Sunday, June 16, 2013
Overcoming “Not Good Enough”
From Overcoming “Not Good Enough” On-line Course
by Pam Thomas, M.S., PMC, PCC
The following is an excerpt from the "Overcoming 'Not Good Enough'" on-line course. If you would like to enroll in the course, click here.
Have you ever known someone who was absolutely stunning on the outside, but the minute they opened their mouth they became the most unattractive person ever?
There’s a reason for that.
And while I am not a psychologist, I’d be willing to bet you dollars to donuts, that regardless of their outward appearance, jealousy and insecurities, the need for constant validation, etc. where most likely running rampant internally. Sadly, those qualities and characteristics often lead to not-so beautiful outward behavior, i.e. cattiness, gossip, “It’s all about me” tendencies, negativity, as well as neediness ... hence the diminishing attractiveness.
My friends, here’s the straight skinny... True beauty radiates from the inside outward. It is not defined by having flawless skin, wearing size 2 jeans, sporting cellulite free legs or a toned butt.
True Beauty ...
.. is the person who shares a smile with a perfect stranger, lends a helping hand to someone in need, listens open-heartedly to a friend in pain, gives love unconditionally, or finds the joy in the small things. And it is my hope that you begin to recognize your true beauty which comes from your heart.
While I have given some examples of what true beauty is, I think it's also very important to mention, that beauty is subjective. It's not about comparisons, but rather recognizing and creating our own true definition of beauty.
So, how do we define beauty within ourselves?
The first step is taking responsibility for ourselves. What does that mean? Well, that means knowing that what you think about you, how you feel about you, what you say about you (and even about others), and how you show up each day is down to you. You are in the driver’s seat. You have choices and options, but in order to see those choices and options you have to create some awareness. As I mentioned in this week's audio message awareness is critical to creating change and to not only radiating beauty from the inside out, but attracting good things to you. There is beauty in taking responsibility for ourselves.
Next, it's being committed to being our most authentic selves. It is all too easy to try and conform, conform to societal expectations or other people's opinions. This only serves to diminish and overshadow our true beauty and it sends a message not only to the world, but to ourselves that who we are just isn't beautiful enough and NOTHING could be farther from the truth. When we can be who we are and know that it is enough, that's when we begin to share our inner beauty.
It's also about realizing that there is no such thing as perfect so it's time to release the pressure and stop striving for perfection. I once had a student share a quote with me that really hit home; “Perfection is just a form of self abuse.” Hearing that completely rocked my world, especially since I will admit that I am a recovered perfectionista of the highest order. Striving for perfection really equates to (yet again) telling yourself that you aren’t good enough as you are. That’s not only degrading, but it’s deprecating, and it truly stifles your own inner beauty.
And lastly, it's being willing to be vulnerable. What does it mean to be vulnerable?
First and foremost, it means accepting that you are amazing, imperfections and all.
It means knowing that you are more than enough now and that you always have been. It means being open to sharing with your whole heart regardless of what others say, do, think or feel.
While it may be scary and while vulnerability gets a bad rap, it’s actually a beautiful place to come from. As difficult as it may be, when we are vulnerable we are able to reach out to others for support and assistance without feeling guilty, and most importantly, we come from our hearts rather than our heads where ego lives.
Please know something, being vulnerable does not mean becoming a doormat or being perceived as weak. As a matter of fact, to be vulnerable requires strength and the internal fortitude to stand strong in your own beliefs and in who you are.
• How do you define beauty?
• Based on your definition, list all the ways in which you are beautiful.
• Lastly, jot down all the things that stand in your way of fully sharing your beauty with the world.
Once you have created awareness, notice the options and the choices that become available to you. Remember, you are responsible and that’s a beautiful thing!
“True beauty is in the eye of the beholder, which means that how beautiful you are to other people is always going to be subjective to who is looking at you at that time, and since you will always be looking at yourself first, you should find your own beauty and feel good about who you are.” - BeNeca Ward