Monday, November 28, 2011
In the line at the store, the cashier told an older woman that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.
The woman apologized to him and explained, "We didn't have the green thing back in my day." The clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment."
He was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.
Back then, we returned milk bottles, lemonade bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled.
But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.
We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 200-horsepower machine every time we had to go a quarter of a mile.
But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.
Back then, we washed the baby's nappies/diapers because we didn't have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing, but that old lady is right; we didn't have the green thing back in our day.
Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of Yorkshire.
In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the Post, we used a wadded up old newspaper to cushion it, not styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.
Back then, we didn't fire up a motor just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.
But she's right; we didn't have the green thing back then. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.
But we didn't have the green thing back then.
Back then, people took the bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their mums into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.
But isn't it sad that the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?
Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smartass young person.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Puns for the overly educated.
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
2.I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push an envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog which gave birth to puppies near the road was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13. I wondered why the cricket ball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a real taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine .
21. A vulture boards an Easy Jet, carrying two dead racoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22. Two fish swim directly into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Regular exercise is vital for our heart and lung health, but did you know it also affects our brain function?
Here are some of the ways regular exercise can improve your mental health:
* By raising your heart rate, you stimulate the nervous system, making you think more clearly and concentrate.
* After at least 10 minutes of exercise, the brain releases "feel-good" chemicals serotonin and dopamine, which can help to reduce anxiety and depression while boosting wellbeing.
* Yoga and tai chi help reduce stress, focus your thoughts and balance body and mind.
* An increase in size and number of brain cells occurs due to circulation of oxygen and glucose to the brain. This not only protects against memory loss in older adults, but also improves memory and learning abilities in younger children.
* Risk of Alzheimer's disease with ageing is reduced due to improved physical health of the brain.
* A half hour of morning exercise has been shown to have a positive impact on information retention.
Friday, November 25, 2011
A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter.
The barman walks up and asks what's in the bag.
The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high and sets him on the counter.
He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well.
He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano.
The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart!
'Where on earth did you get that?' says the barman.
The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp.
He hands it to the barman and says: 'Here. Rub it.'
So the barman rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him. 'I will grant you one wish. Just one wish ~ each person is only allowed one wish!'
The barman gets really excited. Without hesitating he says, 'I want a million bucks!'
A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another....Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!
The barman turns to the man and says, 'Y'know, I think your genie's a little deaf.
I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks.'
'Tell me about it!!' says the man, 'do you really think I asked for a 12 inch ! pianist?
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby of the convention centre where he met U.S. General Patraeus.
They shook hands. As they walked the Iranian said, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America."
The General said, "Well, anything I can do to help you, I will."
The Iranian whispered, "My son watches this show called Star Trek and in it there is Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, Uhura who is Black and Sulu who is Japanese, but no Muslims.
My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians, Iraqis, Afghans, Syrians or Pakistanis on Star Trek."
The General laughed, leaned toward the Iranian ambassador, and whispered back,
"That's because it takes place in the future".
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