Thursday, June 27, 2013
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
'One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,' said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, 'One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me...'
He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
'Come here quick,' said the boy, 'you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!'
The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk.' When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.'
The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...?
Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last they heard, 'One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...
They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland , arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered,
"I don't know - I thought you were watching."
MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb,
..... but all men...are men!
Friday, May 17, 2013
A retired man went into the Job Center in Downtown Denver, and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant.
Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details.
The clerk pulled up the file and read;
"The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist.
You have to help the women out of their underwear,
lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then
apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair,
then rub in soothing oils so they're ready
for the gynecologist's examination.
The annual salary is $65,000, and you'll have to go to Billings, Montana."
"Good grief", the man asked, "Is that where the job is?"
"No sir . . . that's where the end of the line is right now.
Monday, May 13, 2013
I am off on my next holiday in about 11 hours. Almost ready for bed and tomorrow after breakfast our DS is taking us to the airport and we fly to Istanbul via Brunei and Dubai.
We are having 2 days in Istanbul before the cruise.
It's a 33 day cruise around the Mediterranean visiting Mykonos, Rhodes, Crete, Athens, Santorini, Corfu and Katakolon in Greece, Kusadasi in Turkey, Port Said and Alexandria in Egypt, Venice, Rome, Naples, Livorno and Palermo in Italy, Tunis in Tunisia, Calvi and Marseille in France, Monte Carlo and finish in Barcelona, Spain!
We then stay an extra 4 days to really get to know Barcelona.
I know it's gonna be very busy, we are at port 26 days and only 7 days at sea.
I won't get much gym time but at least lots of walking around and sightseeing!
Not sure whether I'll get much internet time while cruising to log on to SP but I'll be taking lots of photos.
See you all in 6 weeks, my friends.
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