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The Wise Rabbi.

Sunday, December 18, 2011


The only cow in a small town in Poland stopped giving milk.

The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from Moscow

for 2,000 roubles, or one from Minsk for 500 roubles.

Being frugal, they bought the cow from Minsk.

The cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were

amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and

produce more cows like it.

Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However,

whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter

what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could

not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask their wise Rabbi what to do.

They told the Rabbi what was happening. They explained: "Whenever the bull

approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves

forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from

the side and she just walks away to the other side."

The Rabbi pondered this for a while and asked, "Did you buy this cow from Minsk?"

The people were amazed & dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where

they had gotten the cow.

"You are truly a wise Rabbi," they said. "How did you know we got the cow from

Minsk?"


The Rabbi answered sadly, "My wife is from Minsk."
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GOLDIES1 12/22/2011 9:18AM

    loved this story

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MILLISMA 12/20/2011 1:49PM

    You got me on this one!!!! emoticon

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OPALMOON 12/20/2011 4:12AM

    emoticon

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JOANNANOW 12/18/2011 11:56PM

    funny girl! emoticon emoticon

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LUVSBULLDOGS 12/18/2011 9:44PM

    heehee

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GOANNA2 12/18/2011 2:49PM

    emoticonHave a great week Ania! emoticon

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PAMNANGEL 12/18/2011 2:36PM

    Oy!

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L*I*T*A* 12/18/2011 11:36AM

    emoticon emoticon

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PEGGYO 12/18/2011 10:57AM

    funny

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SUSIEPH1 12/18/2011 10:05AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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INGMARIE 12/18/2011 8:27AM

    emoticongood one.

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PHEBESS 12/18/2011 7:42AM

    Ah, those Minsk girls!!!

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ROX525 12/18/2011 6:16AM

    Good one.. Thanks for sharing!

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ANGEL636 12/18/2011 6:08AM

    emoticon

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THIS IS US!!!!

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Senior citizens are constantly being criticized for every conceivable deficiency of the modern world, real or imaginary. We know we take responsibility for all we have done and do not blame others.

HOWEVER, upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT the senior citizens who took

The melody out of music,
The pride out of appearance,

The courtesy out of driving,
The romance out of love,

The commitment out of marriage,
The responsibility out of parenthood,

The togetherness out of the family,
The learning out of education,

The service out of patriotism,
The Golden Rule from rulers,

The nativity scene out of cities,
The civility out of behavior,

The refinement out of language,
The dedication out of employment,

The prudence out of spending,
The ambition out of achievement or
God out of government and school.

And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated patience and tolerance from personal relationships and interactions with others!!

And, we do understand the meaning of patriotism, and remember those who have fought and died for our country.

Just look at the Seniors with tears in their eyes and pride in their hearts as they stand at attention with their hand over their hearts!

YES, I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN!

I'm the life of the party..... even if it lasts until 8 p.m.

I'm very good at opening childproof caps.... with a hammer.

I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.

I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying.

I'm sure everything I can't find is in a safe secure place, somewhere.

I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg.

I'm beginning to realize that aging is not for wimps.

Yes, I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life!

Now if I could only remember who sent this to me, I wouldn't send it back to them, but I would send it to many more too!



Spread the laughter
Share the cheer
Let's be happy
While we're here.

Go Green - Recycle CONGRESS!




20 years ago the USA had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash.
Now the USA has no Jobs, no Hope, and no Cash.

Life's too short to drink bad wine, weak coffee or cheap whiskey."
That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRATEFULADY 12/20/2011 1:45PM

    emoticon HA!! HA!!
emoticon

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INFLATED 12/15/2011 2:24AM

    I'm there.

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AUSSIEJAN2 12/14/2011 5:15PM

    Heh heh! Aw your just sayin' that because it's true. emoticon

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GOANNA2 12/14/2011 3:37PM

    emoticon emoticon

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SUSIEPH1 12/14/2011 1:39PM

    So True! emoticon emoticon

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TRICOTINE 12/14/2011 11:28AM

    emoticon

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LUVSBULLDOGS 12/14/2011 10:07AM

    Awesome. Puts it in perspective pretty quickly.

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L*I*T*A* 12/14/2011 9:57AM

    emoticon

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NANT406 12/14/2011 9:04AM

    Thanks for sharing!

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MILLISMA 12/14/2011 8:37AM

    Love this one!!! emoticon

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INGMARIE 12/14/2011 8:16AM

    Good One.Thanks emoticon

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PEGGYO 12/14/2011 8:15AM

    so true

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LONDON LAWYER VS GLASGOW COP

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper.

He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop.

He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cops expense!!

Glasgow cop says, " License and registration, please."

London Lawyer says, "What for?"

Glasgow cop says, "Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Glasgow cop says, "Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. License and registration, please"

London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Glasgow cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte come to complete stop, that's the law, License and registration, please!"

London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

Glasgow cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living sh*t out of the lawyer and says, "Dae ye want me to stop, or just slow doon?"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LUVSBULLDOGS 12/13/2011 10:20PM

    That's great. emoticon

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AMARILYNH 12/13/2011 5:48PM

    Cute!

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SUSIEPH1 12/13/2011 5:11PM

    emoticon emoticon

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GOBBLER11 12/13/2011 3:22PM

    What a hoot!
Reminds me of several years ago when we were taking a tour of the Isle of Skye, and our driver told us joke after joke, what fun it was!

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L*I*T*A* 12/13/2011 10:09AM

    emoticon

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PHEBESS 12/13/2011 9:47AM

    LOL!!!!!!!

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DONNABRIGHT 12/13/2011 9:34AM

    Oh, my!

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GOANNA2 12/13/2011 9:04AM

    Cute. I love the Scottish accent... emoticon

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PEGGYO 12/13/2011 8:01AM

    very funny

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From 60s to present time.

Sunday, December 04, 2011

This is only for those who's level of maturity qualifies them to relate to it...


60s: Long hair

present time: Longing for hair


60s: KEG

present time: EKG



60s: Acid rock

present time: Acid reflux



60s: Moving to California because it's cool

present time: Moving to Arizona because it's warm



60s: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

present time: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor



60s : Seeds and stems

present time: Roughage



60s: Hoping for a BMW

present time: Hoping for a BM



60s: Going to a new, hip joint

present time: Receiving a new hip joint



60s: Rolling Stones

present time: Kidney Stones



60s: Being called into the principal's office

present time: Calling the principal's office



60s: Screw the system

present time: Upgrade the system



60s: Disco

present time: Costco



60s: Parents begging you to get your hair cut

present time: Children begging you to get their heads shaved



60s: Passing the drivers' test

present time: Passing the vision test



60s: Whatever

present time: Depends


Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things..

The people who started college this fall across the nation were born in 1993/1994.


They are too young to remember the first space shuttle blowing up on lift-off.


Their lifetime has always included AIDS.


Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.


The CD was introduced the year they were born.


They have always had an answering machine.


They have always have cable or satellite dish.


They cannot fathom not having a remote control.


Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.


Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.


They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.


They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.


They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.


They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane, Boss, de plane".


They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.


McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.


They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.


Do you feel old yet? Pass this on to the other old foggies on your list.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NANT406 12/10/2011 5:06PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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INFLATED 12/6/2011 5:32AM

    You are talking about my generation. Kids do not know what a dial telephone was.

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LUVSBULLDOGS 12/5/2011 7:25PM

    emoticon

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FLOWERDALEJEWEL 12/5/2011 6:07AM

   

I think I resemble some of these .... sadly!! emoticon

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ROCKYCPA 12/4/2011 5:18PM

    Very funny and so true!

emoticon emoticon

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SUSIEPH1 12/4/2011 1:23PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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L*I*T*A* 12/4/2011 12:05PM

    emoticon emoticon

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PYNETREE 12/4/2011 11:21AM

    loved this!

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PHEBESS 12/4/2011 10:50AM

    I told a group of students they sounded like a broken record - they had no clue what I was talking about!!!

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SUNSET09 12/4/2011 10:20AM

  Thanx and it does bring back memories. The first time it happened to me was I took my grandson to the library as I needed a typewriter to complete a form and did not realize, he didn't know what it was! I explained to him this is what we sued before computers, taught him how it worked and he played with it like a toy! Kepp living! emoticon

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EFFIEANNIE 12/4/2011 8:30AM

    Very funny and oh so true! Thanks started my day with a chuckle. Sue

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RIDLEYRIDER 12/4/2011 7:56AM

  Loved it!! Rock on!

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Hanging by my boob!

Friday, December 02, 2011

While conducting some business at the Court House, I overheard a lady who had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician say, "Your Honor, I'm guilty but.....there were extenuating circumstances."

The female Judge said, sarcastically, "I'd certainly like to hear those extenuating circumstances." I did too, so I listened as the lady told her story.

"Your Honor, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met by this perky little clipboard carrier smiling from ear to ear and she tilted her head to one side and crooned, "Hi! I'm Belinda! All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?"

I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science." Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?"

"Fine," I answered.

I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when I heard and felt a zap!

Complete darkness, the power was off!

Belinda said, "Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit a snag." Then she headed for the door.

"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?" I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back."

Before I could shout NOOOO! She disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, "maintenance men extraordinaire" found me...half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging a polite Hi, how's it going type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible, "Uh, yes, I did but thanks anyway."

"OK, you take care now" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am sooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps...."

The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said "Case Dismissed.

emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DONNABRIGHT 12/5/2011 3:41PM

    Having just returned from my mammogram this afternoon I really enjoyed this one. Thanks!

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AGREENSLADE79 12/3/2011 1:15PM

    Thats really funny! :)

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INFLATED 12/2/2011 12:58PM

    Hilarious stuff! Oh the pain though!

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BESEVEN 12/2/2011 12:49PM

    emoticon

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SHUTRBUG1 12/2/2011 11:50AM

    Hilarious!

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L*I*T*A* 12/2/2011 10:30AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PEGGYO 12/2/2011 9:25AM

    LOL

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MACMOM57 12/2/2011 7:47AM

    Love it too cute. Thanks for sharing.

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EFFIEANNIE 12/2/2011 7:44AM

    Gee, is that really true? I work in a hospital and we would be very distressed if one of our employees did something like that. We strive to put our patients first and that is terrible!

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GEEKYGRANDMOMMY 12/2/2011 6:29AM

    very funny.

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GOANNA2 12/2/2011 6:24AM

    Good judgement.Really funny, thanks for posting. emoticon emoticon

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JOYLINNKNITS 12/2/2011 5:20AM

    It took me 15 minutes to quit laughing! This is hilarious! Thank you for sharing. emoticon

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SUSIEPH1 12/2/2011 4:46AM

    Hillarious!! Hugs emoticon

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PHEBESS 12/2/2011 4:45AM

    LOL!!!!!!!!!

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