ILOVEROSES   183,699
SparkPoints
100,000 or more SparkPoints
 
 
ILOVEROSES's Recent Blog Entries

100 MPH GOAT

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Two Arkansas rednecks are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come upon a huge hole in the ground.

They approach it and are amazed by the size of it.

The first hunter says, "Wow, that's some hole; I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is."

The second hunter says," I don't know. Let's throw something down and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."

The first hunter says, "There's an old automobile transmission over there. Give me a hand and we'll throw it in and see."

So they pick it up and carry it over and count one, and two and three, and throw it in the hole. They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a rustling in the brush behind them. As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole and with no hesitation, jump in headfirst.

While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the hole and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up.

"Say there," says the farmer, "you fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?"

The first hunter says, " Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' about a hunnert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into dis here hole!"

The old farmer said, "That's impossible. I had him tied to a transmission."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAMNANGEL 9/6/2013 3:30AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BEWELL48 8/29/2013 6:57AM

    Good one!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DESERTDREAMERS 8/28/2013 7:15PM

    Nooooo!

Report Inappropriate Comment
WALLAHALLA 8/28/2013 5:17PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PHEBESS 8/28/2013 5:05PM

    Oh no!!!!! Poor goat!!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
L*I*T*A* 8/28/2013 11:25AM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GAYLLYNNE 8/28/2013 10:05AM

    Oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MARYELLEN301 8/28/2013 9:39AM

    Great Chuckle! Thanks for a good start to my day Ania! I'll be passing that one along via email.

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOANNA2 8/28/2013 9:29AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


The Bell Ringer!

Saturday, August 24, 2013



After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.

The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.

After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day.

Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The bishop was incredulous.

'You have no arms !'



'No matter,' said the man. 'Observe !'


And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.
The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo.

But suddenly, as he rushed forward to strike the bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.



The stunned bishop rushed down two hundred and ninety five church steps, when he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moment before.

As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked,

'Bishop, who was this man ?'..

'I don't know his name,' the bishop sadly replied,

WAIT FOR IT!!!


>


>


>


>


>


>



>


>


>


>



' .................... BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL'

WAIT ! WAIT ! There's more

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.

The first man to approach him said, 'Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday.



I pray that you honour his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty.'

The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.

Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.

'What has happened ? Who is this man ?' the first monk asked breathlessly.

'I don't know his name,' sighed the distraught bishop, 'but....'


(. . . Wait for it ....)

















'HE'S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER.'

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LITTLEWIND53 9/2/2013 10:57PM

    That is so funny. A great play on words..... Thanks for sharing.

Report Inappropriate Comment
GAYLLYNNE 8/26/2013 8:22AM

    Oh no!!!! :)

Report Inappropriate Comment
L*I*T*A* 8/25/2013 1:00PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PEGGYO 8/25/2013 8:54AM

    emoticon

missing you on Fun Loving over 60/s

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOANNA2 8/25/2013 7:15AM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DESERTDREAMERS 8/25/2013 4:14AM

    Ow, ow, ow!!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PAMNANGEL 8/25/2013 1:15AM

    Ooooooh! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
WALLAHALLA 8/24/2013 11:49PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GOANNA2 7/19/2013 10:56AM

    So true...


Report Inappropriate Comment
WALLAHALLA 7/17/2013 9:38PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GAYLLYNNE 7/17/2013 4:14PM

    That's for sure!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
L*I*T*A* 7/17/2013 3:58PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
EWL978 7/17/2013 11:02AM

    Ah, why bother nagging him??

Report Inappropriate Comment
DLBROWN93 7/17/2013 10:57AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Irish Philosophy

Monday, July 15, 2013

There are only two things to worry about
either you are well or you are sick.

If you are well,
then there is nothing to worry about.

If you are sick,
there are two things to worry about.
Either you will get well or you will die.

If you get well,
there is nothing to worry about.

If you die
there are two things to worry about.
Either you go to heaven or to hell.

If you go to heaven,
there is nothing to worry about.

But if you go to hell,
you'll be so damn busy shaking hands
with your friends.
You won't have time to WORRY!

SO WHY WORRY.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAMNANGEL 8/25/2013 1:16AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
WALLAHALLA 7/15/2013 10:24PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BEWELL48 7/15/2013 10:02PM

    Love it!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PHEBESS 7/15/2013 8:33PM

    Perfect!

Report Inappropriate Comment
JOANNANOW 7/15/2013 4:26PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DESERTDREAMERS 7/15/2013 2:33PM

    Be happy!

Report Inappropriate Comment
L*I*T*A* 7/15/2013 10:58AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOANNA2 7/15/2013 10:09AM

    Needed a good laugh. Thanks for that. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SLACHETKA103145 7/15/2013 8:41AM

    emoticon emoticon for sharing....

I have to laugh when I see it but may not believe it!

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Men Are Just Happier People.

Sunday, July 14, 2013


NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.


DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.


NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEDCABEL 7/17/2013 9:50AM

    What??? Isn't life easier that way?

Report Inappropriate Comment
PROT358 7/15/2013 10:30PM

    Loved it! Very funny and very true!

Report Inappropriate Comment
GAYLLYNNE 7/15/2013 7:07AM

    This couldn't be more accurate!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DESERTDREAMERS 7/14/2013 8:59PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PATJOONWW 7/14/2013 1:01PM

    Thanks for sharing!

Much success on your journey!

emoticon~Pat~ emoticon


Report Inappropriate Comment
WALLAHALLA 7/14/2013 12:44PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
L*I*T*A* 7/14/2013 11:31AM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
TORTILLAFLATS 7/14/2013 11:03AM

    cute

Report Inappropriate Comment


First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 Last Page