Friday, January 27, 2012
As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world.
It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors" who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither.
Harold Jenkins is such a person:
THIS IS QUOTED FROM HAROLD:
"I've often been asked, 'What do you do now that you're retired?'
Well...I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background and one of the things I enjoy most is converting beer, wine and whiskey into urine. It's rewarding, uplifting, satisfying and fulfilling. I do it every day and I really enjoy it."
Harold should be an inspiration to us all.
Monday, January 23, 2012
An older lady was somewhat lonely and decided she needed a pet to keep her company. So, off to the pet shop she went. She searched and searched. None of the pets seemed to catch her interest, except this ugly frog. As she walked by the jar he was in, she looked and he winked at her.
He whispered, 'I'M SO LONELY, TOO. SO BUY ME AND TAKE ME HOME.. YOU WON'T EVER BE SORRY.'
The old lady figured, what the heck! She hadn't found anything else. So, she bought the frog. She placed him in the car, on the front seat beside her.
As she was slowly driving down the road, the frog whispered to her 'KISS ME AND YOU WON'T BE SORRY..'!
So! The old lady figured, WHAT THE HECK, and kissed the frog.
IMMEDIATELY the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous, sexy, young, handsome prince.
THE PRINCE THEN RETURNED THE OLD LADY'S KISS.
SUDDENLY THE OLD LADY FELT HERSELF TRANSFORMING FROM HIS KISS. NOW CAN YOU GUESS WHAT THE OLD LADY TURNED INTO?
COME ON GUESS!
SHE TURNED INTO the first Holiday Inn SHE COULD FIND!!!
She's old..... NOT DEAD!!!!!
OLD LADIES ROCK!!!
Thursday, January 05, 2012
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.
Finally, the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear 'the rules' from the female side
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '
1. Men are NOT mind readers
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched..
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as hunting, fishing, golfing, or something with wheels.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I'll have to sleep on the couch tonight.
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
A young Jewish couple got married and went on their honeymoon.
When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
"Well", said her mother, "so how was the honeymoon?"
"Oh mama", she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! romantic"...
Suddenly she burst out crying.
"But, Mama, as soon as we returned,
Sam started using the most horrible language --
things I'd never heard before!
I mean, all these awful four-letter words!
You've got to take me home!!
"Sarah, Sarah", her mother said, "calm down!
You need to stay with your husband and work this out.
Now, tell me, what could be so awful?
WHAT four-letter words?"
"Please, don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter.
"I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful!
COME GET ME, PLEASE!!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset.
Tell your mother these horrible four-letter words!"
Sobbing, the bride said,
"Oh, Mama..., he used words like:
"DUST, WASH , IRON, and COOK...
"I'll pick you up in twenty minutes," said her mother.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
All women should live so long as to be this kind of lady!
Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
Eighty percent held up their hands.
The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.
"Mrs. Neely? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any," she replied, smiling sweetly.
"Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-eight," she replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.
"Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said,
"I outlived the bastards".
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