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MY GARMIN.

Friday, June 28, 2013

I have a little Garmin
It sits there in my car
A Garmin is a driver's friend
It tells you where you are ......

I have a little Garmin
I've had it all my life
It's better than the normal ones
My Garmin is my wife.

It gives me full instructions
Especially how to drive
"It's thirty miles an hour", it says
"You're doing thirty five"

It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever safe
To try to overtake.


It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to intervene.

It lists the vehicles just in front
And all those to the rear
And taking this into account
It specifies my gear.

I'm sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice.

It fills me up with counseling
Each journey's pretty fraught
So why don't I exchange it
And get a quieter sort?

Ah well, you see, it cleans the house,
Makes sure I'm properly fed,
It washes all my shirts and things
And - keeps me warm in bed!

Despite all these advantages
And my tendency to scoff,
I do wish that once in a while

I could turn the darned thing off!



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WILDKAT781 6/28/2013 5:20PM

    emoticon

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MARYELLEN301 6/28/2013 4:43PM

    Personally, I have a Garmin and I call him "Jack". We go everywhere together. I call him the perfect man in my life. When I ignore him, he pauses about 5 seconds and politely says "Recalculating". He doesn't take up any room in my closet, and best of all he's never ONCE commented on my weight!! A match made in heaven!

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WALLAHALLA 6/28/2013 2:09PM

    emoticon

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LITTLEWIND53 6/28/2013 1:57PM

    I love it ! ! ! !

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L*I*T*A* 6/28/2013 11:41AM

    emoticon emoticon

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GOANNA2 6/28/2013 9:10AM

    Cute.

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DEEGIRL50 6/28/2013 5:34AM

    emoticon
Humor usually does have a grain of truth to it.

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PECANS IN THE CEMETERY......

Thursday, June 27, 2013


On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

'One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,' said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, 'One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me...'

He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

'Come here quick,' said the boy, 'you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!'

The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk.' When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.'

The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...?

Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, 'One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...

They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.
emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FITKAT62 6/29/2013 4:15PM

    Cute!

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IDLETYME 6/29/2013 12:52PM

    That's a goodie - emoticon

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IKACEY 6/28/2013 6:38PM

    Oh thats a great story to share LOL emoticon for sharing .
IKacey co-leader of the Chair Exercise Team

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LITTLEWIND53 6/28/2013 1:52PM

    emoticon

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DEEGIRL50 6/28/2013 5:36AM

    emoticon
My dad told me this joke once a very long time ago. He's been in Heaven for 4 years now. Thank you so much for sharing a laugh and a memory with me!

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GOANNA2 6/27/2013 10:31PM

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WALLAHALLA 6/27/2013 4:26PM

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DESERTDREAMERS 6/27/2013 2:37PM

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PATJOONWW 6/27/2013 11:36AM

    That's one that my dad would have loved! Thanks for sharing.

emoticonMuch success on your journey! emoticon
~Pat~


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KACAR51 6/27/2013 9:45AM

    emoticon Thanks for sharing!

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L*I*T*A* 6/27/2013 9:38AM

    emoticon emoticon

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WILDKAT781 6/27/2013 8:30AM

    OMG! that was too funny

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GAYLLYNNE 6/27/2013 8:30AM

    LOL - thanks for the laugh, yes I needed that!

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BGUMBA 6/27/2013 7:48AM

    emoticon

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MAGGIEVAN 6/27/2013 7:03AM

    Very funny. I really liked it. Thanks for sharing.

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ELRIDDICK 6/27/2013 6:56AM

  Thanks for sharing

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PHEBESS 6/27/2013 6:55AM

    Good one!!!

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DMEYER4 6/27/2013 6:51AM

  this is really cute .Thanks for the good laugh this morning and thanks for sharing

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Irish blonde...

Tuesday, June 25, 2013


An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland , arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered,
"I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL OF THE STORY

Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb,
..... but all men...are men!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BESCATS 7/1/2013 11:55AM

    Now, that's funny ~ BUT so true !! emoticon

Thanks for sharing with us !!!!

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IDLETYME 7/1/2013 9:45AM

    emoticon That's a goodie!

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LITTLEWIND53 6/28/2013 1:51PM

    emoticon

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DESERTDREAMERS 6/28/2013 7:42AM

    cute

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GAYLLYNNE 6/26/2013 4:20PM

    Makes me so proud to be a blonde!!!

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GOANNA2 6/26/2013 11:17AM

    Love it. emoticon

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WALLAHALLA 6/25/2013 7:43PM

    emoticon still gigglin' emoticon

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JUDYBUGS 6/25/2013 1:49PM

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IMAVISION 6/25/2013 11:15AM

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L*I*T*A* 6/25/2013 9:52AM

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WILDKAT781 6/25/2013 5:03AM

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PHEBESS 6/25/2013 3:32AM

    LOL!

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RAPUNZEL53 6/25/2013 2:35AM

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PAMNANGEL 6/25/2013 2:31AM

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Job Center.

Friday, May 17, 2013


A retired man went into the Job Center in Downtown Denver, and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant.

Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details.

The clerk pulled up the file and read;

"The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist.
You have to help the women out of their underwear,
lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then
apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair,
then rub in soothing oils so they're ready
for the gynecologist's examination.

The annual salary is $65,000, and you'll have to go to Billings, Montana."

"Good grief", the man asked, "Is that where the job is?"

"No sir . . . that's where the end of the line is right now.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GAYLLYNNE 6/30/2013 12:40PM

    Hahahahaha!!!

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PAMNANGEL 6/25/2013 2:33AM

    emoticon

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IKACEY 5/18/2013 5:36AM

    emoticon emoticon Hilarious, thanks for sharing!
IKacey co-leader of the Chair Exercise Team

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L*I*T*A* 5/17/2013 11:00AM

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CHERYLHURT 5/17/2013 7:43AM

  Funny!

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PEGGYO 5/17/2013 7:37AM

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GOANNA2 5/17/2013 4:34AM

    Thanks for a well needed laugh. emoticon

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One More Sleep!

Monday, May 13, 2013

I am off on my next holiday in about 11 hours. Almost ready for bed and tomorrow after breakfast our DS is taking us to the airport and we fly to Istanbul via Brunei and Dubai.

We are having 2 days in Istanbul before the cruise. emoticon

It's a 33 day cruise around the Mediterranean visiting Mykonos, Rhodes, Crete, Athens, Santorini, Corfu and Katakolon in Greece, Kusadasi in Turkey, Port Said and Alexandria in Egypt, Venice, Rome, Naples, Livorno and Palermo in Italy, Tunis in Tunisia, Calvi and Marseille in France, Monte Carlo and finish in Barcelona, Spain!

We then stay an extra 4 days to really get to know Barcelona.

I know it's gonna be very busy, we are at port 26 days and only 7 days at sea.
I won't get much gym time but at least lots of walking around and sightseeing! emoticon

Not sure whether I'll get much internet time while cruising to log on to SP but I'll be taking lots of photos.

See you all in 6 weeks, my friends. emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PHEBESS 5/14/2013 12:47AM

    I know you two will have a wonderful time!!!!

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L*I*T*A* 5/13/2013 12:11PM

    enjoy...........any room in your suitcase!!!
what an awesome cruise!!!
looking forward to the photos......

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LAILA07 5/13/2013 8:57AM

    Wow....sounds exciting. Have fun and look forward to the photos! emoticon

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GOANNA2 5/13/2013 8:40AM

    Have a fantastic time. Say hello to my wonderful
birthplace - Rhodes. Can't wait to see the photos. emoticon

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WALLINMW 5/13/2013 8:32AM

  Stay motivated!

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