PRIORITIZING MY HEALTH OVER ALL THAT LIFE THROWS AT ME IS STILL AN OVERWHELMING CHALLENGE.
ANOTHER TRIP TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM THIS WEEK AND HOSPITAL VISITS WITH UNCERTAINTY WITH MY DH HEALTH PUTTING MY HEALTH FIRST FOR MYSELF AND FOR HIM IS STILL DIFFICULT. I ALLOW MY FEARS AND ANXIETY TAKE OVER AND THE FOOD CREEPS IN TO COMFORT ME.
I HAVE MADE SOME EFFORT THIS PAST MONTH TO CLENSE MY SOUL AND BODY BUT NEED MORE OF A MAJOR EFFORT TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE. THE SNOW MELTING, THE TEMPERATURES MORE MILE WITH THE SUN SHINING AND SKIES BLUE LIFT MY SPIRITS SOME AND I WILL CAPITALIZE ON THAT FOR NOW.
TRYING TO GET OUT OF WINTER SLUMP AND AFTERMATH OF PERSONAL TRAUMAS HERE AT HOME.
REMEMBERING THAT NO ONE WHEN THEY SEE OUR SIZE CONSIDERS ALL THAT YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH AND HOW TOUGH IT IS. ALL THEY SEE IS SOMEONE WHO HAS NOT TAKEN CARE OF THEMSELVES...... I AM CHALLENGED TO LOSE THE WEIGHT AND SHOW THOSE PEOPLE AS WELL AS MYSELF THAT THEY CAN NO LONGER USE MY WEIGHT AGAINST ME AND I AM WORTH SO MUCH MORE THAN MY PHYSICAL APPEARANCE.
WHEN WE WALK ALONE THROUGH MANY TRAUMAS FOOD IS THE EASIEST THING TO GRAB ONTO WHEN YOU LACK SUPPORT BUT OTHER THINGS MUST BE PUT IN PLACE THAT CANNOT TURN ON US AND MAKE US A TARGET FOR OTHERS WHO ARE NOT COMPASSIONATE OR KIND IN THIS WORLD.
I WILL GET PAST THIS WINTER DEPRESSION AND ALL MAJOR ISSUES THAT MAKE PUTTING THE FOOD DOWN MORE DIFFICULT. SEND ME PRAYERS AS I PRAY FOR ALL OF YOU.
SOMETIMES NEW YEAR'S EVE IS SAD. THIS ONE I AM MAKING GLAD SINCE I NEED TO HAVE A FRESH START IN MY LIFE AND ALTHOUGH JANUARY STARTED ROCKY I AM DETERMINED TO MAKE THIS A LANDMARK YEAR FOR ME IN A POSITIVE DIRECTION.
I AM PREPARED TO WORK AT BRINGING THE JOY AND HEALTH BACK TO MY LIFE RATHER THAN PUTTING ENERGY INTO PEOPLE, ISSUES, HOUSES, ETC.......OF COURSE THOSE THINGS STILL MATTER TO ME BUT MY PRIORITIES NEED TO BE PUT INTO ORDER.
I BLESS THIS SITE. WITHOUT THIS SITE I WOULD BE LOST IN THE ABYSS OF LIFE'S EVENTS AND CIRCUMSTANCES WHICH SOMETIMES GRATES UPON THE SOUL WITH NO MERCY. I RETURN TO THE COMFORT OF THE SPARK FAMILY WHICH I FOUND NURTURES ME MORE COMPLETELY AND BETTER THAN FOOD. TO HAVE FOUND THIS SITE HAS BEEN A BLESSING.
LOVE TO ALL OF MY SPARK FAMILY.
THIS WILL BE OUR YEAR TO CLAIM AND MAKE OUR OWN FULL OF HAPPINESS & ACCOMPLISHMENTS.
DUE TO A HEALTH EMERGENCY I HAD TO MAKE SOME DIFFICULT DECISIONS THIS WEEK.
I HAVE TO REALIZE WHAT MY PRIORITES ARE...MY HEALTH...AND REALIZE I CANNOT TAKE ON MORE THINGS IN LIFE THAN I CAN HANDLE SO I MUST GIVE UP WHAT IS ENDANGERING MY HEALTH AND OVERWHELMING ME.
I NEED TO FOCUS ON THE FACT THAT IF I DON'T MAKE ME THE FULL TIME JOB THAT I AM I WILL NOT LIVE TO HAVE ANYTHING ELSE. SO FOR TODAY I WILL HANDLE THE HEALTH AND LIFE ISSUES ON MY PLACE WITH 100% COMMITTMENT.
1. RESTORE HEALTH
2. RESTORE LACK OF HOME
3. BE GRATEFUL EACH DAY FOR GODS GIFTS TO GIVE ME PEACE
LOVE AND CONCERN TO MY SPARK FAMILY FOR THEIR HEALTH AND HAPPINESS.
This has been a crazy week for me seeing I have these three people living in my body at the same time...lol...funny, not so funny.
Like the old movie starring Joanne Woodward "The Three Faces of Eve" I watched the part of me with all this good info from spark and gathered through my life guide me through the diet do's and don't. The attentive one of me followed through, shopping, preparing and attempting to be 100% spot on. The rebellious one of me argued, debated, made excuses, upset the other two of me when confronted with a crisis this past week proceeded to play the old tapes inside of me and I beguiled and succumbed to eating some carbs when I should have had none.
I reinstate my resolve this week to attempt to destroy or at least put into a cage the rebellious side of me who is driving me to INSANITY. That is doing the same thing and expecting different results. So here I go again fighting my own demon and hoping someday that rebellious little child in me realizes she is killing herself.