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Men Are Just Happier People.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEDCABEL 7/17/2013 9:50AM

    What??? Isn't life easier that way?

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PROT358 7/15/2013 10:30PM

    Loved it! Very funny and very true!

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GAYLLYNNE 7/15/2013 7:07AM

    This couldn't be more accurate!!!

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PATJOONWW 7/14/2013 1:01PM

    Thanks for sharing!

Much success on your journey!

emoticon~Pat~ emoticon

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WALLAHALLA 7/14/2013 12:44PM


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L*I*T*A* 7/14/2013 11:31AM

    emoticon emoticon

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TORTILLAFLATS 7/14/2013 11:03AM


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Monday, July 08, 2013

How the world works lately...

If a man cuts his finger off while
Slicing salami at work,
He blames the restaurant.

If you smoke three packs a day
For 40 years and die of lung cancer,
Your family blames the
Tobacco company.

If your neighbor crashes
Into a tree while driving home drunk,
He blames the bartender.

If your grandchildren are
Brats without manners,
You blame television.

If your friend is shot by a
Deranged madman,
You blame the gun manufacturer..

And if a crazed person breaks
Into the cockpit and
Tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet,
And the passengers
Kill him instead,
The mother of the crazed deceased
Blames the airline.

I must have lived too long to
Understand the world
As it is anymore.

So, if I die while my OLD WRINKLED AS*
is parked in front of this computer,
I want all of you to
Blame Bill Gates.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GOANNA2 7/10/2013 10:59AM


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PEGGYO 7/9/2013 6:09PM


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IDLETYME 7/9/2013 1:35PM

    Cute - emoticon

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L*I*T*A* 7/9/2013 10:14AM


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GAYLLYNNE 7/9/2013 7:46AM

    Will do!!!

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FITKAT62 7/8/2013 9:26PM


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WALLAHALLA 7/8/2013 9:23PM


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As they say: Men are from Mars, women are from Venus...............

Saturday, June 29, 2013

Wife's Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.
I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.

I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing...' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.
I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV.
He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed.
But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried.
I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.
My life is a disaster.

Husbands Diary:

A two-foot putt... who the hell misses a two-foot putt ?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    OMG, too funny!

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ROCKYCPA 7/8/2013 10:02AM

    So true - thanks for sharing!

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JUDYBUGS 6/30/2013 2:14PM

    I do. emoticon

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GOANNA2 6/30/2013 7:34AM

    emoticon Men eh what?

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IKACEY 6/30/2013 5:03AM

    So he was just angry at himself and didn't want to take it out on you. That's actually showing you a lot of love as SO's don't always do that. But I know it must have been upsetting a lot to think he might be thinking about somebody else. In Psychology they call it the Attribution Error. Many times people don't respond to us as they usually do and right away we attribute it to them being angry or upset with us, when most of the time it hasn't a single thing to do with us at all and our friends and beloveds still love us just as they always have, they just have something else going on at that moment. emoticon
IKacey co-leader of the Chair Exercise Team

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PHEBESS 6/30/2013 2:41AM

    Oh yeah..........

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WALLAHALLA 6/29/2013 10:10PM


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GRACIEC 6/29/2013 5:34PM

    I think we've all had similar episodes in our lives! Too funny!

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NANCYPAT1 6/29/2013 5:19PM

    Your story says it all - often, as the saying goes, a five cent cigar is JUST a nickel cigar (I think that was W.C. Fields - referring to all the Freudian stuff and suggestions of subliminal sex messages in everything of that era).

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FITKAT62 6/29/2013 12:47PM

    So true!

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L*I*T*A* 6/29/2013 12:09PM

    emoticon emoticon

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PEGGYO 6/29/2013 10:06AM

    Isn't that the truth?

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Friday, June 28, 2013

I have a little Garmin
It sits there in my car
A Garmin is a driver's friend
It tells you where you are ......

I have a little Garmin
I've had it all my life
It's better than the normal ones
My Garmin is my wife.

It gives me full instructions
Especially how to drive
"It's thirty miles an hour", it says
"You're doing thirty five"

It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever safe
To try to overtake.

It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to intervene.

It lists the vehicles just in front
And all those to the rear
And taking this into account
It specifies my gear.

I'm sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice.

It fills me up with counseling
Each journey's pretty fraught
So why don't I exchange it
And get a quieter sort?

Ah well, you see, it cleans the house,
Makes sure I'm properly fed,
It washes all my shirts and things
And - keeps me warm in bed!

Despite all these advantages
And my tendency to scoff,
I do wish that once in a while

I could turn the darned thing off!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WILDKAT781 6/28/2013 5:20PM


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MARYELLEN301 6/28/2013 4:43PM

    Personally, I have a Garmin and I call him "Jack". We go everywhere together. I call him the perfect man in my life. When I ignore him, he pauses about 5 seconds and politely says "Recalculating". He doesn't take up any room in my closet, and best of all he's never ONCE commented on my weight!! A match made in heaven!

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WALLAHALLA 6/28/2013 2:09PM


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LITTLEWIND53 6/28/2013 1:57PM

    I love it ! ! ! !

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L*I*T*A* 6/28/2013 11:41AM

    emoticon emoticon

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GOANNA2 6/28/2013 9:10AM


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DEEGIRL50 6/28/2013 5:34AM

Humor usually does have a grain of truth to it.

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Thursday, June 27, 2013

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

'One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,' said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, 'One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me...'

He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

'Come here quick,' said the boy, 'you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!'

The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk.' When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.'

The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...?

Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, 'One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...

They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.
emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FITKAT62 6/29/2013 4:15PM


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IDLETYME 6/29/2013 12:52PM

    That's a goodie - emoticon

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IKACEY 6/28/2013 6:38PM

    Oh thats a great story to share LOL emoticon for sharing .
IKacey co-leader of the Chair Exercise Team

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LITTLEWIND53 6/28/2013 1:52PM


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DEEGIRL50 6/28/2013 5:36AM

My dad told me this joke once a very long time ago. He's been in Heaven for 4 years now. Thank you so much for sharing a laugh and a memory with me!

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GOANNA2 6/27/2013 10:31PM


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WALLAHALLA 6/27/2013 4:26PM


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PATJOONWW 6/27/2013 11:36AM

    That's one that my dad would have loved! Thanks for sharing.

emoticonMuch success on your journey! emoticon

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KACAR51 6/27/2013 9:45AM

    emoticon Thanks for sharing!

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L*I*T*A* 6/27/2013 9:38AM

    emoticon emoticon

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WILDKAT781 6/27/2013 8:30AM

    OMG! that was too funny

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GAYLLYNNE 6/27/2013 8:30AM

    LOL - thanks for the laugh, yes I needed that!

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BGUMBA 6/27/2013 7:48AM


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MAGGIEVAN 6/27/2013 7:03AM

    Very funny. I really liked it. Thanks for sharing.

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ELRIDDICK 6/27/2013 6:56AM

  Thanks for sharing

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PHEBESS 6/27/2013 6:55AM

    Good one!!!

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DMEYER4 6/27/2013 6:51AM

  this is really cute .Thanks for the good laugh this morning and thanks for sharing

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