Monday, September 16, 2013
A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands and gazing out over a loch.
For several minutes they sat silently. Finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin'... perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek.
Then he blushed. The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
Minutes passed and the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's noo aboot time for a wee cuddle."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds. Then he blushed.
The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
After a while, she said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time you let me put my hand on your leg."
The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee and he blushed.
They gazed out over the loch some more before the girl spoke again.
"Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
The young man glanced down with a furled brow. "Well, noo," he said, 'my thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time.'
"Really?" said the lass in a whisper, filled with anticipation.
"Aye," said the lad, nodding.
The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.
Then he said, "Dae ye nae think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?"
Saturday, September 14, 2013
A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor.
The doctor says "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"
The mother says, "It's my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings. She's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."
The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, - "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your daughter is pregnant - about 4 months, would be my guess."
The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be. She has never ever been with a man! Have you Debbie?"
Debbie says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man, I'm still a virgin!"
The doctor walked over to the window and just stood there staring out of it.
About 5 minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?"
The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and 3 wise men came over the hill. And there's no way I'm going to miss it this time!"
You have to give the doctor an 'A' for positive thinking.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
A Travel Agent looked up from his desk to see an old lady and an old gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.
He called them into his shop, 'I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer.'
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. Then, as can be expected, they gladly accepted, and were off!
About a month later the little old lady came in to his shop. 'And how did you like your holiday?' he asked eagerly.
'The flight was exciting and the room was lovely,' she said. 'I've come to thank you, but one thing puzzled me.
Who was that old bugger I had to share the room with’?
ACTUALLY, SOME OF US ASK THE SAME QUESTION EVERY MORNING..... !
Monday, September 09, 2013
Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate ageing baby boomers who can remember doing the "Limbo" as if it were yesterday.
Bobby Darin ---
Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' A Flash
Herman's Hermits ---
Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker
Ringo Starr ---
I Get By With A Little Help From Depends
The Bee Gees ---
How Can You Mend A Broken Hip?
The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face
Johnny Nash ---
I Can't See Clearly Now
Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver
The Commodores ---
Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom
A Whiter Shade Of Hair
Leo Sayer ---
You Make Me Feel Like Napping
The Temptations ---
Papa's Got A Kidney Stone
Tony Orlando ---
Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If
You Hear Me Fall
Helen Reddy ---
I Am Woman; Hear Me Snore
It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To
And Last, but NOT least:
Willie Nelson ---
On the Commode Again
Every day may not be good,
but there's something good in every day.
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