IMLEENEY   10,316
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'Fessin' up!

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Oh my, oh my! I've gone from being fairly disinterested in food to having periods in the day...usually late afternoon and evening...when I feel the obsession with food is back, and I'm acting on it! My skinny jeans are feeling a tad uncomfortable these days, and the holidays aren't even here yet!

My take on this is always that it's not about the food. It's not so much what I'm eating, but what's eating me. The puzzling part of this is that I seldom know what's eating me. Life is good. All I experience is the urge to eat. When I stop to consider, and think about what I'm feeling I go back to the knowledge that there are only two choices or fear...and if I'm feeling the urge to eat, it's probably some form of fear, and since I've been maintaining my weight loss for some time, the most likely fear to crop up for me is the fear of being, or acknowledging, all that I can be. Something like the fear of success. Sounds strange, since that's what most of us say we want, but if I've spent my whole life feeling crummy about myself for being fat, dumb, untalented, unloved, you name it...then success is going to be pretty threatening.

So I woke up today with the determination to do something about this. This is my first step. Fessing up to what I've been doing. Next I will (it is so tempting to say 'try to' in here...but I don't say that any more. Either I'm going to do it or I'm not. There is no 'try to.') so I will become more conscious of my relationship with food. I love making conscious decisions. I feel like I am in alignment when I am making conscious decisions. My mental, physical and spiritual components are all working together. I can often come into alignment simply by closing my eyes and taking a couple of deep breaths. I love making healthy moderate choices about food. i love how I feel when I've eaten well and stopped before I'm full. I love it when I can pull on my skinny jeans and they fit perfectly. I love knowing I'm at my best when I let myself be all that I can be.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ERIN1957 11/18/2012 6:45AM

    ...always amazing how you work through issues you are faced with!

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CAYCESMOM 11/17/2012 6:00PM

    I'm so glad you are able to identify where your problem areas are! That's great, just keep pushing to stay on track.

You look like such a lovely lady, I can hardly believe you thought of yourself as crummy, fat, unloved, etc. By the way, besides your great physical appearance, you are also very well spoken. I'm glad you are not feeling those awful feelings anymore.

Have a great holiday! (in your skinny jeans!!!) emoticon

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LIV2RIDE 11/17/2012 5:58PM

    Finding the meaning behind action is sometimes not clearly known. It's awesome that you are aware of this and willing to do something about it.

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SCRAPPINPOLLY 11/17/2012 1:00PM

    Good for you in recognizing it!! Good luck to you!

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Last Words

Sunday, November 04, 2012

Interesting things have been showing up in my inbox lately. Today, for example was a story someone shared about a woman who survived the holocaust. She related that her last words to her brother, they were both youngsters, were angry and critical. She never saw her brother again. 'Act as if the words you speak may be the last words you speak' is the lesson she shared and the way she dedicated her life to speaking thereafter. She suggested that our words be able to stand the test of being our final words.

How would that change the way I speak? This question really flummoxed me! My first thought was that I would never open my mouth again! But I really wanted to treat this seriously so I looked a bit more. I would certainly hope that I would think more before I opened my mouth. I often blurt out things without fully considering their impact, usually in an effort to be funny, cute, informative, or attention getting . Slowly, very slowly this is changing for me. But my main focus has been less on the words and more on where I'm coming from, or my intentions. I want to make sure I am coming from a place of love. I do believe that we communicate more with our intentions than we do with our words. Words are certainly important, but so much of what we communicate is non-verbal, both what we send and what we receive, that that's where I've been putting my focus. I know that when I am convinced that the person I'm talking to loves me, I can listen to just about anything they have to say.

I still feel like I'm just hitting the surface here of what this question is asking. As usual i have layers of bs to get through before i get to my truth, but I was so intrigued about what this question might mean that I thought I'd put it out there while it's still a work in progress for me.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CANDOSUE52 11/11/2012 9:19AM

I really appreciated reading this. I wasn't at his bedside when my Dad died last summer but often wonder what I would have said, and wish I had that opportunity.

Hope you don't mind my adding you as a friend!

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LIV2RIDE 11/6/2012 10:18AM

    awesome topic! My family has always said I have no filter and for most of my life it's true. I'm also working at changing this to be more considerate of others with my words and actions.

Tina's story below just shows that you don't know the affects of your words on someone else. She gave that man a moment of comfort when he was clearly dying. That's just awesome!

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ERIN1957 11/5/2012 6:29AM

    All I can say is wow, after reading your share and Tina's. I too need to practice this more as well!
Thank you both!

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IMLEENEY 11/5/2012 6:07AM

    Oh, Tina, I'm sitting here crying. That is such a beautiful story. Thank you so much for sharing it.

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THE70SNUT 11/5/2012 1:31AM

    I definitely learned this lesson, I'm a 911 dispatcher and early in my career I had a person call 911 who had crashed his semi and was disoriented and didn't know where he was. Thankfully technology allowed me to locate him and I got help rolling (It was a typical Minnesota wintery night of snow and cold). While I was talking to him, I assured him I had located him and I had help on the way to him. We talked a little more and he got anxious and I again said, I have help on the way to you sir, just relax and talk to me. He took a calming breath and said thank you and I lost him, I radioed to the units responding I had lost contact and within just minutes my deputy got on scene and told me we had severe head trauma. As I was talking to him another truck lost control and drove through is truck that was laying on its side and without going into gory details, my caller was gone.

At that moment I realized my voice and words were the last thing he ever heard and he had given me that calming breath and then was gone. I was really affected by this and said "keep your words sweet, you never know when they are the last ones someone will hear"

Ultimately his family asked for a recording of the 911 tape and sent me a letter thanking me. It's made all the difference in the world on how I deal with 911 callers. I also try to implement it in my life, I don't always but try a lot. Thank you Leeney for this lovely blog post!


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TIGTAZ325 11/4/2012 6:36PM

    Very interesting topic! I agree with your first comment of "never speak again" to be safe but of course that's not realistic. It's a very intriguing question and I am going to think about this too! Thanks for sharing!

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RONNIEHUEY 11/4/2012 6:16PM


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Bo's Birthday

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Meet Bo, the newest member of our family. We rescued him about a month ago and today's his birthday...5 years old. It's been 3 years since we lost Lucy, our last Standard Poodle, and it has taken me all this time to be receptive to getting another dog. But I am oh so glad we did. This one is a charmer, a goof ball, a lover.

I like it when my friends know each other, so I thought I'd introduce him.

Happy Birthday, Bo! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIV2RIDE 10/12/2012 10:13AM

    Happy Birthday! I love that last picture. It looks like he's squished into a tiny place. I'm always amazed at the tiny places animals can get into.

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HELEN_BRU 10/11/2012 7:05PM

    I love poodles. Happy Birthday, Bo! emoticon

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PETALIA 10/11/2012 6:08PM

    Oh Bo, many happy returns of the day!

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ERIN1957 10/11/2012 5:58PM

    Bo looks like a very nice companion and family member. He is very handsome too. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Hello again

Monday, October 08, 2012

Hi Spark friends, I think I last posted here sometime in June! For some reason, still unclear to me, I had stopped receiving email notifications from Spark and it just became too time consuming to try to navigate the site without those prompts. Then a few weeks ago the gods smiled on me and for whatever reason, I once again began receiving communications from the site. Yay! Trouble is, I am now out of the habit of posting! I have been lurking in the background for a while and still feel a bit tentative about jumping back in, but this is a first step.

One reason for my hesitation is a current lack of interest in food. Go figure. Food is what got me here to begin with, and in my present state, I'm not sure what direction to strike out in. After I finished my juice feast this Spring I bounced around with my eating trying to find some sort of equilibrium. I felt like a pendulum swinging from one extreme to another. Gradually the momentum slowed, but it has left me in a place where my focus on food is greatly diminished. And that's fine with me. I still eat a healthy, mostly raw, mostly vegan diet. My weight is up a bit from my juice feasting low, but that's ok too. From where I am right now, food is not the priority it was several months ago. It's fuel for the body, and the body is here as a means of communication.

So I guess you could say that my focus is less on the body and its ups and downs and more on the mind that drives it. Or to quote Ken Kesey, 'Who's driving your bus?' When I'm in my 'right mind' things like food and exercise seem to take care of themselves. My issue of course then becomes that about 99% of the time, there's a self-absorbed ego...driving my bus!

There you have it, my friends. Life is good as long as I can step out of the way and let it be. I'm looking forward to reconnecting with you!

Much love!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PETALIA 10/8/2012 1:17PM

    Hey, hi! Get that lunatic to drive your bus over to the yoga studio, the meditation cushion, into the natural world for some movement. I'm glad you're back. Time to explore.

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HELEN_BRU 10/8/2012 10:25AM

    It's great to have you back among us sharing your journey! Missed you. . . emoticon

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ERIN1957 10/8/2012 9:49AM

    Well , well, well. I am so very happy to hear from you and to see your words flow from you as always. The wisdom you share is perhaps the calling you have here. Not food, but self awareness is why you were drawn back. Not food or the function it has or the obsession it becomes, but the wisdom of peace within. The steps you have taken to be in the place you are, perhaps?.
But for what ever reason, I am so glad you are here.
It is often that I think of you and yes Karen as well. Never with a bad thought, but actually with a smile. Oh yes my learning days of discovery. It was a fun exciting time in so many of our lives.
As you step through the teams you might see that the ones that were so very busy and filled, now lay quite. Where excitement was, no more is. The information is there and a few of us still linger, doing what we do and still believing in a way that works. The support is not on fire like it use to be. The wind has died down and the sails are no longer filled with the air that pushed it along with such a force that everyone gleamed with excitement. Willing to set forth in an adventure.
But things happen for a reason. And we move forward to a different mode of transportation. But still keeping the old ways precious and admired. Sometimes the simplest method still holds value. Some get afraid and jump ship, some jump around from a new car, a new truck and even a jet airliner. Then you have me doing what I know works for me, sailing along and enjoying.
Welcome back!
Erin emoticon

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LIV2RIDE 10/8/2012 9:10AM

    Welcome back! I was thinking about you and Karen the other day when I was doing some reading on juice feasting. I've been considering it for some time and just don't have the guts to take the plunge. I'm glad the feast helped put food into perspective and you are able to move on with your life. Hope to see you around! emoticon

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Little Help, Please!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Yes, I've been MIA and aside from my busy life the problem has been that SparkPeople has stopped sending me emails to notify me of mail, posts and messages. I've checked my account settings and that seems to be ok. Anyone know who to contact and how to get some help? I couldn't find much in the way of contact information on the site.

Meanwhile, a quick update. I went a bit haywire after my juice feast. I was fine for a few days and then I became an eating machine! emoticon Things settled down for a while, but I was still not eating as I'd like to. Then came the trip to Delaware to pick up Mr. Wonderful, and we spent several days there just unwinding and of course it's not always easy to eat right when you're on the road.

But now I'm back and doing well. I did a week of smoothies just to get back in the groove and have lost most of the weight I put on during my brief eating insanity. It's hard to say that any one thing caused this meltdown. In part it was going from total focus on the juice feast to being lots more relaxed and realizing that my choices had widened and taking advantage of that a bit too much. In any case, it is now in the past, and I am in the present and very grateful.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PHOENIXNICKI 7/30/2012 12:55AM

    I am so curious about your blood work. Did it change after the juicing? stay the same? or rise? Sorry I am so noisy, but I am borderline diabetic and I was hoping this would help me.

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ERIN1957 6/14/2012 5:06AM

    This problem happens to me often, the advice I have gotten from the site help is no help. I was finally told to change my e mail address to a yahoo one. Well I am not going to do that. I actually have to go into each team and see if there is a new subject added or see if anyone shared for that day. There has been times I have gone through my computer's listings of secure sites and keep adding and deleting SP that helped for awhile, but the problem still comes back. I have problems a lot with other issues here as well; program freezing, no messages, no notifications, even typing errors. I finally took my computer in thinking it was it. But they found that all the spam and suppliers/ adds tracking my movements are interfering with my security and blocking SP at the security level. Keeping the site free has it's problems and benefits.

Glad to see you back and on track again, missed you!

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MFTAGGFREEZE 6/13/2012 6:45PM

    Great to have you back.

You've still got your focus..... maybe it's not as crystal clear as it was on the feast, but you've still got it.

Sorry I can't help with the technical stuff.

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DARA52 6/13/2012 5:36PM

    Glad you are back and feeling good. It's hard when your routine changes. My DS22 wants to get in to juicing so I may be tapping your shoulder for advice. Not a juicing feast, just adding juices to our day. Sending hugs and happy you are doing well.

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MAMMAW497 6/13/2012 10:25AM

    Glad to hear from you
Hope you're pleased with green juice fast results
I keep telling myself I'm going to give it a try
I did all juice yesterday until about 7pm then had bread, butter &jelly!!!! Arghh
Sometimes I can't believe me

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THE70SNUT 6/13/2012 9:12AM

    It seems I have to re-subscribe to the blogs I follow each month. When I see I haven't gotten an update in a while, I go and resubscribe and they start sending again. I don't get that because they should just keep going until I unsubscribe.

Glad you are back and doing good!


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JENNIFERLYNN76 6/13/2012 8:35AM

    I found the email address that you may want to try contacting for your technical problem.

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KALIGIRL 6/13/2012 8:15AM

    No advice on who to contact - I go to my 'recent posts' on my start page and make a comment + make sure the notification box is checked.

Speaking of checked - glad you 'checked' back in and are doing well.

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SWEETLIPS 6/13/2012 6:54AM

    Hey there - contact Coach Jen at SPARK_COACH_JEN. That should do it. Many times after one comes off a juicefast/feast, when refeeding begins, the body senses it has been deprived and as Petalia stated, we need to chew and that can be the result.

If you ever embark again, chew your juice doing the process and strive for heavy juices at least once a day.

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LIV2RIDE 6/13/2012 6:42AM

    I thought there was a reset your email button but I just looked for it and can't find it. This happens to me from time to time as well.

I've not participated in a juice feast/fast before so I can't speak from experience. My only thought is that maybe your calories were too low and your body needed to refill the tank.

I'm glad you are on the road to balance and Mr. Wonderful is home safe and sound.

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PETALIA 6/13/2012 6:05AM

    Something about chewing, feeling textures, and lots of things like that that you were deprived of during the juice project. Perhaps your gnashers were glad to finally get some use and took over for a bit. Your post didn't speak specifically about what you ate, simply that you ate. That hadn't been going on for a while. I find that after I've been away, it's good to get home and eat what I'm accustomed to eat, to get some balance back. Here's to getting balance back for you!

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JUDYAMK 6/12/2012 10:11PM

    I use to get emails but no longer it has been along time, I do not now what the issue is.
I have never did a juicing,do not no how or what to use & how many times a day & for how long.

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