ILOVEROSES   190,758
100,000 or more SparkPoints
ILOVEROSES's Recent Blog Entries

The Drunk

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Did you hear about the guy who was in a bar about as drunk as it's possible
to get? Legless!

A group of guys notice his condition and decide to be good Samaritans and
take him home.
First, they stand him up to get to his wallet so they can find out where he lives, but he keeps falling down.
He falls down eight more times on the way to the car, each time with a real thud. After they get to his house, he falls down another four times getting him to the door.

His wife comes to the door, and one guy says, "We brought your husband."

The wife asks, "Where's his wheelchair?"

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

L*I*T*A* 7/21/2011 10:57PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
PEGGYO 7/21/2011 6:34PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
SUSIEPH1 7/21/2011 4:01PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Wednesday, July 20, 2011

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God and I didn't.

2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me

7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.

10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

16. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!

17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

18. Procrastinate Now!

19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

26. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

27. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

29. I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!
Life is too short and friends are too few! Have a Great Day!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:



I'm with number 3 all the way!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DOOBRIE 7/21/2011 5:22AM

    "They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken" - that made me really laugh out loud!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PHEBESS 7/20/2011 8:55PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
WENDYJM4 7/20/2011 8:42PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
ANNECEK 7/20/2011 7:50PM

    I had to to read this to my husband and I am printing off and putting it on my frig. emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PEGGYO 7/20/2011 4:23PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
GOHUSKERS2 7/20/2011 2:01PM

    Thanks for sharing Anna...always makes for a great day!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
L*I*T*A* 7/20/2011 11:29AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
F8CONE8 7/20/2011 11:14AM

    Oh this is so funny. thanks I needed that, LOL

Report Inappropriate Comment
INGMARIE 7/20/2011 8:56AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticonloved it.

Report Inappropriate Comment
INFLATED 7/20/2011 8:54AM

    I hope I can remember some of these!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUSIEPH1 7/20/2011 7:53AM

    Hillarious !!
Thank You Ania, got a real giggle out of them!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment

Super Bowl.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

"No," he says, "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"

He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super bowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else-a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?".

The man shakes his head.

"No, they're all at the funeral."

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SENATOR9 7/20/2011 2:24AM

    Can't miss the game emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
INFLATED 7/20/2011 1:23AM

    I think I would be speechless for the rest of the game, lol!

Report Inappropriate Comment
L*I*T*A* 7/19/2011 7:51PM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUSIEPH1 7/19/2011 5:13PM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DOOBRIE 7/19/2011 4:06PM


I love that wicked sense of humour!

Report Inappropriate Comment

One more week till our big adventure, meeting my Spark Friends around the world!

Monday, July 18, 2011

I am starting to get excited! One more week and we're on our way!
We fly out on Monday afternoon to Bangkok and spend the night there. Then board Lufthansa flight to Frankfurt and after a 6 hour wait we fly to Edinburgh. I've booked a car and DH will drive us to Dundee. Spending the rest of the week with my two beautifull granddaughters.
Following Monday we go to Warsaw for a week. My cousin's daughter is getting married on Saturday and I couldn't pass up this occasion to see the whole family. Other cousins are coming from Israel too.
We go back to Scotland and enjoy our time with our DD, SIL and GD's. They start school and kinder middle of August, so then we go for a few days to London and then fly over the pond to New York.

I have plans to get together with Kathy, Marla, Mary Anne, Lizzie and Deb! We'll have a mini Spark Convention. emoticon
From New York we go to Toronto for a few days to see an old friend. Then fly to Chicago for a week and meet Marilyn, Trudy and Joyce!
After spending 4 days in Seattle/Olympia and catching up with Mike, my Dragon lairmate we go to Salt Lake City and the start of our American Parks Trail and thenWonders of the American West tours. I've been wanting to do them for the past 3 years and finally I will succeed. emoticon

The second tour ends in Las Vegas and that's where I am meeting with Jo Ann, Grace and Tom! From there we go to San Francisco and after a couple of days take a tour to Yosemite NP. Finish up our holiday with 2 days in SF and then United will fly us home!
I've never been on such a long holiday, 82 days! WOW!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TKAYSMILES 7/20/2011 5:03PM

    What a cool trip!!! Have an awesome time!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
GRATEFULADY 7/19/2011 11:30AM

    Ania, We are all so excited for your trip. What a blessing!! We are looking forward to our time in Chicago. Love that you are finally getting to the NPs and your Western trip. Can't wait to connect with you once you are in the USA. Enjoy your time with your DD and DGD and at the wedding with family. That is the best. See you soon. emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PHEBESS 7/19/2011 9:07AM

    Sounds wonderful! I know you'll have a terrific time with the family and friends - and who could pass up a wedding? PLUS grandkidlets!

Have the best trip ever!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CANDIS799 7/19/2011 8:18AM

    Wow! That is a long, fun-filled trip. So glad to hear you'll get some family time, too. Enjoy!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DOOBRIE 7/19/2011 5:08AM


That is one unbelieveable trip of a lifetime - have fun! I hope the weather warms up while you're in Britain. It's been cold, cloudy and rainy just lately. Bring us some sunshine - please!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MILLISMA 7/18/2011 10:47PM

    Wow, Ania, it's so exciting to see it all spelled out! What a fantastic trip. Now we're all really excited. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUSIEPH1 7/18/2011 10:17PM

    Sounds really awesome Ania ... I am sure you will thoughly enjoy it ....
Sorry to be missing catching up with you this year ... Helen had to change her dates because she is seeing three Specialists this year and having a MRI done.. Hopefully next year ..
Be Safe and have a wondeful time ... Love and Hugs Susie emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
2BLEAN_N_FIT_AZ 7/18/2011 6:15PM

    I am getting excited, too!

Report Inappropriate Comment
INGMARIE 7/18/2011 4:20PM

    emoticonsounds like a really fun trip emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MARYELLEN301 7/18/2011 3:23PM

    Your trip sounds absolutely WONDERFUL!! I feel like a slacker only going to Iceland & Greenland on Friday! Have a great time and take lots of pictures so you can look at them and reflect on the stupendous time you had once you are back home! Bon Voyage! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
L*I*T*A* 7/18/2011 3:22PM

    wow......what an awesome trip.... cool to meet so many sparkfriends!!!
can't wait to see your pictures....
blessings and hugs.............lita

Report Inappropriate Comment
DARUMA 7/18/2011 1:41PM

    How exciting! Let me know when you'll be in NY. I'm just a 2 hour drive away.

Also, take note that you are traveling in a westerly direction and will only be crossing the international date line once so you will lose a day. To get it back, you can plan another trip once you've recovered traveling east. I still need to do that as I "lost" a day of my life back in 1990 when I returned from living in Japan by continuing in a westerly direction taking the Trans-Siberian and going through Europe.


Report Inappropriate Comment
INFLATED 7/18/2011 1:08PM

    I enlisted in the Air Force when I was young, but I never left the USA. Enjoy your travels!

Report Inappropriate Comment
*MADHU* 7/18/2011 11:35AM

    I envy you for meeting so many Spark Friends especially the Dragons...say HELLO to them from me too emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment

Qantas Airlines Mechanics' Wicked Sense Of Humour

Sunday, July 17, 2011

The following e-mail whizzed around the web recently...

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a "gripe sheet", which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction.

The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the "gripe sheets" before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.

P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIN59VARA 7/19/2011 5:23AM

    Loved it. My dad was an airline mechanic so it was especially heartwarming.

Report Inappropriate Comment
DOOBRIE 7/19/2011 5:06AM

    I love to start my day laughing at a good joke from you!


Report Inappropriate Comment
GOHUSKERS2 7/17/2011 11:28PM

    My youngest son is a pilot and has a flight school and I will forward this to him. I think he'll get a good laugh out of this one!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
GRATEFULADY 7/17/2011 8:02PM

    And are you flying Qantas when you leave on your long trip? LOL

Report Inappropriate Comment
PHEBESS 7/17/2011 7:29PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
SKYFROG 7/17/2011 4:33PM

    The company I work for has a business relationship with Qantas - this will certainly be a big hit around the office!

Thanks for sharing.


Report Inappropriate Comment
INGMARIE 7/17/2011 3:19PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
SUSIEPH1 7/17/2011 2:48PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
L*I*T*A* 7/17/2011 11:04AM


Report Inappropriate Comment
TEASCHERTZ 7/17/2011 10:20AM

    Thank you for the chuckle this morning!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KBEHUNE 7/17/2011 9:24AM

    That is cute!

Report Inappropriate Comment
FCARMICH 7/17/2011 9:16AM

  oldie but goodie

Report Inappropriate Comment

First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 Last Page