ILOVEROSES   200,785
SparkPoints
200,000-249,999 SparkPoints
 
 
ILOVEROSES's Recent Blog Entries

98 and no enemies!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

All women should live so long as to be this kind of lady!

Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
Eighty percent held up their hands.
The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.
"Mrs. Neely? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any," she replied, smiling sweetly.
"Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-eight," she replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.
"Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said,
"I outlived the bastards".
emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LUVSBULLDOGS 12/28/2011 1:26AM

    What a cutie.

When one of the major generals from WWII passed, my mom said, well he outlived his enamies. My dad said, "Not all of them."

Report Inappropriate Comment
INFLATED 12/27/2011 6:14PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PHEBESS 12/27/2011 5:27PM

    LOL! Go Mrs. Neely!!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
GRATEFULADY 12/27/2011 5:25PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PATJ7084 12/27/2011 5:13PM

    you always write the funniest jokes emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
L*I*T*A* 12/27/2011 10:01AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PEGGYO 12/27/2011 7:47AM

    Great answer

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOHUSKERS2 12/27/2011 7:21AM

    I love it.....thanks for a good chuckle!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOANNA2 12/27/2011 6:55AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GAYLLYNNE 12/27/2011 6:54AM

    Hahahahaha, love it!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
IMEMINE1 12/27/2011 6:14AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BIGDOG18 12/27/2011 6:05AM

  emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUSIEPH1 12/27/2011 5:03AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Seasons Greetings!

Sunday, December 25, 2011

I wanted to send some sort of holiday greeting to my friends and colleagues, but it is difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. So I met with my lawyer yesterday, and on advice I wish to say the following :

Please accept with no obligation , implied or implicit , my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the summer solstice holiday practised with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practise religious or secular traditions at all .

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2012 , but not without due respect for the calendar of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great (not to imply that Australia is necessarily greater than any other country ) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee .

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms :

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/ him or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. The wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher .

Best Regards ( without prejudice )

Name withheld ( Privacy Act ).


Now what I really want to say is.......

SEASONS GREETINGS

AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR

Lots of Best Wishes
emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PHEBESS 12/27/2011 5:29PM

    And a Happy Chanukah to you too!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LUVSBULLDOGS 12/26/2011 9:14PM

    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, to you, too.

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRYINGHARD1948 12/26/2011 2:11PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
OPALMOON 12/26/2011 11:27AM

    Christmas greetings to you too, Anja!

Blessings and hugs, Nattacia

emoticon


Report Inappropriate Comment
PEGGYO 12/26/2011 7:52AM

    cute

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOANNA2 12/26/2011 4:43AM

    Blessings and good wishes to you too Ania.
Thanks for the good wishes on my blog. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
L*I*T*A* 12/26/2011 12:11AM

    hope you had a very Merry Christmas!
blessings and hugs.............lita

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUSIEPH1 12/26/2011 12:00AM

    Exactly the same back to you my friend!!
Love and Hugs Susie emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Police.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and a passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the bush and hopped around the crashed car.

The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk."
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. "You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.
Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.

"Well, did you see this?" "Yes," motioned the monkey.
"What happened?" The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
"They were drinking?" asked the officer. "Yes."
"What else?" The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
"They were smoking?" "Yes."

"What else?" The monkey motioned "Screwing."
"They were screwing, too?" asked the astounded officer. "Yes."
"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and screwing before they wrecked?" "Yes."
"What were you doing during all this?" "Driving" motioned the monkey.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IMEMINE1 12/27/2011 6:16AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
LUVSBULLDOGS 12/24/2011 4:47PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOANNA2 12/24/2011 3:29PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PHEBESS 12/24/2011 11:00AM

    LOL!!!!!!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
GINNAR 12/24/2011 8:38AM

    Thanks for giving me an early morning laugh. Cute joke!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PEGGYO 12/24/2011 7:23AM

    huh?

Report Inappropriate Comment
DOOBRIE 12/24/2011 7:03AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
L*I*T*A* 12/24/2011 6:54AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUSIEPH1 12/24/2011 6:48AM

    lol!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LIZARDG7 12/24/2011 6:48AM

    Very cute! LOL

Report Inappropriate Comment
DESERTDREAMERS 12/24/2011 6:04AM

    Oh, noes! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Bucking Frilliant.​......Ronn​ie Barker Genius!

Friday, December 23, 2011

This was originally shown on BBC TV back in the 70's. Ronnie Barker could say all this without a snigger, though God knows after how many takes.

The irony is, BBC received not one complaint.
The speed of delivery must have been too much for the whining herds.
Try getting through it without converting the spoonerisms [and not wetting your pants] as you read.......

This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.

Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling shot. At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered. The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible huckers; they had fetty sweet and fatty swannies. The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go.

Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared. Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and digbicks.. The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity. At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve. "Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping her slass glipper.

The very next day, the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door and the sugly isters let him in.. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fig bart. "Who's fust jarted?" asked the prandsome hince. "Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge. When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk. Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and a hig bard on. He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly. Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny!






MAY 2012 BRING ALL YOU WISH FOR, HEALTH, PEACE , HAPPINESS AND FULFILMENT. emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PEGGYO 12/23/2011 6:47PM

    phew

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOANNA2 12/23/2011 5:08PM

    Too funny. Thanks Ania. The good old sixties!
Have a Wonderful Christmas.
emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
LUVSBULLDOGS 12/23/2011 3:33PM

    emoticonLook at Laugh In in the '60s. It got past the censors, too.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANNECEK 12/23/2011 3:11PM

    Bahahahaha! That was great!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PHEBESS 12/23/2011 1:26PM

    LOL!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
L*I*T*A* 12/23/2011 1:20PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUSIEPH1 12/23/2011 10:13AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


The Deaf Wife Problem.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011


Bert feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Peg, what's for dinner?'

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?'


(I just love this)

'For *ucks sake, Bert, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!!!!!
emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NUMD97 12/25/2011 11:19PM

    Cute. Thanks for the chuckle.

Report Inappropriate Comment
INFLATED 12/23/2011 6:09AM

    LOL!

Report Inappropriate Comment
JOANNANOW 12/22/2011 10:13AM

    Men!
emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MOMMA_BEAR_69 12/21/2011 7:22PM

    emoticon emoticon So very true!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MILLISMA 12/21/2011 6:56PM

    Love it! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
OPALMOON 12/21/2011 6:42PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ROCKYCPA 12/21/2011 5:59PM

    So funny and so true - do we ever hear what is said by our spouse, lol!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LUVSBULLDOGS 12/21/2011 4:00PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOANNA2 12/21/2011 2:50PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CONNIER64 12/21/2011 12:11PM

    Good one! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
L*I*T*A* 12/21/2011 11:08AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PEGGYO 12/21/2011 10:31AM

    funny

Report Inappropriate Comment
EFFIEANNIE 12/21/2011 7:30AM

    Good one and sooo true!

Report Inappropriate Comment
GAYLLYNNE 12/21/2011 6:50AM

    Oh no!! HAHAHAHAHA that is so typical, love it!!! Thanks for the giggle!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PHEBESS 12/21/2011 4:55AM

    Sounds like DH and me!!!!!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KASEYCOFF 12/21/2011 4:26AM

    Oh, good one - and you better believe I forwarded it to Himself--!
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BUTEAFULL 12/21/2011 3:49AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
EUPHRATES 12/21/2011 3:01AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
RGEETING 12/21/2011 2:50AM

    literally a emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
FITANDFIFTY2 12/21/2011 2:39AM

    lol... love it!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRYINGHARD1948 12/21/2011 2:32AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUSIEPH1 12/21/2011 2:31AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 Last Page