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From the American Association Of Retired People

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore under fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done you'll have a place to live.

Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible. Is that true?Where it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92:
"And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt .."

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60-plus year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.

Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: "Gosh, I remember these!"

SMILE, You've still got your sense of humor!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

INGMARIE 8/1/2011 4:57PM

    emoticonloved it emoticon

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DOOBRIE 7/28/2011 2:25AM

    Oh dear, I'm 60 next year!

emoticon

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BUSYMOM911 7/27/2011 1:53AM

    emoticon thanks!

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ANNECEK 7/27/2011 12:33AM

    Hey it's not only 60 yr old's it 48 yr old's too! emoticon emoticon

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LULU1142000 7/26/2011 9:01PM

    Glad to know you are on terra firma again. this is really funny LOL emoticon emoticon

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SUSIEPH1 7/26/2011 5:02PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NPA4LOSS 7/26/2011 2:30PM

    Oh, how true, how true!

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JOANOFSPARK 7/26/2011 1:45PM

    emoticonLove it.. emoticon

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L*I*T*A* 7/26/2011 1:26PM

    emoticon emoticon

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*MADHU* 7/26/2011 1:17PM

    emoticon

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Just one more sleep!

Sunday, July 24, 2011

In about 12 hours we leave home on our way to the airport to fly to Scotland with an overnight stopover in Bangkok.

I've had a very busy day today. Went for my walk this morning with SIL even though it was raining. When we started our walk emoticonstopped for a while so we didn't get too wet.

Then I decided to prune my emoticoncan't wait till I come back because it will be middle of spring and they'll be getting ready for the first flush around Melbourne Cup Day - 1st November. I got really wet while gardening but had to finish all the bushes. While there cleaned up some of my front garden and filled a whole green bin that will be emptied on Wednesday. Will have to remind DS in the morning to remember to take the other rubbish bin to the front on Tuesday night.

The afternoon spent online booking a car in Edinburgh for 10 days after we come back from the wedding in Poland.

Younger daughter and SIL came over for dinner tonight and to say good bye.
Still have to organize our visas to USA and a flight from Las Vegas to San Francisco. I might leave it till we get to Scotland and do it from DD's home.

It's after midnight and I am ready for bed. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUDYBUGS 7/26/2011 6:14PM

    How wonderful. I know you'll have a grand time. emoticon

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SUSIEPH1 7/24/2011 6:06PM

    Have a wonderful Holiday Ania .. say hello to Bonnie Scotland for me!!.
and have a wonderful time with your Family ...
Take care... Stay safe

Much love Susie emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/24/2011 6:07:19 PM

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BARBARASDIET 7/24/2011 3:49PM

    Enjoy your trip--sounds exciting!

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SEYSARAH 7/24/2011 2:28PM

    Have a wonderful trip...it sounds like with wonderful planning it will be a memorable vacation.

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DOOBRIE 7/24/2011 1:56PM

    emoticon
You must be so excited. Have a wonderful trip!

emoticon

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JHOPPER 7/24/2011 11:39AM

    Have a safe trip my friend - can just imagine your excitement! I wouldn't be able to sleep AT ALL! Hope to hook up at some point when you're in the States. Have a great, great time!!

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FEISTY1949 7/24/2011 11:21AM

    Wonderful trip!! Have a great time!

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L*I*T*A* 7/24/2011 10:31AM

    have an awesome safe trip...
enjoy!!enjoy.........>blessings and hugs...........lita

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6 degrees of blonde.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Please note, I am blonde, lol.

`*:-..,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,.-
:*`*:-.,_,-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*

FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone,
Listened a moment and said 'How should I know,
that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?'
The wife said, 'I don't know,some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'


`*:-..,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,.-
:*`*:-..,_,-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*

SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street.
One notices a compact mirror on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up..
She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'
The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!' So the first blonde hands her the mirror.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'




`*:-..,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,. -:*`*:-.,_,-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*




THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her,
So she goes out and buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun,
And as she does so, she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'

`*:-..,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,.-
:*`*:-.,_,-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*

FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.

She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them.'

A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'

The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy: W.'

`*:-..,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,.-
:*`*:-.,_,-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*

FIFTH DEGREE

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

'Is it mine?'

`*:-..,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,.-
:*`*:-.,_,-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*

SIXTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.

She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio,
And a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash,the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog,then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen.
I call the police for help, and what do they do?

They send me a BLIND policeman.'


It definitely does NOT apply to all of us!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CANDIS799 7/28/2011 3:42PM

    LOLOL I love blonde jokes!!

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BUSYMOM911 7/25/2011 5:37PM

    All of them were really good! I especially like the last one. emoticon

Thanks for featuring them in your blog.

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BARBARASDIET 7/24/2011 3:50PM

    I have missed your jokes!!

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SEYSARAH 7/24/2011 2:36PM

    Great fun leading to laughter..nothing better to start Sparking with and I'm blonde too!

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ANNECEK 7/24/2011 12:10AM

    emoticonI love reading these out loud to my husband! emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/24/2011 12:10:37 AM

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SUSIEPH1 7/22/2011 8:23PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PROVERBS31JULIA 7/22/2011 7:32PM

    My blonde friends send me the funniest blonde jokes... I'm golden auburn brown in my young days and it used to streak blonde in the sun when I lived in Florida. I'm never out in the sun enough in Kansas and now it's getting old lady silver. Clashes. Hah. I'll have to look at your blogs to see if you are missing other blonde jokes and find some to share! But these are funny too!!

Thanks!
Julia

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PHEBESS 7/22/2011 7:06PM

    LOL!

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BGUMBA 7/22/2011 1:27PM

    emoticon

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DESERTDREAMERS 7/22/2011 11:12AM

    By the last one, I was really LOL!

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GOHUSKERS2 7/22/2011 10:42AM

    Another jewel!!! I don't know where you find them all but keep them coming. Will miss your daily jokes when you are on your big trip, but I hope you have a really wonderful time!!

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L*I*T*A* 7/22/2011 10:14AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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THESILVERLADY 7/22/2011 9:00AM

    emoticon emoticon

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The Drunk

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Did you hear about the guy who was in a bar about as drunk as it's possible
to get? Legless!

A group of guys notice his condition and decide to be good Samaritans and
take him home.
First, they stand him up to get to his wallet so they can find out where he lives, but he keeps falling down.
He falls down eight more times on the way to the car, each time with a real thud. After they get to his house, he falls down another four times getting him to the door.

His wife comes to the door, and one guy says, "We brought your husband."

The wife asks, "Where's his wheelchair?"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

L*I*T*A* 7/21/2011 10:57PM

    emoticon

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PEGGYO 7/21/2011 6:34PM

    haha

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SUSIEPH1 7/21/2011 4:01PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BLESSED ARE THE CRACKED, FOR THEY LET IN THE LIGHT!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God and I didn't.

2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me

7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.

10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

16. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!

17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

18. Procrastinate Now!

19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

26. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

27. The trouble with life is there's no background music.


28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

29. I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!
Life is too short and friends are too few! Have a Great Day!
emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLOWERDALEJEWEL 7/21/2011 5:57AM

   

I'm with number 3 all the way!! emoticon

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DOOBRIE 7/21/2011 5:22AM

    "They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken" - that made me really laugh out loud!

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PHEBESS 7/20/2011 8:55PM

    hehehe

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WENDYJM4 7/20/2011 8:42PM

    lol

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ANNECEK 7/20/2011 7:50PM

    I had to to read this to my husband and I am printing off and putting it on my frig. emoticon emoticon

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PEGGYO 7/20/2011 4:23PM

    funny

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GOHUSKERS2 7/20/2011 2:01PM

    Thanks for sharing Anna...always makes for a great day!!

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L*I*T*A* 7/20/2011 11:29AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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F8CONE8 7/20/2011 11:14AM

    Oh this is so funny. thanks I needed that, LOL

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INGMARIE 7/20/2011 8:56AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticonloved it.
Thanks.

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INFLATED 7/20/2011 8:54AM

    I hope I can remember some of these!

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SUSIEPH1 7/20/2011 7:53AM

    Hillarious !!
Thank You Ania, got a real giggle out of them!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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