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Self-esteem ~

Saturday, October 26, 2013

I came across this today ~ and it is so sad but true!

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LADYBIRD82 10/26/2013 5:30PM

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PHOENIX1949 10/26/2013 4:42PM

    Copied/pasted from my SparkPage -

Added 09 Mar 2013 - I recently found my framed version of the following which I read daily in the 1970's. Time to remind myself of this daily:

The Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble,
it's a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

- Max Ehrmann, 1927

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Made a decision ~

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier. ~ Roy E. Disney

Thanks to everyone who contacted me about my trying to make a decision about coming back to SparkPeople ~ or not. I really appreciate your concern and comments. I think a big factor in my life, lately, is changing anti-depressants. The one I'm coming off, Cymbalta, is very hard to detox from. I've been so miserable and depressed. One of the symptoms are 'brain zaps' which feel like 'electric shocks to the brain' to quote my pharmacist. It's been tough! emoticon

However, common sense has prevailed. Really ~ I do feel awful about gaining about 8 lbs back, when I had only lost 15 to start with, but what else have I got but time? It really is a no-brainer. I don't want to be fat and miserable. So, there isn't an option. I need to come back to SP and get my act together. emoticon

I am going to do this slowly. I've gone back to eating anything I want, whenever I want ~ so the first thing has to be to get off the pop. I will do that soon, while planning my future steps. THAT, in itself, will be a huge hurdle so it has to come first. Then ~ we will see ~ ~ ~ In the meantime, I will not eat my face off. emoticon (I hope!)

Thanks, again. My Spark friends have been wonderful (as usual). emoticon emoticon

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IOWAGRAMMA 10/24/2013 11:43AM

    Wishing you the best! So good to hear that you are focusing on YOU! So sorry you've had such a hard time of it, but being here is a great step and one that will help to move you along on the path to better health! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PHOENIX1949 10/23/2013 11:57PM


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Total Failure and Confusion ~

Monday, October 21, 2013

I have been in a self-created battle for the last couple of months. I wanted this year, an important year, to be unlike so many other years. I wanted it to be a year of purpose, having some of 'the answers', a year that would set me up for good things. Instead it has been very confusing, painful and difficult. No, not all of it. It's had it's good side, as well. However, as far as weight loss and doing my SP program, it's been a mess.

I lost 17 lbs. up to and somewhere around May of this year. I, finally, saw Onederland, again. Then, for a long time, I coasted. But, eventually, I gained most of it back and, although not 'a lot' over, I am back in the 200s, again. I 'swore', absolutely meant every word of it ~ that I would never let myself get back into the 200s. I was so sure of it, I would have signed it in blood. :(

Slowly, but surely, things started 'slipping'. The exercise, even the swimming, the food, the commitment of going to SP, several times a week, talking to my friends. ALL of it ~ and the more that 'left', the more I hated myself. Until finally, I'm just a fat, out of shape mess again. Not that I was ever far from that ~ but, at least, I was trying. My 'get up and go" got up and left and I don't know how to get it back.

So ~ this may be my last post here. I NEED to make up my mind what I am going to do.I can't just keep lurking around. I don't really know if I've got the 'faith' or the 'commitment' to come back. I certainly don't have the 'faith in myself', anymore. If I do come back, I need to stay here until I have reached my goals ~ all of my goals. I need to make a new start. I need to change my life. I need to believe in myself, most of all.

I don't know ~ I just don't know ~ ~ if I have the faith in myself to put me back on the right track. I have let myself down so badly. I'm just full of self-loathing and defeat.

You've all been so good to me at SP. Thank you for that ~ sincerely! emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PHOENIX1949 10/22/2013 2:49AM

    I think "total failure" is likely a gross overstatement. Check out this site:

I have lost my 'mojo' but not given up hope that I will figure out how to determine to work around my medical issues to get healthier.

Your 'Mindful Moments' have been appreciated thoroughly by me.

You Are Beautiful,
You Are Strong,
You Are Worth It!

The last 6 hours have been spent by me reading ALL the Blogs by SKINNYINMYHEAD for inspiration.

Intellectually I know what I need to do but somehow have not resolved my emotional block(s).

Take care of YOU and hopefully you can sort some things out and resume your Blogs and quest for a healthy lifestyle.


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NYARAMULA 10/22/2013 1:36AM

    emoticon I'm so sorry you feel this way. Perhaps you need to find a friend with a little more faith to lean on until you get your faith back. This journey is not always easy, if it was easy everyone here would be one big success story. We all lose our faith sometimes and at times it gets really hard and we wonder why we even bother.

Don't give up on yourself. You have done it before and I know you can do it again. You lost those 17lbs - YOU did that! You can do it again, and this time you know where the 'potholes' are and how to avoid them.

I really pray that you will find the faith to do this for you. You are exactly where I was three weeks ago, full of disappointment and self loathing. But after I blogged about it, spark friends encouraged me and I am slowly getting back on track. Is it easy? Hell, no! It is difficult and I struggle everyday. I have to remind myself daily why I am doing this, and why I cannot give up. And hopefully I will get back to the point where I feel good about myself and about my efforts.

Lean on someone!

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When I decide what I'm doing ~

Tuesday, October 01, 2013

~ I will probably be back. I'm not happy with my weight as well as other things. I keep telling myself "next week" ~ and it seems to never get here. LOL

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SNIC23 10/21/2013 11:27PM

    May your next week come sooner than next week. emoticon emoticon

You deserve the best of health in a body that doesn't quit. You'll get there.

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JMARIES51 10/12/2013 9:29PM

    I am getting myself together again, right back to the start of things, but time to dust myself off and start all over again. Hope to see you soon. hugs, Joann

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PHOENIX1949 10/2/2013 12:54PM

    Love the wallpaper photo of what we call 'hen & chicks' here in Central Texas. I have a LOT of this in our mailbox planter passed along through 4 or 5 generations of family members. I hope you find the answer you are seeking for weight lost and return to Blogging. I'm floundering myself, having regained this year, largely due to emotional stress eating related to increased physical health challenges that have added to my chronic pain. Intellectually I understand what I need to do and why but somehow there is a disconnect between knowing and doing and I haven't figured out what's blocking me.
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Mindful Moment ~ Wednesday

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

"The aim of life is to live, and live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware."~ Henry Miller

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PHOENIX1949 8/28/2013 4:27PM


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SUSANBEAMON 8/28/2013 1:32PM

  good point.

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