Thursday, March 31, 2011
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli ,a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and an African went to a night club.
The bouncer said "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai"
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Just in case you're planning to do a little cooking...
To keep potatoes from budding,
place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
Buy Smash mashed potato mix.
Keeps in the cupboard for up to a year.
When a cake recipe calls for flouring
the baking tin, use a bit of dry cake
mix instead and there won't be any
white mess on the outside of the cake.
Go to the bakery!
Hell, they'll even decorate it for you!
Wrap celery in aluminium foil when putting
in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
Never heard of it!
Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and
rub it on your forehead.. The throbbing will go away.
Take a lime, mix it with tequila,
chill and drink! All your pains go away!
Don't throw out all that leftover wine.
Freeze into ice cubes for future use
in casseroles and sauces.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
~Your kids are becoming you...and you don't like them
...but your grandchildren are perfect!
~Going out is good.
Coming home is better!
~When people say you look "Great"...
they add "for your age!"
~When you needed the discount you paid full price.
Now you get discounts on everything ...
movies, hotels, flights, but you're too tired to use them.
~You forget names ... but it's OK
because other people forgot
they even knew you!!!
~The 5 pounds you wanted to lose
is now 15 and you have a better chance
of losing your keys than the 15 pounds.
~You realize you're never going
to be really good at anything .... especially golf.
~Your spouse is counting on you
to remember things you don't remember.
~The things you used to care to do,
you no longer care to do,
but you really do care that you
don't care to do them anymore.
~Your spouse sleeps better on a lounge chair
with the TV blaring than he does in bed.
It's called his "pre-sleep".
~Remember when your mother said
"Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident"?
Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident!
~You used to say,
"I hope my kids GET married ...
Now, "I hope they STAY married!"
~You miss the days when everything worked
with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch..
~When GOOGLE, ipod, email, modem ...
were unheard of, and a mouse was something
that made you climb on a table.
~You used to use more 4 letter words ...
~Now that you can afford
expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.
~You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you've read it.
~Notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!!
~What used to be freckles are now liver spots.
~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet ....
2 of which you will never wear.
~~~~But old is good in some things:
And best of all OLD FRIENDS!
Friends don't let friends go
through trials alone!
My Spark Friends!
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