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6 degrees of blonde.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Please note, I am blonde, lol.

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FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone,
Listened a moment and said 'How should I know,
that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?'
The wife said, 'I don't know,some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'


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SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street.
One notices a compact mirror on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up..
She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'
The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!' So the first blonde hands her the mirror.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'




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THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her,
So she goes out and buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun,
And as she does so, she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'

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FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.

She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them.'

A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'

The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy: W.'

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FIFTH DEGREE

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

'Is it mine?'

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SIXTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.

She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio,
And a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash,the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog,then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen.
I call the police for help, and what do they do?

They send me a BLIND policeman.'


It definitely does NOT apply to all of us!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CANDIS799 7/28/2011 3:42PM

    LOLOL I love blonde jokes!!

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BUSYMOM911 7/25/2011 5:37PM

    All of them were really good! I especially like the last one. emoticon

Thanks for featuring them in your blog.

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BARBARASDIET 7/24/2011 3:50PM

    I have missed your jokes!!

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SEYSARAH 7/24/2011 2:36PM

    Great fun leading to laughter..nothing better to start Sparking with and I'm blonde too!

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ANNECEK 7/24/2011 12:10AM

    emoticonI love reading these out loud to my husband! emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/24/2011 12:10:37 AM

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SUSIEPH1 7/22/2011 8:23PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PROVERBS31JULIA 7/22/2011 7:32PM

    My blonde friends send me the funniest blonde jokes... I'm golden auburn brown in my young days and it used to streak blonde in the sun when I lived in Florida. I'm never out in the sun enough in Kansas and now it's getting old lady silver. Clashes. Hah. I'll have to look at your blogs to see if you are missing other blonde jokes and find some to share! But these are funny too!!

Thanks!
Julia

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PHEBESS 7/22/2011 7:06PM

    LOL!

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BGUMBA 7/22/2011 1:27PM

    emoticon

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DESERTDREAMERS 7/22/2011 11:12AM

    By the last one, I was really LOL!

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GOHUSKERS2 7/22/2011 10:42AM

    Another jewel!!! I don't know where you find them all but keep them coming. Will miss your daily jokes when you are on your big trip, but I hope you have a really wonderful time!!

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L*I*T*A* 7/22/2011 10:14AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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THESILVERLADY 7/22/2011 9:00AM

    emoticon emoticon

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The Drunk

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Did you hear about the guy who was in a bar about as drunk as it's possible
to get? Legless!

A group of guys notice his condition and decide to be good Samaritans and
take him home.
First, they stand him up to get to his wallet so they can find out where he lives, but he keeps falling down.
He falls down eight more times on the way to the car, each time with a real thud. After they get to his house, he falls down another four times getting him to the door.

His wife comes to the door, and one guy says, "We brought your husband."

The wife asks, "Where's his wheelchair?"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

L*I*T*A* 7/21/2011 10:57PM

    emoticon

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PEGGYO 7/21/2011 6:34PM

    haha

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SUSIEPH1 7/21/2011 4:01PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BLESSED ARE THE CRACKED, FOR THEY LET IN THE LIGHT!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God and I didn't.

2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me

7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.

10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

16. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!

17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

18. Procrastinate Now!

19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

26. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

27. The trouble with life is there's no background music.


28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

29. I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!
Life is too short and friends are too few! Have a Great Day!
emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLOWERDALEJEWEL 7/21/2011 5:57AM

   

I'm with number 3 all the way!! emoticon

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DOOBRIE 7/21/2011 5:22AM

    "They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken" - that made me really laugh out loud!

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PHEBESS 7/20/2011 8:55PM

    hehehe

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WENDYJM4 7/20/2011 8:42PM

    lol

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ANNECEK 7/20/2011 7:50PM

    I had to to read this to my husband and I am printing off and putting it on my frig. emoticon emoticon

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PEGGYO 7/20/2011 4:23PM

    funny

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GOHUSKERS2 7/20/2011 2:01PM

    Thanks for sharing Anna...always makes for a great day!!

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L*I*T*A* 7/20/2011 11:29AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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F8CONE8 7/20/2011 11:14AM

    Oh this is so funny. thanks I needed that, LOL

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INGMARIE 7/20/2011 8:56AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticonloved it.
Thanks.

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INFLATED 7/20/2011 8:54AM

    I hope I can remember some of these!

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SUSIEPH1 7/20/2011 7:53AM

    Hillarious !!
Thank You Ania, got a real giggle out of them!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Super Bowl.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

"No," he says, "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"

He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super bowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else-a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?".

The man shakes his head.

"No, they're all at the funeral."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SENATOR9 7/20/2011 2:24AM

    Can't miss the game emoticon

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INFLATED 7/20/2011 1:23AM

    I think I would be speechless for the rest of the game, lol!

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L*I*T*A* 7/19/2011 7:51PM

    emoticon emoticon

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SUSIEPH1 7/19/2011 5:13PM

    emoticon emoticon

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DOOBRIE 7/19/2011 4:06PM

    emoticon

I love that wicked sense of humour!

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One more week till our big adventure, meeting my Spark Friends around the world!

Monday, July 18, 2011

I am starting to get excited! One more week and we're on our way!
We fly out on Monday afternoon to Bangkok and spend the night there. Then board Lufthansa flight to Frankfurt and after a 6 hour wait we fly to Edinburgh. I've booked a car and DH will drive us to Dundee. Spending the rest of the week with my two beautifull granddaughters.
Following Monday we go to Warsaw for a week. My cousin's daughter is getting married on Saturday and I couldn't pass up this occasion to see the whole family. Other cousins are coming from Israel too.
We go back to Scotland and enjoy our time with our DD, SIL and GD's. They start school and kinder middle of August, so then we go for a few days to London and then fly over the pond to New York.

I have plans to get together with Kathy, Marla, Mary Anne, Lizzie and Deb! We'll have a mini Spark Convention. emoticon
From New York we go to Toronto for a few days to see an old friend. Then fly to Chicago for a week and meet Marilyn, Trudy and Joyce!
After spending 4 days in Seattle/Olympia and catching up with Mike, my Dragon lairmate we go to Salt Lake City and the start of our American Parks Trail and thenWonders of the American West tours. I've been wanting to do them for the past 3 years and finally I will succeed. emoticon

The second tour ends in Las Vegas and that's where I am meeting with Jo Ann, Grace and Tom! From there we go to San Francisco and after a couple of days take a tour to Yosemite NP. Finish up our holiday with 2 days in SF and then United will fly us home!
I've never been on such a long holiday, 82 days! WOW!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TKAYSMILES 7/20/2011 5:03PM

    What a cool trip!!! Have an awesome time!!

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GRATEFULADY 7/19/2011 11:30AM

    Ania, We are all so excited for your trip. What a blessing!! We are looking forward to our time in Chicago. Love that you are finally getting to the NPs and your Western trip. Can't wait to connect with you once you are in the USA. Enjoy your time with your DD and DGD and at the wedding with family. That is the best. See you soon. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PHEBESS 7/19/2011 9:07AM

    Sounds wonderful! I know you'll have a terrific time with the family and friends - and who could pass up a wedding? PLUS grandkidlets!

Have the best trip ever!

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CANDIS799 7/19/2011 8:18AM

    Wow! That is a long, fun-filled trip. So glad to hear you'll get some family time, too. Enjoy!!

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DOOBRIE 7/19/2011 5:08AM

    emoticon

That is one unbelieveable trip of a lifetime - have fun! I hope the weather warms up while you're in Britain. It's been cold, cloudy and rainy just lately. Bring us some sunshine - please!

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MILLISMA 7/18/2011 10:47PM

    Wow, Ania, it's so exciting to see it all spelled out! What a fantastic trip. Now we're all really excited. emoticon

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SUSIEPH1 7/18/2011 10:17PM

    Sounds really awesome Ania ... I am sure you will thoughly enjoy it ....
Sorry to be missing catching up with you this year ... Helen had to change her dates because she is seeing three Specialists this year and having a MRI done.. Hopefully next year ..
Be Safe and have a wondeful time ... Love and Hugs Susie emoticon emoticon emoticon

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2BLEAN_N_FIT_AZ 7/18/2011 6:15PM

    I am getting excited, too!

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INGMARIE 7/18/2011 4:20PM

    emoticonsounds like a really fun trip emoticon
Enjoy

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MARYELLEN301 7/18/2011 3:23PM

    Your trip sounds absolutely WONDERFUL!! I feel like a slacker only going to Iceland & Greenland on Friday! Have a great time and take lots of pictures so you can look at them and reflect on the stupendous time you had once you are back home! Bon Voyage! emoticon emoticon

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L*I*T*A* 7/18/2011 3:22PM

    wow......what an awesome trip....
enjoy...enjoy........so cool to meet so many sparkfriends!!!
can't wait to see your pictures....
blessings and hugs.............lita

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DARUMA 7/18/2011 1:41PM

    How exciting! Let me know when you'll be in NY. I'm just a 2 hour drive away.

Also, take note that you are traveling in a westerly direction and will only be crossing the international date line once so you will lose a day. To get it back, you can plan another trip once you've recovered traveling east. I still need to do that as I "lost" a day of my life back in 1990 when I returned from living in Japan by continuing in a westerly direction taking the Trans-Siberian and going through Europe.
emoticon

pesha

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INFLATED 7/18/2011 1:08PM

    I enlisted in the Air Force when I was young, but I never left the USA. Enjoy your travels!

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*MADHU* 7/18/2011 11:35AM

    I envy you for meeting so many Spark Friends especially the Dragons...say HELLO to them from me too emoticon

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