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And the Wheel Turns...and another unexpected change...

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Hi everyone! I'm sorry I've been out of pocket for a little while. My car broke down and I was stranded out in the Boondocks for over a week!!! No internet, no cable, no nothing! Talk about B-O-R-I-N-G!!!! But my car is back and running and I'm out and about.

My plans have changed. I have mixed feelings about it too. See, we went to Austin for Yule/Christmas and my wonderful Daughter (Jordon) joined us for a visit there. During the visit she came to me and asked to talk. She said "Mom I have been thinking and I want to come home sooner than June. " Well, needless to say we were shocked and stunned and over-joyed. She came to me later and said "Mom I really feel better and I'm ready to come home. Being back home has really shown me how out of place I am up there (in Virginia). It feels so good to be back among people who actually give a damn about me". We are so ready for her to come home too! I can't wait to have her back with us. She has worked hard in therapy and she's been given the all clear to come home. It's a little ... ok a lot.. scary but I feel good about this. The big thing it changes is that we can't move to Colorado like we hoped. We would have to have until March to have the money saved to do that. Jordon's school semester ends Jan. 30th so she is flying home on the 31st. This means we move back to Texas!! We are moving to Cedar Park, Texas. North of Austin but close enough that I get to go back to my old job! I am so very happy about that too.

For the first time in a long time I feel hope. I feel like things are honestly going to be ok. Normally, I would be feeling anxious and scared about all the fast changes. See change of any kind usually freaks me out completely. But this doesn't. It's odd. But I feel really at peace with this. I know it isn't exactly where we wanted to go, but we are going to visit Colorado often so it will be ok. I will still be taking my sweet friend, Korin, up on that Coffee at the Witches Brew, it just won't be right away. Texas is not where I really want to live. But it's not the worst that could happen either. And I've made a commitment to myself that I am going to live the Austin Experience!! I lived there for 15 years and didn't do any of the Austin stuff, I just existed. Well no more. I'm going to go to the Pecan Street Festival! I'm going to attend SXSW (South by Southwest Music Festival). I'm going to Eeyore's Birthday Party. I'm going to Spamaroma and the O'Henry Fest. I want to learn to Kayak at Town Lake. I'm just going to live the life! Most of the previous mentioned things are yearly events in Austin. But there are museums, symphonies, ballets, lobby events, runs, rides, bike clubs, and all kinds of activities to get me out of the house and living. I'm going to start having my friends over for dinners and game nights again, and we want to have Football BBQs! I'm tired of existing! I want to LIVE! So I'm gonna! And Jordon and Crystal say they want to too. So I have good feelings about all of this!

I'm not going to focus on losing weight anymore! I'm going to focus on living a healthy active lifestyle and look forward to weight loss being a fantastic bonus perk to that! I'll still keep track of my eating and exercise... or I should say START keeping track of those things again. But I will NOT berate myself or beat myself up if I slip. Slipping is part of any journey! And I am going to accept that and not let those slips ruin my outlook or my fun.

So by Mid-February we should have a place of our and be able to start living green and healthy and active! This is going to be a great year! I just feel it in my Soul!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GINW1977 1/20/2009 4:17PM

    It is awesome that Jordon is coming home. I agree with living the "Austin life". It isn't really about where you are, it is the people you are with and what you make of it. To a large degree, happiness is a state of mind and having a good attitude. I am so happy for you.

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TRACYZABELLE 1/20/2009 3:28PM

    OH I am so so happy for you all! I know you must be over the moon! Seems 2009 is looking good for you! YAY! I wish for you nothing but happpiness, patience,understanding and of course be flexible and open minded..,THat is where we get our kids trust and they will come to us anytime they are conflicted.
MUch love!

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A crappy realization

Saturday, December 20, 2008

So last night our AC froze up. Not an unusual thing since I like to keep it arctic in our home. Well, while Crystal was thawing it out I was milling about the house. Suddenly there I was, in front of the fridge. I thought " What the hell am I doing here?? I'm not even hungry!" so I shut the door and walked off. Then all the sudden, and I can't figure out how, there I was again! Door open, staring into the vault that is the fridge! Why? Well, that got me to thinking. I find myself standing there a lot really don't I? Or in front of the pantry looking for who knows what! And sadly I'll end up grabbing something. I frank out of the package, chomp and it's gone. A hand full of crackers. A PB&J. Toast. A portion of reduced fat Cheezits ( I think they just taste better than the regular ones!)... well now that's just dumb isn't it? PORTION CONTROL only works if you aren't doing a portion of ____ 3 or 4 times a day, outside of meal time! And I'm not even hungry!!! I'm finding that I eat all the freaking time. And I don't understand it. I don't like eating! I mean, it's a necessity of life yeah fine I get it. And I do enjoy a meal with friends or family like at a gathering. But just to eat? No. I speed eat. Something I was getting a lot better at and now I am at it again. I eat cause I'm bored. I eat when I'm angry. I eat when I'm sad. I eat when I'm studying. I eat when I watch movies. I eat just for no reason at all. But it's rarely when I'm hungry. When I'm hungry I want a meal. Right? That's normal. But why all this other stuff? All this grazing, noshing, mindless, thoughtless, ridiculous eating? I used to think I was doing the emotional eating thing.. but is it? Or is this different? I mean, I'm not emotional when I'm bored right? My logical mind knows that you should eat 3 meals and 2 snacks a day. I know this works for me cause I've done it and I lose weight when I do it right. But this that I now realize I'm really doing...well... it's not right. Why do I always find myself in the kitchen looking for something, ending up getting something just cause it there. Then I had a painful thought hit me, I heard it somewhere I guess..I heard myself say "You're trying to fill a void in your life. A hole... a big gaping yawning hole. What is it? What's missing? What is it that is wrong in your life that you are trying to fill up or cover up with food?" Well, I know the answer. But I also know that answer doesn't have an easy fix. Actually it's not something I CAN fix. So what do I do now?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GINW1977 1/3/2009 10:23AM

    I do the same thing, but I do not think it is filling a hole or void in our lives. It is pure habit. Just like a smoker has to smoke after dinner. If you are like me, you have gotten into the habit of watching tv while snacking. It is a habit to be bored and start snacking. Just like I did before, we have to start doing our hobbies and other activities without the snacking and eventually the habit will be broken. I actually still do not eat while watching tv.

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TRACYZABELLE 12/22/2008 2:41AM

    It is hard to fill the holes in our life... I catch myself doing the same thing especially around holidays.. But I am getting better. I find other things to keep my thoughts occupied! You can do it!! You are a beautiful smart woman with people who love you. Remember you aere never alone!

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CAROLJ74 12/20/2008 11:48PM

    WOW! I could have written this blog 6 months ago! Ok, minus the freezing house. I would walk downstairs and find myself in the same predicament! And can I just say there is something in cheezits! You can't just eat 1 handful! I wrote small challenges on piece of paper on the fridge and goals so that I could stay focused! Good luck : )

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DAISYGIRLS 12/20/2008 9:30PM

    I am right there with you! The freakin fridge is like a magnet and it sucks me in. And AC girl it is like 20 degrees where I am.. lol.. last thing I want is the AC :0)

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Ok it snowed in Louisiana! WHAT?

Monday, December 15, 2008

Yep,,, you read it right. South Central Louisiana got SNOW on Thursday! It was a hoot to see all the folks who have never seen snow freak out. They shut down schools and businesses and highways. It was amazing! Of course, I do have to keep in mind that I grew up around lots of snow and that the folks down here are simply not equipped to handle it. it was so fun to see everyone, even grown ups, outside building snow men and playing in the snow. How fun it must have been for those folks who have never seen snow to see this little bit and enjoy it to the fullest!!

Well, on to us. We are doing well!!! We are no where near where we need to be nutritionally or health wise. But we are finally getting a little peace in our lives to where we can get the other things back too.

I've gained 35 (at least) pounds since moving here. But I am not going to beat myself up for it. We've had an extremely hard, stressful and just plain crazy year. So I'm counting myself lucky that I haven't put on 100 pounds!

I am going to be making out a menu for the remainder of the week and part of next week tonight. All healthy meals! Since we are at a place to do that now. We are in soup season too! We LOVE soups. No too big on cream based soups but we love broth based ones. I'm going to be scouring SparkRecipes for good ones!

We are going to Austin for Christmas! YEA! My daughter is coming down for the holidays, then will fly back to Virginia till June. In June she is finally coming home for good! I can't wait!

So things are going in the right direction for a change!!! We are relieved!

I hope everyone is well!!

LOVE!!! PEACE!!!! and Bright Blessings for Yule!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GINW1977 12/18/2008 7:10PM

    It is funny how the south shuts down for snow. We have a foot on the ground that won't melt. We are getting up to 18 inches tonight alone. The plows will be out and life will go on as normal. I hate snow, though. It is pretty when it is fresh and sparkling, but I wish it would melt the next day.
I make a taco soup that is awesome and easy.
1 lb ground beef
1 chopped onion
2 cans corn
2 cans beans (I use pintos)
1 can stewed tomatoes
1 can mild rotel tomatoes
1 pack Hidden Valley Ranch dressing mix
1 pack taco seasoning

Brown the onions, and then the meat. Dump in the dressing mix and taco seasoning. Dump in the rest of the stuff undrained. Add about a cup of water. Simmer. It is so good with cornbread.

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TRACYZABELLE 12/16/2008 3:56AM

    I am into soup as well! I will probably make 2 soups this week--Bean and ham and chicken vegetable with barley. I have 2 hambones for the bean soup and for the chicken I have a lot of chicken to use,. I load it up with veggies as well! YUM!

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Re-evaluating Ginger:

Friday, December 12, 2008

I am learning that I like ginger. I've avoided this particular root for a long time. I always thought it too pungent for using in cooking and too pungent to use in EO form. A relative loves candied ginger and I've always thought it disgusting. I didn't like gingerbread cookies, ginger snaps (way too sweet), Gingerbread Men, Gingerbread, Asian foods with ginger in them... nothing. But recently I am finding that I like it! How funny is that? I love that as we age and grow our taste buds change and grow with us. As does our sense of smell. About 6 months ago I ate a gingerbread man cookie and liked it... a lot. Then I found some yummy Spice Cookies from World Market made in Sweden that I feel madly in love with. I never thought that the 'spice' I was liking so much was ginger along with nutmeg and allspice! But I thought it was just the stress that was making me like this stuff coupled with the fact it was a cookie! I love cookies!

Well I can now attribute part of this realization to Starbucks, also. They have a gingersnap latte for the holidays. They came by the table I where I was sitting and offered me a sample. At first I turned my nose up and it and made that face.. you know the one... the one that says "Eeeww nasty!". But remembering what I always tell my daughter and my dear girlfriend, "you never know, your tastes may have changed. Go ahead and try it", I went ahead and tried it. OMG it was wonderful!!!! It also had the interest effect of calming my tummy down a bit since it was a little topsy turvy that day. Mom always made a ginger tummy tea for upset tummy days. Guess this was the same principal. It had candied ginger on top of this latte, which let off a lovely aroma. I just ordered one and I took a deep sniff of the it and felt a warmth radiate all through my chest and head, almost a comforting feeling. So I'm going to go see if I can find a good Ginger EO out there and try it in a burner, or an incense, or something, to see if it will have that same calming, warming, comforting effect! I just love expanding my horizons! I also can't wait to go to a nice Asian cafe and try a gingered chicken dish just to see if I like it in that form also!

Thoughts? Musings? Rebuttals? LOL

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GINW1977 12/18/2008 7:04PM

    Ginger is awesome. It tastes earthy. I hate pickled ginger, but I hate pickled anything really.

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TRACYZABELLE 12/15/2008 1:13AM

    I always have known that ginger had so many goo uses but of course my favorite is pickled ginger on my sushi! I LOVE sushi!

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Twas the Evening of Samhain

Sunday, November 02, 2008

Twas the Evening of Samhain

'Twas the evening of Samhain, and all through the place
Were Pagans preparing the ritual space.
The candles were set in the corners with care,
In hopes that the Watchtowers soon would be there.
We all had our robes on, as is habitual
And had just settled down and were starting our ritual
When out on the porch there arose such a chorus
That we went to the door, and waiting there for us
Were children in costumes of various kinds
With visions of chocolate bright in their minds.

In all of our workings, we'd almost forgot,
But we had purchased candy, we'd purchased a LOT
And so, as they flocked from all over the street,
They all got some chocolate or something else sweet.
We didn't think twice of delaying our rite,
Kids just don't have this much fun every night.
For hours they came, with the time-honored schtick,
Of giving a choice: a treat or a trick.
As is proper, the parents were there for the games,
Watching the children and calling their names.
"On Vader, On Leia,
On Dexter and DeeDee,
On Xena, on Buffy,
On Casper and Tweety!
To the block of apartments on the neighboring road
You'll get so much candy, you'll have to be towed!"

The volume of children eventually dropped,
And as it grew darker, it finally stopped.
But as we prepared to return to our rite,
One child more stepped out of the night.
She couldn't have been more than twelve or thirteen.
Her hair was deep red, and her robe, forest green
With a simple gold cord tying off at the waist.
She'd a staff in her hand and a smile on her face.
No make-up, nor mask, or accompanying kitsch,
So we asked who she was; she replied, "A Witch!
And no, I don't fly through the sky on my broom,
I only use that thing for cleaning my room.
My magical powers aren't really that neat,
And I won't threaten tricks; I'll just ask for a treat."
We found it refreshing, so we gave incense cones,
A candle, a crystal, a few other stones,
And the rest of the candy which might fill a van
She turned to her father, a man dressed as Pan
And laughed, "Yes, I know, Dad, it's past time for bed,"
And started to leave, but she first turned and said,
"I'm sorry for further delaying your rite.
Blessed Samhain to all, and a magical night."

From Eric - Church of All Worlds (don't know if he wrote it,
or fwd it.)


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