Tuesday, July 08, 2014
I was pondering this question...
I'm always curious. Why do some blogs get selected as "Featured" or "Popular"? Why do some get noticed and others not? What makes a good blog?
That when I realized that it just doesn't matter...
I'm not writing a blog to move mountains. I don't have all the answers for anyone. Heck I'm lucky if I can find an answer for myself sometimes...
I don't need to write a blog so eloquent that the sky opens up, the sun shines on me and the angels sing a chorus. I need to write a blog to help me on my journey.
After all, as much as I need and appreciate all the support I've found here; it's still my journey.
*I need to write to be honest.
*I need to write to be accountable.
*I need to write to document my journey - the good, the bad, the ugly, the happy, the sad... you get the idea.
*I need to write for ME.
Nothing about it will be perfect. I will stumble, I will fall, I WILL get back up and I WILL persevere.
It's okay to judge. I'm only expressing my opinions... and those are part of my journey too. I always feel like I have to have something important to say in order to blog. But really, that's just not true. Looking back over my journey so far, I realized that I've been most successful when I journal daily. Even if it's only posting a motivational quote, something silly or something serious. I think it boils down to being present in the moment and staying focused.
I haven't worked out all the kinks in my journey yet. I've had some new stumbling blocks thrown in my path; but as always, I'm educating myself, making the best choices I can and moving forward. Sometimes I beat myself up going over the mistakes of the past or dwell too long on what has happened before; but that's just not going to help. What's done is done.
So, my new goal is going to be:
1. to get help to set up a modified fitness program
2. to focus on what I can do
3. to let go of the past
4. to keep up with the clean eating
5. to continue tracking EVERYTHING
6. to blog daily again (or at least as close to daily as I can)
Okay, so that's a lot of goals. I like a good challenge though!
So, I hope you'll stick with me. Some of you have become good friends and I don't know what I'd do without your support.
Feel free to tag along on my journey. Maybe I'll be able to share something along the way that can help you. Maybe I'll be able to share some motivation. Maybe I'll even be able to share a laugh with you... in fact, I can probably guarantee that!
Thanks for reading and listening my friends! Hope your week is a spectacular one!
Tuesday, July 01, 2014
I realize I've been MIA for a little bit. Sorry about that!
First, I was trying desperately to clean out my closet and bedroom to make space for our new bed. Then we were trying to get ready for vacation last week.
We were supposed to leave for the beach 2 Sunday's ago (6/22). Notice I said supposed to leave...
Well, all was good on Thursday before our departure. I was wrapping things up at work so I wouldn't have anything to worry about over vacation. We were packing, I was gabbing with our neighbors, everything just like normal. That night, I woke up coughing badly. Not just coughing, I was coughing up fluid. I was worried; but not so much that I wanted to rush to the doc. Needless to say, I didn't sleep well, but I did get to sleep eventually.
When I woke up, I felt good enough that I decided to go to work. I had 2 more manuscripts to review before vacation. I didn't want to go without doing that. So off I went... I figured after I got done I'd swing by the docs office so I didn't have to go on vacation with a cold.
Well, you know what they say about the best laid plans...
Yeah... they never work out quite the way you planned.
By 9 am, I knew I was in trouble. I was able to get into the docs office at 11:30 am. I got myself to the office at 10:30 am. I figured it wasn't worth going home at that point anyway. The doc took one look at me and said "Oh boy"...
She took one quick listen and had the nurse in there with a nebulizer in seconds. My blood oxygen was down to 96 and I was in full distress. She said she's never heard me so bad. I've never quite felt so bad either. I was convinced I was drowning with an elephant on my chest. I don't think I was very coherent at that point...
She told me that she very nearly sent me to the hospital. As it was, she put me on bed rest for 2 days and told me not to travel. I tried to argue - she informed me that I am in fact an adult and can do what I want; but she strongly advised me to stay in bed. I was given a shot in my butt - steroids; inhaled steroids; really high dose antibiotics; a new emergency inhaler; my own personal nebulizer and orders to use it every 4 hours until I could come back in on Monday. Yes, even if it meant setting an alarm and getting up at night. Every 4 hours. Along with a stern talking to about waiting too long to come in to see her. I explained what happened - once I could breathe - and that's when she realized that this had happened before. She wasn't overly worried about the why just then, just that we get ahead of the problem.
So, first thing Monday I went back. Unofficially, I have been diagnosed as acute, reactive asthmatic. What the heck does that mean... well, according to my doc, I'm the easiest kind to treat because I'm either okay or I'm not. I won't require any kind of daily meds or anything like that. I am however; apparently the most dangerous kind because I'm either fine or full out in distress and the most likely to end up in the hospital or dead.
Yep, he really said that. Umm... thanks? No middle gear...
I was given the all clear to leave for vacation that morning. However, I've been given some restrictions for a bit. I'm still pretty exhausted. Not being able to breathe is pretty rough! The good news is that the respiratory infection (which is what the doc thinks triggered the asthma attack) is under control. My airways are pretty clear at the moment. Next week I get to start weaning off of the inhaled steroids (~2 weeks). According to my docs, it will likely be August before I'm back to feeling "normal". I have an appointment middle of august for a full work-up on breathing. At that point, they're hoping to confirm their diagnosis based on my history and to identify the triggers. As long as I avoid triggers I should be okay.
I spent a little bit of time wallowing and being frustrated. Why me? I suck. What next... You know what I mean... Then I smacked myself upside my head. I mean really... it sucks, it hurts and I don't like it very much. But in reality, my health problems are all treatable. Things could be much worse.
Although... I think I'll have to shoot the doc if I hear the words "it's the least common..." one more time. I swear, all the things "wrong" with me have been "the least common (fill in the blank)". I suppose that just confirms my uniqueness!
So, for now, I'm still using the nebulizer 2 - 3 times per day. I'm hoping to get down to only as needed. I've got some physical restrictions until my lungs heal. So my fitness numbers are down. I had a rough time on a flight of stairs today. It was my first day back at work, and I was struggling a little bit a lunch, so I took a treatment. Now that I'm home, I can feel it a little bit again, so I'll take 1 more as soon as I finish. I'll get it worked out! I know I can do it. It's just going to be a matter of educating myself, staying in touch with myself and watching for warning signs then avoiding triggers.
I didn't track last week. Mainly because I was pretty off kilter from the meds and being sick. I was more or less just eating when I felt hungry and sleeping. So this week, I'm back to tracking again. I'll have to work carefully to build back up to full workouts. I'm going to look into working with a trainer so that I'm less likely to overdo it but still make progress. It will be an extra cost; but I don't want to make myself worse or have more setbacks. In the end, I'm worth that investment.
I'll keep you all posted. I'm trying to play catch-up a little from being sick then on vacation; but you should see me around a bit more.
To all my Sparkfriends who have been checking on me... many, many thanks! I love you guys and your support means the world to me. Sorry I was so quiet for so long; but I really didn't have the energy for much of anything.
Hope you all are doing well! Take care of yourselves!
Monday, June 02, 2014
Still tracking... that's a 15 day streak!!
Some days are better than others. I'm in range more often than not which is good. It's just making me realize how out of whack I was after I stopped tracking. So, I've had a little bit of adjustment going on right now. And, DH & I are both working on changing habits. We're slowly eliminating the "junk" food around the house in favor of better quality foods. Things like rice for example, we're replacing the white with brown or wild. Sometimes we'll even get a little crazy and eat black rice or jasmine.
We're learning more and planning better. So, I'm hoping this is a trend we can keep going! It's easier when he's focusing on it too. He's a little bit bummed because he gained weight and his clothes are tight. I've noticed it's harder to stick with plans when your partner wants to eat fast food or too much food. But, for now, he's definitely interested in trying what I've been trying to con him in to trying. Although I don't think I'll ever win the war on tomatoes.
The "jelly" part creeps him out...
Tonight, we had shrimp with asparagus. The asparagus was fabulous! It only took about 30 minutes to prep too, so it fits in with our crazy schedule. Yay! I call that a win!
I've got a full week this week. It's mommy-daughter date night tomorrow, so you probably won't hear from me. It's always such a fun - but LONG - night!
Hope you are having a great week! Spark on my friends!
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