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Why men are just happier people!

Monday, December 17, 2012

WHY MEN ARE SELDOM DEPRESSED:

Men Are Just Happier People --

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental $100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you,

He or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look..

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives

On December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

Men Are Just Happier People

NICKNAMES

· If Sheila, Candy and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Sheila, Candy and Sarah.

· If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman ..

EATING OUT

· When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back...

· When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

· A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

· A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS

· A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

· The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

· A woman has the last word in any argument.

· Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

· A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

· A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE

· A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

· A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

· A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

· A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

· Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed...

· Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

· Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

· A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

INFLATED 1/10/2013 3:29PM

    You have nailed it.

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DESERTDREAMERS 12/23/2012 5:36AM

    good ones! (not the men, the comments)

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JANNUNNY 12/18/2012 3:38AM

    lol what a chuckle and how true some of it is..very good thanks for sharing

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LITTLEWIND53 12/18/2012 1:17AM

    ROFLOL

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BEWELL48 12/17/2012 10:46PM

    Love it! A good chuckle indeed! Thanks!

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FITKAT62 12/17/2012 6:07PM

    emoticon

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PHEBESS 12/17/2012 3:34PM

    Some of it is VERY true!

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PEGGYO 12/17/2012 3:27PM

    emoticon

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L*I*T*A* 12/17/2012 10:41AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JACKIE542 12/17/2012 9:35AM

    emoticon Thank you!

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OPALMOON 12/17/2012 9:14AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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IAM_HIS2 12/17/2012 8:57AM

    Wow..this is emoticon . Love it!! emoticon

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INGMARIE 12/17/2012 8:18AM

    Priceless, yes . funny blog.
thanks for sharing. emoticon

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MARYELLEN301 12/17/2012 7:18AM

    All those reasons and my ex was NEVER happy with ANYTHING! And you know what? I saw him for the first time in 12 years laSt week, and he's STILL not happy, so I guess it wasn't me after all!!

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GOANNA2 12/17/2012 6:43AM

    Priceless truths Ania. Loved your blog. emoticon emoticon

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Florida burglary.

Friday, December 14, 2012

When southern Florida resident Nathan Radlich's house was burglarized recently,
thieves ignored his wide screen plasma TV, his VCR, and even left his Rolex watch.

What they did take, however, was a white box filled with a grayish-white powder. (That's the way the police report described it.)

A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale police said that it looked similar to high grade cocaine and they'd probably thought they'd hit the big time.

Later, Nathan stood in front of numerous TV cameras and pleaded with the burglars:
'Please return the cremated remains of my sister, Gertrude. She died three years ago.'

The next morning, the bullet-riddled corpse of a local drug dealer known as Hoochie Pevens
was found on Nathan's doorstep. The white box was there too; about half of Gertrude's ashes remained.

Scotch taped to the box was this note which said: Hoochie sold us the bogus blow, so we wasted Hoochie. Sorry we snorted your sister. No hard feelings. Have a nice day.

And you thought California was the land of fruits and nuts.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STRINGS58 12/15/2012 2:26PM

    emoticon I need an icon for a long jaw drop!

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GAYLLYNNE 12/15/2012 7:59AM

    Oh my goodness!!!!!

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GOANNA2 12/15/2012 2:40AM

    That is great emoticon emoticon

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FUTUREHOPE49 12/14/2012 6:31PM

    emoticon emoticon

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PEGGYO 12/14/2012 6:17PM

    emoticon

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LITTLEWIND53 12/14/2012 4:46PM

    emoticon

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PHEBESS 12/14/2012 3:36PM

    O
M
G!!!!!!

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L*I*T*A* 12/14/2012 11:58AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SILVER1369 12/14/2012 9:01AM

    that is terrible

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DESERTDREAMERS 12/14/2012 8:22AM

    Ick! (but funny)

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BEWELL48 12/14/2012 7:36AM

    Love it! LOL!

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CAT609 12/14/2012 7:08AM

    Oh boy!

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FLOWERDALEJEWEL 12/14/2012 6:27AM

   

Gives a new meaning to "getting up someones nose"

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Some thoughts for the day!!!!

Monday, December 10, 2012



When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said 'Let us pray.' We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land.
~ Desmond Tutu

*****


America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
~ David Letterman

*****


I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. God dammit, I'm a billionaire.
~ Howard Hughes

*****

After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.
~ Italian proverb

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Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for 30 years.
~ Betsy Salkind

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The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats.
~ Jean Kerr

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I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage.
~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

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You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.
~ Jeff Foxworthy

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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
~ Prince Philip

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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
~ Emo Philips.

*****

Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.
~ Harrison Ford

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The best cure for sea sickness is to sit under a tree.
~ Spike Milligan

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Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke.
~ Robin Hall

*****

Kill one man and you're a murderer — kill a million and you're a conqueror.
~ Jean Rostand.

*****
Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have $50 million but I'm just as happy as when I had $48 million.
~ Arnold Schwarzenegger.

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We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.
~ WH Auden

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In hotel rooms I worry. I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked.
~ Jonathan Katz

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If life were fair Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.
~ Johnny Carson

*****
I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very sceptical.
~ Arthur C Clarke

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Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.
~ Steve Martin

*****
Home cooking: where many a man thinks his wife is.
~ Jimmy Durante

*****

As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
~ John Glenn

*****

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat?
~ Steven Wright

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America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.
~ Doug Hamwell

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The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.
~ George Roberts

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If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport
~ Jonathan Winters

*****

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
~ Robert Benchley
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FUTUREHOPE49 12/14/2012 6:35PM

    Ha Ha! emoticon And the last one really takes the biscuit!

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RONALANA 12/11/2012 8:04PM

    emoticon

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PEGGYO 12/11/2012 6:01PM

    emoticon

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EFFIEANNIE 12/11/2012 8:03AM

    emoticon Thanks for the laughs.

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GOANNA2 12/11/2012 12:00AM

    emoticon

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LITTLEWIND53 12/10/2012 11:11PM

    emoticon

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DESERTDREAMERS 12/10/2012 8:29PM

    Funny emoticon

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L*I*T*A* 12/10/2012 8:19PM

    emoticon emoticon

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AJB121299 12/10/2012 8:04PM

    Nice

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Punography!

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

I changed my iPod name to Titanic, it's syncing now.

I tried to catch some fog, I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity, I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns, It was a play on words .

They told me I had type A blood, but it was Type-O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra .

PMS jokes aren't funny, period .

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory, I hope there's no pop quiz.

The Energizer bunny arrested and Charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PEGGYO 11/17/2012 2:05PM

    emoticon

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INFLATED 11/16/2012 12:38AM

    I liked your blog.

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GAYLLYNNE 11/15/2012 7:29AM

    ROFL!!! These are hilarious! Thanks so much for the giggle!!

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GOANNA2 11/15/2012 6:43AM

    Welcome back. emoticon

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LITTLEWIND53 11/14/2012 9:58PM

    emoticon

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LINOVER 11/14/2012 8:49PM

    These are great! You really made me smile! emoticon

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EFFIEANNIE 11/14/2012 11:22AM

    I like those~ someone is really clever!

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L*I*T*A* 11/14/2012 11:07AM

    emoticon emoticon

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RONALANA 11/14/2012 10:39AM

    emoticon emoticon
I had not seen any of these before - they brought a smile to my face! emoticon

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VINVARA 11/14/2012 9:59AM

    Lol, great way to start my day. Thanks for the laughs emoticon

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Tourists’ most bizarre complaints

Monday, September 10, 2012


IN HIS continuing search for the weird, wacky and wondrous in the world of travel, David Ellis says Britain’s Thomas Cook and the Association of British Travel Agents have compiled a list of their countrymen’s more bizarre complaints.

Howlers include one British honeymooner, who on return home, complained to his travel agent that his honeymoon had been ruined – because he’d been left feeling inadequate after confronting the sight of an “aroused” elephant.

Another complained about the seaside holiday spot that had been recommended to him because “the beach was too sandy”, while a couple was upset to discover fish swimming in the sea.

"No one told us there would be fish in the sea,” the wife said. “The children were startled.”

And it seems some travellers also have a lot to learn about other aspects of nature. "I was bitten by a mosquito – no one said they could bite," one traveller wrote to his travel agent.

Then there was the British guest dining at a Novotel hotel in Australia who complained his soup was too thick and strong. The waiter pointed out that it was the gravy for his main course.

And one young lady even blamed a hotel for her pregnancy. "My fiance and I booked a twin-bedded room, but we were placed in a double-bedded room,” she wrote to her agent. “We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant – this would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

Other complaints included “There are too many Spanish people in Spain” and that a holiday was spoiled because “too much curry is served in restaurants in India”.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

-SEVEN- 10/28/2012 9:32PM

    This is great! emoticon

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INFLATED 10/4/2012 8:02AM

    Someone could have made some money selling "diet" water to these people.

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CHEFKATLEANER 9/12/2012 4:22PM

    Oh my. *lol*

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ADRIENALINE 9/12/2012 3:49PM

    Funny stuff.

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PEACEJENN 9/12/2012 3:34PM

    emoticon Oh my, people are so not smart!!! They got pregnant because they weren't booked in a twin bedded room, oh come on people!!!! LMAO!!!!

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LITTLEWIND53 9/12/2012 1:50PM

    typical. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GLMOM2 9/11/2012 9:31PM

    LOL

It takes all kinds to make the world go around! emoticon

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KAUAI-CAROLANN 9/11/2012 6:57PM

    I'm in the tourism industry here on Kauai and have similar stories....these made me crack up laughing!

Mahalo for posting this!

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PEGGYO 9/11/2012 6:41PM

    emoticon

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L*I*T*A* 9/11/2012 5:30PM

    emoticon

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JUDYBUGS 9/11/2012 3:06PM

    Gosh, is this silly or what! emoticon

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PYNETREE 9/11/2012 9:24AM

    Takes all kinds....LOL!

Thanks for sharing!

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BESEVEN 9/11/2012 9:19AM

    emoticon

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GOANNA2 9/11/2012 6:38AM

    Oh Lordy! emoticon

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*MADHU* 9/11/2012 6:05AM

    emoticon emoticon

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BARBARASDIET 9/10/2012 10:39PM

    Crazy!

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DESERTDREAMERS 9/10/2012 10:36PM

    OMG, I can just see some people I know saying some of these things!

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PHEBESS 9/10/2012 10:07PM

    Oh my - these people either need to get out more, or just stay home!

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MARYELLEN301 9/10/2012 8:36PM

    Having worked 11 years for a major airline, I can assure you we all have our stories! Flying across the International Date Line or going from one time zone to another on a short flight where you arrive before you depart is another that is always a head banger!

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MORNINGSONG1 9/10/2012 8:11PM

    Love the witty and simple things you present in your blog. It is very entertaining and highlights the wonders of travel in a pleasing light.

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