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Men's Rules.

Thursday, January 05, 2012

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.
Finally, the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear 'the rules' from the female side
Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched..
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as hunting, fishing, golfing, or something with wheels.


1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I'll have to sleep on the couch tonight.

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.


Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PENNYAN45 1/23/2012 8:57PM

    This seems very genuine and authentic to me.
Very funny, too!

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HIKETOHEIGHTS 1/8/2012 9:08PM

    This is hilarious! I like #1. Great blog.

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INFLATED 1/6/2012 1:32AM

    I'm a female and sometimes I have to wonder about us. Why would we accept a blouse that buttons down the back?

Were high heels invented by a woman that had formerly been kissed on the forehead?


A man labeled these rules all number one because of the saying, "When all else fails, see rule one." No wonder women are confused.


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FITKAT62 1/5/2012 11:26PM

    Very funny1

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TRULYVISIBLE 1/5/2012 11:00PM

  I like number one best, LOL.

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GOANNA2 1/5/2012 4:57PM

    Ah yes. Men eh?... emoticon

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CANDIS799 1/5/2012 4:25PM

    Ahhhh silly men!!

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SUSIEPH1 1/5/2012 2:12PM

    emoticon

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CHOCOHOLIC2276 1/5/2012 1:51PM

    emoticon

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LUVSBULLDOGS 1/5/2012 1:45PM

    emoticon

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L*I*T*A* 1/5/2012 12:49PM

    emoticon

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GATORJOY 1/5/2012 11:21AM

    emoticon

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PEGGYO 1/5/2012 9:43AM

    very interesting.

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ANNECEK 1/5/2012 9:38AM

    Bahahaha! emoticonCain't wait to show this to hubs! emoticon

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PHEBESS 1/5/2012 9:31AM

    All very true!

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GOHUSKERS2 1/5/2012 9:15AM

    Pretty good stuff!!

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DESERTDREAMERS 1/5/2012 9:11AM

    Loved it!

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INGMARIE 1/5/2012 7:45AM

    Funny thanks emoticon

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AZMOMXTWO 1/5/2012 6:30AM

  this is funny

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Jewish Newlyweds.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

A young Jewish couple got married and went on their honeymoon.
When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
"Well", said her mother, "so how was the honeymoon?"
"Oh mama", she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! romantic"...

Suddenly she burst out crying.
"But, Mama, as soon as we returned,
Sam started using the most horrible language --
things I'd never heard before!
I mean, all these awful four-letter words!
You've got to take me home!!
PLEASE MAMA!"

"Sarah, Sarah", her mother said, "calm down!
You need to stay with your husband and work this out.
Now, tell me, what could be so awful?
WHAT four-letter words?"

"Please, don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter.
"I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful!
COME GET ME, PLEASE!!"

"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset.
Tell your mother these horrible four-letter words!"

Sobbing, the bride said,
"Oh, Mama..., he used words like:
"DUST, WASH , IRON, and COOK...
"I'll pick you up in twenty minutes," said her mother.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEYSARAH 2/2/2012 4:27AM

    Funny stuff..use those four letter words all the time..in my to do lists!

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BATYAFA 1/23/2012 10:40AM

    Why didn't she say those horrible words to him? emoticon

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LITTLEWIND53 1/21/2012 1:58PM

    I agree.... 4 letter words indeed.

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NOTGIVINGUP49 1/21/2012 7:16AM

    Too cute! emoticon

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FLUTTER-BY)L( 1/20/2012 10:38PM

    emoticon

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NO_SNOW_BODY 1/20/2012 9:27PM

    emoticonon my way

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TEDYBEAR2838 1/20/2012 8:35PM

    emoticon

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SCRAPPY_RN 1/2/2012 7:23PM

    emoticon

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STRINGS58 1/1/2012 9:45PM

    tee hee emoticon

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PEGGYO 12/28/2011 6:50PM

    funny

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GOANNA2 12/28/2011 3:17PM

    emoticon

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LUVSBULLDOGS 12/28/2011 2:32PM

    emoticon

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SUSIEPH1 12/28/2011 1:18PM

    emoticon

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L*I*T*A* 12/28/2011 11:07AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NANCYRUBIO 12/28/2011 9:54AM

    Good---- emoticon

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MILLISMA 12/28/2011 9:48AM

    too funny! emoticon

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TICKLEBEE 12/28/2011 8:45AM

    this is what makes us all jewish princesses, just a litte.

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ANNECEK 12/28/2011 7:41AM

    Hehehe, I must be related!

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DESERTDREAMERS 12/28/2011 7:21AM

    *giggle*

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98 and no enemies!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

All women should live so long as to be this kind of lady!

Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
Eighty percent held up their hands.
The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.
"Mrs. Neely? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any," she replied, smiling sweetly.
"Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-eight," she replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.
"Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said,
"I outlived the bastards".
emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LUVSBULLDOGS 12/28/2011 1:26AM

    What a cutie.

When one of the major generals from WWII passed, my mom said, well he outlived his enamies. My dad said, "Not all of them."

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INFLATED 12/27/2011 6:14PM

    emoticon

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PHEBESS 12/27/2011 5:27PM

    LOL! Go Mrs. Neely!!!!!

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GRATEFULADY 12/27/2011 5:25PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PATJ7084 12/27/2011 5:13PM

    you always write the funniest jokes emoticon

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L*I*T*A* 12/27/2011 10:01AM

    emoticon

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PEGGYO 12/27/2011 7:47AM

    Great answer

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GOHUSKERS2 12/27/2011 7:21AM

    I love it.....thanks for a good chuckle!!!

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GOANNA2 12/27/2011 6:55AM

    emoticon

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GAYLLYNNE 12/27/2011 6:54AM

    Hahahahaha, love it!!!!

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IMEMINE1 12/27/2011 6:14AM

    emoticon

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BIGDOG18 12/27/2011 6:05AM

  emoticon

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SUSIEPH1 12/27/2011 5:03AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Seasons Greetings!

Sunday, December 25, 2011

I wanted to send some sort of holiday greeting to my friends and colleagues, but it is difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. So I met with my lawyer yesterday, and on advice I wish to say the following :

Please accept with no obligation , implied or implicit , my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the summer solstice holiday practised with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practise religious or secular traditions at all .

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2012 , but not without due respect for the calendar of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great (not to imply that Australia is necessarily greater than any other country ) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee .

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms :

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/ him or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. The wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher .

Best Regards ( without prejudice )

Name withheld ( Privacy Act ).


Now what I really want to say is.......

SEASONS GREETINGS

AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR

Lots of Best Wishes
emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PHEBESS 12/27/2011 5:29PM

    And a Happy Chanukah to you too!

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LUVSBULLDOGS 12/26/2011 9:14PM

    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, to you, too.

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TRYINGHARD1948 12/26/2011 2:11PM

    emoticon

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OPALMOON 12/26/2011 11:27AM

    Christmas greetings to you too, Anja!

Blessings and hugs, Nattacia

emoticon


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PEGGYO 12/26/2011 7:52AM

    cute

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GOANNA2 12/26/2011 4:43AM

    Blessings and good wishes to you too Ania.
Thanks for the good wishes on my blog. emoticon

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L*I*T*A* 12/26/2011 12:11AM

    hope you had a very Merry Christmas!
blessings and hugs.............lita

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SUSIEPH1 12/26/2011 12:00AM

    Exactly the same back to you my friend!!
Love and Hugs Susie emoticon emoticon

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Police.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and a passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the bush and hopped around the crashed car.

The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk."
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. "You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.
Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.

"Well, did you see this?" "Yes," motioned the monkey.
"What happened?" The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
"They were drinking?" asked the officer. "Yes."
"What else?" The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
"They were smoking?" "Yes."

"What else?" The monkey motioned "Screwing."
"They were screwing, too?" asked the astounded officer. "Yes."
"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and screwing before they wrecked?" "Yes."
"What were you doing during all this?" "Driving" motioned the monkey.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IMEMINE1 12/27/2011 6:16AM

    emoticon

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LUVSBULLDOGS 12/24/2011 4:47PM

    emoticon

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GOANNA2 12/24/2011 3:29PM

    emoticon

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PHEBESS 12/24/2011 11:00AM

    LOL!!!!!!!!!

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GINNAR 12/24/2011 8:38AM

    Thanks for giving me an early morning laugh. Cute joke!

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PEGGYO 12/24/2011 7:23AM

    huh?

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DOOBRIE 12/24/2011 7:03AM

    emoticon

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L*I*T*A* 12/24/2011 6:54AM

    emoticon

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SUSIEPH1 12/24/2011 6:48AM

    lol!!

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LIZARDG7 12/24/2011 6:48AM

    Very cute! LOL

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DESERTDREAMERS 12/24/2011 6:04AM

    Oh, noes! emoticon

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