Tuesday, June 25, 2013
I scored 2.4 on the mindful eating assessment..out of 4. I think had I taken this a month ago I would have been somewhere in the high 3s but I've been going through some stuff this month that has led me to being somewhat out of touch with myself. Back to it!!!!!!!
Thursday, June 20, 2013
It is week 9 in my marathon "training" and I haven't been blogging like I said I would. My beautiful friend Kathy has been blogging about her marathon journey and God....my journey is more internal.....while this may not appear to be directly a blog about marathon training, it is incredibly relevant to me. I was in fierce beast mode. I feel that the energy has transitioned for the time being.....I am still a fierce beast but I feel that right now it is more about being vulnerable and trusting.......
Feeling incredibly reflective and introspective today. I think somehow I've slowly been losing some of that confidence in myself....the awareness of just how incredible every OTHER person is never leaves my consciousness but I have felt a shift in my acknowledgement of my own self worth. Relationships can make one feel terribly exposed and vulnerable; this is a feeling which I have not handled well historically because of my background. Trust in myself and others seems elusive. I am aware that this is a lesson that I need to learn rather than shrinking away like I have in the past. My sister was right in saying that we can not seek outwardly for that sense of worthiness. It seems so much easier when the world is quiet and you're alone.....not risking, not putting yourself in situations that could break your heart. I am thankful to Mother Earth and Father Sun for these conscious thoughts today. Always remember to let yourself be expansive and feel all that there is to feel. I need to learn to love myself, even when rumors are spreading like wildfire. Learn to love myself and others regardless of whether or not that love is returned. Learn worry less.....risk more. I am strong and I try to consciously live my life making ethical choices for myself and being true to my authentic self. Why do I feel this rock in my stomach today? Anxious and afraid that the world will fall out from under my feet. Worst yet, comparing myself to others. Focusing far too much on the past.....letting current situations drag up all of these things that I've pushed away for so long....letting my head go places it should not be. It is like a struggle between allowing myself to be exposed and vulnerable to those I love and to the world so I can continue this beautiful journey of transformation and growth and walling myself up so that I can never be hurt again. What is life if you don't allow yourself to be open and willing to love and be loved? I'm a firm believer in living out loud.....making your mark on the world. I think a wise woman is right...I'm giving my power away by allowing all of these words to impact me the way it has. So how do you move on from the past and the current negativity and allow yourself to remain open?
There are a few things which I was afraid would happen...and I let them happen. It is time to change that. I kind of feel like I've lost that piece of myself (I could even say PEACE of myself)...the piece of myself that felt strong and worthy. All of a sudden I feel raw....exposed in a way I never have been before. I'm used to negativity from parents and significant others. I am not used to negativity from strangers, family, "friends"....all of it at once and all of it based in lies.
I'm returning to my therapist...I'm returning to myself. My love of running has always been based on the love it opens up for myself....the connection I feel with the Earth.....with all things. I feel whole and complete when I run, even when I am torn and broken down by the runs......it challenges me. It makes me realize just how strong I am. It makes me CONFIDENT in who I am and what I have to offer this world and everyone in it. I feel like breaking down...like letting it all spew out of me in whatever way it needs to. Marathon training is so much about being vulnerable and giving in to the journey and the obstacles that come with it. It truly is a metaphor for life. After the half marathon I was injured and I allowed myself some time off. Problem is, I never returned to the beast mode. Here it is 2.5 weeks later and I am feeling weak, fluffy, and anxious....anxious isn't the right word actually. Prior to the half marathon I had this confidence.....this belief that I was truly worthy of anything that came my way and while parts of me still feel that I am capable of anything I have lost some of that feeling of self-worth. So today I make a promise to myself....a promise to do the work. A promise to love myself. A promise to allow myself to be happy without letting the fear take over.
The plan of attack:
Today- RUN! It is actually a spin day, but I'm not sure I want to spin. I feel that I need to return to running today.....
Saturday: 11 mile run and swim lessons
Next week- full week return!!!!
Monday- rest day, but want to hike
Tuesday: 4 mile speed work and swim practice
Wednesday: 5 mile hill work and strength training
Thursday: spin class
Friday-Sunday: camping....oh sweet solitude in nature how I have missed thee!!!!!! 3 days off the grid....immersing myself in Mother Nature, soaking up the love of father Sun......communing with their children.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Overcoming “Not Good Enough”
From Overcoming “Not Good Enough” On-line Course
by Pam Thomas, M.S., PMC, PCC
The following is an excerpt from the "Overcoming 'Not Good Enough'" on-line course. If you would like to enroll in the course, click here.
Have you ever known someone who was absolutely stunning on the outside, but the minute they opened their mouth they became the most unattractive person ever?
There’s a reason for that.
And while I am not a psychologist, I’d be willing to bet you dollars to donuts, that regardless of their outward appearance, jealousy and insecurities, the need for constant validation, etc. where most likely running rampant internally. Sadly, those qualities and characteristics often lead to not-so beautiful outward behavior, i.e. cattiness, gossip, “It’s all about me” tendencies, negativity, as well as neediness ... hence the diminishing attractiveness.
My friends, here’s the straight skinny... True beauty radiates from the inside outward. It is not defined by having flawless skin, wearing size 2 jeans, sporting cellulite free legs or a toned butt.
True Beauty ...
.. is the person who shares a smile with a perfect stranger, lends a helping hand to someone in need, listens open-heartedly to a friend in pain, gives love unconditionally, or finds the joy in the small things. And it is my hope that you begin to recognize your true beauty which comes from your heart.
While I have given some examples of what true beauty is, I think it's also very important to mention, that beauty is subjective. It's not about comparisons, but rather recognizing and creating our own true definition of beauty.
So, how do we define beauty within ourselves?
The first step is taking responsibility for ourselves. What does that mean? Well, that means knowing that what you think about you, how you feel about you, what you say about you (and even about others), and how you show up each day is down to you. You are in the driver’s seat. You have choices and options, but in order to see those choices and options you have to create some awareness. As I mentioned in this week's audio message awareness is critical to creating change and to not only radiating beauty from the inside out, but attracting good things to you. There is beauty in taking responsibility for ourselves.
Next, it's being committed to being our most authentic selves. It is all too easy to try and conform, conform to societal expectations or other people's opinions. This only serves to diminish and overshadow our true beauty and it sends a message not only to the world, but to ourselves that who we are just isn't beautiful enough and NOTHING could be farther from the truth. When we can be who we are and know that it is enough, that's when we begin to share our inner beauty.
It's also about realizing that there is no such thing as perfect so it's time to release the pressure and stop striving for perfection. I once had a student share a quote with me that really hit home; “Perfection is just a form of self abuse.” Hearing that completely rocked my world, especially since I will admit that I am a recovered perfectionista of the highest order. Striving for perfection really equates to (yet again) telling yourself that you aren’t good enough as you are. That’s not only degrading, but it’s deprecating, and it truly stifles your own inner beauty.
And lastly, it's being willing to be vulnerable. What does it mean to be vulnerable?
First and foremost, it means accepting that you are amazing, imperfections and all.
It means knowing that you are more than enough now and that you always have been. It means being open to sharing with your whole heart regardless of what others say, do, think or feel.
While it may be scary and while vulnerability gets a bad rap, it’s actually a beautiful place to come from. As difficult as it may be, when we are vulnerable we are able to reach out to others for support and assistance without feeling guilty, and most importantly, we come from our hearts rather than our heads where ego lives.
Please know something, being vulnerable does not mean becoming a doormat or being perceived as weak. As a matter of fact, to be vulnerable requires strength and the internal fortitude to stand strong in your own beliefs and in who you are.
• How do you define beauty?
• Based on your definition, list all the ways in which you are beautiful.
• Lastly, jot down all the things that stand in your way of fully sharing your beauty with the world.
Once you have created awareness, notice the options and the choices that become available to you. Remember, you are responsible and that’s a beautiful thing!
“True beauty is in the eye of the beholder, which means that how beautiful you are to other people is always going to be subjective to who is looking at you at that time, and since you will always be looking at yourself first, you should find your own beauty and feel good about who you are.” - BeNeca Ward
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
June 11, 2013
Gifts We Give Ourselves
by Madisyn Taylor
Friends give us the gift of helping us learn more about our selves while also being a mirror for the other.
Good friends enrich our lives in so many ways. Through a magical combination of similarities and differences, friends offer us the opportunity to know ourselves as we are and help us grow into who we want to be. Our similarities attract us to each other, comforting us with familiarity when we see ourselves in them. When we are drawn to those we admire, the same recognition is at work, unconsciously acknowledging that these people possess qualities that we ourselves possess. By acting as mirrors, friends help us define who we are by reflecting our selves back to us.
Friends also help us know ourselves through our differences. Differences allow us to see other options and make choices about who we want to be. Sometimes we are drawn to those who appear to be our opposites, and we learn to accept the parts of them we love and the parts of them that don’t resonate with us, thus allowing us a valuable learning experience. By expanding our understanding to include others’ experiences, friends help us accept others. By understanding when someone’s life differs from our own, we can learn about ourselves in contrast. There are times when we see in friends what we don’t like about ourselves. That mirror reflection may be hard to take, but a good friend helps us find ways we can change and supports us in that choice.
Part of the joy of friendship is the feeling that we are accepted just the way we are, with no need to change. It is a gift they give us, and one we can give back every day. Ultimately, we choose friends because they make us feel good about ourselves and life. Through tears and difficulties, friends help us find the laughter. When we find those special people who offer us that perfect combination of comfort and stimulus to grow, we are very fortunate. Friends, those wonderful companions that walk with us through life, help us define and refine who we are and who we choose to be every day.
Sunday, June 02, 2013
I was sitting here thinking about what to write and suddenly my legs started cramping up. What better to write about than the exciting weekend that I have had?! About 6 months ago I registered for a half marathon; not any old marathon, but my FIRST local marathon. This was my third half marathon to date. I made plans to meet up with friends at 4:15am. I thought I had all my bases covered when I decided to set 3 alarms the night before; one for 3am, one for 3:15am and one for 3:30am. To my surprise, my dogs woke me up at 4:39am Saturday morning. It wasn't until mile 5 of the half marathon that I realized what had happened; my alarms were all set for Monday through Friday. Sigh. I somehow managed to get ready in time and conned my mom into driving me 45 minutes to the finish line at 5:15am. We were bused from the City Hall up into the woods! That's right, the start line was at a campground which was very exciting. Unfortunately, this race didn't start until 7:30am and it was slated to be 104 degrees. By the time I got up to the campground at 6:15am it was already 88 degrees. I found my group though! We were all dressed up like a Pit Crew for Nascar and the other local team was dressed up like Super Women. We are called the Moms Run This Town team and we have local branches throughout the country. We took pictures and stood in line by the lovely portable potties for over 40 minutes. The first 8 miles were down a steep mountain on a windy road...in the sun! It was so incredibly hot. The sun was beating down on us. I think I wanted to quit by mile 4. By mile 5 I felt that vomiting was eminent. My hands and feet started swelling up around mile 5 also. Oh it was good times. For some reason, they only had four water stations throughout the 13.1 mile course. I'm not really sure why they started the darn thing so late or why they only had 4 water stations, but I am not a big fan. I have to say, by the time I hit my 6 I was having serious thoughts of quitting. People were stopping and sitting on the side of the road and we all were soaked in sweat.....drenched! I decided to keep pushing. I cannot express the pain that I felt in my feet and I had to run with my hands above my head quite a bit to try to reduce the swelling. I felt like an over-stuffed sausage. There were very few supports from the start line through mile 12. There were however, lots and lots of cops. THey looked about as amused as us runners looked. We were all suffering in the sweltering heat on the asphalt together with no end in sight. This race was a "must run" course or get disqualified. Ironically, I saw more walkers during this race than I have ever seen in another race. Not one official pulled a runner off for walking. I think that the heat made everyone feel sympathetic towards one another. By the time I hit mile 10 I kept thinking "all that is left is a 5k...I can totally do a 5k". By this point I had grabbed a water bottle from the third water station because I thought I would die if I didn't run with some water. From the start to mile 8 I only had two Dixie cups full of water. I felt like spongebob when he goes to visit his friend sandy the squirrel. It was awful! There were also NO fuel stations and the one promised Gatorade station was not manned enough to hand out the cups to the runners as we went by. Good times. The only thing that kept me going after mile 11 was knowing that my daughter was going to be somewhere between there and the finish line and I absolutely could NOT let her see me walking. She ended up being at mile 12.4. I was soooo excited to see her! I stopped really quick, all teary eyed and emotional to give her a kiss. Then I was off again. By that point all I could think was, the faster I ran, the sooner I would be done. My friend had finished about 40 minutes before me but stuck around and ran the to the finish line with me. I was SO exhausted. So hot. Unfortunately, my plan to stop and stretch while I drank water didn't go as planned. Immediately I had a rush of pit crew mommas and super women descend upon me for pictures, high fives and hugs. I have to admit, that was my favorite part. We all talked about our times (I PRed, beating my past marathon times by over 8 minutes). My beautiful daughter brought me roses!!!! I have to say, this was my LEAST favorite race of all time. I will not do it again next year. I am in more pain today than I have ever been after any workout or race. But, I finished. Talk about a huge accomplishment!
1) Downhill running sucks
2) I had a PR at 2:52
3) Running in 100 degree weather is beyond ridiculous
4) Swelling up like the Pillsbury dough boy is not fun, nor cute
5) Nothing tastes as good as that first meal after a half marathon...thank you beans and rice
6) Picturing the finish always gets me emotional around mile 9...and continues to hit me with each mile
7) Seeing my daughters face is always my favorite part of every race
8) The Running Community is amazing
9) I'm a rockstar
10) I love my body
Get An Email Alert Each Time INSPIREBYNATURE Posts