Saturday, November 17, 2012
Oh my, oh my! I've gone from being fairly disinterested in food to having periods in the day...usually late afternoon and evening...when I feel the obsession with food is back, and I'm acting on it! My skinny jeans are feeling a tad uncomfortable these days, and the holidays aren't even here yet!
My take on this is always that it's not about the food. It's not so much what I'm eating, but what's eating me. The puzzling part of this is that I seldom know what's eating me. Life is good. All I experience is the urge to eat. When I stop to consider, and think about what I'm feeling I go back to the knowledge that there are only two choices here...love or fear...and if I'm feeling the urge to eat, it's probably some form of fear, and since I've been maintaining my weight loss for some time, the most likely fear to crop up for me is the fear of being, or acknowledging, all that I can be. Something like the fear of success. Sounds strange, since that's what most of us say we want, but if I've spent my whole life feeling crummy about myself for being fat, dumb, untalented, unloved, you name it...then success is going to be pretty threatening.
So I woke up today with the determination to do something about this. This is my first step. Fessing up to what I've been doing. Next I will (it is so tempting to say 'try to' in here...but I don't say that any more. Either I'm going to do it or I'm not. There is no 'try to.') so I will become more conscious of my relationship with food. I love making conscious decisions. I feel like I am in alignment when I am making conscious decisions. My mental, physical and spiritual components are all working together. I can often come into alignment simply by closing my eyes and taking a couple of deep breaths. I love making healthy moderate choices about food. i love how I feel when I've eaten well and stopped before I'm full. I love it when I can pull on my skinny jeans and they fit perfectly. I love knowing I'm at my best when I let myself be all that I can be.
Sunday, November 04, 2012
Interesting things have been showing up in my inbox lately. Today, for example was a story someone shared about a woman who survived the holocaust. She related that her last words to her brother, they were both youngsters, were angry and critical. She never saw her brother again. 'Act as if the words you speak may be the last words you speak' is the lesson she shared and the way she dedicated her life to speaking thereafter. She suggested that our words be able to stand the test of being our final words.
How would that change the way I speak? This question really flummoxed me! My first thought was that I would never open my mouth again! But I really wanted to treat this seriously so I looked a bit more. I would certainly hope that I would think more before I opened my mouth. I often blurt out things without fully considering their impact, usually in an effort to be funny, cute, informative, or attention getting . Slowly, very slowly this is changing for me. But my main focus has been less on the words and more on where I'm coming from, or my intentions. I want to make sure I am coming from a place of love. I do believe that we communicate more with our intentions than we do with our words. Words are certainly important, but so much of what we communicate is non-verbal, both what we send and what we receive, that that's where I've been putting my focus. I know that when I am convinced that the person I'm talking to loves me, I can listen to just about anything they have to say.
I still feel like I'm just hitting the surface here of what this question is asking. As usual i have layers of bs to get through before i get to my truth, but I was so intrigued about what this question might mean that I thought I'd put it out there while it's still a work in progress for me.
Monday, October 08, 2012
Hi Spark friends, I think I last posted here sometime in June! For some reason, still unclear to me, I had stopped receiving email notifications from Spark and it just became too time consuming to try to navigate the site without those prompts. Then a few weeks ago the gods smiled on me and for whatever reason, I once again began receiving communications from the site. Yay! Trouble is, I am now out of the habit of posting! I have been lurking in the background for a while and still feel a bit tentative about jumping back in, but this is a first step.
One reason for my hesitation is a current lack of interest in food. Go figure. Food is what got me here to begin with, and in my present state, I'm not sure what direction to strike out in. After I finished my juice feast this Spring I bounced around with my eating trying to find some sort of equilibrium. I felt like a pendulum swinging from one extreme to another. Gradually the momentum slowed, but it has left me in a place where my focus on food is greatly diminished. And that's fine with me. I still eat a healthy, mostly raw, mostly vegan diet. My weight is up a bit from my juice feasting low, but that's ok too. From where I am right now, food is not the priority it was several months ago. It's fuel for the body, and the body is here as a means of communication.
So I guess you could say that my focus is less on the body and its ups and downs and more on the mind that drives it. Or to quote Ken Kesey, 'Who's driving your bus?' When I'm in my 'right mind' things like food and exercise seem to take care of themselves. My issue of course then becomes that about 99% of the time, there's a lunatic...my self-absorbed ego...driving my bus!
There you have it, my friends. Life is good as long as I can step out of the way and let it be. I'm looking forward to reconnecting with you!
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