Thursday, July 21, 2011
Did you hear about the guy who was in a bar about as drunk as it's possible
to get? Legless!
A group of guys notice his condition and decide to be good Samaritans and
take him home.
First, they stand him up to get to his wallet so they can find out where he lives, but he keeps falling down.
He falls down eight more times on the way to the car, each time with a real thud. After they get to his house, he falls down another four times getting him to the door.
His wife comes to the door, and one guy says, "We brought your husband."
The wife asks, "Where's his wheelchair?"
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18. Procrastinate Now!
19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
26. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
27. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29. I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on.
Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!
Life is too short and friends are too few! Have a Great Day!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.
"No," he says, "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"
He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super bowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else-a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?".
The man shakes his head.
"No, they're all at the funeral."
Monday, July 18, 2011
I am starting to get excited! One more week and we're on our way!
We fly out on Monday afternoon to Bangkok and spend the night there. Then board Lufthansa flight to Frankfurt and after a 6 hour wait we fly to Edinburgh. I've booked a car and DH will drive us to Dundee. Spending the rest of the week with my two beautifull granddaughters.
Following Monday we go to Warsaw for a week. My cousin's daughter is getting married on Saturday and I couldn't pass up this occasion to see the whole family. Other cousins are coming from Israel too.
We go back to Scotland and enjoy our time with our DD, SIL and GD's. They start school and kinder middle of August, so then we go for a few days to London and then fly over the pond to New York.
I have plans to get together with Kathy, Marla, Mary Anne, Lizzie and Deb! We'll have a mini Spark Convention.
From New York we go to Toronto for a few days to see an old friend. Then fly to Chicago for a week and meet Marilyn, Trudy and Joyce!
After spending 4 days in Seattle/Olympia and catching up with Mike, my Dragon lairmate we go to Salt Lake City and the start of our American Parks Trail and thenWonders of the American West tours. I've been wanting to do them for the past 3 years and finally I will succeed.
The second tour ends in Las Vegas and that's where I am meeting with Jo Ann, Grace and Tom! From there we go to San Francisco and after a couple of days take a tour to Yosemite NP. Finish up our holiday with 2 days in SF and then United will fly us home!
I've never been on such a long holiday, 82 days! WOW!
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