Friday, August 16, 2013
You were there working hard when I was working on losing 50lbs. We shared every day together making new and tasty things. You kept me full and satisfied and best of all healthy. Then things changed, you were distant.. or maybe it was me... ok, I admit it, I was cheating on you and every day that I did I felt ashamed. There you sat on the stove, waiting so patiently for me to spend time with you, to create wonderful things with you. But I was busy and couldn't plan ahead. I was too busy to cook and was eating on the run. I was too busy to take care of myself and of you. Soon you moved. The pressure was too much for me to take, to know you were always there waiting for me to make better choices and you were placed in the cupboard in the dark, all alone. As for me, my new friends were those 50 lbs as they slowly crept back on me, as I tried to ignore them, now they were always there for me whether I liked them or not. And me and my extra 50 pounds ate junk food together, sat around and were lazy and had no goals. It was fun at first, to pretend I didn't care and to pretend nothing had changed, but after a while I started to get tired of those 50 pounds (and their other 90 friends). They made me tired and out of breath and they limited my freedom to wear cute clothing, ride on rollercoasters, and fit comfortably in chairs, etc. They were sucking the life out of me.
Then I saw a picture of myself when you were in my life everyday. I looked so happy and healthy... and I realized that I need you in my life magic Wok! You bring out the best in me, you encourage me, you complete me. So I found you again, you were way in the back of the cupboard, you were dusty and hadn't seen the light of day for a long time. I knew we had to start out slow again, so I carefully washed you and placed you back on the stove. At first I added a tiny bit of olive oil, then garlic, then I added something I had never tried before... swiss chard. It was heaven again, just like we had never been apart and I knew that we were continuing on our healthy journey again!!
Monday, January 23, 2012
How much better my life would be, how much more orderly if I looked at things in comparison.
Not me comparing myself to others, but things to things.
Looking at things I want to buy in comparison to how much time it took to earn the amount that it cost.
Looking at something that I desire at the moment compared to the cost in the long run.
That especially goes for food which often is associated with good times and comeraderie.. but I can have this without going off the deep end, I know that I can.
It is looking at that cheesecake in comparison to how long it has taken me to get to where I am right now and how much it will take to burn it off.
It is making good decisions.. going to bed when I am tired instead of bingeing so that I am not afraid to step on the scale in the morning.
It is not stepping on the scale and not knowing therefore possibly backsliding or staying stagnate compared to the Whoo Hoos of success and the bags of clothes that I donate because they are too baggy and finally fitting into the ones that didn't fit a month ago.
It is the forward movement toward that awesome goal that I have set for myself.
Ahhhhh and the sweet, sweet feeling of " I DID IT"!!!!
I have always wanted to go to the beach in something less than clamdiggers and a tshirt. I want to be able to wear that polka dot bikini!
I remember wishing on stars when I was younger, "Star light Star bright, please make me the person that I so badly want to be"
It is the person that is inside, yet it is not. My vision of myself vs. the reality.
It is brutal.
I used to imagine myself to be a movie star when I was younger whenever I wasn't feeling so happy about myself (which was often). I would just imagine that I was as perfect as I thought the beautiful movie stars were.. and then I was ok... as long as I didn't look in the mirror.
So, in conclusion, it is all this compared to all that.
All the reasons why I want and need to reach my goals compared to all the things that hold me back.
There is a breaking point where I separate the person I used to be with the person I want to be. Where good decisions are made by comparing the choices and the outcomes of the choices. Having it be second nature to just do the right thing more often than not, but also realizing that I don't have to always do it right.. just most of the time. To be a healthy trim person on the outside AND the inside.
I will get there!
Monday, January 23, 2012
"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me?" - Ayn Rand
I like the powerful feeling behind this quote! No one is going to stop me from getting to where I need go, not even myself!
I CAN DO THIS!!!! I WILL DO THIS!!!
Monday, December 12, 2011
Every weekend... I try to keep track, I don't usually track on Sundays very well because we are usually not home. But I do very well until the night time, then I have homework, stay up late and lose my focus on what I want to be, what I am slowly becoming.. a healthy person physically and mentally. Getting out of the fat mind is hard sometimes. It is that throw caution and care to the wind, the only thing at the moment is that chocolate or whatever is tempting me at the time and then I just give in.
I know that what I am doing.. this change in my life to be a healthy person is what I really, really want and enjoy and I have come so far and because I want it so badly it has not been so hard. My successes have been many.. my goodness, I started this in September and it is December and I have nearly lost 45lbs and I am not starving myself and also feel more satisfied and healthy than I have for a long time. So why do I let the temptation get to me, when I am not even depriving myself in the first place. UGH! I don't want to have a fat mind or body and I know this devil-may-care attitude is what damages my effort and then I have to pick myself up and dust myself off and continue on. I am not discouraged, just disappointed that I guess I can't be "Perfect" all of the time. But also I know that I am healing my sick mind and body and that it is a process and as I go on it will be easier to resist the temptation because I know that whatever it is, I can have it.. just in moderation. And so today is a new day.. well when I finally go to bed and wake up in the morning. It is a new day and a new chance to make the right decisions in a healthy person's mind and body. Because that is who I want to be and that is who I am.
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