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IRISHRAVEN's Recent Blog Entries

Hi Everyone

Thursday, March 20, 2008

I have a lot of friends on here and I don't want anyone to worry about me. So here's the scoop. Things have been rough lately. As you all know. I'm still trying to figure it all out. But I think it's gonna be at least a couple of months before I have it all settled. Still can't get a day shift. Which means I'm going to have to quit. Which is just tearing me apart in so many ways. Not sure when it's going to happen just yet. I'm hoping to make it at least until the end of the school year. I'm stubborn like that.

I'm losing weight but not the best of ways..still. This medicine is just getting me to where I can't eat more than a bit or two before I get stuffed! And I have no appetite at all!

Anyway...I have to go..time to get off work. Time got away from me tonight. Sorry! I'll up date more in a bit!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SERAGILO 3/20/2008 9:58PM

    Hi There! No matter what happens in life make sure you take a few minutes for yourself. Time to reflect, time to breathe and time to make goals for the future.

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HUSKY__HANK 3/20/2008 9:03AM

  Sending good positive thoughts your way

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CELTIC_WITCH 3/20/2008 7:44AM

    Glad to see you posting. Sorry things are not going well. I miss you.

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I guess it's time for the news..

Monday, March 10, 2008

First and Foremost... I want to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart! I know y'all have been pulling for me, praying for me, lighting candles, and doing what y'all wonderful people do. And it has honestly meant the world to me. Hopefully this will be the last not so great blog for a long time!.

Well. I did NOT get the day shift. I'm having major major issues with this. I didn't ask for this shift change because I wanted it. I asked for it because I needed it to be able to make it with my daughter on our own. They passed me over for someone who has been here less time than me. And honesty who I don't think is nearly as good as I am. Hate to toot my own horn here but I feel it's the truth..and from what others at work have said I am right in feeling that way. I came in 2nd!!!! I could go on but I know there are those on here that I work with so I won't. But I'm not sure I can continue to work here. I took a week off to try and come to grips with this. But it didn't work. I feel very hurt. I'm not angry. I just don't have it in me to be angry or bitter. I have folks at work who were pulling hard for me that are angry and bitter enough for me! haha. Which does make me feel good that they care enough to feel that way for me. But that doesn't change anything. There have been changes going on that I don't agree with here at work anyway. But I've still be sticking it out because I believe so strongly in the work I do. But now..well..I don't believe so strongly in the place I do my work anymore. And it's just breaking my heart.

Crystal is gone now. She left out on Feb. 28th. I never dreamed it would be this hard. I know her voice is only a phone call away...when I can get through. But it's not the same. I feel like I've made a HUGE mistake by staying behind here. But I don't feel welcome by her family over there either. I stayed here for 3 reasons: 1. my daughter staying in this school 2. my job and 3. my friends. I hate to say this but I now feel like I chose those things over my family so I split my family up just so I didn't have to face the change of moving. My fear of change. My fear of losing my friends. My fear of making my daughter hate me. Now I'm scared I'm losing the best thing that ever happened to me relationship wise. And it's my fault. Because I chose the wrong thing. And I've been upset because she never asked me to go...but she didn't ask me because she thought I wanted to stay here. That must have made her feel awful! A big part of me feels like she doesn't really want me there. But I've been thinking about that and I'm worried that those feelings just may be my past hurts coming to the surface and just scaring me stupid so that I only think she doesn't want me there... Did that make sense? ugh..this is a mess.. But I miss her so much that my heart just hurts. I feel so freaking empty. I know that may not make much sense. But it's the way I feel.

My eldest cat, Nala, who is 12 years old is now missing. She's been gone since Feb 29th. She'd lost quite a bit of weight. I think she's gone to lay down somewhere. It's just killing me. She's always been my little furry baby and now she's gone too. I can't find her outside and I can't find her inside either. I'm terrified to clean my house and move stuff like I'd been planning because I'm scared I'll move something and find her and I'll be all alone and just freak out.

Now to top off all this stuff I have been fighting an upper respiratory infection since about March 5th. Fun huh?

My doctor started me on Adderall on Feb 28th also. Let me tell KILLS your appetite! Add that to stress and a feeling of loss and the job thing and well...I'm just not eating much. I don't feel any ill effects from it. I'm losing a bit of weight though. But not in a healthy happy way if ya know what I mean.

I've been thinking a lot about myself. (weeellll that sounded funny!) And I'm going to try to make the best of this. I'm going to clean my house (but I'm hoping I can get someone to at least come sit with me while I do that), I'm going to set up a personal schedule for myself for eating and exercise as best I can in my situation, I'm going to meditate before I go to bed daily, I'm going to just get everything down on paper. If I get it on paper and tack it up I'm hoping it will help me stay focused. So...I know this has been a lot of heavy stuff in these blogs lately. But I'm going to pray that from here on out things will start to look up and be positive. I just have to pull myself out of this funk I'm in.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SERAGILO 3/20/2008 9:57PM

    Hey There---I am sorry to hear about the job, I totally know where you are coming from being I was in the exact same spot a couple of months ago. I feel for you I really do! It sounds like you have had a tough go of it lately and I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts. So, here is what I am seem like a tough cookie to me and if I am right you will come out of this, not only in one piece but on top. Hey I would know....coming from one tough cookie to another. *snicker* Best of luck to you!

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KITTAH 3/11/2008 9:11AM

    Many, many hugs to you.

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CELTIC_WITCH 3/10/2008 12:12PM

    Oh, honey this just sucks. The work you do is extremely important and to be in a position of choosing between doing it and your daughter is neither right nor fair. And to have Crystal leave at the same time. ARGH! My thoughts & my love are with you.

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HUSKY__HANK 3/10/2008 11:23AM

  You can overcome this. Sendnig good thoughts your way

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TRACYZABELLE 3/10/2008 5:29AM

    You can overcome all of this!! I am so sorry that you are heartbroken over all you have "lost" these past few weeks (except the pounds of course) I am sure in time things will get better for you. It won't be long before your daughter is done with school and you can move on with your life. I too made a lot of decisions and am alone today because of my daughter but some things in life are more important. I hope over the next weeks, months, your relationship with your daughter gets stronger and you will realize that you did what you had to do.

I am sorry you were passed over for the day shift, it may not seem fair right now, but maybe there will be a door opening elsewhere for you in the near future. Best of luck with everything, you know I am always here for you!


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Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Well I was hoping that today would be the day I'd hear something. But nothing as of yet. My boss wasn't in today. I'm praying that when she comes tomorrow that she'll pull me into her office and tell me some good news.

I want to thank everyone! The support y'all are showing me has been a strength for me during all this.

The suggestions y'all have offered on my last entry are GREAT!!! I hadn't even thought of those things. I'm going to do my best to implement those ideas. I think the stress cleaning and exercising are great! I really like the idea of using my first trip as a goal! What a wonderful way to turn this into a motivational time!

You are all so wonderful! I'm happy to be a part of this site.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRACYZABELLE 2/28/2008 12:10AM

    Best of luck with the pow wow with the boss! I am pulling for you!I know you really like your job and want to stay there. Of course I will miss you at night! Hang in there!


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SERAGILO 2/27/2008 10:37AM

    Hey There----I shall keep my fingers crossed for ya!

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Hi Y'all

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Still waiting on an answer.

Saturday is drawing near. Crystal will be leaving for Baton Rouge. I've been doing really good with this. But today... not so much. Every time I think about it I just want to cry. I've been doing a lot of Emotional Eating. And it's candy that I'm eating!! It's weird cause I'm not usually the candy snarfing type, I'm more of a chips girl when I do the EE thing. I'm very supportive and super happy for Crystal and I know that everything is going to be fine. I'm excited about getting to take trips over there often to visit and stuff. But knowing she won't be here at night or just whenever... it's hard.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MEMCCAIN 3/1/2008 9:28AM

    Hi Raven,

I can imagine the stress that you are experiencing with no answer on the job front and your daughter leaving home. If you want someone to run/walk with to work off the stress, let me know.

Tracy has a good point to. Try the other EE, Emotional Exercising instead of Emotional Eating when feeling the urge.

Talk to you soon!


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ELLABELLA14 2/27/2008 12:06AM

    I was secretly wishing that you'd get some good news today. That means at least another week of stressful waiting on top of saying goodbye to Crystal :(

I'll be thinking about you this week and sending good vibes your way.


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TRACYZABELLE 2/26/2008 11:28PM

    Hey Raven,

I am so sorry you are struggling now but who are you hurting in the end? You... and you know how hard it is to get fit and healthy. INstead of stress eating- how about stress cleaning, stress exercising, something to keep your hands busy. You can do it! I am here for you. I am sure Crystal will miss you a lot too.

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HUSKY__HANK 2/26/2008 9:21AM

  Hang in there. I know this must be hard just try to take it one day at a time. Decide when your first visit will be and use that as a goal.. I want to lose ___ lbs by then.

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My Job - update

Saturday, February 09, 2008

Well I did talk to my boss. She is going to talk to the other bosses. I'm just a nervous wreck over this. I love my job so much. I can't imagine doing anything else. She did say it could be 3 weeks before I hear anything. 3 WEEKS! This is going to be pure torture!

Well I have been good this week and have actually used my nutrition tracked on the 6th, 7th, 8th and today!!!! That's a big deal for me! I had gone so long without doing it that I was having big trouble trying to get back into the groove of it. But I'm hoping I'm back on top of it now! I've gotten all my water in. And I've only gone over once so far. My goal was to get the tracker started. So Goal Completed! My next goal....Keep it going for a full week! Well...until NEXT Friday that is.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MEMCCAIN 2/16/2008 11:35AM

    The stress level at work for me as been horrible. I apparently wasn't in a state of mind to actually work for the month of October. Things are getting better but reading your blog and knowing you had a good week motivates me and gives me hope.

Keep up the good work.

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TRACYZABELLE 2/9/2008 4:08PM

    Crossing my fingers for you with the job! I know it will be a hellish wait!!

Congrats on the tracking!! How awesome! I have been trying harder-- had a loss this week, hope I dont find it again! lol!

See you soon!


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