Monday, December 31, 2012
~ and that is why I haven't posted for awhile. I just couldn't decide what to say. How to explain why I haven't been 100% on track lately.
Someone close to me, who didn't mean to, and didn't know they did ~ really hurt my feelings on Christmas day. I acted like nothing happened and eventually got over it but it affected me pretty bad. So, even though I don't consider myself an emotional eater, I finally found 'the one' emotion that will cause me not to eat properly, not track, eat things I shouldn't, to sum it up ~ to just not care. So, things have not been great with my program for the last few days.
I am pretty much back on track today and will do even better tomorrow. I'm pretty upset with myself for letting this happen, although I do understand why it happened so I'm trying to cut myself some slack. The bottom line is ~ it happened, now let's get back on track and forget it. There is nothing I can do about it now except move on. So, that is what I will be doing. It may take a few days to undo anything bad that might have happened ~ so I'm not weighing for a few days. I will be following my food plan and exercising, however. And straighten out my thinking and get my positive attitude back. These things happen and we (I) have to learn how to go with the flow and not let it destroy me.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Yesterday, when I stepped on the scale, it read 200.0, today it reads 200.4, which is fine because I know it will find its way back down.
I could not wish for a more wonderful Christmas present. I believe that by Christmas day, I will be below 200 by even a small amount. I have not been below 200 for 20 years. WooHoo! Nothing can stop me now! My very first goal has been reached. From here on in, its all gravy. (maybe not a good choice of word lol
When I got below 200, I told myself a few things would happen. I am going to try not to weigh myself so often. I want to keep losing weight but the 'urgency' is gone. It will motivate me to keep striving and working my SP program to the best of my ability. I don't know if I will adhere perfectly to those rules but I will do my best.
I am set for, and looking forward to, Christmas. I have left a lot of things off my shopping list, that I have bought in past years. Chocolate and candy only for the kids' stockings. Very few cookies and treats. Lots of Christmas oranges. One pie and one small cheesecake for Christmas dinner.
I do plan to eat everything I want for dinner. Including stuffing and cranberries, which are actually my favorite part of the entire dinner. I have figured out my maintenance calories, which was not easy, and will be on maintenance only on Christmas day. Before, and after, its business as usual.
If ~ and the chances are not good ~ but 'if' I slip up, I will not beat myself up over it. I will just carry on.
I feel confident ~ but not complacent ~ that this will be a wonderful Christmas, regarding food. I will do my best to 'behave' and my best is all anyone can do.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Last night, after everyone was in bed, I was in my room watching TV and I got very hungry. I guess it is likely because I had a salad for dinner and wasn't full ~ it happens. But, I don't like being hungry ~ so I decided to make a couple of slices of raisin bread toast with light butter. Yes, this put me 'over' in calories for the day.
I decided to go with 'maintenance' calories, even though I am not certain what amount of calories that is. I did get an approximation on-line but don't know where SP is hiding their calculator. ;) Anyway ~ I did know for certain how much I COULD get away with. So, I ate my toast and felt considerably better.
But, my mind is out to get me, so it wasn't long after that I thought "I've blown it for today so I might as well have some cookies and start fresh tomorrow." I walked into the kitchen, opened the cupboard door and took the cookies down ~ at that moment common sense took over. I said "No" out loud, put the package back and closed the cupboard door. As I went back to my TV program, I realized how close I had come to making a bad mistake. Thank God, I had come to my senses. Who knew what I might have told myself next if I'd eaten the cookies?
This is very NEW behavior for me. In the past, that is exactly how I stayed fat. I would listen to the itty-bitty committee of idiots in my head telling me how I "might as well" do this or that because I had "blown" it already. And, I would be off and running, or rather eating.
Thanks to Spark People and my Spark Friends, I do not have to do that any more. I know a lot more than I did then. I have support and all kinds of tools to work with at SP. Plus, I am NOT a loser ~ and I know that one mistake does not equal failure. Besides, I really didn't do anything wrong. So what if I didn't lose yesterday ~ I didn't gain either. And that is what is important. I, also, fed myself when I was hungry ~ and if I had it to do over, I'd do the same.
So 'changes' in program are NOT an excuse for me to do something that I will be sorry for down the line!
Monday, December 17, 2012
I've been on SP and SC since November 1 and have lost 'almost' 12 pounds. During that time, I have learned an awful lot about myself and my eating habits.
I always suspected that it was not HOW MUCH I ate but, rather, WHAT I ate. Turns out, I was right. I have been making bad food choices for a LOT of years.
Heavy emphasis on the candy. Reading or watching TV, while eating candy, especially hard candy, was a nightly routine. Because I really dislike cooking, it became very easy for me to grab 'anything' that I didn't have to cook ~ be it chips in a bag or hamburgers at a drive thru. Habits like these made life a lot easier ~ albeit my body much heavier. However, I was at a place in my life where I didn't care.
I've been on SP a few times in the last 3 years. Sometimes, just to check it out and a couple of times to 'practice' dieting. But, it didn't last. I haven't figured out what was different this time ~ maybe I was just ready. But, thankfully, it IS different this time. :)
The first few weeks were difficult because I had to learn how to eat, again. I went through some very hard days. And still have a lot to learn but at least I won't starve anymore while learning it. :) I have learned a lot. I still have patterns to break and a lot more to incorporate into my life but I'm pretty sure that I am going to be fine. I am not finding it 'too' difficult and am not even worried about the upcoming holiday because I am not craving a lot of things that I was certain would cause problems for me. I do like my chocolate and my ice cream and usually have one or both of them every day. In moderation. I have learned how to 'keep full' and find that when I AM full, with good food and lots of water, that things are not too difficult. I, also, know that I will have bad moments, and even bad days, but I feel like that's part of the human experience that goes along with every day 'life'. I will handle those challenges as they come.
My exercise has been fairly good, as well. I, usually, swim 3 times a week as well as some aerobic dance and yoga. Not a lot ~ but enough, for now. I hope to increase it at some future point.
I think the biggest thing is my attitude. I am surprisingly calm and feel good about this food plan. I am losing at a slow and steady rate and feel confident that it will continue. I might not be that happy once I hit a plateau or some other 'snag' but I will be concerned with that when it happens, not NOW ~ and NOW is all any of us has. :)
Saturday, December 15, 2012
I know the 'facts' about the Connecticut shooting but I can't bring myself to watch anything more about it on the news or in the papers. It is too close to me and my heart is already in shreds. There just are no words that mean enough . . . .
Shortly after the Columbine shooting, there was a shooting at the small-town school where 2 of my children attended. (Taber, Alberta, Canada). Two students were shot, one died. I got a phone call from the aide of my son, who has special needs, saying that they were sending Mark home in a taxi ~ and they wouldn't tell me much, just that something 'bad' had happened at the school. My daughter didn't get home for over an hour, which was very scary. The teacher had, thankfully, locked them in a classroom. It made the world news because we got phone calls from as far away as relatives in Florida. It was terrifying. My daughter had been close to the hallway and heard the shots, she had to have counselling. The boy who was killed was the son of a minister and I talked to his mother about it at Bible study one day, long after. So, so sad. :( She was incredible, however. I asked her if she was angry at God ~ after all their family 'works' for God and has such belief. She told me that maybe they were more able to deal with it because of their belief so to wish it had been someone else was just wrong. What an incredible, beautiful woman! Things like this can happen anywhere, anytime, to anyone ~ after all, Canada has gun control. :(
I know 'a little' bit about what these people are going through. It just breaks my heart in a trillion pieces. Every day I am grateful that I have my children. I hug them and tell them I love them EVERY single day.
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