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Alabama preacher.

Monday, November 14, 2011

An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumour that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. It is a horrible lie and one that a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family."

No one moved.

The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven, and in your heart, you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again, all was quiet.

Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke.

"Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GOLDIES1 11/18/2011 8:47PM

    So funny. You have a good sense of humor. emoticon

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TRYINGHARD1948 11/14/2011 6:09PM

    emoticon

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CANDOK1260 11/14/2011 12:08PM

    emoticon great joke

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L*I*T*A* 11/14/2011 12:03PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GOANNA2 11/14/2011 9:34AM

    emoticon

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MRE1956 11/14/2011 6:54AM

    emoticon

emoticon

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PHEBESS 11/14/2011 4:47AM

    LOL!!!!

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SUSIEPH1 11/14/2011 1:25AM

    emoticon

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Pretty sure these are all true. Would I lie??????

Monday, November 07, 2011

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

6. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

7. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

8. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

9. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

10.. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

11. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

12. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

13. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

14. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

15. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

16. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

17. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

18. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor. By the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAULAAUTUMN 11/13/2011 7:29AM

    So true love this post it made me smile

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ARTPRINTER 11/9/2011 9:56PM

    These are great and so true! I especially like #8! Thanks for sharing.



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MARNIKENNEDY 11/8/2011 4:08PM

    Funny post, I enjoyed it, Thanks!

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DESERTDREAMERS 11/8/2011 11:03AM

    Too true!

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GOANNA2 11/7/2011 4:27PM

    So true. The wrong number happens to me so much. emoticon

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L*I*T*A* 11/7/2011 11:58AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SHUTRBUG1 11/7/2011 11:49AM

    These explain a LOT about my life!!

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ILOVEROSES 11/7/2011 8:03AM

    That would be similar to #13.

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PHEBESS 11/7/2011 7:51AM

    And of course, there's the butter law (or is it the toast law) - when you drop buttered toast, it ALWAYS falls butter side down - since the butter is heavier, of course.

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ILOVEROSES 11/7/2011 7:27AM

    I certainly agree with you about #19! emoticon

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GAYLLYNNE 11/7/2011 7:19AM

    These are great!! How about 19: when you come home from shopping, finally get the door open because of all the packages, run inside to use the bathroom and as soon as you sit down, the phone will ring. Happens every time. Thanks for posting this. It's just great!!!

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SUSIEPH1 11/7/2011 4:13AM

    Exactly and so true!!
Thanks for the giggle !!
Hugs emoticon

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SEYSARAH 11/7/2011 3:54AM

    Delightfully funny and like Minna, found myself chuckling and nodding my head up and down. Thanks so much for sharing!

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MINNA72 11/7/2011 3:16AM

    OMG... I found myself nodding like a string puppet. So fricken TRUE! emoticon

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WINDSONG~ 11/7/2011 2:40AM

    emoticon

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What is Old?

Tuesday, October 18, 2011


"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Choose one, I can't do both!"


"OLD" IS WHEN…. Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.


"OLD" IS WHEN… A sexy babe catches your eye and your pacemaker opens the garage door.



"OLD" IS WHEN.... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.



"OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.


"OLD" IS WHEN..... You are cautioned to slow down by.... The doctor instead of by the police.


"OLD" IS WHEN.... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fibre today.


"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.


"OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to wee.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKENISTA 10/31/2011 1:49PM

    You are a riot. This is genuinely funny. Thanks for commenting on my blog. I will write the answer to your question on your page.

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AIDELADE27 10/23/2011 11:07PM

    Sending this one to my uncle. Thanks for the laugh!

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THISISIT-PA 10/19/2011 9:31PM

    So silly, thanks! emoticon

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GOANNA2 10/19/2011 5:55PM

    emoticonLove them all.

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BUSYMOM911 10/19/2011 1:53AM

    Good ones! I especially like the last two.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SUSIEPH1 10/18/2011 5:27PM

    emoticon emoticon

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INGMARIE 10/18/2011 4:38PM

    You forgot one:

Me, last week, after a fall into my own suitecase,
oh well I am younger this week and back at gym. emoticon

Thanks for your funny blogs , love them. emoticon

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L*I*T*A* 10/18/2011 2:45PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MARITIMER3 10/18/2011 2:38PM

    So cute - I read selected ones out loud to my husband.


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PEGGYO 10/18/2011 10:20AM

    funny

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Our next trip - Wonders of the American West!

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Well, our first trip is just over and what a trip! We've had so much fun, great company with 38 other people, good Tour Director and Coach Driver and such beautiful places we visited! WOW! I will post photos, plenty taken but having problems with posting them on SP, lol.

Our next tour starts very early tomorrow at 8am with a 6am wake up call. Our first stop will be the quaint alpine village of Vail. We will continue west through the breathtaking Rocky Mountains, entering Utah and take in the spectacular red rock scenery of Castle Valley in the afternoon. We spend the night at Red Cliffs Lodge after a Cowboy BBQ on the banks of the Colorado River.

On Monday we explore Canyonlands N.P. and stop at the Island in the Sky, a mesa resting 1000 feet above the surrounding terrain. We had the afternoon at leisure and at 5pm we going for dinner and then an exciting sunset jet boat ride on the mighty Colorado River!

Tuesday sees us visiting Arches National Park! Then head south and back to Colorado and Anasazi Heritage Center. We end the day at Mesa Verde after enjoying a gourmet dinner inspired by Native American flavours. emoticon

Next morning we enjoy an in-depth visit of fascinating Mesa Verde. We continue to Monument Valley Navajo Tribal Park. We finnish the day with a Navajo ncookout amidst the giant buttes and mesas of this unique landscape while listening to Navajo storytelling and music.

On Thursday we head to Lake Powell, the second largest man-made lake in United States. We will board a ferry at Hall's Crossing and cross the lake to Bullfrog Marina and our lodge.

Friday we head to Capital Reef N.P. best known for its Waterpocket Fold, a 100-mile-long warp in the earth's crust. Then we journey along one of the most beautiful roads in the world, Scenic Byway 12, winding through stunning Grand Staircase-Escalante National Monument. Arrive at Bryce Canyon N.P. and travel the length of this great natural amphitheatre.

Next morning we enjoy a last look at Bryce Canyon's orange and red rock formations glowing in the early morning light before heading to Zion N.P.
Later we head south into Arizona to the North Rim of the Grand Canyon N.P. In the evening we watch the colours change by the minute as the sun sets on the canyon.

On Sunday we journey along the winding Cape Royal Scenic Drive to Point Imperial and Cape Royal for dazzling panoramas over the Grand Canyon. The afternoon is free, perhaps taking a self-guided nature walk along one of the many trails.

Next morning we get to Las Vegas and I get to meet two of my Spark Friends, Jo Ann from Arizona and Grace from New Mexico! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKENISTA 11/1/2011 11:51PM

    This sounds like it was an amazing trip! I have been to Bryce & Zion and National Parks as well as The Grand Tetons. I will never forget those sights.

I hope you had a great time!

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OPALMOON 10/3/2011 1:42AM

    emoticon emoticon

I'm sure you will enjoy every moment is this incredible trip!

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WYOMOL 9/27/2011 8:18AM

    What a wonderful trip - i LOVE all those spots! Just wish you were coming to Wyoming!

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JOPAPGH 9/26/2011 1:38PM

    I can vouche for North Rim of Grand Canyon and Mesa Verde. Soulds like a great adventure with good food and vistas.

Enjoy!

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JUDYBUGS 9/26/2011 4:09AM

    WOW! Ania - you're seeing more of the States than I have and I've lived here all my life. You are enjoying such an amazing trip - can't wait to see the photos. Let us know when you're able to upload them, which I know won't be for a little while. emoticon emoticon

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MYLLA_R 9/25/2011 10:28PM

    Sounds like an amazing trip! I'm jealous!

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GRATEFULADY 9/25/2011 4:31PM

    So glad you are keeping us up on your travels. You will be seeing some fantastic territory. Enjoy Arches, Zion, Bryce.......oh all of them!!! And especially what fun to look forward to seeing Grace and JoAnn......what fun you will have!!!

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DIDMIS 9/25/2011 4:28PM

    emoticontrip and how exciting you get to end it with a visit with two of your emoticon's.
I have met several of our local sparke friends down here.
God bless on the rest of your trip.


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PHEBESS 9/25/2011 11:49AM

    WOW, sounds wonderful!!!!!! Keep having a fabulous trip!

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L*I*T*A* 9/25/2011 5:29AM

    what an awesome and delightful journey you are taking...
great agenda....thanks for your updates..
waiting for your photos...
blessings and hugs..............lita

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GOANNA2 9/25/2011 4:09AM

    emoticon
So glad you are having a great time.
Enjoy the wonderful places and I am
envious. emoticon

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DOOBRIE 9/25/2011 3:36AM

    Oh my - how awesome! This really is a trip of a lifetime isn't it? I am now going to have to look up all those places on Google. Can't wait to see the photos.

Have a fantastic time!

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NANT406 9/25/2011 2:03AM

    Wow! You've been busy. Sounds like you're having a great time. Let me know what you think about the Native American food. Thanks for keeping us updated. emoticon

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2BLEAN_N_FIT_AZ 9/25/2011 1:59AM

    Breath taking is putting it mildly. See you really soon!

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SUSIEPH1 9/25/2011 1:33AM

    Such a awesome trip Ania... One you will never forget!
Enjoy my friend!!
Love and Hugs Susie emoticon emoticon

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GRACIEC 9/25/2011 1:10AM

    You are going to love this trip! The views are unbelievable and the skyline is breathtaking!

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Our first tour - American Parks Trail!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

On Friday 16th September we begin the first of our 2 coach tours of National Parks.
This was the reason for our 7 week holidaying around the USA. Once we got those tours organized, everything else fell into place, including meeting so many of my Spark Friends! emoticon

We start from Salt Lake City, after an orientation tour we travel across the Oregon Trail and visit historic Jackson, Wyoming. After exploring Grand Teton NP we enter Yellowstone NP and spend a day there. We then travel through the Shoshone Canyon & Absaroka Rocky Mountains to the historic town of Cody, to visit the Buffalo Bill Historical Center. Then it's to the old cattle town of Billings, Montana.

We will relive 'Custer's Last Stand' at the Little Bighorn Battlefield National Monument. We continue across the great high plains to the Black Hills of South Dakota, and onto Custer State Park.
Next day we go to Crazy Horse Memorial. We will visit Mt. Rushmore National Memorial.

We then leave SD to travel across the grasslands & high plains of Wyoming. Stop @ historic Fort Laramie and continue to the Wild West town of Cheyenne.

On our last day we travel south and climb high into breathtaking Rocky Mountain NP, across the Continental Divide and over Trail Ridge Road to follow the beginnings of the great Colorado River to arrive at our destination - Mile High City of Denver.

That's the end of our first tour on 24th September!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OPALMOON 10/3/2011 1:39AM

    Sounds great!!

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JOPAPGH 9/26/2011 1:41PM

    My sister lives just outside Yellowstone in Bozeman, MT, so I have seen many of these sights with my family in a 29 foot RV.

Enjoy yourself.

Jealous about Rocky Mountain N.P. as we never made it that far.

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EPSIGSIREN 9/14/2011 8:28PM

    Very cool! I took a really fast cross country trip with my friend four years ago (5000 miles in 8 days!) and we went from Mt. Rushmore one afternoon to Cody Wyoming the following morning (bright and early including an hour napping in the parking lot before they opened). My friend is actually related to Buffalo Bill so it was pretty cool. Then we spent the night at Yellowstone, drove down through the Grand Tetons and were at Salt Lake City by dark. I hope you have a great time, I'd love to go back to Yellowstone for more time.

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GOANNA2 9/14/2011 12:38PM

    Wow, sounds like a wonderful adventure Ania.
Aave a great time. emoticon

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LIZZYP609 9/14/2011 9:02AM

    Oh that sounds like SO much fun!! I am jealous!!
We did our own tour for some great national parks in the south west! we have vowed the North west is next!!

Have a great time!!

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NANT406 9/14/2011 8:47AM

    emoticon

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MARYELLEN301 9/14/2011 8:09AM

    A few summers ago my girlfriend and I did almost the exact tour and we loved it! We started in Las Vegas and did Bryce and Zion before we got to Salt Lake City. There are several more parks further south that we have vowed to visit but so far have not planned. One of these days! You will love the rest of your trip as much as the first part. We live in a beautiful country! Enjoy every minute of it!

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INGMARIE 9/14/2011 7:34AM

    WOW sounds great post pictures if you can ?

Have a good time. emoticon

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PHEBESS 9/14/2011 5:48AM

    Sounds wonderful!!!!! Please post photos as you go!

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TRYINGHARD1948 9/14/2011 4:47AM

    A wonderful tour, so glad you shared. Enjoy.

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DOOBRIE 9/14/2011 1:36AM

    Wow, what a trip! Hope you have a great time.

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L*I*T*A* 9/14/2011 12:40AM

    sounds like an awesome time....
keep posting your journey!!!
travel safe.....
blessings and hugs......lita

emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/14/2011 12:40:20 AM

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SUSIEPH1 9/14/2011 12:11AM

    Sounds just wonderful Ania!!
Hope you have a wondeful time!!
Hugs emoticon emoticon

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ETTEZEUS 9/13/2011 11:27PM

    I'm so envious!
What a great time you will have!!


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