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Feeling Kinda Low

Sunday, September 05, 2010

Well, it has been about a week since I decided to come back here. I have been checking in, I just haven't really had anything to say so I haven't blogged. I can't say that tonight will be a very positive note, but I guess it's good to get it all out.

I just have no clue where my motivation went. I tell myself that I need to get on the ball and get moving and working towards living a healthier life and then I just feel so blah about everything it is hard to talk myself into it. I really don't know how to find that mojo that I lost. I don't know what was going on last time I had that fire... I wish I could recreate it.

I really think I need to find a counselor or something like that. I really would like to know why I keep getting in my own way. I do think I am worth it, and I really can envision the end result, and I really do want it... but its just so HARD. And it hurts. And I am whiny...lol.

I have been listening to Jillian Michaels podcasts that I downloaded for free on iTunes hoping that would motivate me. Really she is very interesting, but I really haven't had any Aha! moments. I dont know exactly what I am expecting to happen... the cartoon lightbulb above my head to pop on? LOL Unlikely.

If anyone has any tips or tricks that get you up and moving when you really don't want to please share them... I need all the help I can get!

I didn't do so well this week on my goals. I did get to bed earlier on the nights I had to get up early for work the next day (had some vacation days I had to use so I slept in for those) I did cook dinner most nights. I slipped up on Wednesday and pretty much the whole rest of the weekend. My eating really has been bad. Just for kicks I logged my food for today and another day last week and I really didnt think I did very good, but I sure didnt think I did THAT bad. Just goes to show that I really have no clue anymore... I need to work on that. And I did ok at the picking up the house thing... I wanted to make more progress while I was off work, and that didn't happen, but at least it didn't get worse...lol.

So this week my goals are:

Drink more water. At least 2 bottles a day at work and one at night at home.

I will exercise 3 times this week, even if it isn't for very long... I just need to get up and DO SOMETHING!

Go to bed on time again this week and adding to that, I will also get up earlier. I got up early a couple of times last week and it was nice to not be so rushed in the morning getting ready for work.

And also I will log my food. I will do my best to do it here so I can see the stats on it, but if all else fails I will at least write it down on paper.

So water, exercise, sleep earlier, up earlier and write everything down that I eat. I can do that. I am also going to start reading my Spark book again. :) Hopefully that will help me get motivated again. Heaven knows I need to figure something out.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JADE03171 9/13/2010 7:38PM

  I understand, it seems so easy, in your head, then you have to really do it and the excuses come down like rain. But I think you just have to forgive yourself for messing up and start again, and again and again until it finally sticks. So hang in there, we are all in this together. You are worth the effort, we all are!

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JAZZERCISEGENIE 9/9/2010 3:20PM

    wow a blast form the past. Not sure but we were on alot of teams together. I am still draggin myslef to cardio went from jazzercise they closed morning classes to the Y. Tell yourself to get moving with this great weather. Make it fun a walk, bike ride or just do a dvd. Get moving the longer you don't move the more depressed you can get. Listen at age 65 I know.
5k run for me sat.

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SKYRUNHER 9/6/2010 1:45PM

    I understand completely where you are because I'm the one that's right there beside you. You can do this.. you can push through this! You are awesome!

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HULLAF 9/6/2010 12:22PM

    Trust me, I understand completely where you are and your struggle in general! You can do it - just keep making those small steps in the right direction. They add up! Hang in there.

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Getting Started Yet Again

Monday, August 30, 2010

So it has been a super long time since I have been here. I just saw that my last weigh in was about 2 years ago and I was at the lowest point that I actually reached. It makes me sad because I always told myself as I reached milestone weigh ins "I will never see this number again!" and here I have seen them and zipped right past them. I'm sure I'm not the only one out there that hates how easy it is to get back to where you were after it was so hard to make it as far as you did. I guess I have been in denial and a little stressed and depressed. I need to get my head out of the sand and deal with my issues, they aren't going to go away on their own and apparently no one is going to do it for me.

One of my biggest issues is that I have a new job that stresses me out and I need to find a new way to deal with that stress. After lunch when I get stressed out I want to go to the vending machine... and I use the excuse that at least I'm getting a 3 musketeers bar and they are the" lesser of the chocolate evils." And then when I come home I am so grumpy I go right for the snacks. And then I decide that I really don't want the stress of having to think about dinner so let's just go out to eat. And then I am far too tired and stressed out thinking about tomorrow that the last thing I want to do is go for a walk or get on the treadmill. And then I decide to sit in front of the comptuer until it is far too late (like now...sigh.) and then I have to force myself out of bed to rush to get to work in the morning.

I realize that something has got to change, and right now quitting or finding a new job isn't an option, so I really have to find a way to cope with the hand I have been dealt, at least for now. So I guess this is just my breaking point (for lack of a better word I guess). And now hopefully I can begin to work on everything. I don't exactly know how I am going to do it, but at least I am in the process of thinking about it.

We have stocked the house with lot's of good for you foods and I have no excuse to go out to eat this week. We have nothing planned this week so I really have no reason to stay up this late again this week (we had company for dinner tonight and they left late, I wanted to do this earlier, but it was important to me to do this so I did make the choice to stay up late to get it done) And The house is cleaner than it usually is, so if we work on it just a little each night we shouldnt get overwhelmed. Those are my small changes for this week. I am going to try to check in here to my blog at least once a week or as needed.

Goals this week:

*** Cook dinner every night this week except Thursday - thats our weigh in night for TOPS and we all go out to eat together - yeeeeah, I know... but we gotta eat and who wants to eat *before* you weigh in??

*** Starting tomorrow, I will go to bed earlier. I will be IN bed at 10:30 and hopefully be asleep by 11.

*** I will pick up the house a little bit each evening before bed. Do a load of laundry, pick up the living room... just something to keep the progress we have made until we can continue next weekend.

So here I am standing at the begining. I might not be able to see the finish line, but for the first time in a very long time I am here, mentally present and accounted for. Let the games begin!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KEJA34 9/5/2010 9:41PM

    You can do this! Baby steps is how. Don't bite off more than you can chew, as they say, and you will make it! You have great goals to start off with. I myself need to set some weekly goals and get them in writing.

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HULLAF 8/30/2010 7:56AM

    Hi there! SO GOOD to "see" you here again this morning on my friend feed. I was wondering if you were still here. You CAN do this. Small steps all add up if you continue going in the right direction. All of us stumble and have to restart. I've been losing and gaining the same 15 pounds all year so far! That drives me nuts but I will keep after it and eventually get there. Hope to hear from you soon!
Anne emoticon

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JCROWELL 8/30/2010 1:31AM

    Good Luck! You have good starting goals to get you back on track! I need to do that too...I haven't been on here in a very long time, and I am letting all of my progress slip away, so I too need to get started again...hopefully both of us will be able to reach our goals this time! *hugs*

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UGH!!!!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Dear Body,

This little note is to just put you on notice that I am on to you! I dont know exactly what you think you are doing, but this has got to stop! I have been trying to work with you here... I have been trying to feed you healthier things, but yet you go and "crave" all this junk that you know we shouldnt have. You even send signals to my head and my stomach to conspire against me too! Shame on you!! You have convinced my muscles that they are useless... and when I do get out and move them like I should you make them complain (loudly and constantly!) for the next few days to make me not want to exercise for the next several days. You tell me that I am hungry when Im not, tired when I shouldnt be and wide awake when I should be tired! You are shameless! Pleeeease, I beg of you... just cooperate with me! We both know that you will feel and look soooo much better if we just suffer a tiny bit now! So "just do it" body!! I know you can! You have done it before! Let's do it again!!!

Your best friend
Amie

  


Woah... Uncanny!

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Right after I posted my last blog I get this in my inbox:

Dividing your attention between two dreams

One essential goal-setting strategy is to be as specific as possible about your desires. Write out your goals and formulate a detailed plan about how you are going to achieve this goal. Baby steps are important, but keep them focused. Often we are pulled in many directions at once. It is important though, to devote time and effort to a single goal at a time to avoid distraction that can lead to putting forth less effort. Take time to put down some of your "spinning plates" and track your progress over time.

The quote said "When you chase two rabbits, both will escape."


Funny how that is pretty much what I was just talking about in the blog I just rattled on in! LOL

Humm..... verrrrrrrry interesting!

I dont like these cats (whisper) they read minds!

(that was from the cartoon Ice Age for those who have not be... um, "lucky" enough to get to watch it a billion and a half times. lol)

Goodnight... Again. :)

  


My press confrence!

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Well, I was super nervous today for the press confrence for the photo contest, but it turned out to be ok. It was kind of scary to be put in front of the news cameras with them asking me questions, but lucky for me when we watched the news tonight they just showed footage of the pictures and of the interview with the lady in charge. The guy that won first place was super nice, he took a beautiful picture of the skyline of our town at dusk. Ill try to post it...



He was really the nicest guy... his wife was very nice too. :) He seemed to be impressed that my little cheap camera took my picture that won second...lol. The guy that won third place didnt make it to the press confrence, but he had a very nice picture too. Let me try to add the link to all the submissions...

www.flickr.com/photos/29884601@N06/s
ets/72157608055424708/


The third place submission is the one right next to the winners on the last full row second from the end. They gave us all a very nice framed copy of our photo and told us that our pictures will be hung in the chamber of commerce with a plaque for each one telling what it was for and who took it. :) Plus they said they will use them in advertising and they are hoping to make them into postcards for our area! I wonder if I can claim that I am a "published photographer" now! LOL!!

Really, I do have to admit... I am so very relieved they didnt show me on tv tonight. Really, just looking at myself in the mirror is bad enough without the adding of the 10 pounds. Im not quite sure I could handle that right now... I kept telling myself that if they did put me on tv that I could use that for inspiration to give myself a kick in the pants to get busy on my healthy lifestyle thang, but like I said... I just dont think I was ready to see it. I have been teetering between euphoria and panic lately as it is, that just might push me towards the panic end further than I can pull myself out of.

One minute I am happy and excited about what this year holds in store with all the changes going on and on the other side of the coin I am terrified I messed up big time by going part time. Part of me says that things are going to go great with the jewelry thing we are starting up and the other part says that I am just wasting my time and money. Part of me says that this photography contest was a nudge in the direction I want to go in and the other part of me says it was a freak accident of a shot and means nothing. Ugh. I just want to climb under my bed and twitch sometimes! Push one way... pull the other way... shove from the side... I just need a plan.... I gotta work on that.

Well... I think Im on my way to bed for tonight. I would like to try to make it to the YMCA tomorrow to play racquetball if I can find someone to go with me... I know I should bite the bullet and just go alone, but that is really no fun. I guess we will see how it goes. Maybe I will just have to put some music on and clean like crazy. If I can talk myself into it...lol.

Nite!

  


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