Friday, November 01, 2013
November 1 ~ which means I am back on program, for good. It was last year, on Nov 1, that I joined and lost 15 pounds ~ and then things went south. So, I am going to write down the things that made it go that way, in hopes that I have learned from them.
~ It takes me a long time to lose weight, at this time of my life. This did not make me happy from the start. I see other people, doing the same things I do, losing weight at a much faster rate and it is disheartening.
~ I had reached a plateau in the spring. My niece sells Visalus. Knowing, full well, that liquid diets don't work, I signed up. Wasted my time, my money and no matter what you put in a shake ~ it's still only a shake ~ so that didn't last long. I didn't put on any weight but I didn't lose any either. It did set me up for not following my Spark diet, however.
~ through the summer, I would gain a bit, go back on my Spark plan, fall off, gain a bit, follow my Spark plan, fall off. All in all ~ I maintained, while I was getting up the 'want to' to come back full-time.
~ early this fall, September, I believe, I hit a really low point and soothed myself with sugar. I consumed volumes, bag after bag, of Kernel's popcorn. The double dipped variety. I gained. Of course, I gained.
~ since then, I've hated my body and hated myself for winding up back in this body. Along with that, of course, came the mentality "I've gained already. What the heck, I might as well just eat what I want. I will never lose weight and keep it off."
~ my biggest problem? I could live on sugar. I have spent weeks of my life, eating very little but sugar. Addicted? No doubt about it! VERY! But, I have found, that if I deprive myself totally, I will fail. I can, and have, got to the point where I can eat a 'reasonable' amount and get by.
~ I detest, really detest, making salad. I don't like cooking at the best of times, although I am liking it more than I used to, so there is improvement there. But, I will never like making salad. And ~ bagged salad tastes horrible. I can even pick out which restaurants use bagged salad - and never go there again.
~ my bedtime routine is watching my favorite TV shows on my computer, in bed, for a couple of hours before falling to sleep. During that time, I love eating bagged candies. This started in my childhood, only then it was reading before bed, eating bagged candy. But ~ my childhood body could handle that and stay slim. Even my adult body could do that, most often. But, my older body does not handle that well.
~ my self-talk is mostly negative. I work, every day, with the help of my 'gurus' at changing that. I was doing well when I was on program, last year. Then . . . . .
~ I HATE exercise. *sigh of relief* There, I've said it. I have to force myself to exercise. I did, in the past, but then I, slowly but surely, stopped. Right in the middle of the summer, the strangest time to stop, in my opinion. I detest snow and dark, and winter is depressive. I don't like to go out. But, summer? I thrive in summer. So, this made very little sense.
I am sure there is more that I will be adding to this list. I need to change every one of these things. Some of them, the shake for instance, I knew better but did it anyway. I am certain there are more things that I need to add but these will do for now.
I am back ~ reluctantly for now ~ but I know it is necessary. All I have is time. And the alternative is not a choice. I refuse to stay in this fat, unhealthy body. In changing it, I just might have 'more' time.
Wish me success! I don't expect this to be easy!