...I think this is long enough. So I'm getting back on track and getting healthy and I'm so so so grateful for all my new friends! Thank you Friends for being there for me! I hope someday I can return that kindness!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KUTEY504 7/25/2007 1:29AM

    Raven, don't be ashamed of depression. It is a disease. I was officially diagnosed 12 yrs ago and have been on about every different medicaiton there is cause for some reason, they work for awhile and quit. You may have to change until you find one that is right for you also. I know it is hard, but as you see on the dealing with depression team, there are a ton of us out there with the illness. We will all support and motivate each other here and there to keep going and if need be, to stay on or meds to try to make our lives easier
Tammy

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HUSKY_HANK 7/19/2007 12:55PM

    Welcome back.

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RIVER0 7/19/2007 5:25AM

    Welcome back. IRISHRAVEN

We are all broken in some way or another, so you are in good company!! As for working out.....I've always found it hard to look forward to it at first, but once I've done it a few times and realize how much better it makes me feel, Im much more motivated to go.



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Haven't talked lately

Thursday, June 21, 2007

I've been in a not so happy place lately. I'm having trouble meeting my daily calories, and when I do I'm usually over. I haven't worked out in over 2 weeks. I feel really guility about that. I do plan on starting back at the gym on Monday though. I've been trying to figure out how to get my work and exercise and family time in and still get enough sleep. I work nights and was going to the gym when I get off work. Then our wellness lady at work said that working out when you first get up in the mornings is better. So I figured I'd try that out. But it doesn't work for me. Does this mean I'm doomed? Does it mean I'm a bad person because I can't make this work? I get up around 4pm and that's my family from then until I go to work at 10:00pm. I'm not very willing to give that up. It works so much better, and keeps me motivated, if I leave work at 7:15am, hit the gym, come home and eat a small something, shower, and hit the sack. It gives me something other than going to sleep to look forward to when I leave work. I eat healthier too when I do this. It's like it just sets this tone for me for the rest of my day. But I feel bad because I hear so many conflicting bits of advice when it comes to working out. Do it in the morning, do it twice a day, do it for at least 30 minutes, do it at least 1 hour, vary your work out daily, vary your work out occasionally. eat 3 meals a day, eat 5 - 6 small meals a day (are you kidding? I'd die!), eat high carbs, eat low carbs, eat no carbs, eat low fat, eat sensible fat...and it just goes on and on! I don't know what to believe or listen to or do! I know what feels right to me, what feels healthy. I've been losing wieght which is great. But the more I learn and hear the more confused I get!! I was doing it to where I was eating 3 meals a day and maybe one snack or something and working out right after work. I do my best to get all my calories in. I'm one of those who don't eat enough ya know. I eat healthy goods, just not enough of them. So I do try hard to get all my calories in. And I take a multivitamin, and a calcium supplement, and I've started taking FiberSure once a day because I wasn't getting enough fiber. So I'm trying. But the exercise thing is just driving me nuts. And as stupid as this sounds, when the exercise stops my brain goes into this tailspin of "why bother" and it makes everything else hard.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SERAGILO 7/14/2007 1:29AM

    Hi There!- I too work out after work, there is no way I am getting my butt out of bed at 330am just to workout. I do not care if I am awake anyways. I say you do what works for you, if it was not working then thats one thing...but it seems to me that it was! ---good luck to you---Seragilo

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CALIKAYE 6/29/2007 1:24AM

    Hello, Raven,

It must feel so strange to get a blog comment from someone you’ve never met. Please, let me introduce myself and explain how I found your page. My name is Karen and I live in lovely Northern California. I’m in my 40s, divorced, and raising a teenager while caring for an aging parent. I have been a SP member since April 23, 2007, and have lost 16 lbs so far. This is the second time around for me, so I know what I need to do.

I was looking for some interesting teams and typed in “paranormal” and the only team listed was Light Tree (or whatever it was, the name is escaping me at the moment). As I was reading the threads, I realized that while a very cool topic, the category was misleading…it should have been called Ghost Hunters, or something along those lines. Anyway, I always like to do a drive by of peeps SP pages and decided to visit yours…very cool background by the way…I was going to leave when I saw your blog entry. Well, you don’t know me, but that was a sure flag for me to respond.

First and foremost, stop being so hard on yourself, dear one. I bet you’ve had to fight all your life for one thing or another. Perhaps I’m wrong, but sense you’re a scrapper and you’re scrapping with yourself right now. What does this strange fat lady know? I know how to do it…been there, done that…and wanted to provide some support. My last weight loss was 120 lbs and I swore I’d never do it again (heavy sigh), but here I am (re-read first paragraph LOL). Getting it off is one thing, keeping it off is another! HA!

Never say “why bother” when you’re doing something for yourself and your family. Positive thinking and the law of attraction are what you need to focus on, girl. You eat healthy foods, good! You’re already ahead of 90% of the people on this site. You hate food. Hummm… I don’t want to touch that one LOL, but I will tell you for all the healthy food you’re eating, you’re killing your digestive system! Each and every organ in your body has a purpose…the majority of them focus on turning food into fuel (digestion) and ridding the body of toxins and what is not required. Try two simple things to see if it helps you slow down (if not enjoy) your eating: (1) never eat on the go. SIT DOWN while you eat; and (2) try counting as you chew. I know, I know, you’re grandmother probably told you to do that, but it does work. Some people even place a mirror in front of them when they eat…scary, but true. Buy chewing properly you’ll digest your food in a healthy manor. Eating more slowly and having a nice big bowl of Kashi for your first meal of the day will negate the need for Fibersure…trust me. Oh, and water, water, water… 60-90 oz a day if possible to help the body hydrate, digest, and flush the toxins out of your body.

As for the exercise, you have to remember that your journey here is not just about reducing weight, but also about making healthy life choices. You’re trying every-which-way-from-Sunday to do what you think is right for you, but you’re not “listening” to you…your body and mind. Haven’t you ever heard “if it don’t fit, don’t force it? LOL I think working out at the gym after your work day is fantastic! Not only are you getting the workout in, but you’re relieving the stress of the day before you get home to your family! I don’t know anything healthier than that. Relax, workout when it feels right for you. The important thing is to exercise. When you’re closer to your goal, perhaps a consultation with a personal trainer (who will know your work schedule) can help you to create a workout to achieve your ultimate body-look (lean and athletic, buff and muscular, tone and fit)? On the weekends, maybe a bike ride with your family or a walk in the park after dinner would be an option? Stop beating yourself up. You’re not doomed! You are not a bad person! Get that thought out of your head right now. You’re a good person for wanting to change…change is good.

Okay, this strange lady is leaving now. I hope you learn to love yourself, Raven. You’re a strong woman and worth the effort…I know you are. Good luck on your journey, my friend.

Blessings to you and yours.

-Karen

P.S. Oh, and one more little thing, never say “I need to lose weight” again. The word lose implies something is lost and therefore, can be found again. Say I am reducing my weight, for good! Best of luck.


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TERJEGOLD 6/21/2007 10:33PM

    Hi Raven, I can sense your deep frustration. It sounds to me like you have found something that works for you and you are now listening to the "pros" instead of listening to your body. You will receive more benefit from exercising when it fits with your lifestyle and schedule than not exercising at all. You will derive a lot more from the sense of peace and wellbeing that comes from a schedule that meets your needs for human interaction, physical movement and nutritious foods than trying to make your life look like the "typical life" . Since you know what workse for you, throw away the advice that goes contrary to what works and celebrate all the good things you do for yourself when you feed and exercise your body in ways that make sense to you. Big hugs coming your way. You know what to do, so follow your instincts.

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"If you were to write the book of your life, would you want to read it?"

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Wow! What a great line! And if I think about it I have to really wonder if it would be worth reading. I want to make it worth reading. I want to live larger than life! There's so much I WANT to do...so what's holding me back? Can't I be a responsible hard working adult and still have a blast actually living life? Instead of just doing what I have to do day by day? I think I can. Hell..I KNOW I CAN! I really want to travel. I want to write a couple books...several actually. I want to make a difference in this world and leave a legacy my child (and future children?) will be proud of. That I'LL be proud of!

But honestly right now I can say that all day long. But I sure don' t feel it. I'm going through A LOT right now and I feel like I'm hitting a big depression. I'm sleeping way too much. I'm snappy and irritable. I want to slide into a hole and never come out. But my fiance seems to think I'm fine so I guess I am. Maybe I'm just imagining it. I don' t know. I'm trying to put on a happy face and I guess it's working.

The good news is that I'm down 18 pounds. And for that I am thankful!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SERAGILO 6/4/2007 7:31AM

    Hey there- Interesting thought, that opening line of yours. Made me think thats for sure! I would be afraid to write everything...I mean, my Mom would read it! *snicker*

Hope things are looking up for you!


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Fear Of Flying

Monday, May 21, 2007

Ok...so I had a weird thing happen today. WAIT...bit of back story first I suppose. First off I'm a giant scaredy cat. No...more than that...I'm completely phobic when it comes to planes. It's not the flying..it's the plane falling out of the sky that scares me. Ok so one of my flying (and height) issues is my wieght. I know it's irrational but that's what makes it a phobia. Ok so, I've decided (or so I thought) that once I'm at my goal weight that I'd get on a plane and fly. Mainly because we want to go to Ireland for our honeymoon. That said here's what happened today. We were driving and passed a billboard for an airline (watch 37 channels for free on Jet Blue). I was quietly musing that "wow..that could help! I could watch something mindless on the TV and the flight would be over in no time!" and things like that. Really talking myself up! Well Crystal (my fiance) said "what did that say about tv?" and I recounted it to her. She said " I don't wanna watch TV on a plane! I wanna open the window and look down at the scenery". Weeellll that sent me into a complete and TOTAL panic attack. My heart started pounding, my ears hurt, I WAS CRYING! All because of a little innocent comment. It was horrible and I was sooo embarrassed! She felt horrible..and I felt horrible because she felt horrible. (sigh) I don't know if I can do this flying thing...I have a little over a year to lose my weight and get a grip!

  
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FELINEFRIDA 5/21/2007 8:34AM

    Oh no -- I just reread what I posted and want to make sure it's clear.

The tears were because it was so beautiful, and my dream was finally coming true, and I was so happy. My joy totally overrode any fears/qualms I had about landing.

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FELINEFRIDA 5/21/2007 8:33AM

    Oh wow, I do understand! In fact, that is so funny. I've always accused my husband of the same thing. If you could roll down the window, he would!

Our first trip to the UK, I had a book in my hand and read and reread the first page the entire time we were taxiing to take off, and then taking off -- I was determined to NOT THING ABOUT FALLING OUT OF THE SKY. (My imagination is vivid and once I think about it, I can visualize it in great detail. LOL)

But my husband kept pointing things out to me. Even after dark, he'd be trying to figure out which city we were passing over, etc. I did NOT want to think about that!

But I just want you to know, the book (or television in your case) did help. And SLEEPING helps. In fact, I now get a prescription for sleeping pills to help me sleep on planes when we're going to the UK. (We've been four times.)

AND -- this is the amazing part. When we were coming in for a landing at Gatwick, when I'd usually have my eyes closed trying not to think about it -- I caught a glimpse of this incredible GREEN. And HEDGEROWS. And I couldn't stop staring -- it was so beautiful. And I watched the entire landing, and by the time the jet came to a stop I realized there were tears on my cheeks.

Hang tight. You'll make it, and you'll LOVE it!



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