Monday, August 27, 2012
So here I am again, after a break from Spark of about 4 weeks, which seemed like an eternity!
I tried, starting with my two week holiday in Ireland, to see what life was without the Spark, to see whether I was ready to move on without tracking my food and exercise on a daily basis, and without my weekly weigh in.
I thought that I would be in for a serious shock when I stepped on the scales after my holidays, but to my surprise, I was only about 1 kg over my previous weigh in, when I had gotten ready to face about 3-4kgs more! So hurray, I thought, well done, you have learned a lot and might just be ready to keep going on your own. But the real damage was done in the following two weeks!! I still didn't go back to tracking, trying to lose that one kg on my own, but the scales this time were not so forgiving! Lack of exercise was another big problem. I was able to get a walk in on my holidays at least once a day, but when I returned, the walking stopped. Now, I could give you excuses here like 'it was too hot' or 'the kids wouldn't come along so I was stuck at home... but we all know where there is a will there is a way!! The outcome: I am now almost 69kgs again instead of 66 before the holidays! It is not too bad, I know, but I am not ready to accept that!! The time for damage control is now!!
So from yesterday on, I started tracking my food and exercise again. I also set a new goal date for my dream goal weight in order to be able to slightly increase my daily calorie intake, to make things a bit easier over a longer period of time. And hopefully, my scales will start to become the bearer of good news once again!
Friday, July 06, 2012
Lately i have fallen into the trap of taking bites here and there, of food the kids left, of little jellies the kids offered... tiny bites I must say, and I almost let them slip and not put them into the log, but today I made the effort.... and the outcome was frightening.
The voice in my head told me: Well done, today was a good day, you had a small breakfast, salad for lunch, and fasted for dinner.
My food log told another story: I had a little bit of this, a little bit of that, a bite of one thing, and a sip of another, and look: I almost went above my allowed calories!!!
This is my thing, that gets me into trouble every time: Tiny bits of tempting food, and lots and lots of them, without my brain admitting to this, thinking I hadn't eaten anything!
And the worst thing: I am starving!!
So tomorrow I must learn from my bad habits, eat properly three times a day, and snack with purpose! This constant tasting and eating, no matter how small the bites, has got to stop before it becomes a habit ... once again.
Thursday, July 05, 2012
I have just had a vision of my scales crossing that 65kg line it hasn't crossed for as long as I can remember! I can see myself reaching 63kgs, not tomorrow, not next month, but I can see myself there for sure! It is a great feeling I must say, I am so happy with where I am, and I am truly a happier person for it! I lost 14kgs so far, a part of my body I had hated so much! I feel free, and I feel that this is the real me coming through. But the closer I get....
Now I cannot help but worry: I have been here before, I have had weight loss achievements in the past, and I had sworn to myself never to go back to the way things were before. Not straight away, not even after one or two months, but over the following year I always seemed to gain back the weight I had lost.
What can I do this time to stay there? Is it hard to maintain? Is it harder to maintain than to lose? What will it be like when I achieve my goal? Will I know when I get to my goal weight, if it was the right place to stop? Should I go further just to make sure it lasts? Will I be as strong in maintaining my weight as I was achieving it?
Please give me the strength this time to stay in Goalweight-Land!!
Monday, July 02, 2012
My son's friend was celebrating his 8th birthday this weekend. When me and my son arrived at his party, the parents insisted I stayed for a drink. So I asked for mineral water, which they didn't have, instead they presented us with a fridge packed with sodas, diet and regular. So I went for diet coke, and was worried about my son, who loves drinking regular water, what he will be drinking in the 30 - 35 degrees Celsius heat we had this weekend. While I was drinking my Coke Zero, I was asked, not once, not twice, not three times, but FOUR TIMES to stay for a slice of chocolate cake. And as I do not know these people well enough to turn them down rudely FIVE times, I said yes, and ate it. I was upset though, as their little son is really hyperactive in school and never stops talking and moving and fighting with the other kids. I cannot help but think that his diet could be to blame! But the part that upset me was, his mother went through a massive weight loss journey to I think at least 100lbs she had told me over the last two years, and finished it off with a tummy tuck, which kept her in hospital for almost two weeks. She worked soooo hard to lose the weight, underwent life threatening surgery, and now feeds her son cake, soda and god knows what else....
Eoghan was supposed to sleep over, but had to be picked up at 11pm, as he couldn't fall asleep (maybe all that Coke and sweets he isn't used to had something to do with it ??!!)
The next day he was invited again to their lake-side property. When I picked him up, I was once again asked if I wanted cake, this time a lovely homemade fruit cake, and after I turned it down THREE times, I thought, 'This time at least they listened...' Then she started cutting a piece, put it on a plate, which I assumed was hers, and handed it to .... ME!!! While I was eating half of it (this time I left half), and it was delicious, she proceded to ask me whether my son always eats like a chicken.... I couldn't believe it!
I just don't get it, that mother of all people must know a little bit about nutrition. I can even understand and accept her choice of surgery to feel good about herself again after such huge weight loss. But the fact that she hasn't learned from all that, is really upsetting to me. And I really hope she will realize that before it is too late for her little son!
Monday, June 25, 2012
I decided to make a blog entry, even though I have nothing 'good' to say. And reading other people'S blogs made me realize, that this is probably the most important time to blog, to reach out for help, when you feel you are slipping.
I have fallen into the trap of old habits lately. And I know there are legitimate reasons for doing so, so let'S get the excuses out of the way first:
1. The dog had been neutered, so I couldn't take her out for walks or leave her by herself at home. There went my usual 4-5 walks a week
2. End of school season comes with a lot of fairwell parties and baseball season has hit it's peak lately too: more bad foods and alcoholic drinks, which got me into weight trouble to begin with.
3. In the hot weather, we enjoyed lots of BBQ's at home, which again I enjoyed with a glass of wine almost every day.
4. I have started to bake again, for the kids or so I said to myself. I know not eating whole cookies, as of yet, but I am putting myself within reach of temptation all the time!
5. Reaching my first goal I figured I deserved a bit of a rest. But while resting, I have realized that the scales are edging up instead of down these days... which brings me to the next problem
6. I have been weighing myself every day almost, hoping that no damage was done, instead of not doing damage in the first place.
Now I have to go back, and write a response to all the above to MYSELF.
Because I know the answers and solutions.
I want to go for goal number 2! I know I can do it, just have to stay disciplined, and not fall into old bad habits again!
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