IMMYSTICMARGO   1,554
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IMMYSTICMARGO's Recent Blog Entries

Frozen as Time Passes by.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

It's been one month since my little and only brother took his life. Over the month I have had time to reflect on all our time together and have come to accept and forgive him. He told me he would do it years ago if he was pushed too far. He was diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis last year in May and the doctor said it would be years until it affected him. Upon ex-ray for viability of organs (donation) we discovered his condition had progressed more quickly than in any patient with AS in his age bracket. It would have been a matter of months before it killed him. He was in a tremendous amount of pain, his spine was fused, and millions of nerves were being severed as his spine fused around them. He could not get medical help thanks to the Obama Crap. What else was he supposed to do? He said from the start that he was never going to be in a wheelchair, that he would die first. Bravo*

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YAGERMONSTER 1/24/2013 4:37AM

    I just randomly clicked on this and it brought me to tears. The photo was probably the final straw, but also how it correlates to my wife. She was diagnosed with MS about a year and a half ago and has gone downhill a bit. She was an LPN at a nursing home for years and saw the worst kinds of MS patients and swears all the time she will die before she becomes one of them in a wheelchair with no possibility of hope. Sorry to go on... I just feel so sorry for your loss, I'm sure he was a great man.
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LABRATIAM 1/12/2013 11:35PM

    I'm sorry that you had to go through this. It can't be easy, but I am glad that you have been able to forgive him. emoticon

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GOPINTOS 1/12/2013 5:55PM

    emoticon



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CECISMOMMY09 1/12/2013 12:26PM

    Holy crap I am so sorry for your loss! Keep your head held high!

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AZMOMXTWO 1/12/2013 11:57AM

  I feel for you and for your family I wish that he had been able to get care but I do agree it is a terrible loss

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Off My Rocker and in the Grave.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

And here I thought nothing else could go so horribly wrong in my life. After a 13 hour stand off in the attic of my fathers house my little and only brother killed himself. It's been a few days and it seems I have internalized my emotions, I cannot sleep for more than a couple hours before he makes his way into my dreams. I cannot eat or drink because it hurts too much to do so. I'm holding up my family as best I can, Pray my legs hold us until after his funeral.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BONNIEBONNEAU 12/25/2012 8:32AM

    i am very sorry to hear of your loss.
i wish there was a way for SP to give u a hug , and a shoulder to cry on, so please accept our words - as the next best thing.

i use to be on the debate team , and learned, a sad fact- that holiday seasons ,are the time, when people kill themselves

i encourage u to write more blogs- it may help ..
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BEACHBOD1DAY 12/23/2012 9:09PM

    I am so terribly sorry to hear of your family's loss. Being the holiday season must make it even harder for all of you to cope with. You are all in my thoughts this evening.

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HDHAWK 12/20/2012 8:42AM

    I'm so sorry you have lost your brother in this terrible way. I'm glad to see you are going to seek counseling. emoticon

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GOPINTOS 12/20/2012 7:26AM

    I am so sorry to read of your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers. emoticon

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Melinda (gopintos)
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IMMYSTICMARGO 12/18/2012 9:05PM

    Thank you all for your support and advice. I plan on starting some sessions with the victims advocacy, Apparently in my city they see the family members of a suicide as victims. emoticon

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1STATEOFDENIAL 12/18/2012 5:03PM

    My condolences. Please consider asking for help from a therapist or counselor. You've suffered a tragic event and you alone cannot hold up your entire family. No person can be expected to do so. Getting help in the first few days is very important; waiting too long can cause PTSD to settle in and makes everything more difficult. You might even try to set up family counseling so that your entire family has a safe place to grieve and have their pain validated and addressed. Even if it is only one or two sessions it will do everyone good.

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BATCHICK 12/18/2012 11:26AM

    Take care of yourself! You have suffered a profound loss. MY heart goes out to you! emoticon

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BETHYSMAMA 12/18/2012 10:18AM

    So sorry to hear of your loss.

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EBONYSOL 12/18/2012 5:54AM

    You are traumatized and in shock. Believe it or not, those feelings, or lack thereof, are a protective defense for the moment. I encourage you to get counselling as soon as possible. Check with your local hospice or doctor or mental health or wherever. Suicide leaves the survivors with many unanswered questions and has long term effects on families. I know as we have had suicides in our family - an uncle and a cousin. I am bipolar and have been on the edge more than once. My thought patterns were pretty screwed up; I sought help only because I remembered the consequences to the family.
Please be gentle with yourself and take care of you. You are in my thoughts.



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JULIA_211 12/18/2012 5:34AM

    emoticon emoticon I am so very sorry for your loss.

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The Final End to a Life Less Lived.

Thursday, December 06, 2012

My father has been through more medical emergencies in the past 3 years than anyone should ever have to go through. It all started with his ribs fracturing for no apparent reason. followed by surgeries and more broken bones including his spine. followed up by a double pulmonary embolism. He has failed to take care of him self, and will not change his situation enough to let anyone help him. It appears he has reached the end staged of organ failure. He will not accept this or take care of himself still. Why can't he just listen and do what he needs to do to get healthy?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IMMYSTICMARGO 12/7/2012 1:06AM

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CALGIRL80 12/6/2012 4:49PM

  I am sorry to hear this. I work with alot of elderly in my church and often they simply just give up. As one woman told me "I know I am going to die, and I would rather be in pain a shorter period of time". This is hard for us to hear as the survivors. Know my prayers are with you and your family as you care for your dad and begin the grief process.

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BRENDA_G50 12/6/2012 4:31PM

    I'm sorry to hear about your dad, but, some people are just set in their ways and ANY change from that scares them.

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MAGGIEVAN 12/6/2012 4:03PM

    In the end it is his life and to love him is your biggest task even when you don't agree what he is doing. Learn from it. I know what you are talking about. For some people it is easier to just give up. Understand that and love him anyway.

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Pianos for Excersize!

Thursday, December 06, 2012

I found a stand up grand piano on the side of the road a few nights ago, I've checked on it the past two nights and it was still there lastnight so today I'm going to get it. I don't have a truck so I will be walking it home. It weighs between 600 and 700 pounds, I need a cheer team!!!! I've got just over a mile to go with it, I think I can, I think I can!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TKTMTA 12/6/2012 11:24AM

    Be careful!!!

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Potable water.

Monday, December 03, 2012

Where I live I don't have access to potable water unless I buy it from a store. Yesterday is the second time in two weeks I have ran out. There is no local bus transportation to get to the closest store (20 miles away) and there is only one car in this household, which is out of gas. I have $15 at the moment and don't get paid till Wednesday. I live in a back woods community with my mother and little sister. My mother cannot get a job because she is of terminal status, and my little sister is only 14. I work one day out of the week at best at the local day care ran out of a neighbor's house and my mother does not qualify for disability under the new Obama sh** because "Disability is for the people living with disability, not those who are dying." Well, she was diagnosed 3 years ago and was told she had six months to live at best, she's still here and living strong, now what does Obama have to say to that?

I guess I will load up my buckets on my wagon and beg some water from my uncle down the street. Hey, maybe he'll buy some for us (Again).




  
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IMMYSTICMARGO 12/5/2012 7:53AM

    My mother doesn't qualify for disability under this obama stuff. Also, the water here is so full of deposits a britia filter would only last a couple days before needing to be changed and I can't foot the money to keep it up. I do love living out here, but some times i miss the simple things like city water and sewage... lol

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XANGELSTEARZX 12/4/2012 8:44PM

    I feel for ya...we haul our water in monthly. I wouldn't trade living in rural Missouri for anything but sometimes the "real world" seems so farrrrr away.

Prayers and best wishes to your family. Seems like you are carrying a lot.

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BONNIEBONNEAU 12/4/2012 6:04PM

    hi,
i am so sorry to hear of your mother's illness - and you are carrying the family it seems . But Disability is very difficult to get - i have some friends who spent years , trying to get on it ..

as for the water - why don't u drink ur water , and use a britia filter - that would be easy to do ? I use to live in the country too - loved it - but know, going to the store is a once a week trip -

keep posting -
hugs
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